Deity from down below

Jaden // 19 // I post lots of nudes, reblog them and ill love you 💙 //Pisces//Queer af // enby

[bippus]

Can i bum a smile

[dogpuppy]

[perhats]

I say shit like "If my memory serves me" knowing damn well it serves the dark lord

[parkchanwoohoo]

Everything in the world falls into a binary. Except for the things that don't

[64mpg]

be a good digestive tract and digest for mommy. break down my meals for me. do not cause me pain or bloating.

[tpwrtrmnky]

Analyzing the politics of a work that's meant to be apolitical is actually a really interesting exercise because it asks you to critically examine what the creator considers to be "political" in the first place. Which ideas are just How Things Are, and which ones are Political, and how is that influenced by the creator's beliefs?

[takashi0]

Usually this just ends up with you looking like a moron btw

[tpwrtrmnky]

Angrily lashing out at the suggestion that it's possible to do basic media analysis was foundational to the ragebait ecosystem of the 2010s, from which we got basically the entire culture of modern far right politics, btw.

[iteh3xael]

I genuinely believe myself and others are being so sincere and literal when we say TOUCH GRASS

[tpwrtrmnky]

I went outside and got an education, that's where I learned that you can obtain knowledge and insight through analytical methods, then noticed that some people who sit on the internet yelling at strangers get really mad about that constantly.

[mothmanchronicler]

[januaryysummers]

[myleftpinkytoe]

UM WE FORGOT THE OTHER TWO

[atomicrow]

tumblr when a new pathetic man drops

[bunnymedley]

hey if ur reading this can u stroke ur dick for me real quick please? just a little bit is ok

[bunnymedley]

as always this post isnt for men go away. girls keep jorking

[wolfythewitch]

This too shall pass but like holy fuck

[finalgirlabigailhobbs]

fucking sucks ass that detective is a subtype of cop or always some type of law enforcement. a detective should be someone who is a master of disguise, a weirdo, socially maligned, and hated by the police. he should solve the cases using his ultra specific knowledge about geography, linguistics, human biology, and cigar ashes

[montymollusk]

please please please remember that no matter what your manager says, it is never that serious. unless you are literally performing surgery or defusing a bomb, it simply is not that serious

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

As an Australian I love the whole "Australia is a death trap full of vicious deadly animals" cultural myth. Every place has some deadly animals in it who will fuck you over if you don't understand them; we're not more dangerous than anywhere else. BUT we get to look badarse by existing when people pretend we are. No downsides.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

A very incomplete list of animals I find more terrifying than anything from Australia (except crocodiles because fuck crocodiles):

Bears. Every single species of bear. Yes even that one. 'But they're actually pretty shy and -- " it's a FUCKING BEAR.

Moose. Moosen. Mooses. Meese? Those things.

Oxen.

Alligators. I don't care how many videos you have of people keeping them as pets. That thing is basically a small crocodile, and fuck crocodiles.

Any animal from Africa larger than a human baby. Presumably I don't need to explain this.

Any spider or scorpion from Brazil. They are all so fucked up. "Oh but this one is harmless -- " no, that one is the Most Venomous Of All, the species has been hiding this from scientists so that it can run into your house specifically, run up the handle of the broom you're trying to shoo it out with, and bite you. It wants to do this so it can watch you succumb to the poison. It's a sex thing for the spider.

All nonhuman apes. I know I already said Africa but you definitely thought I meant lions and elephants and hippos and shit, which I totally did, but also apes. All of them are so very, very strong. A chimpanzee can and will eat a human baby. A chimpanzee can and will bite your fingers off for no reason that makes sense to a human. It's like eating a stick of cheese to them. The larger apes I presumably don't need to explain.

Hey on the topic of Africa, did you know that one theory about why horses were domesticated but not zebras is that zebras are just dicks? Did you know that a zebra can bite you and lock its jaw and just not let go? Yeah like the myth about pit bulls. It's actually about the Silly Stripe Horse.

