And what if I say I miss the genuine surprise I had when I first came upon White Sands and Lumière s'éteint played and I thought, as someone on Youtube eloquently put, accidentally entered a voice call with a French guy.
I know the game is mostly about the dessandre family and their grief, but god I love so much the theme of legacy and how it's presented in this game
The most obvious is of course gustav, but beyond that everything the people of lumiere do is to help the people of the future, to leave something meaningful behind even when constrained by their short lifespan
And this is especially true with the expeditions: every single journal we found, every climbing crimp or grappling hook implement, every bridge built with their own corpses was a gift left behind for the expeditions of the future, so that even if they fell the next ones would be able to take even just one more step than they did, and then in turn clear the path for those who would come after them.
And that in turn meant that their death may have been painful and cruel, but it was never, ever meaningless.
Which is why the scene were maelle summons past expeditions hit so hard for me, because even if this is the first time we're able to fight together they have always been with us, every step of the way and even if we may have felt alone we never truly were.
yeah yeah marie alter whatever they just dropped a dripped-out hassan with a womb tattoo for no god damn reason. nobody asked for it they just did it. they just dropped the first actually attractive fgo character since caenis. how am i supposed to play being a hater when this guy is here.
Physically unwell over the ending of Outer Wilds and it has me in it's jaw in a death grip. I'm losing my FUCKING mind over this game and having to cope with it taking over my life for the past... three days since I finished it only, and far too many more anticipated to come.
this panel from the world guide of falin being surrounded by other girls while laios is all alone kills me because. that's it. that's the key difference in their journeys.
as laios states himself, he left the village in order to create a home for him and falin elsewhere. a home that won't collapse due to others' hatred and fears like their old home did, a home where they are loved and accepted unconditionally. but as he soon found out, even before earning money, or having walls surrounding him and a roof above his head- what he so earnestly desired was to meet other people who will accept him for who he is as well. instead, he kept being tormented by those around him, shunned and sneered at. his loneliness quickly became all-consuming until he truly had nothing left except for the monsters in the pages of his book, but even that became a target of mockery and destroyed. that's why ever since the day he left the village, he never felt that he truly made the right choice. so he kept running away: unable to resist and unable to accpet.
and an ocean away from him there was his sister, who never managed to fully fit in herself. but unlike him, she met a person who became a home to her and learned what a true friendship was for the first time in her life. and laios clearly realizes that too when he finally sees falin and marcille together, he can tell his sister obtained the greatest treasure there is on her own- the exact thing he never managed to find anywhere himself, thus coming back empty-handed to the sister he left the village for.
but when you read this part of the manga, laios's focus is on falin's loneliness, not his own. he talks about how it hurts thinking about all those moments she had to spend alone because he wasn't there for her, so it almost sounds like he's the one who couldn't bear her suffering and therefore decided to not let her go again. but we do get a glimpse of their first meeting after that almost-decade long separation in the manga, and then we see more of that in the world guide and daydream hour- and it becomes abundantly clear that it was falin who was trying to protect and save him from this pit of loneliness and depression he was in.
so instead of just doing his best to atone for leaving her behind in the village and making sure she is never lonely again, it might also be that laios was desperately clinging to the one person in the world he felt that accepted and loved him unconditionally. those words he used to describe his motivation to stay by falin's side are the exact words she would've used as well; she couldn't bear leaving him behind in this state. in a sense, they were each other's shackles.
but then she did. she died for him and their friends, and ironically enough, it was by leaving him alone like this that he was finally able to stand on his own and put his full trust in others. to have the courage to reveal who he is and give others the opportunity to accept him after such a long time of hiding. it was a long journey, but his hiding finally came to an end when he faced the others after shedding his monster form. and i love that the person who was falin's "home" all those years away from laios, marcille, became just as meaningful to him during their time separated from falin- the first one to find him and show him that he isn't alone anymore. just as he did for her.
so at the end of the story when falin talks about all the places she would like to go, it's not just that she wants to pursue her own dreams- but that she actually feels free to do so and go anywhere she desires. and one of the main reasons for that is that her brother finally found new people he wants to be with; his own home.
