I Wish I Had Told You At Least 73% Of These Things

I write shitty poems and occasional short stories when I have time.

[hi-i-write-stories]

“You think he’ll be ok tonight?” He asked, cutting the growing silence. “I think so...” I said slowly. “I think he knows he’s on—“

“On thin ice? Isn’t he kinda drowning already?” He chuckled.

“Aren’t be all?” I sighed to myself.

[daddy-says-im-damaged]

You told me you’d love me for the rest of your life, and I really believed it. I told you I’d love you forever and always, but I really meant it.

(via daddy-says-im-damaged)

[hi-i-write-stories]

A poem for Dave

"How do I numb this pain?" "How the fuck do I escape?" Thoughts rush in my brain, My hand grips the wheel. I'm doing 90 in the rain, There's nothing to lose, And there's nothing to gain. You left your mark on me, It's a permanent stain.

[hi-i-write-stories]

Super old and incomplete oneshot whoops.

I can’t help but check Liam out. He’s across the room and intentionally avoiding eye contact. “I see what you’re doing.” Danielle said laughing. “You’re delusional if you think that after everything, he’ll forgive you.” she finished and strutted away. There was once a time when Danielle and I were close. Hell there was a time when we were all close, and this get-together-party would have actually been fun. Everything ended so fast. Now I’m standing in the corner, wishing I knew where Ed is. He’s the only reason I came. He’s suppose to have my back. He’s the only one here who forgave me for fucking everyone over.

-6 months earlier-

“No. Harry! No.Stop it! It tickles ” I giggled as he placed his mouth on my stomach blew as hard as he could. He lifted his head and brought his face to my lips. His tongue tasted like fresh tooth paste and sweet weed. He pulled away and taste vanished. “This went too far.” he said quietly. I would have assumed he was joking from the fact we were both smiling and laughing 20 seconds ago, but his face was serious and there was a harshness in his eyes I’d never seen before. “Harry? Harry, what’s wrong?” He didn’t answer, he just got up off the floor and started reaching for his keys. “Harry, what’d I do?” I said panicking in confusion. “It’s not fair to Louis or Liam.” he said coldly. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Liam dumped me. I’m not his anymore. I’m single and you’re single so whats the problem?” I said annoyed following him to the door. “Yeah, but he’s one of my best friends.” He said softly. “Fine. Leave. Get out of my house. Go.” I said turning walking back to my bedroom and slamming my door childishly. I can here him sigh frustrated, open the door slowly, pause for a moment and close the door even slower.

“FUCK.” I yell into my pillow. I refuse to be alone tonight. I have to call someone up, some I know who’ll spend the night. “Zayn?” I say softly into my phone. “Hey Ember, whats up?” he said with a slight edge to his voice. “What are you doing tonight, I was thinking we could, I don’t know, get something to eat, watch a movie, play games. Maybe you could spend the night?” I face contorted into a cringe, it sounded way lamer out loud then in my head. He hesitates for a moment, “Uh, I was going to head out to the club with Harry and Liam.” He mumbled. I cringed even harder now. I feel really stupid. Of all people he was going to be with tonight, it had to be Harry and Liam. I paused for a minute, I had to figure out how not make myself look like a loser. “Wait, I thought you hated clubs? Too many people, right? I said trying to keep my excitement concealed. "Yeah.” He confessed after a couple seconds. “Yeah, I really do, but they want me to come out tonight.” His voice still soft. “Yeah, but I know you’d rather be with me.” I fake a flirtatious giggle. “Come on, it’ll be a nice quiet night, just you and me.” I said light-heartedly. I could hear him hesitating again. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll be over there in a bit.” I let out a huge sigh of relief and he hangs up. I don’t know what tonight will have in store. Harry seemed fine until the kiss. I thought I had Harry down to a T, knew what he’d do, how he’d reacted, what’d he say and even how he’d say it. I obviously miscalculated because now I’m spending the night with Zayn.

Knowing I’m not spending the night alone makes me feel better, but not by much. Zayn’s gorgeous, he is, and so is Harry, but they aren’t Liam. I can close my eyes and pretend every touch is still Liam’s hands, but once I open my eyes, I cant keep the lie up. Not that it’s ever that believable. They don’t know me or my body well enough to know what I do and don’t like. Liam’s hands were rough and soft the same time; gentle and confident and they weren’t just hands or lips moving over skin. It’s wasn’t ever just about physical pleasure, it was the emotional pleasure of being reassured of how much they love you.

The sound of Zayn’s foot steps up my porch, pulls me back down to earth. “ZAYN!” I yell with a huge grin, glad to no longer be alone. He’s got a cocky grin when he walks in, I don’t know why he has it, but I like it. He sits down next to me “Why am I here?” he said chuckling slightly. “What do you mean why are you here? I want to hang out, just like old times.” I said innocently. His eyes scanned me for a couple seconds and his grin came back. “That’s bullshit.” He chuckled. “You haven’t called any of us in the past week since you and Liam broke up.” he’s still got a little smirk on his face, but his eyes are serious. “So I have to wonder, what are you up to?” he raised his eyebrows at me. “I’m just trying to move on without shattering all the friendships I’ve made in the past two years. I wasn’t aware you coming over was going to be an interrogation.” I said defensively while trying to stay light hearted.  "It’s not an interrogation. It's curiosity .“

