How do you know you're not Asexual? Maybe you just haven't met the right nobody.

oozey mess
YOU ARE THE REASON

blake kathryn

tannertan36
we're not kids anymore.

@theartofmadeline
Today's Document
Jules of Nature
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
RMH

pixel skylines
Sweet Seals For You, Always

Origami Around
Mike Driver
One Nice Bug Per Day

Kaledo Art

titsay
KIROKAZE

No title available
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
seen from United States

seen from South Africa

seen from T1
seen from T1

seen from Malaysia

seen from Canada
seen from Italy
seen from Morocco

seen from Canada
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from Saudi Arabia

seen from Netherlands

seen from Switzerland
seen from Ecuador

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from United Kingdom

seen from Türkiye

seen from Malaysia
@hellyeahheistbooks
How do you know you're not Asexual? Maybe you just haven't met the right nobody.
Whoever thought of the idea for making Merrily We Roll Along reverse chronological order I'll fucking find you. I just want to talk I swear
Irina is a smart and curious child with big dreams. She gets into figure skating. She’s good, she wants to be the best. In her late teens she gets a boyfriend. He’s good at first, sweet, but soon starts getting jealous and controlling. Every time she’s not with him, she has to tell him what she’s doing and with whom. She stops going out, she gets more and more isolated. She’s with him all the time. It’s not enough. When she arrives 5 minutes later than the agreed upon time, he accuses her of cheating and hits her.
She’s 19 now, she hasn’t been with him for almost a year. She’s doing better. Her mother asks her if she doesn’t want to start going out again. She means well. She’s so beautiful. She meets an older man. He isn’t as sweet as her first boyfriend was, but look where that got her. He treats her well and clearly cares about her. He works for the police and is well connected. He’ll protect her.
She’s 20 now and pregnant. She wanted to try figure skating again. Or maybe go to college. Grigori keeps calling her a silly girl. He tells her she only has to make him look good. She’s so pretty. She just needs to not embarrass him. Can’t she see how the other wives behave? How is it so difficult to organize a party? Doesn’t she have everything she needs?
Alexei is born and she’s so tired. She doesn’t know what she’s doing wrong. She wants her mother but Grigori barely lets her see her. Alexei is a difficult baby, she thinks. He cries all the time. She can’t get him to eat. She can’t get him to sleep. She has barely slept herself. ‘How is this so difficult for you?’, she hears, ‘every woman does it.’ She dreams of disappearing.
Alexei finally sleeps for a few hours and meal time is easier now that he eats solid foods. She likes spending time with him. But he needs her too much sometimes. There’s something in him that reminds her of Grigori. She doesn’t dwell on that; she can’t resent her own child. She dreams of having her own house, of skating, of going to school again.
Grigori thinks she spends too much time with Alexei. He’s a big boy now, he shouldn’t need his mother so much. He starts getting jealous of his own son. She leaves Alexei crying sometimes; it’s better that way. She needs to pay attention to Grigori.
Alexei has a fever and Grigori tells her to get dressed; they have a party to attend. She tells him no; she will stay and take care of her child. He grabs her, locks her in her room, and reminds her of her place in the house. She can hear Alexei crying, a weak cry. She starts screaming and banging on the door, she has to get out. Something breaks and she can’t hear Alexei anymore. Her throat is raw from screaming when the door is open. ‘You will remember what I can do.’ She doesn’t say no again. She starts thinking of her plan to leave, she will try to take Alexei. She will be good for now.
She’s pregnant again. She can’t sleep; she can’t eat. Alexei is acting strange, has more tantrums. He’s cruel sometimes, he keeps reminding her of Grigori. She can’t have another son. She will not survive all the crying and sleepless nights. She keeps making monsters. She mustn’t think that. Alexei keeps asking for her attention. Grigori reminds her she needs to spend time with him; she is not to lock herself with her child again. She needs to leave. Her life is over. She will never escape now.
The moments she has alone, she keeps talking to her son. Ilya, she will name him. He’s her only comfort now. She begs him to please help her. He can’t be difficult. She will do her best to protect him, but he has to be good. She tells him her fears, she confides in him. She’s terrified. ‘Please don’t be like your brother, please.’ She loves Alexei, she does. ‘I won’t survive if you are like him.’ She will need to find a way to leave.