TW discussion of SA and detailed breakdown of aesthetics evoking SA. The way I discuss this is vivid in a way that may be triggering, though there is no discussion of actual sexual assault. Just survivor's responses to it.
People relate to Mithrun and see his condition as an analogue for a few different things, like brain injury or depression. And I think all of them are there. But I also see Mithrun's story as an SA analogue, and Ryoko Kui intentionally evokes those aesthetics. I think it's a part of Mithrun's character that a lot of people miss, but I very much consider it text. This is partially inspired by @heird99's post on what makes this scene so disturbing; so check out their post, too :)
So to start off with, the demon invades Mithrun's bed, specifically. There's even a canopy around it, which specifically evokes this idea of personal intrusion; the barrier is being pulled apart without consent or warning. The way the hand reaches towards Mithrun's body from outside of the panel division makes it almost look like the goat stroking over his body. It's an especially creepy visual detail; similarly, the goat's right hand parts into the side of the panel as well. It's literally like it's tearing the page apart; but gently. So gently.
Mithrun is in bed. It is his bed that the demon is intruding on. He's in a position of intimacy. The woman behind him is a facsimile of his "beloved" that he left behind; the woman who, in reality, chose Mithrun's brother. He is in bed with his fantasy lover, who is leaning over him. While this scene isn't explicitly sexual, it is intimate. And it is being invaded. The goat lifts Mithrun gently, who is confused, but not yet struggling.
The erotics of consumption and violence in Ryoko Kui's work(remember that the word 'erotic' can have many different meanings, please) are a... notable part of some of her illustrations. I would say she blurs the lines between all forms of desire: personal, sexual, gustatory and carnal, in her illustrations in order to emphasize the pure desire she wants to work with and evoke to serve her themes. Kui deploys sexual imagery in a lot of places in Dungeon Meshi, and this is one of them.
In this case, horrifically. The goat's assault begins with drooling, licking, and nuzzling. The goat could be enjoying and "playing with" its food. But it can also be interpreted as it "preparing" Mithrun with its tongue as it begins to literally breach Mithrun's body. The goat also invades directly through his clothing; that adds another level of disturbing to me. There's nothing Mithrun can do in this moment of violation. Mithrun is fighting, but he is fighting weakly, trying to grip on and push away when he has no ability or option to. All he can do is beg the goat to stop. And it doesn't care. This all evokes sexual assault.
The sixth panel demonstrates a somewhat sexual position, with Mithrun's thighs spread around the goat's hunched over body. In the next, the goat pulls and holds apart Mithrun's thighs as he nuzzles into him. The way the clothing bunches up looks a bit as if it has been pushed up. It has pinned Mithrun down onto the bed, into Mithrun's soft furs and pillows. It takes a place made to be supernaturally warm and comfortable, and violates it. It's utterly and intimately horrifying. To me, this sequence of positions directly evokes a rape scene. I think Kui did this very explicitly. These references to sexual invasion are part of what makes this scene so disturbing; albeit, to many viewers, subconsciously. It makes my skin crawl.
This is also the moment the goat takes Mithrun's eye. Other than this, the goat seems exceptionally strong, but also... gentle. He holds Mithrun's body tightly, but moves it around slowly. He doesn't need to hurt Mithrun physically. But in that moment, he takes Mithrun's eye. Blood seeps from a wound while an orifice that should not be pierced is penetrated. This moment, the ooze of blood in one place specifically, also evokes rape. That single bit of physical gore is a very powerful bit of imagery to me.
Finally; it is Mithrun's desire that is eaten. After his assault, Mithrun can find no pleasure in things that he once did. He is fully disassociated from his emotions. This is a common response to trauma, especially in the case of SA. It's not uncommon for people to never, or take a long time to, enjoy sex in the same way again; or at all. They might feel like their rapist has robbed them of a desire and pleasure they once had. I think this makes Mithrun's lack of desire a partial analogue for the trauma of sexual assault.
