[contemptible-scoundrel]

free use? *smirks snartly* so naive. you know nothing in this damned society is really free...

[angel-advise]

can't look up what snartly means because i don't have a dictionary account

[chaoticgouda]

[escuerzoresucitado]

[shopwitchvamp]

We need to learn from this. It's time for Beijing bikini summer.

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

“i also choose this guy’s dead wife” was easily the #1 funniest thing to ever be written on the internet.

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

you can know the punchline but you can’t stop it from punching you.

[mighty-meerkat]

i do also feel the need to add that phil8248 really liked the joke. he said his wife had always had a dark sense of humour, even about her illness and death, and seeing the joke made him feel like he was laughing with her one last time.

[moonlitstargazer]

[noah-wyles]

she's the best of us

[that-house]

I had to mentally send myself a reaction image the other day. I ran up the stairs on all fours, said to myself “i’m such a locationpilled scampercel” and then perfectly envisioned this image

[that-house]

please i've already hurt so much

[nohoperadio]

It sucks that there's only 20 minutes in each day. If there was more than that I would get more stuff done I'm sure

[tinyyellowflowers-blog]

Went to the grocery store with my kindergartener. We weighed some bananas: 2 pounds even. We weighed a watermelon: 4 pounds even. We weighed some mangos: a little over 1 pound. We weighed the watermelon AND the bananas: 6 pounds even.

“That’s funny” said the child “because 2+4=6 and two pounds and four pounds is six pounds. It’s like the same as math!”

“What happens if you add 6+1?”

“SEVEN”

“What if we put one pound of mangos on the scale?” <mangos added>

“IT’S THE SAME!!”

“OK, what’s 7-4?”

“Three?”

“What if we take the four pound watermelon off the scale?” <watermelon removed>

“Mama! Are you telling me math works In Real Life? Think of all the things you could measure!!”

[demiaseranmage]

@kaity--did

[kaity--did]

Children learning that the world exists around them is my favorite thing

[distractionsfromthefood]

[catchyvideos]

[ruinedchildhood]

[triplesuns]

Thank god I saved this from gayporntattoos before it got deleted

[i-am-a-fish]

my boobs are watered and my crops couldn't be more bountiful. the world is my oyster, life is a highway, and I'm gonna ride it all night long

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

my 5 year plan is to get back my joy

[i-am-a-fish]

just ordered 50 more years of prosperity

[i-am-a-fish]

just ordered half a year of locusts

[tiktoks-i-enjoyed]

"But can you feel it?" Post-phalloplasty sensation explained.

By @ kashcolegrove, Kai Asher Colegrove (he/him).

[byjove]

if someone gets killed by a grizzly bear or a polar bear it’s like “Damn, that’s unfortunate. Luck of the draw.” but if someone gets killed by a black bear you’re like “What did they do to that bear to make it that angry?”

[byjove]

Grizzly bears? You’re usually fine if you’re minding your business but every once in a while one of them decides to go on a killing spree Sankebetsu brown bear incident style and that can’t be prevented in all circumstances. Polar bears? If it wants to kill you, it will decide to kill you and then do it, not your choice. But black bears? My uncle has been chasing the same bear around his property for years Looney Tunes style with no casualties on either end, what the fuck do you have to do to a black bear to make it want to kill you if chasing one with a broom after it was picking your apples does not provoke them to violence?

[i-am-a-fish]

I hope you get your favorite food this week and your favorite drink and your favorite 2k dollars

[i-am-a-fish]

I'm sorry there's no magic in this post I'm just talking. I hope good stuff happens to people online I hope good things happen to all of us