WHATEVER YOU WISH

they/them or he/him honestly

[iceglobe-system]

Aspec warning labels

[the-amazeeng-idiot]

I recently found out that something like aplatonic exists and I have interesting things to say about the way I reacted to it.

My first reaction was confusion. How can someone not feel platonic love? Isn't that one of the most basic human needs? Is it even possible to live without platonic love? How are these people not sad?

My next reaction was indignation. No. That doesn't make sense. That's bullshit. I don't believe there is a single person on this planet who could go without platonic relationships. I can't imagine it. That person is definitely hurting their friends when they don't feel anything in their friendships.

And then... Well, I looked it up. I read about the concept. And I accepted it. Because who am I to talk into people's feelings? That thing can't be influenced by either of us. Best I can do is wish them luck.

So, why am I saying this?

These reactions are the same as those of allo people when they hear about aro/ace folk for the first time. A lot of the time without the last step. As an aro/ace myself, I've been affected by such behavior in the past (still am sometimes), so I try my best to be understanding.

I cannot imagine a world where I couldn't feel platonic love because it's basically the only thing I was given to feel connected to people. But that's the thing. I couldn't imagine. I would be so sad if I couldn't feel platonic love.

My circumstances are different.

Which is why I was ashamed. I went through stigma, I still go through stigma, as an aromantic/asexual person, and it's not fair of me to give the same treatment to others.

So, I simply... Won't. I have my opinion. I still don't understand it yet.

Doesn't mean I have to be an asshole about it

[probablyacolour]

Let me start with these are actual questions for people who see this I’m not trying to argue just understand but this sounds harsh. I swear I don’t mean it to

1: aplatonic as a label makes sense as a concept but I don’t entirely understand how that fits into queerness(saw this in comments/rbs). I can see how they would be close with/relate to queer people but the whole point of aro/ace is it being a romantic/sexual orientation, so queer. Platonic and familial love are different unrelated kinds of love I feel like we harp on that a lot right? So how is it considered queer? Just like?? Vibes? (This sounds mean I promise I am just asking. If it is because the vibes/experiences are similar I respect it)

2: kind of similar to it not being an orientation, and I apologize if this sounds weird but this is how I think of it, sexual attraction is because of evolution, romantic love split off of that when humans evolved to have complex emotions and all that. Liking people as friends doesn’t that just?? Happen? Does that make sense? Like if it’s not attraction how do you experience a lack of it

3: this one I know sounds bad i apologize but hold on coming from an aro/ace with low empathy and a rough relationship with relationships I feel like not wanting to be around people/not caring for other people like at all isn’t great for a person? In the way of humans are social beings etc like I’m not a psychologist but being lonely isn’t good right

So if I’m misunderstanding what this is and it’s “I have a hard time making friends” disregard this but just never wanting any relationships of any kind ever doesn’t entirely make sense to me is the summary of the last one

I know this sounds judgemental i apologize but i can’t find answers in the rbs so i am asking here. Hello tumblr users with different life experiences

[hrtdhmfr]

Heya I’m aplatonic aroace, maybe my answers to these questions can help?

1: how can aplatonic be a queer orientation?

I view queerness in regard to attraction and relationships to be anything that doesn’t fit the expected social norm. The norm here is based off the nuclear family model that is pushed on everyone. One man and one woman in a monogamous marriage who only have sex to procreate.

Homosexual and homoromantic people defy heteronormativity, thus being queer. Asexual and aromantic people defy amatanormativity, thus being queer. Polygamous and polyamorous people defy the monogamous norm, thus being queer. Kinksters have a long history with other queer identities and also defy the norm of sex being primarily for procreation, thus being queer.

And so on and so forth for every sexual or romantic orientation you can think of.

So what about aplatonics, afamilials, and others that don’t experience other types of attraction? They’re not quite queerifying the sexual and romantic norm, but they definitely defy the platonic norm of assuming everyone has friends, acquaintances, and family. I consider these orientations to be queer because they defy platonormitivity the same way other orientations defy heteronormativity, amatanormativity, monogamy, etc. and they receive similar backlash for not upholding these social standards.

2: what even is platonic attraction anyway? Is it real?

I don’t know how much I can help identifying what exactly platonic attraction feels like because I don’t feel it. However, I know platonic attraction is real because I don’t experience it. I have no desire to befriend others, so I don’t make friends. Logically, if everyone felt the way I do, friends wouldn’t be a thing. Therefore: platonic attraction must exist in order to entice people into making platonic relationships.

Have you ever met someone and wanted to be their friend? Have you ever seen someone and thought “they look cool, I want to be around them more”? Have you ever thought of a person and wanted to know them on a personal level? In A-spec circles, this is called a squish: the platonic version of a crush.

Perhaps the reason you haven’t noticed getting a squish is because friendship is so incredibly normalised and expected to form in groups that spend regular periods of time together that you try to make friends whether you feel a desire to or not? I’m not you so I don’t know your situation, but when I was a kid it was expected for everyone in school to have at least one friend to the point where teachers would try to matchmake kids who sat alone (me).

