HexWolfi the WereWolfi

Autistic werewolf, 28, they/them || Side blogs: @hexghosti @hexdaxter

[markovchaingang]

men and women are not opposites. men and women are not enemies. men and women are two parts of a broad coalition which fights against a mutual enemy: inkjet printers

[elaenim]

Bites

[tbgcru]

to people coming to M9 fandom from the animated series: hi, these two roomed together in every inn they were in!

[tbgcru]

i'm not a liar they just don't sleep in this show at all

[oathofwhimsy]

[ID: animation of Fjord and Molly from Critical Role falling onto a bed and rolling around, kissing. End ID]

[crow-bit]

he's real and he's having the worst day imaginable

[jadeandquartzes]

[id: art of mollymauk tealeaf, drawn with his design from the animated show "the mighty nein." in the image on the left, he is drawn from the knees up, facing away from the viewer and grinning over his shoulder at them. his coat flows behind him, and his swords are drawn. two smaller bust images on the right show him wearing a green garment with a devastated expression and liquid trailing from his mouth, and him shirtless and smiling cockily at the viewer. end id.]

[monstersovka]

🌘🌗🌕🌓🌒 wolf

[brenatto-apothecary]

if magic was real I'd get really into wizardry long enough to learn like 3 spells then move on and 4 years later id be like oh yeah I remember how to summon flame. probably. and then id do all the hand motions out of order and explode

[hexwolfi]

[colinarcartperson]

I had a blast with the outfits in this commission for the wonderful @glasyasbutch

[copperbadge]

Men, boys, and eggs of my acquaintance, I cannot stress this enough:

Nobody worth being with will ever judge you based on your deli sandwich choices.

Sincerely, a dude who had to watch like two dozen men pretend to find vegetarian sandwiches unthinkable in order to maintain a sense of masculinity today.

[copperbadge]

The sando gender spectrum I osmoted this weekend according to a specific type of dude:

1. Roast beef is the most masculine of sandwiches. The only sandwich it is permissible to ask for by name (we did not have roast beef as an option).

2. Ham is an acceptable substitute for roast beef. There appears to be some controversy, however, over the bread options; we only had two, croissant or ancient grains roll (gluten free). Croissant is considered slightly more manly than ancient grains UNLESS you are under 20 in which case "ancient grain" sounds badass.

3. Turkey is okay, obviously not ham but if you don't like ham it's an option as long as you don't show enthusiasm for it. Definitely has to have mayo however. Mustard is a bit much. (Initial field research indicates mayo is the manliest of condiments but we have not introduced barbecue sauce into the study yet.)

4. Chicken salad is woman food. Absolutely not acceptable unless you announce loudly that it's for your wife or that she's making you for your health.

5. Vegetarian wraps require a recoil reaction or a sheepish "oh, no, no, what meats do you have?" protest. We had the veggie wraps off to one side so vegetarians could get to them more easily, and guys would come up to the wrap boxes because there was no crowd/line, then I'd say "that's veggie wraps" and they'd stagger back.

To be clear, most of the people of all genders at the event were totally fine, this was a small and specific set of guys -- mostly older dudes and (unsurprisingly) their young sons or grandsons. Maybe 20-30 people out of the 400+ attendees. But it really was both sad and a little funny to watch them unnecessarily assert their manhood using deli meat to me, a guy in a floral shirt with neon blue hair handing out box lunches at a charity event. My indifference to your masculinity is so vast it has its own international calling code, fellas.

[copperbadge]

Friends, I have volunteered in the lunch tent once more and I have new scientific findings to share regarding the Sandwich Gender Spectrum.

We still do not serve roast beef, the most toxically manly of all sandwiches, but it turns out that there is a sandwich option almost as masculine, the mention of which will preclude a certain type of dude from even asking for roast beef:

The Italian.

For those unfamiliar, an Italian sandwich in most American sandwich shops is composed of ham, capicola, salami, and sometimes pepperoni, with provolone, the usual sandwich veggies, and a drizzle of Italian dressing.