Ilya is born. He looks like her. He’s a sweet baby, nothing like Alexei. He eats when she asks. He sleeps through the night. He never cries. She worries about that sometimes but when she looks at him, he looks well. Big eyes focused on her. He’s starting to smile now, every time he looks at her, he smiles. She can’t help but smile back. She continues to talk to him, tells him all her worries, asks him to help her. He’s all she’s got.
Alexei is getting more difficult now. He never stands still, always running, always breaking things. Grigori doesn’t like that, tells her she doesn’t know how to raise him. Alexei gets in trouble in preschool, he’s hitting other kids. The teachers say he’s a cruel boy. Grigori makes him change schools. She wonders if they were right, if whatever is wrong with Grigori, whatever is wrong with her that makes her hate her own child sometimes, has been passed to him. But then she sees the way he is with Ilya, so gentle, so careful, always making him laugh. Ilya can’t take his eyes off him, always trying to copy him. Ilya’s first word is Alexei’s name. Ilya is like that, bringing the best in everyone.
I spend my days going "Haha yeah, codependency is such a fun relationship dynamic in fiction. Good thing I'm not like that though" and then start texting my partner that I miss them after being apart for less than 24 hours
I think the number one most autistic thing I've ever done is officially "googling 'what does an autistic meltdown look like?' While actively coming down from an autistic meltdown"
Right so I watched project hail mary and promptly regained my will to live, that shit's awesome.
anyways I've seen a lot of fan content pointing out that the updated xenonite suit at the end of the movie would make hugs and watch sleep a lot easier. but it does look awfully pointy and uncomfortable so I propose a solution: a very fluffy sweater.
Bonus doodle of annoying your alien roommate:
Wow. Dr Ryland Grace did NOT want to be a Starship Ranger
action - hollanov - @hollanovmicrofic - word count: 627 - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3
"Aaaand, action!"
Shane stood awkwardly, staring at the camera, completely unsure of what to do.
"Cut!"
He'd been given clear directions. Smile. Laugh. Be happy. Act natural. But this ad was so unlike all of the others he'd done in the past. Usually, he was just asked to act stoic or serious–glower at the camera or look off into the distance with a concentrated expression. His brand had never been happy or carefree. He'd always been the intense, tough athlete who worked hard and won.
But for some reason, Rolex wanted him to smile this time. He felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin. How could he smile, when nothing was funny? How could he act naturally, when he was being asked to pretend?
This was hell.
Yuna rushed forward towards him, a frown twisting her face. "Shane, what's wrong?" she asked under her breath, looking thoroughly concerned. "You look like you've just sucked on a lemon or something."
"I just..." he scratched the back of his neck, suddenly very aware of how bright the lights were, "nothing is funny. They want me to smile, but..."
His mom frowned, and he watched as she contemplated his words. "It's acting, Shane. Just try to pretend."
But the next few takes were a nightmare. Each attempt felt worse and worse, Shane's smiles more like grimaces as he faced the yawning camera, feeling like he was about to drown. He could feel the frustration and disapproval dripping off of the director and cameramen in thick waves, and panic had long ago started to set in.
When Yuna walked up to him again, he couldn't help but snap, "Okay, Mom, I get it, I need to-"
But she was smiling, holding something and offering it to him. "Here, put this in."
It was a singular earbud. Miniscule and wireless, connected to something by bluetooth. Hesitantly, Shane grabbed it and put it in his ear. "What is this going to do to h-?"
"Hello, malysh."
He couldn't help the gasp that emitted from him at Ilya's words.
"Your mother says you need help to laugh. I tell her that this is impossible, you have hockey stick too far up your ass. But I will try, to keep being Yuna's favorite son."
He laughed out loud, grinning at his mother. "Mom, what–?"
"Just smile, Shane," Yuna said with a smirk. Then, turning to everyone, she announced, "He's good, try again!"
Finding his spot, he waited for the call, lips already curling upward.
"Action!"
"Hollander, do you have makeup on?" Ilya crooned in his ear, smile clear even through the phone. "They better not have covered your freckles, or I will show up there and take job of everyone in room."
Shane couldn't help himself. He grinned as the camera swooped in on him, ignoring the bright lights.
