The Plot Sucks, But The Killings Are Gorgeous

hi I'm Joslyn and I suck. I’m not really here, you can find me there instead. https://www.tumblr.com/etherealringing

[squimp]

im telling you all... its so worth it to spend a whole evening make 100 million homemade gyoza (even though it takes so long) and freezing them all to have perfect delicious gyoza just the way you like them anytime you want at a moments notice. they seriously take like 10 minutes to prepare from frozen and they are so good. i just had a dumplings and noodles feast you wish you were me

[squimp]

heres teh gyoza recipe ive been using and heres the dumpling sauce recipe ive been using and here was the noodles recipe i ate. in case even 1 person on earth wanted this information

[ostdrossel]

Happy national Opossum day! I love these creatures so much and I am always happy to see them around ❤️

[awakeningthevioletswithin]

Fit For A Queen

Watercolor On Black Paper

2024, 44"x 30"

Stiff Flax, Yellow Linum

[slayerbuffy]

Gillian Anderson at Giffoni Film Festival (July 16, 2007).

[joannofsnark]

when you die your voice gets added to the Gangster’s Paradise choir

[pileofknives]

RIP Coolio

[guerrillatech]

[vanquishedvaliant]

This is definitely a plausible Hank moment, but only after a long episode of him misunderstanding and getting it ignorantly (but not maliciously) wrong at first, being distressed and confused about how he’s out of touch with the kids and gender ain’t simple like it used to be

right up until some rude asshole does this in his face and he needs to stand up for his friends / family and suddenly Understands the emotional crux of the issue

[cerayanay]

“And you have all these so called whistleblowers claiming the government is putting chemicals in vaccines and food to make you one of them transgenders or homosexuals. But I’ve never seen a transgender support the government or one of those so-called “gay frogs”, so it makes you wonder what THEYRE really putting in this stuff. All I’m saying is that Chelsea Manning went to prison and Mr. Rogan is a millionaire, and you always gotta follow the money”

[acomedytothosewhothink]

“Tell you what man, talkin’ ‘bout dang ‘ol critical gender theory man, ‘s all a construct, talkin’ ‘bout man’s man and real woman but I tell you what man, talkin’ ‘bout when the lights are off we all just dang ‘ol people man”

[vodka-aunt-m]

"Well I think she’s a real classy lady."

[cheesepossum]

[halfhardtorock]

:\/ !!!!

[tiktokmuseum]

howdy!

edit: of course they said howdy back!

[kaiyotih-deactivated20210901]

its payment for every weeb who goes to japan and thinks anime is real

[imsopopfly]

Actual encounters I had while in Japan:

- the exact one in the video multiple times

-a little old lady who literally followed me for two blocks excitedly babbling about how she had never seen anyone with such big boobs in her entire life and did not think anything over a d cup was actually a thing that existed and did all Americans have big boobs? And if so how did we find bras that fit? I was of course uncomfortable talking about my boobs with an absolute stranger so I did my best to pretend I didn’t understand Japanese very well. This only encouraged her to start MIMING her words while she spoke.

- a cultist who explained to me in broken English that George Washington had secretly been a member of her cult and that’s why I should totally join it (the cult in question was founded less than forty years ago and believes this one lady in Korea is the second coming of Jesus)

-a man who absolutely lost it and went positively giddy with excitement when he found out I was from Texas, proceeded to ask me many questions about Texas in surprisingly good English

-a fellow student who, upon hearing me mention that I had tried natto and enjoyed it, immediately assumed I didn’t have a very good grasp of Japanese and patiently explained to me that “suki” was not in fact the word for “hate”

-a lady who got excited and started talking to me way above my comprehension level in Japanese when she saw I had been reading the information plaques in a local museum with few problems. I managed to communicate to her that I was an exchange student but honestly I did not catch most of that conversation

-a terrifying phone call where I had to convey to a guy who spoke no English that I had seen his missing cat

[rynxmusic-deactivated20220918]

this tiktok creator has a lot of great and funny stories abt his time in japan but my absolute favorite hsi him detailing a time he was standing outside at night eating spagetti and a very drunk japanese man saw him, stopped in place, held his eyelids fully open and said something to the degree of "me american, me like spaghetti" and then walked off

[theshitneyspears]

ICONS ONLY

[cloudfreed]

oh he was a twink all along

[airfierce-deactivated20201208]

I THOUGHT HE WAS STRAIGHT AND MASC.

[that-twink-over-there]

This is a revelation

[abadbadbrujah]

does he know how many lives he’s saved?

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

night sluts

[dragongirltitties]

they’re called vampires

[a13then]

moon whores

[quinintheclouds]

those are called werewolves

[catchymemes]

[sar-kalu]

yeah this is one of those posts where you read it, scroll down, then go wait shit thats fucking hilarious and scroll back up to reblog

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

actually when I was in 8th grade and obsessed with twilight my master plan as a twilight vampire was to sit around in famous shipwrecks like the super deep ones where they can only send robots with cameras from their submarines and when they sent one down i’d be sitting there, pretending to drink out of an old tea cup you know for the drama of it all and the guys in the submarine would know what they saw and that it was real footage but who else would believe them? no one important.

but it didn’t stop there. at the next party they threw to celebrate one of their latest finds, some museum-y banquet idk I was 13, I was going to show up. I was going to show up and make eye contact with them one at a time from across the room and they were going to lose their goddamn minds and then before the volturi could catch wind i was gonna be back in the ocean. how could they find me?

the drama. the theatrics. i can’t believe i didn’t realize i was gay right then but that’s another story, also involving vampires,

[wuackamole]

hate to burst your fantasy, but

1) vampires don’t show up in film

2) vampires can’t cross moving water much less sit at the bottom of the ocean

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

you’ve got me a in a difficult position here because on the one hand, this post is specifically about vampire lore in Twilight, so you’re wrong, but on the other hand, saying “you clearly didn’t read twilight” doesn’t exactly make you look like the bad guy here

[lipglosse]

[depsidase]

[themoufofthesouth]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[awesome-picz]

Cats That Fell Asleep In The Weirdest Places