The hierarchy from ham-downwards remains undisturbed by this revelation currently rocking sandwich discourse, but new data has indicated that the Italian sandwich occupies a special place above ham and technically below roast beef but so acceptable a substitute for roast beef that I only had one guy ask me for it this time around. I would say, "We have ham, Italian, turkey, or veggie," and the Certain Kind Of Man would look skeptically at the ham and then ask for an Italian.

I am now working on my doctoral thesis in Sandwich Gender, where I will be examining whether there is a direct correlation between how masculine a sandwich is and how weirdly homoerotic the name is. I'm going to call it "I'd Like An Italian: Gender And Sexuality Between The Buns."

[copperbadge]

Ahead of the Sandwich Gender Spectrum Studies Department's annual report on the September 2025 new data release, I wanted to share some recent findings by a research colleague at a prestigious academic institution on the east coast:

My sample size is growing all the time and my research is replicable.

[copperbadge]

Field work in sandwich gender studies, sandothropology if you will, can be challenging at times. While my thesis has been supported by both independent researchers such as above and grant-holding professionals (aka "people who work in food service"), the window of time in which I perform my yearly field survey is brief.

This year a new variable was introduced. The selection of sandwiches we were given to hand out was reduced to three: ham, turkey, or vegetarian. For the first time, the vegetarian option was a sandwich and not a wrap, as well.

There seems to be something about the idea of a wrap that makes it particularly unpalatable to a Certain Kind Of Person; we didn't have anyone getting hissy about being offered vegetables this year, and also got far fewer remarks about getting a turkey sandwich "for the wife" or "because she's making me". Perhaps when your options are realistically ham or turkey, rather than an array of choices that you have to navigate correctly, the social pressure eases off. Plus, ham and turkey both fall in the middle of the spectrum, so they're a little more ambiguous than say, roast beef and chicken salad. Why bother performing gender for two almost equivalent options? (There's a bisexuality joke in here somewhere.)

I did have one guy furiously lecture me for about two minutes because we didn't have any sandwiches on wholegrain bread, but if we'd had more sandwich options he'd have been mad we were spending the organization's money unwisely on sandwich fripperies (I know him of old) so that barely registered.

[alias-milamber]

The Sandwich Thing is one of my most memorable examples of not being a Real Man[1], when a colleague saw the wrapper of my (Brie, Cranberry, Grape, Rocket) sandwich and said “Isn’t that a bit feminine?”.

I’ll admit the phrase “I’m sorry you want to fuck my sandwich?” isn’t the *most* suitable for an office context, but it did make a third party expel cola from their nose.

[1] Probably Imaginary Man, because being a Complex Man[2] seems like a lot of effort into something I don’t really value[3].

[2] I.e Odysseus

[3] if you were to arrange a scale of gender-devotee from agender at 0 to transgender at 100, I’d look at you strangely for a moment then wander off talking about cultural obsessions with quantification.

[4] You’ve gone too far, abort.

[wordcubed]

Looking forward to Chuck Tingle's latest book, Pounded in the Butt by My Coworker's Feminine Sandwich.

[joeyclaire]

[pepminttea]

rb with your most common recurring theme in your nightmares. mine is pregnancy

[hacash]

It's still so funny to me that hobbit society has technology like pony-traps and handkerchiefs and post offices but the realms of Men and Elves, at least, are very much still in their version of the High Middle Ages. I would kill for a scene where Aragorn starts doing the whole Galavant thing - we shall meet when the night air grows as chill as the depths of Moria and the setting sun colours the sky that particular shade of blue as to recall to us the sinking of Numenor into the very Sea Itself - and Pippin just goes 'have none of you guys ever learned to use a freaking clock'.

[hacash]

Frodo offers to buy Gandalf a watch so he can actually be on time for once and nearly gets bodied into Bywater Pool.

[hacash]

Sam is nearly reduced to tears upon trying to learn Gondorian recipes because all the cooks in Minas Tirith are using that old medieval technique of recite five Paternosters and the fish will be perfectly fried. Please. They're called egg-timers. Every hobbit has one. He'll buy them one himself if they'll just let him cook like a normal person.