"You know how I feel about your freckles, malysh. They make up for you only being second best hockey player. Hey, maybe we should see if Pike can get freckles. This way he will not be hated for being fifteenth best player on Voyageurs."
He laughed again, louder this time, forgetting the camera completely as he imagined Hayden's face at Ilya's comment.
"Ah, so you agree. Hey, Shane, I have joke. How does the hockey coach congratulate team after a win? He says, 'ice job!'"
It was stupid. It was so stupid and ridiculous and not funny that Shane burst out into real, genuine belly laughs.
And everyone in the room loved it.
Cheers of affirmation could be heard from behind camera lenses and the director looked nothing less than delighted.
And for the rest of the shoot, Ilya muttered stupid jokes to Shane, making him fall more and more in love.
I want Shane to also get some mental health stuff to deal with and be supported through, not just Ilya
Give me Shane watching Yuna be Momager to Ilya and seeing how much more energetic and charismatic Ilya is with sponsors and commercials
Give me Shane watching David bond with Ilya over cars in a way Shane was never able to
Give me Shane feeling like Ilya is the son his parents should have had and deserved to have and feeling like he’ll never be good enough compared to who he thinks he should be
Give me Shane not knowing who he is outside of hockey, what worth he has outside of being good at hockey, and not knowing what a life after hockey would even look like
Give me Shane breaking down thinking he won’t be worth anything to anyone once he’s not a hockey player anymore and Ilya being the one to comfort him about his worth as a person
Okay. It took me forever but I finally finished the fic that this post inspired. I hope it lives up to the absolute devastation I experienced reading this post :))
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
hey don't cry. blorbo coughing up blood
blorbo writhing in agony ok? don't cry
blorbo screaming so much their voice becomes hoarse and weak and the pain still won't stop
blorbo unable to close their eyes and avoid the visceral sight of their own body
blorbo suffering unimaginable pain and being powerless to stop it ok? ok
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
yall know what's up. thank YOU!!!!! @hollanovhaunting for your genius beautiful mind and post
Tagging people who asked to be tagged or showed enough interest that I figured they'd appreciate it
@hellyeahheistbooks @nartml @omens-of-what-is-to-cum @starlightandsouls @rinsachi @fandomobssessed57 @tomlinshires @consultingreaders @deletiaclementine @holyshitroz @pigeonriot @easilyferretman @m4rinella @aka-arushixb @doesitfeellikeagony @myshanya @rainey30u0 @darlinghollanov @domina-nox @lyricfulloflight @sneakyliz @flappy-dragon53 @nanomathade @justanothercottager @hollfander @zerokrox-blog @bluelamppost @gaypoetprince @puppilya @the-soup-of-mushrooms
I'm never going to be okay again actually
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
yall know what's up. thank YOU!!!!! @hollanovhaunting for your genius beautiful mind and post
Tagging people who asked to be tagged or showed enough interest that I figured they'd appreciate it
@hellyeahheistbooks @nartml @omens-of-what-is-to-cum @starlightandsouls @rinsachi @fandomobssessed57 @tomlinshires @consultingreaders @deletiaclementine @holyshitroz @pigeonriot @easilyferretman @m4rinella @aka-arushixb @doesitfeellikeagony @myshanya @rainey30u0 @darlinghollanov @domina-nox @lyricfulloflight @sneakyliz @flappy-dragon53 @nanomathade @justanothercottager @hollfander @zerokrox-blog @bluelamppost @gaypoetprince @puppilya @the-soup-of-mushrooms
Shane Hollander has two voices in his head at all times and one says "You're too much" and the other says "You're not enough" and they just overlap on loop forever and that's why he's Like That.
lmao
come on
"of course this is a valid historical source. it says 'this happened' right there at the top of the page."
Ilya thought he knew who Shane Hollander was. Boring, dependable, homebody Shane Hollander. The guy who prefers to read a book about Wayne Gretzky’s 1981-82 season than go on a night out with his team. The guy who drinks green smoothies over tequila shots. Who would rather run laps than dance in a club. He liked playing hockey, he liked spending his days with his family, he liked spending his nights with Ilya. He liked Ilya, at least Ilya had thought so.
It’s been four weeks since Ilya watched Shane walk out of his house (out of his life), and he is questioning if he ever knew Shane at all.
Shane - who decided not to join his team at the bar when he won his first Stanley Cup and messaged Ilya from his bed to say that he didn’t need a party to celebrate - met Rose Landry at a party. He went to a party and had a good enough time that he got a girlfriend out of it. He met her at a party.