[hi-i-write-stories]

For all the trouble it took to sneak my way in, you’d think the party would be roaring with raw energy, but I’ve seen funeral with more life. I’m not sure what they spiked the punch with, but if I had to guess, I’d have to go with rat poison. “Hey, yo! Green dress, come here.” My eyes are pulled from the most interesting thing in the room, which is unfortunately a large cliche painting on the wall, to two man-boys sprawled on a luxurious leather couch. “Finally, something with a pulse.” I smirk. A chuckle escapes from the lips of the taller of the two. “Are you making fun of my party? You can leave.” The obviously more annoying of the two whines slowly and slurred. “Yeah, I am, in pretty much every way possible, and I would, but I can’t find the door.” I shrug with a smile. “Well,” He stands up shakily, “You can go fu-” He collapses back on the couch mid sentence, eyes closed, completely out of it. “Seriously, what is everyone on? Like, I didn’t know I was interrupting a cult meeting.” I laugh “Yeah, totally, I mean, they’ll never get me to join.” He smiles nervously. “Um, I’m Liam.” He said hesitantly. I raise my eyebrow, “Ramona. So, are you lying about not being on that shit, or are you always this awkward?” I tease. He clears his throat masculine-ly “Me? Awkward? Pfft never.” He grins wide, and there is something infectious about it. It’s so white and.. “So Ramona, that’s your real name?” He asks breaking the brief silence. I shake my head up and down, “No, its not.” I smirk. He rolls his eyes “Lovely.” “So, you gonna stay here? Or we could go to ya know, a real party, with almost fully functioning peeps.” “Umm, I should probably st-” “Great, lets go.” I cut him off, grabbing his hand.

“Um, there’s this cool new club… We could, uh we could probably get into.” I say trying to drain the awkwardness my car is overflowing in. He doesn’t answer. He’s off in his own world. Starring at the passing trees “So, what’s it like being in One Direction?” I ask in a last ditch effort. His eyes meet my glance,“Wait, you know who I am?” He asks baffled. I can’t help but laugh, “Dude, you don’t accidently break into One Direction’s drummer’s party.” He looks stunned and I give an apologetic smile. “Sorry” I squeak. His eyes widen “Oh my god, I’m in a car with a crazy girl.” He says to himself. I cant tell if he’s serious or not. “Um, if it makes you feel better, I’ve been out of the psych ward for a month, I swear I’m fine.” “Holy shit, no. No. No. Pull over. Please pull over.” He yells. “Oh my god, Liam, I’m kidding. I’m not crazy. It was a joke. Calm down.” He shuts his eyes and starts breathing heavily. “Oh fuck.” I say under my breath and pull over. “Liam calm down. Calm down. I’m not crazy.” I look over the whole scene and clench my jaw “Okay, I admit this looks bad. But come on, I didn’t even know you were gonna be there, I just wanted to party, and when I heard Josh was throwing one… I just sorta figured no one would even notice. Ya know.” I sit back in my seat. “You got in this car willingly.” I saying trying to comfort one of us, though I’m not sure who.

I try wait for him to calm down, which takes longer than expected. “Can you stop hyperventilating. You’re making me nervous.” “Oh I’m making you nervous?!” He exclaims, finally speaking. “Liam, the car has been stopped for 10 minutes, do you honestly think I could stop you from leaving?” I say flexing my tiny biceps.

He sits in silence, “You’re the ‘sensible’ one, right? So tell me, why haven’t you run for your life?” I pry gently. “Harry is the charming ladies man, Louis is sass with ass, Zayn is awoll eveyday, Niall is the Irish frat boy, and you, you’re sensible…” “What exactly are you trying to prove here?” He finally snaps. “That there is more to you than that. Come on, who wants to  only be known as sensible at 20 years old?” I ask and bite my bottom lip. 

[hi-i-write-stories]

The truth about it is, my truth may not be the same as yours, and that's ok.

[daddy-says-im-damaged]

He said you’re beautiful, he also said you’re crazy.

my friend telling me his roommate has a crush on me. (via daddy-says-im-damaged)

[hi-i-write-stories]

You make butterflies dance and twirl, especially in the pit of my stomach. You cause everything to shine bright, illuminating the lives you've touched. You inspire the smiles of strangers, and reawakened the writer in my heart.

[hi-i-write-stories]

I don't love you, I love the attention. You don't love me, It's just how you are.

[hi-i-write-stories]

Last night I texted you with tears in my eyes and alcohol in my blood; begging you to come back to me. I would have rather read a response of a curt "fuck off." But I guess any acknowledgment would be too much acknowledgment.

[hi-i-write-stories]

I thought I was just craving intimacy, anywhere I could find it, but it turns out I'm craving you.

[hi-i-write-stories]

Never ever again will I let him hurt me, or play me like a the fool I was. Fuck you, and fuck those 6 months. You'll always have my virginity, but you can't keep my heart.

[hi-i-write-stories]

Sometimes I stop wondering, Other times, I stop to wonder, Do I ever cross your mind anymore? I know it's better if I don't, But I can't fully shake the curiosity.

[hi-i-write-stories]

[hi-i-write-stories]

[hi-i-write-stories]

[hi-i-write-stories]