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[teathattast]

[c3rvida3]

I need to get a shower, but I don't feel like it right now. Everybody email me a single and beautiful drop of water until I am clean.

[email protected]

[c3rvida3]

Hi, please don't email me sex water. I understand it was an accident, but please don't let it happen again. Cannot stress this enough.

[accessible-tumbling]

[image description: an email with the subject line “shower”. The text of the email reads: (three drops of water (💦) emoji) fuck sorry wrong one (single water droplet (💧) emoji). End ID]

[bamsara]

i am not nice, i am actaully very mean inside and i think physcially fighting and tearing until blood is drawn will be more satisfying than any internet discourse will ever be

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

[bamsara]

I am being scritched

[oneefin]

number theory* diagram

[michaelrotonal]

these relationships are always increasing numbers as well. so obviously we need six eleven to mean somethimg

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

imagine if that's the date it finally happens

[forfuckssakejim]

Yeah quiet quitting is great and all but have you tried chaotic working?

Like. I remember back in my grocery store cashier days I did so much crazy shit.

When WIC (Women, infants, and children voucher program to help low income mothers/families with children) people were in my line I would pretty much know who they were. Before the cards they had to tell us upfront they were WIC and show us their vouchers for what they were allowed to get (it was awful some times. Like. 2 gallons of milk. $4 worth of vegetables etc etc). They’d always have items hanging back, waiting to see what the total was and if they would have to take it off the belt.

I began to place the fruits/vegetables a certain way on the register scale so that like 1/2lbs of grapes read as like .28lbs or something. Then act shocked when I said that they still had X amount of lbs left. They got all their fruit and vegetables.

I think it started to kinda? Catch on to the women? Because I would have the same moms in my line month after month. And even after they switched to the cards (they worked like food stamp cards?) I’d still do the same thing. They were able to get more produce for whatever shitty max amount Indiana gave them.

Anyways. Be chaotic. It’s more fun that way.

[bshmatthews]

[06-archive]

[bumblebeebats]

Why is it that every time I google something like "Are olives poisonous to cats" the top results are always like "Fun fact: Cats are carnivores! This means that they eat meat. There is no reason to include olives in a cat's diet. You should feed your cat cat food, which is dry or wet food especially designed for cats. You can purchase this at a store." like is there a single person alive on the planet who's googled "Are blueberry muffins safe for cats" because they're planning on switching their cat to a muffin-only diet??? No, I'm asking because the little bastard somehow popped open the packet while I was putting away the groceries and dragged one under the couch before I could react and now I need to know if I should call the after-hours vet. "Cats should not eat spaghetti." NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!! "Try to keep human food away from cats." i live in a studio apartment with a completely silent and permanently hungry apex predator who has the intelligence of a toddler and the desperate Machiavellian cunning of a creature who spent his formative months on the streets. He can already open doors and he is this 👌 close to learning how to open the microwave. He is stronger than me and covered in knives. So im gonna do my best but for the moment i just need you to tell me whether this yoghurt is going to kill my son y/n

[spectralhauntings]

I've been using the pet poison hotline's poison list cause it has a search function. It also tells you whether something is mildly, moderately, or severely toxic which can be very handy! It doesn't contain like everything but it might be a good place to start, it also includes plants for fellow houseplant lovers <3

Explore Pet Poison Helpline®s vast knowledge on poisons by reviewing our pet poison list. Explore our top 10 poison and holiday poison lists

[littlemousling]

For plants specifically, there’s also a wildly detailed set of posts and listings about toxicity on the old, wonderful, Plants Are the Strangest People blog

[spooksier]

my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military

[spooksier]

[spooksier]

in our defense this is oil

[littleguysdaily]

[itsyveinthesky]

[seabassapologist]

[penismage]

Hello!

Howdy!

I’d like, uh, two normal rolls.

Sure thing!

And one with the… With the pumpkin seeds.

Which do you mean?

The one with the… With the seeds.

What are they called?

Uhm… A, uh, “crunchy pumpky.”

Sure thing. Would you like anything else?

Uhh… I’ll also take a, uh… A… A Nutella donut…?

Unfortunately, I don’t know at all what you mean…

A… One of those right there!

You really must tell me, what’s it called??

I… I’m… I’m a dumb piece of shit.

Sure thing! Anything else?

That one there?

You know what you need to do. [Here she switches from the formal, customer service voice to addressing him casually and familiarly.]

I… I’m a little greedy pig, oink oink?

Do it!

[grunts like a pig]

That comes to €13.50, please! Have a beautiful day!

Hello! I’d like an “I hate my father” and two “I have a small willi—” [The word that gets cut off is Pimmel, an un-sexy term for penis.]

[jabberding0]

Claymation

[tumatawa]

new developments in morioh

[sheherlockholmes]

[hustlerose]

[hustlerose]

[hustlerose]

i have been informed by literally every french speaker on earth that “une pipe” is slang for blowjob

[paintedhen]

imagine you have a favorite character “blorbo” from a show, and in season 2 they introduce a gag character called “glorbo” who cheekily references blorbo. but the majority of fans miss the joke and start associating all the cool things blorbo did with glorbo instead.

now imagine you’re cosplaying mettaton, and you’ve just been called spamton for the second time in the span of one minute

[parkchanwoohoo]

Something about the random direction this conversation took tickled me

[oneheadtoanother]

[calebwittebane]

are we serious