Shane is getting photographed by paparazzi on a regular basis, always with Rose. Always smiling, holding her delicate hands and wrapping his jacket round her shoulders. Ilya knows Shane has spent years perfecting how to not get papped, hasn’t been photographed in public without his previous knowledge since he was 21 and got a little too drunk celebrating his birthday. Shane was so embarrassed (and Ilya knows his mom was pretty unhappy with him for tarnishing his reputation) that he worked out how to avoid paparazzi.
Rose posts about Shane on Instagram a lot. Photos of them at dinner, boomerangs of her kissing his cheek, videos of them singing along to some top 40 song as they drive to a Metros game. Shane is always smiling, happy to be shown off in public like this. Shane has four posts on his own Instagram account. Three posts celebrating his Stanley Cup wins, and one at the premiere of Rose’s latest movie.
Ilya watches Shane from a distance and wonders if the Shane he knew for years was a product of the secrets they kept together. Is this public property of a person who Shane has always hoped he would be? Had he craved the wild parties, rubbing shoulders with celebrities, showing off his beautiful girlfriend? But he’d been stuck at home because he feared that every drink he drank would loosen his lips and his grip on the secret of Ilya Rozanov? Had Ilya made Shane boring? Did he know who Shane was at all?
I need someone to write a fic where
1) Shane is moving to the Cens and it actually IS very awkward and the Cens are not lovely and wholesome right off the bat because
2) there is a widespread misunderstanding when Shane and Ilya get outed where the Cens, missing ALL of the context, are assuming that Shane must’ve been a shit partner with how rough Ilya was doing this past season and assume that Shane was *forcing* Ilya to stay closeted because he’s *ashamed* of Ilya and their relationship
3) Shane is actually pretty hurt by the Cens being cold and distant with him but doesn’t complain about it because literally everyone else ever has behaved like that towards him in his life except for Ilya, Rose, and the Pikes. He’s very much like “well well look who’s inside again” about it.
4) Ilya doesn’t realize the Cens are thinking Shane is BadTM because he’s wrapped up in how happy he is to have Shane around now. He actually does not realize any of this is happening until their first week of practice as a new team and he sees his team icing his husband out
5) Ilya tries to talk to Shane about it but Shane is very much like “don’t worry Ilya this is normal and I’m fine cause I have you” and it makes Ilya want to kill the Metros three times over
6) Shane also agrees with the Cens about himself being a shitty husband when he hears the reasoning behind their behavior. So he just decides to work hard at being a husband and a teammate and keep his head down.
7) Ilya doesn’t know what to do. Shane is adamant that he doesn’t want Ilya to confront the team and that he can’t control what others think about him and he doesn’t want it to be a big deal. But Ilya is also seeing Shane be as sad and withdrawn as he was last season and is actively getting worse- being more strict than ever about his diet, constantly working out and straining himself, being first on the ice and last to leave
8) some of the Cens slowly start realizing that they have Shane wrong over more time with him- mainly Luca, Troy, Harris, Wyatt, and Bood. But they have put walls up that they don’t know how to tear down without spooking Shane.
9) The rest of the team don’t realize how shitty this must be for Shane until the Cens go up against the Metros and they realize that they’ve been treating Shane the same way his old and terrible teams did- they watch as Shane takes scathing insults with a blank face, gets back up without a word after being smashed against the boards, gives a polite smile (the same smile he’s given them when they’re being passive aggressive) when receiving glares and threats from his ex teammates.
10) idk it can go many ways from here- Shane gets hurt and has to leave the ice and the teams finds him genuinely upset and they all have a confrontation- or the Metros target Ilya and the Cens see Shane lose his shit and how in love and protective he is- or the Cens stop icing him out after this and slowly start to actually get to know him and maybe apologize. Idk. The world is your oyster or whatever. I just want Protective Cens but it Backfires Pretty Badly.
11) Bonus points if Ilya eventually confronts them and then, when he hears their reasoning, is very much like “you??? Hurt my husband??? For me??? He wasn’t a bad partner??? I have depression??? Is chemical imbalance not abuse???????” And is absolutely pissed lmao
ideas that eat at me all day and make me write after like a solid three months of creative burnout
(excuse the writing all ive been doing is writing essays and emails recently)