3: how can you not feel the desire to make friends?

Because friendship isn’t the only way to interact with people, and platonic attraction isn’t the only other kind of attraction thats not sexual or romantic. Some people only want a hobby buddy, and don’t care to know each other on a personal level. Some people are so introverted they cannot meet the social demands a platonic relationship requires. Some people meet their intimacy requirements from dating and/or sexual relationships without getting friendship involved. Some people prefer to bond with other animals instead of humans. There’s all sorts of combinations that aren’t just no relationships at all.

However, some people are like that. I’m like that, actually! I am content with my imagination and inner world. I do not feel the need to get other people involved in my life any more than I have to because I don’t experience bonus happy chemicals in my brain from interacting with others. It wouldn’t work for a lot of people, but I am content with being something of a hermit.

I hope this helps, and please feel free to ask more questions if you need!

[moonprismpower456]

“Reminder that aspecs can still date and love their friends and family” and themselves. And their hobbies, and their passion in life, and the media they consume and their pets and places they like to go and food and drinks they like and in fact they don’t have to subscribe to the idea of “love” at all. You don’t have to date or have friends or family to be a person. You don’t have to fit into what society wants your life to be like to not be a robot. When I complain about aphobes implying that people who don’t date are machines, I’m not just complaining that they devalue platonic or familial love. They’re devaluing the idea of being your own person and thats a type of aphobia people don’t talk about enough. Aspecs can do whatever they want forever and that includes everything.

[here-we-lay]

learning about and reading on aplatonic and other parts of aspec is SO big brained. I mean I did come across them before but I never really thought about what it was saying, and etc. but anyways. wow! it’s like so !!!!!! hearing about all the stuff and makes me so happy because I FEEL it. I mean, I wouldn’t necessarily call myself aplatonic or any of the others but I Feel it. so much!!!! aspec me so much yes<3 and it’s not really About fictional characters and etc, but god. it really explains so much about my ships and my fictional character thoughts too.

I was literally thinking about these two characters and I DONT consider them friends but I think they do like each other and are in a “friend/close bonded” group and do hang out with each other but I simply do not think they have friendship feelings at all. before I was so bizarre at why this is ??? and tried hard to think them in friendship terms/platonic terms but then. learning about aplatonic is like eyes open, brain clear. god yeah. they’re NOT friends, they like each other and have bonds etc etc and call each other friends because they are in “”friendship”” group or whatever. and in turn that explains so much about my issues and problems i had in friendship.

there was people I liked in my group that idk I didn’t feel like I got along as well,,,,, but it was more like they’re just Different type dynamic/bond we had. I liked them well enough, it just that we weren’t compatible (from my point of view) conversation-wise or anything. but I liked hearing about whatever they wanted to say, and I liked them person wise because of the history we shared and our connection to mutual other people. like !!!!! it Explains so much also the amount of struggle I had with friendship.

frankly,,, things would be so much freeing if people DIDNT have to be with friends and could have causal hang together and etc,,,, like even after school it still followed me the idea that I had No friends or whatever and how that felt wrong or like I was lacking. I still don’t really have friends — eh maybe like Two persons I can call that and eh even then it’s like… — and I have a very fulfilling life. When I need the feel for communication or etc, like talking or etc, I don’t really… need friends for that? like it’s So Nice and etc, seeing the aplatonic community and being like god yeah friendship doesn’t mean end all. like I thought that I needed to be friends with people but like,,, I’m very happy with the type of relationship I have with people? where i just like them? and talk to them occasionally a lot and still not consider them friend??? friendship is NOT we are heading. and I wouldn’t call just “acquaintances” either. nothing really. just person I like and talk to a lot in that context, lol.

to learn the aplatonic is to be free !!!! (to me)

>> continuing tags here (hit 30 tags (lol)): #but like no, no I didn’t have to be that close at all #i didn’t even want to and felt like uncomfortable or like not feeling great the whole time lol. #also like it really helped to revaluate and think # because they yes had different relationship and all these intricate rituals (like going together to places and other things) that /i/ felt like was close friendship close bonds that made me feel :( but really. did i EVEN want it? or was i thinking that i needed that because everyone had it? and like it was/is such an Eye Opener. #because I mean sure that seems /nice/ on a level but honestly i get that from other relationships where i share things I perceive close to myself but even those dynamics aren’t all encompassing and wouldn’t even. #its FINE for me to be uncomfortable with people being that close to me, and inviting into my house and it doesn’t mean that something someone needs and not having that doesn’t mean your lacking something #it seems so easy to me right to get but then,,, me oh boy. so many such grief i put myself through and it’s sad to look back. #you can be close to someone without all that and don’t even have to have that to have Friends or whatevr, like god i love aplatonic and aspec so much. just so happy Rn ahhhhhhHHHHHH

[darkerbluerseaer]

I think more ppl should ship poly ships. and qprs. isn't it boring to always stay within the norms of conventional romantic relationships?? don't you get frustrated when you're a multishipper and just want all of them to be canon at the same time??? don't you get tired of squeezing your characters into amatonormativity even when it's kinda ooc???? shipping srsly becomes so much more fun when you break down the self-imposed walls in your brain and just go wild

[soundoftheirwings]

Gotta tell you guys something wild in the Chinese fan sphere

So some fanartist drew a “sexy” (read: booby) version of a (cartoon) character who is traditionally very non-sexualised. Fans of the character got mad about it because it’s kind of groundbreaking how that character is written and portrayed and this art totally ignores the entire point of the character. They demanded the art be deleted. In response to that other people said, well what the fanartist did may be distateful but they have every right to draw what they’re into. The two sides fight for days and each starts a harassment campaign and even report their “opponents’” accounts.