[hacash]

WAIT FUCK HANG ON

‘In the house of Elrond, and it is ten o’clock in the morning,’ said a voice. ‘It is the morning of October the twenty-fourth, if you want to know.’ I seriously doubt Elrond has a big old cuckoo clock hanging around Rivendell and messing up the aesthetics so wizards evidently do keep timepieces about their person. Does Gandalf have a Rolex?

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Gandalf knows exactly what time it is and is late on purpose.

[i-am-a-fish]

treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding youd offer to an ancient wizard

[escuerzoresucitado]

[angelz-mp3]

Cough..

BEHOLD

LE DRAGOON.

Who is he blushing for hehe? I think you can guess >^<

Fanart for @itsapmseymour Hope you like it, he's in my style he's been cartoonized!!!

Also fuck me I gave up on the arm bands guys

[luulapants]

If you're in the US, now is a great time to talk to the young people in your life about the US military:

The recruiter is not your friend. The military employs child psychologists to learn how to make you think the recruiter is your friend.

The recruiter is allowed to lie to you and makes more money if they do.

The recruiter is paid a commission to groom children into cannon fodder.

The recruiter will tell you you're special and will go into special smart soldier programs instead of combat. They're lying.

The recruiter may tell you they can tell if someone can get PTSD or not and only recruit people like you, who won't. They're lying.

The recruiter may tell you you'll be too busy attending free college (!!) to go overseas. They're lying.

The recruiter may ask what countries you want to travel to and promise you bougie placements on military bases in those countries. They're lying.

Even "It's just four years!" is a lie - the government is allowed to hold you past your enlistment period with a stop-loss order.

The recruiter actually has zero power to decide anything that happens to you after you enlist and they more importantly don't care what happens to you.

If you enlist, you will be brainwashed to make you willing to do things to other humans that you would never be willing to do today.

You will be ordered to do things that will kill children. And you'll do them.

The military is not the only way or even the best way for you to go to college or start a career.

Military brainwashing will actually make you into a terrible university student because it degrades your ability to think critically and question your sources.

Having PTSD and/or a TBI will make it harder to be a student and keep a job.

Veterans' benefits suck these days.

Being a veteran drastically increases your risk of homelessness, suicide, alcohol and drug dependence, prison time, and becoming an abuser to your loved ones.

The military will expose you to chemicals that will drastically increase your chances of developing cancer.

The military will withhold information about your rights to conscientiously object after enlisting.

A lot can change in four years.

[c4bl3fl4m3]

All of this!

If you want an organization who WILL tell you the truth about your rights to conscientiously object, how to legally get out of the DEP (Delayed Entry Program) or about any of your other rights in the military (whether you’re enlisted, thinking about enlisting, or a family member or friend of someone enlisted (or thinking about enlisting)), who will do it confidentially & for free, you want the

GI Rights Hotline

run by NGOs & non-profits, which has been counseling folks for DECADES now:

Are you in the military or thinking about joining? Are you unsure of where to get reliable answers? Call the GI Rights Hotline at 1-877-447-

Or by phone:

1-877-447-4487

[ms-demeanor]

Even if all the person you're speaking to cares about is the money, the money sucks.

Minimum wage in California just went up to $16.90. You need to be rank E4 or be E3 with at least 3 years of service before you're making more than the CA minimum wage in the military.

You will literally get better pay and benefits working at a costco. (And that's not even accounting for the fact that the military isn't a 40 hour work week, your entire life is on the clock)

I cannot emphasize this enough, if you're a desperate young queer person you will make better money, get better healthcare, and have more affordable options for school if you move to California, get a job at costco, live with roommates, and go to community college than you will have if you join the US military.

[shitty-fanfic-prompts]

The four penguins from Madagascar are, somehow, isekaied in the middle of the clone wars

[anakinnoanakindontanakinstop]

Palpatine is dead within the hour

[windkonig]

when people say "ok but x bug has no benefit to nature" I bet they can't even name 5 facts about the bug they're shitting on. so how could they Possibly know what its function is in the environment and if it's "useless" or not

wasps being the perfect example, I still get people saying "oh bees are cute and pollinate :) yay. but WASPS ARE EVIL and they don't contribute ANYTHING!!!" and it's like buddy. wasps pollinate too. they also control spider populations. they do a lot of great valuable things. but even if they didn't, they're still worthy of being here. I see SO much hatred toward wasps and I wish people would try to learn a little more about them.

