Whatever floats my boat

A post-ironic collection of pseudo-intellectual hooey.

[loveridden1999]

[strawberry-crocodile]

like idk how much this needs to be stated but like someone who is recognized as an amab person who has feminized herself is not going to be treated with the privilege of a cisman and if you tell me you believe that you're either incredibly distanced from reality and genuinely need to read the news and go outside or you are lying to justify violence

[gay-lotus]

31 hours deep into the insomniac’s gambit and i tried to microwave a popsicle

[gay-lotus]

31 hours deep into the insomniac’s gambit and i posted on the wrong blog again

[gay-lotus]

[venerable-thief]

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

In this economy you'll be lucky to retire to your nickels

[quinnception]

[mutinsfromthemoon]

they went camping with their friends and now it’s time to sleep and ilya is horny and humping shane’s side “please shane, i need to fuck you” and shane’s like “stop that all our friends is right next to us and they’re probably listening to this” ilya whines and says “what they don’t know married people have sex?” and shane’s like “they know, but they don’t have to hear married people having sex” ilya groans “you already forced me a city boy to go camping and now you can’t even let me make love to you” and shane’s like “i told you that you could stay at home” and ilya replies “and spend a weekend without you?” and shane just rolls his eyes he can’t believe his husband is like this and he actually loves him and ilya keeps going “shane, just bite the pillow or other thing. i know you can’t be silent when im inside you” he’s saying against shane’s ear and shane shivers but try to stay firm “ilya, i do a hand job” and ilya’s like “no, shane, inside you” and shane roll his eyes “a blowjob then” and ilya looks like he’s been shot “shane, please, let me fuck you” he groans while putting his face in shane’s hair “please” he whines “please please please please please” and then they hear from the other tent wyatt yelling “shane please let this man fuck you and shut him up, we will put earbuds” and ilya laughs and shane goes redder than the red in centaurs jersey “ilya, why are you lke this?” he snarks and ilya’s like “you love me. now on your back, legs up *kiss* it will be worth it”

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[depsidase]

[joycomplexx]

by the way it's fine to like sexual content just for the sake of it. "we can't ban porn because other stuff will get banned" "sometimes nude art has value" "the government will classify queer people as sexual" this is all true but it's okay to just like porn. its okay to not want porn to be banned because you like it.

[avalonjoan]

Love that you’re making it clear exactly what physical demands this job has, but could you possibly, potentially, phrase it differently?

[depsidase]

[filmnoirsbian]

From the bottom of my heart: im not sorry for anything i put on yalls dash, i am my own target audience and i find my taste immaculate but thank u for witnessing 💕

[hunksandtwunksandtwinks]

[gorps]

[sadnsuss]

[shetheyslain]

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

[batsandboba]

[nighthaunting]

thought too hard about MRI machines today and had this come to me in a vision

[beesmygod]

mri accident is literally one of my biggest anxiety freakouts. i dont care about being in the tiny loud tube, im so scared of a secret piece of metal i dont know about in my body will tear through me like a knife through butter. what if i ate a quarter in my sleep

[neutral-wizard]

Quarters George who eats a $10 roll of quarters every night is shredded into a fine mist my the MRI

[its-grape-juice-i-swear]

TIME TO POST ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE IMAGES!!!!

Back when I worked at the hospital, I had to take MRI training and it was my favorite thing every time. It was only like 10 minutes long and went a little something like this:

Hey. The MRI is basically a really big magnet and by basically I mean it is and we literally never turn it off. It's like really big. Really really big and powerful and The Magnet is always on. We don't turn it off Ever, for any reason. We mean it bro, The Magnet is literally always on. It's crazy strong and will definitely kill you. So don't bring any metal into the MRI room, man. You will fuck up the machine (because The Magnet is always on) and then you will die (again, because The Magnet is always on). Here's some fun questions for you to test your understanding!

1) The ______ is always on.

2) The Magnet is ______ on.

3) How often is The Magnet on?

4) The Magnet is always __.

5) The Magnet is always on. T/F

6) The Magnet is usually on but we know to turn it off for you because you're a very special boy :) T/F

7) My weak fleshy body can survive the wrath of The Magnet. T/F

8) Look at this 500 lbs steel hospital bed, which The Magnet has crumpled into an origami crane. Imagine if that was you.

9) Is The Magnet ever off?

10) Sometimes we turn The Magnet off. T/F

Thank you for taking MRI training. We hope you learned that The Magnet is always on, because it is. It's on Right Now and it will be on every time you come to the MRI. Have fun and remember: The Magnet is always on!

I love you MRI training. The Magnet is always on.

[c3rvida3]

My one friend really likes "yo mama" jokes, but she feels bad for saying them to me because my mama's dead, and lately she's been circumventing this by adding "in heaven" to them, a concept I was introduced to with zero warning via a text that said, "Yo mama's so stupid she's in heaven pre-heating the microwave."

[itsbasil]

[heterophobic-disaster]

#yo mama (peace be upon her)