Creepy but Kawaii

Personal blog for ranting and raving. Most of what will be shared will be memes, autumn/fall images, halloween stuff, anime shit, witchy stuff, and anything in between! I am an avid tea drinker, game player, and major rage quitter! Jk though I do pout! Looking for gaming buddies who won't judge me because I suck!

[anxietyproblem]

[anxietyproblem]

[poisonnightmares]

Witch Bedroom

[toastbutteregg]

[wanderingwitchofthewood]

[hexxdesidia]

Proud Swamp Witch <3

[anxietyproblem]

[headspace-hotel]

So I wanted to know what kind of crystal could go in a wizard staff, right? so I googled “big crystal,” as one does, and got an Etsy ad for This

And as you all know I Am currently taking a geology class, so I am probably more emotionally invested in minerals than usual. But that is...very obviously not a natural crystal.

So I did some looking around on Etsy.

Now, these shops all seem to advertise to the “witchy”/“spiritual healing” type of person. And there are a lot of them. Crystals are a Big Thing on Etsy. And ALMOST ALL of them are obviously artificially cut into the same sort of prism with a triangular pyramid top, regardless of the actual sort of crystal it is supposed to be.

Even like, fucking, obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, it doesn’t form crystals at all, it is not a crystal

I’m not throwing any shade at people who are into crystals for like witchy reasons, but it really seems like if crystals are spiritually important to you, you should know what a crystal is...right...?

[headspace-hotel]

So there I am. Caught in the helpless anger and distaste of looking at geologically inaccurate Etsy crystals.

And as I scroll, I start to see items in...interesting shapes:

“Oh,” I think to myself. “Oh no.”

But it is too late. I have heard the siren’s song, singing to me of knowledge that will destroy me, but that I cannot help but seek.

These...elongated objects are almost always ambiguously described as “massage wands,” “crystal healing wands,” and other such innocuous things. The egg-shaped objects are, um, “yoni eggs.”

...Right. Okay.

Maintain the youthfulness of my sacred organ.

IT’S A SEX TOY. SAY IT. BITCH, IT’S A SEX TOY, IT’S OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THERE’S NO SHAME IN IT, SAY IT WITH PRIDE, SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST,

OKAY.

Okay. I’m good. I’m fine.

Actually, you know what, never mind. There is shame in this and I want it to be never acknowledged again.

Additionally, I am not fine.

Why the fuck are there so many of these—

At this point I stop and start googling.

Now, Selenite is the crystalline form of gypsum. It is also known as satin spar. Selenite is brittle and breaks easily, and has a Mohs hardness scale of 2.

For those unfamiliar with the Mohs hardness scale, a mineral with a hardness of 2 is soft enough that it can be easily scratched with a fingernail. It also is dissolved by moisture.

NO. DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR BODY???? DON’T PUT THE GYPSUM, WHICH HAS A MOHS HARDNESS SCALE OF 2, IS BRITTLE AND BREAKS EASILY, AND IS WATER SOLUBLE, INSIDE YOUR LITERAL ACTUAL VAGINA??????????

I try to reassure myself with the fact that these things are probably not actually selenite, because making a dildo out of such a soft mineral in the first place would be very difficult. Having seen fluorite before, I feel pretty certain that the fluorite yoni eggs are probably actually just glass.

I google fluorite.

Okay.

Further exploring online shows me that fluorite is soluble in various strong acids.

Some guys on a forum in 2004 have strong contradictory opinions on this.

(I google the pH of the vagina.)

I don’t understand how pH works. I give up on the solubility question and google the toxicity of fluorite:

I now know at least one orifice fluorite does not go inside.

Science.

[headspace-hotel]

No, dear followers, my journey did not end here.

I have opened Pandora’s box, except Pandora’s box is filled with minerals God did not intend to be anywhere near the vagina carved into the shape of dildos. Etsy is advertising me sex toys I wish I could forget.

And vaginal steam herbs.

It seems that there is potentially a correlation between wanting to steam your vagina and wanting to put rocks in it. I know, groundbreaking discovery.

Okay, so we’re talking therapy substitute therapy substitute.

(I begin to think about how desperately we need universal health care. Maybe I just need someone, something, to blame.)