Rabies. I know rabies isn't an animal. But we don't have rabies in Australia, meaning that any mammal in a rabies-containing country is by definition scarier than any animal in Australia, because it might have rabies. Sure we have venomous snakes here but they're easily identifiable and prefer to leave you alone. Some countries out there have a Potion of Make This Animal Venomous And Also Make It Likely To Want To Just Bite You, and dole it out to animals at random. "You can get a vaccine in those countries" I can get snake antivenom too. i simply do not want to be bitten in the face by a diseased wild animal that is currently dying painfully.

That water parasite that grows big long worms under your skin and they have to pull them out and they get so long that they pull it out bit by bit while wrapping the pulled worm around a stick to keep it out of the way like me detangling yarn.

Snapping turtle.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#in fairness. i would take on a dozen snapping turtles naked with a stick before I cross paths with a funnel web spider#Derin. Derin that is one of the most venomous spiders in the world#a snapping turtle could sever a finger but at least it doesn’t have venom#you can hold an alligator’s mouth shut with the same pressure it takes to hold hamburger.#but a box jelly??? a fucking box jelly??? you can’t slap them away from you. you will die

We have these remarkable things called 'antivenoms' and 'do not go swimming in box jellyfish waters you lunatic'. If a snake or spider bites me (which has never happened to me btw, despite being in their vicinity quite regularly; taking basic precautions like 'don't jam your fingers into random dark holes' mean you have to be REALLY unlucky to get bitten by anything) I can go to hospital and wait for a simple puncture wound to heal. If a snapping turtle takes a finger then that finger is just gone.

Some of the ocean life is fucked up but the great thing about that is that it is in the water. You can just not go in the water. Or go to a beach that's not full of box jellyfish. We have many such beaches.

[lilietsblog]

Can you go to a picnic in a forest and take a toddler and let them run around unsupervised

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

No because that's how a toddler gets lost in the fucking forest and starves. There's uneven ground and holes to fall in and trees that toddlers can climb up but not back down and shit. Do you know how hard it is for a toddler to maintain a sense of direction in unfamiliar woodland? A little kid should always be in earshot if you're in natural areas they're not familiar with wtf.

[lilietsblog]

Uh that's obviously what I meant??? "Unsupervised" as in "within earshot and eyesight and called back if they wander too far", like "not hovered over every step of the way" not "completely ignored"

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

We call that supervised here. What kind of obsessive helicopter society do you live in where that's unsupervised?

Yeah of course we do that, my family used to take us out bush all the time when we were little. You go out there and show them different mushrooms and trees and see if you can find any animal tracks on the roads so they can guess what animal made them, then you settle down with a cuppa while the kids build the worst 'shelter' you've ever seen and 'animal traps' that don't work at all and pretend they have to survive in the rugged outback. If there's enough of them in one place they'll form into two groups and invent some calvinball version of Capture the Flag that's going to result in at least two of them needing cuts disinfected by the end. I wouldn't let a toddler play in the bush without responsible older kids with them because they can't walk properly and the ground is really uneven, but once they're about five or older, yeah, that's what we did before the internet. Then they come back with some rock or pinecone or whatever and insist on bringing it home as a souvenir so now there's just another random bit of bush junk in your house for years.

[peanutbutterandawesome]

This is so interesting to me! Like, I understand fully well that my interpretation of Australia has been a little skewed by the "everything there can kill you" jokes, but there are still absolutely animals there that scare me way more then anything in my home state of Arizona, or even most things in America (With notable exceptions).

Of course I'm not gonna claim to be a wildlife expert, but is there still not a significantly larger population of "f*ck you* animals in Australia then most other places? (<‐ question full of wonder and curiosity) Regardless, I do think a lot of the "no this place is scarier" "no this place is" conversation is dependent on having lived in or grown up in those areas.

I'm not gonna stick my hand in unfamiliar holes of course, but that doesn't mean I'd be able to identify everything dangerous is Australia, but in the same vein someone from Australia might not know whats making all those sounds at night in the forests of Arizona and even knowing myself, they're still freaky. It's just so interesting to me! Like, of course you're not scared of "insert animals of place", you lived there! Fascinating!

