Hoi ik ben Niek

25 / Not Straight

[hoiikbenniek]

You’ll never know  if you’re 100% satisfied with something, And I think that is Art. The next one I’ll make better, The next one I will make more toward what I want.

Amber Liu 

[hoiikbenniek]

Love is a terrible burden to put on someone

R. D. Laing

[hoiikbenniek]

I feel like a ticking time bomb.

I am afraid of the future.

    Of my impulsiveness taking control.

    Of my anxiety scaring me to do things,

            I didn’t mean to do.

I am afraid I will never finish

    Anything I start,

           Because every time I will lose the power to keep going.

I am afraid I will fail

     At what I really want,

           Because I set my standards too high.                                                                                And expect of myself,

           What cannot be expected.

I am afraid I will live

       An unfulfilling life and

              I wont become the person

              I want to be,

Because nothing is ever good enough and

I always have to be better

Than what I haven’t even yet become.

 And

I know I am the one

       That sets the standard for my life.

I know I am the one

       Who asks this from myself.

And

I know I can just say,

Not to expect this.

Not to do this.

    But how?

         How do I turn it off?

               Do I even want that?

I don’t know

Any other way to live.

A.H.

[hoiikbenniek]

[quoted-books]

silence has always been my loudest scream.

Amanda Lovelace, The Princess Saves Herself in this One (via quoted-books)

[hoiikbenniek]

In order to think, you have to risk being offensive

Jordan Peterson

[hoiikbenniek]

Oh how I hate these days When suicide makes me smile And being dead feels like A hopeful dream

A.H. (via justannegirl)

[hoiikbenniek]

I write

I write, So I don’t have to listen to what the voices in my mind say. I write, So I can remember how it felt and to know what to do the next time I write, So I can explain to others what goes on, in the hope I find someone who understands.

 I write, So I don’t get lost. Or maybe I write, So I can let myself forget.

 Maybe I write, Just to get some peace.

A.H.

[hoiikbenniek]

Ich weiß nicht mehr

Ich weiß nicht mehr Mein Kopf der spinnt Mein Kopf macht Lärm So geschwindt

  Ich weiß nicht mehr Wohin ich geh Nichts ist klar Alles ist verkehrt

Ich weiß nicht mehr Hab solche angst Ich bin nie ängstlich Doch nun ist mir bang

 Ich weiß nicht mehr Was ich muss sein Mein Kopf der spinnt Und mein Herz Das weint

A.H.

[hoiikbenniek]

I’m too much for one person, I don’t fit inside myself

A.H.

[fy-perspectives]

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.

Khalil Gibran (via wordsnquotes)

[wnq-typography]

Strong Enough…

Read More on wordsnquotes

[hoiikbenniek]

about writing

I turn my feelings into music, I capture my thoughts in words.

A.H.

[hoiikbenniek]

So you want to be a writer? if it doesn’t come bursting out of you in spite of everything, don’t do it. unless it comes unasked out of your heart and your mind and your mouth and your gut, don’t do it. if you have to sit for hours staring at your computer screen or hunched over your typewriter searching for words, don’t do it. if you’re doing it for money or fame, don’t do it. if you’re doing it because you want women in your bed, don’t do it. if you have to sit there and rewrite it again and again, don’t do it. if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it, don’t do it. if you’re trying to write like somebody else, forget about it. if you have to wait for it to roar out of you, then wait patiently. if it never does roar out of you, do something else. if you first have to read it to your wife or your girlfriend or your boyfriend or your parents or to anybody at all, you’re not ready. don’t be like so many writers, don’t be like so many thousands of people who call themselves writers, don’t be dull and boring and pretentious, don’t be consumed with self- love. the libraries of the world have yawned themselves to sleep over your kind. don’t add to that. don’t do it. unless it comes out of your soul like a rocket, unless being still would drive you to madness or suicide or murder, don’t do it. unless the sun inside you is burning your gut, don’t do it. when it is truly time, and if you have been chosen, it will do it by itself and it will keep on doing it until you die or it dies in you. there is no other way. and there never was.

Charles Bukowski

[artsnquotes]

Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.

Cesar A. Cruz (via wordsnquotes)

[wnq-writers]

How sad- the year is always dying when December comes around. I bet it wishes it could be January… just once.

Aubrey C., writing prompt #72, write about December (via wordsnquotes)

[hoiikbenniek]

About Insecutiry and Self-Assurance

// In my eyes self-assurance is something you can choose for and grow in. It is not something you are born with or which you obtain. But simply something that everyone has inside of them, just like everyone has also insecurity inside them.  It is up to you to choose to fight for it. Stop waiting to become self-assured; go chase after it, catch it and never let it go. Be self-assured  //

A.H.