Mithrun's desire for revenge was, supposedly, all that remained. Anger at his assaulter, anger at every being that was like it; though, perhaps not anger. Devotion, in a way. To his cause. I don't know. But the immediate desire to seek revenge is another response to SA. But on to Mithrun's true feelings on the matter.
This is... So incredibly tragic. Mithrun feels used up. Like his best parts have been taken away. Like he's being... tossed aside. This certainly parallels the way assault victims can feel after being left by an abuser. Or the way assault victims feel they might be "ruined" forever for other partners. These are common sentiments for survivors to carry, and need to overcome. In the text, it's almost like Mithrun feels the only being who can desire him is a demon who might "finish devouring" him. That that's his only use. It's worth noting that Mithrun trusted the demon. Mithrun's world was built by the demon, and Mithrun, in that way, was cared for by the demon. I think this reinforces Mithrun's place as a victim.
There's also something to be said about Mithrun as a victim of his own possessive romantic and sexual desire. The mirror shows him his beloved just dining with his brother, and it infuriates him. He doesn't know if the vision is real, nor if she has really chosen his brother as a romantic partner. The goat then creates a whole fantasy world where she loves him. As Mithrun's dungeon deteriorates, she is the only person that continues to exist. Mithrun continues to have control over her. And that is the strongest desire the demon is eating, isn't it? There's something interesting there, but I don't know what to say about it.
In conclusion, I think Mithrun's story is an explicit analogue for sexual assault-- though, certainly, among other things! The way the scene plays out and is composed explicitly references sexual violation and invasion of the body. His condition mirrors common trauma responses to sexual violence. And, at the end, he finally realizes he can recover.
Let's end on a happy Mithrun, after taking the first step on his journey to recovery :) You aren't vegetable scraps Mithrun. But even if you were-- every single thing in this world has value. Even vegetable scraps.
It still boggles my mind how one of the creepiest scenes I have read in a manga comes from dungeon meshi.
It's a scene that after I read it stayed impressed in my mind more than any other in the manga, I'm talking about the scene where the goat eats Mithrun desires
I think there are multiple reason why I find it so creepy.
The first is of course the goat itself.
While in the previous panels of the chapter we saw it grow until this point it always looked like a normal goat, so seeing it emerge as this giant monstrosity with humanoid hands without even knowing what it's going to do is dreadful.
The second is the setting.
Seeing it emerge from the darkness into the bedroom is evocative of a common childhood fear, and feels like a violation of what should be the safest of spaces.
The uncaring look on mithrun's lover face also adds to the creepy vibe, of the feeling of comfort and normal life being cut open to reveal it as being simply the spider web of a predator.
Finally is the act itself
The way a still living person is treated as a meal by the demon is creepy in itself, but it's made so much worse by the way the demon eats: entering inside mithrun as if eating from a soup, while grabbing his legs to prevent a struggle.
His way of eating is a mix of animalistic and perversely human, which only adds to the feeling that this thing is not a monster but something else, something unnatural.
Interestingly ryoko kui achieves to be this unsettling with barely any gore, the little there is (mithrun's eye being caved) being treated almost like an afterthought both by the framing of the scene and by the goat itself
shirou is diving into saber's soulspace to fix her (not in like a mental illness way necessarily more like fixing a car engine that won't start) and getting chewed out by her soul guard dog dragon while saber sends him Thoughts And Prayers until the dragon successfully rips out part of shirou's nervous system to use as jumper cables and get the whole shebang back up
Do you think the reason kabru was so obsessed to become laios friend, to the point of putting the world and his own dream at risk, was because the part of him that considered himself a monster thought that only a monster lover like laios would be able to accept his true self without a mask?
makes me so mad that I’ll never be able to open up some guys rib cage and just stick my hands in his organs and move em around while he moans and whimpers. imagine getting your prostate grabbed from the inside. must feel crazy
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