At this point, I realize that I haven’t done any googling on whether dildos made of rocks are a good idea at all. So, very tentatively, as if typing it more slowly will make it any less observed by the FBI, I google whether quartz should be used...internally.

First result that pops up:

That’s, uh. That’s reassuring.

I decide I’m incapable of unpacking this particular suitcase.

There are, of course, a small handful of articles debating the safety of rose quartz sex toys. But I’m getting the feeling that this is not a normal question to have in the first place. I close the tab with little relief.

Etsy is still enthusiastically recommending me things that hurt me psychologically.

...pleasure chalk?

How can I describe the fear that this image struck in me, reader?

Pleasure Chalk? What could that be?

Is knowing worse, or is not knowing? I scarcely have a choice:

I check in with my emotions.

Is this relief? Am I relieved that they are eating the dirt instead of fucking it? One review complains about the taste. I don’t know what they expected.

I try in vain to struggle against the tide, to return to the relatively normal side of Etsy. I begin to resent, no, hate, these deceptively aesthetically pleasing hippie shops eagerly spreading medical misinformation and things as yet unknown.

This, unlike the other “crystals” I have shown, appears to show naturally grown crystals. They are, of course, quartz crystals, and $45 comes off as extremely overpriced. I have a quartz crystal I got for a dollar at an Eastern Kentucky rock festival, about the size and quality of the ones in the photo.

Quartz is the most common mineral in the Earth’s crust. But at least this is regular levels of annoying.

Then I see this:

Well, I see the photo and the price, and I think, that looks like a regular quartz crystal. There’s no way a regular quartz crystal is $1,347.

I read the description:

I am crying. I don’t want to google any of this. I am beyond googling. I no longer desire knowledge.

THATS A QUARTZ CRYSTAL. MOTHERFUCKER THAT’S QUARTZ. SIO2, MOST COMMON MINERAL IN THE EARTH’S CRUST. ITS FUCKING QUARTZ IM—

I click on a malachite.

The malachite promises to protect me from emails. And at this, darkest hour, I want to be protected.

I have been broken. I have been lured to my demise.

Big Brother: loved.

Geology lab I’m supposed to be doing: incomplete.

God: unmerciful.

[library-seraph]

The natural could be meaning that they weren’t labgrown, but were naturally-occurring and have been shaped and cut post-extraction

I have no explanation for anything else, though

[callingallcars]

everyone’s debating posts of the decade, best and worst, and i have yet to see anyone mention moon moon

[callingallcars]

for those who were not on here to experience this ridiculousness

[feral-flower-child]

Seriously. It caused so many memes.

[feral-flower-child]

[feral-flower-child]

Truly the greatest meme of our generation

[tokenofmydevotion]

I’m dying. I saw the original, but I’ve never seen any of the others. God bless you, Moon Moon.

[silvergryphon]

MOON MOON WAS THE BEST

[nagytoe-deactivated20211125]

@thatotherentity

[that-is-not-milk]

did not expect to see moon moon today

[iamthecutestofborg]

[atwotonedbird]

[wannabecatwriter]

I can’t believe I haven’t seen these before!

[hankofthesims-deactivated202202]

Government Name: Ancient Shadow Pen Name: Savage Warrior

Not bad, not bad…. but it’s no Moon Moon.

[anxietyproblem]

[anxietyproblem]

[littlewickedthings]

“We are the blood

of the witches

you thought were dead.

We carry witchcraft in our bones

whilst the magic still sings

inside our heads.

When the witch hunters

imprisoned our ancestors

when they tried to burn the magic away,

someone should have

warned them

that magic cannot be tamed.

Because you cannot burn away

what has always

been aflame.”

- Nikita Gill

[systlin]

If you were going to start a garden to prepare for the apocalypse, what would you plant? Housemates and I decided that was a better use of our anxiety than playing zombie games and I don’t have anyone else to ask.

1. Potatoes. Best starch and caloric yield per acre of just about any food.

2. Tomatoes. Easy to can or dry, tasty, high in nutrients.

3. Corn, beans, and squash, planted Three Sisters style. All are nutritious, and planted this way the beans put back into the soil the nitrogen the corn uses. If you plant dent or flour corn and dry beans and sun-dry the squash, all store well. 