I'm mainly talking about paper wasps here because these are common ones we run into in daily life and most commonly deemed "aggressive". but wasps have body language. and if you learn to read this language and learn how to properly act around them, things will go a lot better for you! wasps can be curious creatures and they may come up to observe you, especially if you're wearing something brightly colored. this can be startling for sure, but my best advice is to just be still, DO NOT SWAT or wave your arms. try to just back away or sidestep so it loses interest and leaves. swatting is just gonna make them feel as if they are being attacked and increase your chances of being stung.

many stings happen due to unfortunate but accidental circumstances. unknowingly getting too close to a nest, stepping on a wasp on accident, one getting stuck in clothing, etc. I got stung once while gardening, went to pull a weed and the wasp was on it, so I grabbed her without knowing and she stung me because she was scared. this doesn't mean "oh wasps are AGGRESSIVE and EVIL" it means you stumbled into an unfortunate situation where the wasps felt threatened and defensive. instead of being like "FUCK all wasps" go forward trying to learn about common nesting areas, be wary of holes in the ground, wear gloves while gardening, and if you do have to be around a nest, try not to make a lot of noise. if the nest absolutely needs removed, call a professional.

[shailion]

i had a paper wasp nest next to my front door for about 5 months and the only aggressive thing they did was go \!/ when i was being too annoying with my camera.

Now the next generation is building a nest near the same spot and they continue being perfectly polite polistes :)

pictured are guards doing the warning stance \!/ and a satellite nest filled with fat and happy grubs showing how close they let me get.

[stitched-snake-sidez]

I understand this, but what about ticks? Do they serve any purpose?

[crevicedwelling]

the natural world will make so much more sense to you when you stop trying to make animals have a “purpose.” thinking about animals having “jobs” is a good teaching tool up to a point but I don’t think it’s stressed enough how harmful it is to believe certain organisms could disappear without consequence because they are “useless.”

from our human perspective, we can come up with relationships between organisms that cause things to happen in ways that we can arbitrarily define as “good” or “bad”: ticks redistribute nutrients “locked up” in mammalian bodies, feeding spiders and birds that could never hope to take down a whole deer; ticks spread disease that weakens or kills animals, reducing pressure on those animals’ food sources; etc. but those relationships don’t happen for a “purpose.” they just happen. and evolution has shaped environments with ticks in them to account for the presence of ticks and other parasites. I’m not saying that every environment is dependent on ticks, just that they are part of everything, and that’s enough.

we can’t let our selfishness dictate what animals we deem “useless” or “valuable.” I ask, useless to whom?

what “purpose” does the Devils Hole pupfish serve? they exist in a single puddle in Nevada and if they did go extinct it probably would have no effect at all on the rest of the natural world. but I think many people would agree that it would be a shame if they disappeared—that’s why we’re trying so hard to protect them. they matter to people because they exist.

what “purpose” do domestic cats serve? they provide comfort to humans and kill billions of animals every year, placing some species in peril. if they went extinct, countless endangered small animals would be saved—and humans would be sad. because of how much cats matter to people, we’ve allowed them to erase entire species.

what “purpose” do ticks serve? they suck blood, but some suck only rhinoceros blood, or tortoise blood, making those species in peril of extinction because their hosts are in peril—what to do about those? does their parasitic lifestyle make them less worthy of life than the pupfish? more common species transmit diseases, feed other animals, and maybe do lots of other things we just don’t know about. we don’t know what would happen if they disappeared. it’s impossible to make a consistent definition of an animal’s “purpose” without bringing selfishness or changing what that purpose means. just let animals exist to exist, please

[hexwolfi]

To add to that: Asking what "purpose" any organism serves entails that existence is only deserved if you are serving a purpose, which is a story we tell that exploits you and your fellow human and non-human organisms alike and reduces our value to the labor we produce. This a good reminder that our existence is a right, not a privilege earned for being "productive", and that truth applies whether you are human or not human.