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I've never been bitten by anything venomous in my life. (I did get stung by a bee when I was a kid but it's because I stepped on the bee without shoes on.) I think my stepdad got bitten by a venomous spider one time in his 80 years of life and had to go to the hospital for a bit but it was less serious than pretty much every other farm injury we had (most of which are a result of machinery). If you're super rural you see a snake occasionally and you leave the snake alone. If you're in a city, you usually don't.

Rural kids are trained in snake safety from the time they can walk, but they almost never need it beyond 'if you see a snake leave it alone and tell an adult'. I grew up on a farm and I think I saw 2 wild snakes in my entire childhood. (I saw more when I moved out to the desert.) The only people I've ever heard of dying of snakebite in recent times have been the occasional dumbfuck tourist doing dumbfuck tourist shit.

If you live in bear country, you've seen more wild bears than the average Australian has wild snakes. As for spiders, I couldn't tell you how many venomous ones I deal with because I never bothered to learn to identify different kinds of spiders. There's hunstmans (harmless) and daddy long legs (I think Americans call them cellar spiders; also harmless) and then there's the Dudes Who Live In The Garden and that's it. They've never been any kind of problem.

For people who are worried, here's the

Ultimate Guide To Staying Safe From Wild Animals In Australia

before going swimming anywhere, ask the locals if the water is safe

wear long boots and jeans in long grass (our snakes can't bite through them if you startle one)

don't jam your bare fingers in any mysterious tiny holes (trapdoor spiders like to live in tiny holes)

if you see a wild animal don't poke it for fun

There you go, that's it, now you can survive the wildlife of Australia

[calandrinon]

Addendum: if you leave your boots outside, knock them out before you put them on again, in case there are any insects, arachnids, small mammals, etc hiding in the toes.

I was bitten by a red-back spider in suburban Canberra (it was in a tissue box) and I was fine - I mean my mum freaked out and made me go to the hospital but they just kept me in overnight for observation, I didn't need antivenine. My father in law (seriously rural) has been bitten so many times he's immune.

[theeclectickoalastudent]

Gosh, your rules for "How To Survive In Snake Country" is EXACTLY the SAME as "How To Survive In Snake Country" in the USA!!!!

(I LOVED reading about poisonous animals as a kid.)

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[felisitations]

perfection

[psychoticallytrans]

If a worker who isn't the owner says ANYTHING similar to "I'm not really supposed to do this but-" and then does something that helps you, under no circumstances inform the business, including through reviews. You tell them that the worker was polite, professional, the very model of customer service and why you like to go there. You do not breathe a word of the rulebreaking.

[jewishvitya-movingblogs]

When I see people sharing so much of their kids' lives, I think about that one time my child told a joke, I shared that joke with ONE FRIEND in a private conversation, and my child said "can you please ask me next time, before you tell people something about me?"

And, yes, I absolutely should. So I apologized, and now I ask.

"I love that video of you, can I show it to a friend?"

"Can I tell a friend about how clever you were just now?"

"Can I share this in the family group chat?"

"Can I show your art to grandma and grandpa?"

And it's not like my kids don't like when I share their jokes and puns and fun moments. They love it! But they want to have control over what I share with people. Even without their faces or their names. Even people we know and trust.

And they deserve to have that control.

My children are small so the examples are small. They wanted me to ask, so I ask. Just like being told to kiss my grandma's cheek when I was a kid was far from traumatizing, but I don't do that with my kids because it's a way to practice consent and become aware of bodily autonomy.

It gets both me and them in the habit of asking for consent and drawing boundaries and seeing the lines between their life and my life, their stories and my stories.

[cykelops]

rabbits are gods most evil creature. So small. So round. So soft. You wanna pick them up. But you can’t. You can’t. They don’t like it.

[muse-whimsy]

Rabbits are just timid op, and I know this is supposed to be funny but this post is lowkey implying that having anxiety is somehow evil…

[goofstep]

it literally is but okay

[neometalpussy]

i don't know man, i just wish that we could [suddenly realising i'm coming dangerously close to expressing a real and earnest thought instead of filtering everything through several layers of intangible running bits] blow up the entire world. or something.

[hollowboobtheory]

not enough people understand that disability benefits are basically what it would look like if you turned "if you're too sick for school you're too sick for video games" into an official public policy