So far so typical. But things eventually come to a head and they decide that this will be settled by votes - not through a poll. Through donations to a children’s education charity via each side’s portal. Whoever can get the highest amount of donation wins.

And that is how this charity received over 1 million in donations in three days lol. Oh btw the “freedom of expression” side won by a landslide (960k to 40k)

[tlbodine]

From now on this is how all petty fandom disputes should be settled.

[buried-in-stardust]

Both donation groups finished collecting donations on May 31st, and the charity has since reached out to the "freedom of expression" group's organizers to notify them that their donations will be specifically allocated to girls. The charity works with schools to allow impoverished students to go to high school (which isn't free in China), so they will be distributing 7500 RMB each for 128 girls to attend their 3 years of high school.

Also for anyone curious, the character is Luye from The Legend of Hei II. Official design vs. the fanart under the cut:

[enigmaticpink]

I firmly believe what ever you’re obsessed with at 11/12 years old becomes a core part of who you are, regardless if you lose interest in it or not. Maybe some of you were lucky and were obsessed with warrior cats or smth, and if you’re real unlucky it was probably twilight.

[alecscudder1987]

@bigcupofwater you always have such a way with words

[lizardsfromspace]

Hi, I noticed your story has conflict in it, and I was wondering why you didn't just write people who are right doing everything correctly with a note saying "I enthusiastically co-sign everything in this story"? Must be some kind of mistake haha

[quietwingsinthesky]

the thing about being nonbinary is that you really do start to forget that other people have such strict walls around what is and isn’t allowed for genders. i thought we all agreed that we made that up. could you climb out of the cave real quick and feel the sunshine for a minute.

[aroace-ryland-grace]

I NEED TO WRITE FANFICTION <- guy who is perfectly capable of writing fanfiction <- guy who is not writing fanfiction

[aspecmemesdaily]

Source | Day 151

[veryadorabelle]

Is there like horny but for aesthetic attraction?

Like instead of "we should fuck" its "you should get dressed up so i can stare at how pretty you are"?

[red-melancolie]

Aesthetic attraction is just looking at someone and thinking, “Incredible character design. Incredible color palette. 10/10.” with absolutely zero interest in playing the game.

[birdandmoon]

Heat waves.

[cripple-punk-dad]

Ok so at this point I've had two people roll up to me in manual wheelchairs, well, one of them was somebody pushing somebody who was nonverbal at the time, but it still counts. They asked me why I had zip ties around my tires.

It's winter where I'm living and we have really bad snow. And the snow plow people are really bad at their jobs probably because there aren't snow plow people who clean sidewalks. As a solution I got to thinking about how I could increase the traction on my wheels. And the most redneck thing I could think of was taking a bunch of zip ties and tying them around my wheels. They last surprisingly long, and work surprisingly well. It's basically the same premise as chains for your tires during the winter.

I chose to space them out pretty evenly so there's about one for every spoke. You could probably do more or less depending on how many you want and how much traction you get but I wouldn't go more than three per spoke. I realize that it's a bit later in the winter, and I probably should have made a post about this sooner, but I came up with it about a week ago. So please share this, even if you're not disabled, because there are tons of people I know who are stuck in their houses because they can't get around in the snow. A pack of zip ties costs about $5, which compared to $200 knobby snow tires is a big save, and if you want to invest you could get colored zip ties.

[fandomshatefatpeople]

Sharing for accessibility

[catgirlwheels]

Oh fuck yes. Thank you all the abled people between op and me this is exactly what I needed to see 💜

[wishuponastarion]

ooh sweet, thanks for the tip

(for anyone using their chair both indoors and outside, highly recommend wheelchair 'slippers'/wheel socks like these so you don't tear up wood/vinyl/linoleum flooring with the zip ties!)

[stormofneurosis]

! This is fucking amazing and I love it!!!

[cyborbs-deactivated20231020]

best thing tumblr ever did for me is the term "rotating it in my mind". it's really true that sometimes you think about something real hard but you can't tell what the thoughts are exactly. it's revolutionary stuff, i might even say

[vulpineprince]

sometimes the subject of your thoughts is just in this thing

[ablondpanda]

Ah, there it is!

The TUMBLER!

[knitmeapony]

The tumblr blorbo in the blorbo tumbler.

[carrotnkiwiwis]

What could have been if zag hadn’t been cowards