4. Mint. It’s useful for minor aches and pains in salve, it’s good for upset stomachs, and it’s quite tasty.

5. Hot peppers. Tasty, and also useful for aches and pains.

6. An assortment of herbs for both seasoning and medicinal use.

[ssilverstreak]

I'd add onions and garlic to the list. Stores well, adds flavor and culinary uses are endless.

If you have the room, fruit and nut trees appropriate to grow zones. They're hard to find in some areas (*seethes in Texan*) but if you can get dwarf citrus trees they do great in pots and can be overwintered indoors in places with cold winters. Great source of vitamin C.

Blackberries are hard to kill, there are thornless varieties and you can train them up against a wall or fence so they take up little space. They freeze well and add some good variety to your diet.

The Backyard Homestead is a book with good ideas for making the most of small spaces to garden.

If you want to raise animals for protein, chickens can provide eggs and meat, and rabbits take up little space and grow fast. Only problem with the latter is they may just be too cute when the time comes.

If you have a bit of room, Nigerian dwarfs are miniature diary goats. They don't take up a lot of space and while they don't give as much milk as the full sized breeds, what they do give is very, very rich.

Dunno how much room you're working with so I tried to do a bit of a spread

[systlin]

GOOD point lord how could I forget onions and garlic.

[theirrationalfan]

Out of curiosity, how long does it take to dry garlic til you can use it? Ours’s been sitting in the drying room for several weeks now

[systlin]

You should be ready to go tbh!

[ash-and-art]

Remember to keep a hillbilly around to butcher your cute food we told you not to get too close to

[systlin]

I volunteer for this tbh.

Also; Egyptian walking onions. Grow them. They’re PERENNIAL ONIONS. That taste super onion-y. That you plant once, and then can pick onions off the top forever.

They’re the best, is what I’m getting at here. I got mine by stealing a head of bulblets from a half-feral planting of them in front of a flea market and they’re still going strong.

[i-am-fert]

halt, traveler

before you pass you must answer a riddle

the riddle is what do you got in your pockets and can we have it

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

GASP

A very clever riddle :D

[mayleeillustration]

Autumn is here !

[shalrath]

soulja boy tell em. im too shy

[pinkmanthedog]

My horse Squidward loves the water so I took her out to a river to swim and she got so excited she shoved her whole fat dumb head underwater which I have literally never seen a horse do before

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

This is killing me I love her

[villainous-queer-deactivated202]

i'm sorry but you named your horse WHAT

[pinkmanthedog]

Their names are Chicken Nugget and Squidward, like in the Bible

[suzuki-left-hand-method-deactiv]

hey there LGBTQ kids who are also Christian/Jewish! If you feel like you’re disobeying God, questioning your faith, or feel wrong and dirty for loving who you love, there’s this fantastic site I found today called hoperemains that accurately and thoroughly combs through scripture and its (many) mistranslations, validates your orientation, and basically let’s you know that you’re not pissing off God. It’s insanely thorough and after reading through every page on the entire site it’s super helpful. Go check it out!

[wearyewe]

No no no! Jewish LGBTQ kinderlach! Go to Keshet! 

hoperemains is completely from a Christian perspective, and not pluralistic or interfaith at all.

[metallikato]

If you reblogged the first post from me please reblog this amendment so the Jewish peeps can access this resource too! 

[peppermintfeminist]

Trans Jewish kids, you can go to TransTorah as well!

[fuckyeahsexpositivity]

Muslim LGBTQ kids, you can go to iamnotharaam! It’s run by a mod squad of different genders and orientations, and they take submissions from everybody!

–BB

[spacevinci-blog]

MAY ANYONE WHO REBLOGS THIS BE ELEVATED TO THE EQUIVALENT OF SAINTHOOD IN THEIR RELIGION BLESS ALL OF YOU OH MY GOD.

[wickedkhaleesi-blog]

REBLOGGING THIS AGAIN BECAUSE IT’S SO FREAKING IMPORTANT TO ME AND ALL MY FOLLOWERS TO READ THAT DEAL WITH GRIEF AND GUILT WHILE BEING LGBTQ AND RELIGIOUS

[aspicywhore-deactivated20201017]

http://hoperemainsonline.com/ Is the new site for hoperemains. Every other link is still active as of 1/9/2020

[butch-of-the-blades]

I’m not religious, but I’ll reblog for my religious SAGA peeps!!! You all rock!!!