2014 is coming to an end and so far it hasn't gone the way I wanted it to. There has been many ups and equally as many downs. I started the year out strong with Insanity Asylum vol 1 then...just stopped. I got comfortable and just quit watching everything that was shoved into my face. It really wasn't a surprise since prior to Asylum, I had been struggling. I must've thought Asylum was going to be a fix-it program. That I would be able to do it, then be set, similar to how it happened with TurboFire. That's not what happened though. I held onto my 185 for a few months but then summer hit and it just seemed like it kept packing on. I've gained 20 pounds since the beginning of the year and while it's not a big number, those are 20 pound I worked so hard to lose only to have them come back on in the blink of an eye.
See, the thing they don't tell you is, once you're fat, not matter how the weight disappears, you will always have the same number of fat cells as before. When you gain weight, your fat cells split, creating more fat cells but as you lose weight, they only shrink. Liposuction is the only way to eliminate them but who has time for that?
After Asylum, I didn't do anything then PiYo came out and I worked at it for about a week. It's a wonderful program but I didn't get the burn everyone else said they were getting. I was told it had to be my form or that I wasn't pushing hard enough. Ever since I got into fitness, I've always been a stickler for my form because even the slightest wrong move can cause a massive problem. And not pushing myself hard enough? I pushed to the point of muscle failure. It was overall disappointing because I love Chalene and PiYo is wonderful but I didn't get that post-workout pain I crave.
I always had a plan to do something and nothing ever happened. I was too tired, i had a headache, I had homework, I was hot, I was cold--I WAS FULL OF EXCUSES! Back at the end of October-beginning of November, I saw the big 2-0-0 on the scale and broke down in tears. I had decided enough was enough. Back in March, Beachbody had released a great program that taught portion control without counting calories. I bought it when it was released but never opened it other than to flip through the booklet.
Initially, it overwhelmed me but I meal planned so I could buy a week's worth of food without having to constantly going back to the store. I had to think of what went well with what. What wouldn't I get tired of eating constantly, and so on. Week one went really well but I had so many emotional breakdowns I don't know how I made it to be honest. I lost four pounds by the fifth day without working out because I wanted to focus on my nutrition then my fitness. Abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym right? Well, for as good as the first five days went, I broke down that Friday (Halloween). I thought I could handle a treat to myself since I had done so well that week despite my emotional state. Boy... I was wrong. Initially, it was Starbucks Iced Americano. Only 140 calories so I thought it wouldn't kill me to have that. Later that evening, I had my dinner but then I thought, "It's Halloween and one day won't hurt me." Yeah...again, I was wrong. There were two pieces of pie in the fridge, I ate them both. Later I ate some cheese and crackers. It just snowballed me. Sunday, I picked back up where I left off, meal planned, and continued. I joined a challenge group for extra support and decided to start over but added in the fitness.
So, again I started out strong but continued to skip my workouts. Finally, i started working out on Wednesday (supposed to be Monday) and omg I felt it! Poor Layla wanted to go outside after I finished and I nearly fell down the stairs my legs were so jelly. The next day I could barely move and I was in heaven believe it or not! This program gave me the motivation I had been missing all year and I kept at it but then, the weekend hit and again, I fell off the wagon and bounced down the hill. I do laundry at my mom's because my apartment doesn't have washer-dryer hookups. My parents have been eating healthy since my dad decided he does agree with his diabetes diagnoses from five years ago but they do have some snacks in the house. On this particular day, I was looking for something and saw cinnamon graham crackers. I haven't had a cinnamon graham cracker in years--YEARS PEOPLE!--so I ate one...then two...then the whole package was gone.
I felt sick. I hated myself. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I know--I FUCKING KNOW--not to eat this garbage. It's not on the meal plan, it's not good for me, it's just crap. My body is my temple, not my trash can! I constantly tell people not to beat themselves up because it takes time to change. It takes time to accept this as your lifestyle, and sometimes it takes time to realize you're worth it. You're worth so much more than the small amount of comfort you get from junk.
Oreos anyone? It's not just me right?
Despite the wagon taking off without me, I chased after it. I continued to meal plan but still didn't workout. Finally, I threw in the towel. I gave up. They say it takes 21 days to change a habit, which is the general idea behind the 21 Day Fix. Some nay-sayers to the program argue it takes longer than 21 days to make something a habit. While this may be true for some, I think it worked well for me. When I stopped meal planning, I kept thinking about how I needed to portion this out, what container would this fit into, this isn't on the program and I shouldn't eat it.
Since I've been off the meal plan, I've felt awful. Not emotionally, but physically. It's as if my body is finally saying, "Girl, enough is enough." I'm finally listening. I have a plan for the remainder of 2014 and I will make every attempt to stick with it because I know I'm worth it.
Starting December 1, I'm going to start the 21 Day Fix and I will own every workout, every meal, and worship water. If I feel confident enough in controlling myself, I will enjoy Christmas without going crazy. This depends on how well I stick to the program prior to the holiday. Once I've completed that, I'll either do another round of 21 Day Fix or move onto PiYo while still continuing to follow the meal plan from the 21 Day Fix. After that, I'm going to do T25 because, despite having owned that program since it came out, I've never completed it. From there, I hope to do Asylum Vol. 2. We shall see though. I need to break out of this comfort zone I've set myself into. I'm comfortable but I'm not happy. Something needs to change. I won't do this to myself again. Obesity is my fear and it's my power to move on.
blakekathryn
gracieabrams
baratheonpilled
theartofmadeline
titsay
romaincrisis
yousharknotpass
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