it... kind of speaks volumes, a bit, when people say Nesta let Feyre go into the woods
As someone who has younger siblings and was also forced to take upon a parental role, I find it hard to believe that Nesta could successfully keep Feyre from going to the woods
I feel like, as a person who is the eldest daughter and as someone parentified as a child, I can kind of put one foot in each of their worlds, almost
Feyre is the youngest, she is stubborn and will do what she has to do. She takes on a parentification role herself because that is what she thinks she has to do in order to survive. Her sister is not going to be able to stop her if she even tried
She has a strong moral core where she feels the need to take on the responsibility so they don't starve. If you are forced into the role of parentification, you will do everything in your power to make sure nothing around you crumbles because if it does you have failed everyone and your failure- her failure- could have them all starve to death
Nesta is the oldest and she is just as stubborn as Feyre. She refuses the role of parentification by standing still and trying to force her father into being the parent
Observing the Fandom and in the writing, it's as if everyone points their finger the most at Nesta because she is the oldest. Elain doesn't have nearly the same amount of people trying to condemn her for not 'letting' Feyre hunt- but she's also not the eldest
Nesta let her go hunting, Nesta refused to do anything about their situation, Nesta refused to take care of her family
This series has a very sexist world and our world is sexist too. Everyone in that world expected Nesta to take on the burden and when she didn't she was condemned for refused to be a parent to her sisters by everyone in the Inner Circle
Our world is very similar. it is entrenched in our society that burdens fall on the shoulders of the eldest daughter. from money to housework to emotional support to glorified babysitters. we are forced to be parents if not to our siblings than to also our parents. Every single one of us is capable of internalized misogyny because our world is entrenched in misogynistic microaggressions exactly like this
I think there are equal parts resentment and disgust with Nesta depending on the role we were forced to take on.
As an eldest daughter who was parentified, maybe you were disgusted with Nesta for refusing to take care of her family like you are. As an eldest daughter who was parentified you might resent her for making the choice you didn't get
Or, like myself, I respect her for refusing the role and trying to make her father be the parent because she realized that is not her job
This notion that Nesta let Feyre go hunting is sexist. It is rooted in an entwined part of our culture. Oldest daughters are parents and when we do not fall in line and accept that role we are then vilified and ostracized
we didn't do enough, we were selfish, were cruel for not taking care of our families
Nesta subverts the expectation that we carry the burdens of our families. She breaks the mold that is placed on all eldest daughters in our society and that, I believe, is a significant reason why people absolutely hate her and adore Feyre, and why I think their father gets overlooked
Nesta refused the role of the parent
and Feyre took the role upon herself
and their father is just the embodiment of what a lot of fathers are in our society
Nesta is selfish and Feyre is selfless and their father is useless
As the eldest daughter we are not given the grace of having the choice to not take that role. Of course this does not mean other siblings do not take on this role at times at all
This post is mostly meant for the perspective of the eldest daughters and those who have been parentified, but if anyone else resonates with this I hope you understand where I'm trying to come from
I hope this post makes sense because I'm really tired and should really be sleeping lol
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