Welcome To The Home Depot

He/Him 🏳️‍⚧️ I’m at Home Depot with my dad

[pissvortex]

Mobster, pointing a gun at my head: Any last words kid

Me: I actually like to use women's deodorant because the stuff for men dries out my skin and smells like harsh chemicals

*BANG*

(3 hours later, at Walmart)

(Mobster holding Dove Advance Care in the deodorant aisle)

Hmm...

[krisonthefrontporchwithabeer]

Completely lost all concepts of joke comprehension for a moment because my instinct was to register this as a new type of kitchencel

[violentoffender]

[cat-skull]

imo the term "walkable" in "walkable cities" should be understood to mean "wheelchair accessible" as well, not just literally "possible to walk in". the act of walking in a city doesn't automatically make it walkable

[eightdoctor]

posts with fake songs i can imagine so perfectly it’s like they were real

[dogpuppy]

[kaijuno]

[evilwizard]

[vaporwavecorp]

3DS found with erosion and barnacles found while diving

[jeffgerstmann]

If someone jerks me off with a puppet it counts as a threesome, right?

read your bible

[marsixm]

thanks!

[3000s]

nothing 2 melatonin gummies and 3 benadryl cant fix

[3000s]

i bet i did

[krshush]

Oh, yeah, I wonder how that map's progressed si--wait MISHA COLLINS?

[sunspotpony]

Tags passing peer review, gonna share.

Anyway, homie is, like all wealthy white dudes, egregiously imperfect, but he’s definitely fucking trying. So in that regard, he’s valuable because he’s reaching audiences that you personally probably wouldn’t be able to reach, and if you find he has specific stuff on topics you need to persuade people on, he’s a valuable avenue.

[woodwool]

imagine if you hired a painter to paint your house and you tell them you want it blue and then you come back to see theyre in the middle of painting your house pink so you go hey stop. thats not what i asked for. and theyre like i just dont want to ruin your lovely house this color suits it so much better trust me. and you go No, i asked for blue give me blue??? and the painter is like alright alright. and then they paint your house purple and when you go this still isnt blue they say i simply cant paint your house blue. this is the compromise. and then you still have to pay them for their work even though you are now going to have to either hire another painter or just figure out how to paint ur own house to get it how you actually wanted. thatd be crazy right. so anyway i prefer to cut my own hair at home

[trainingseasons]

I need a day between every day to recover from the day before

[silvaurum]

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

[silvaurum]

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

[silvaurum]

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

[justsomeguycore]

horror movie showing a child’s drawing of the monster or ghost or whatever but instead of a little kid and crayons they’re like a preteen and it’s manga style

[catasters]

[grootficguy]

i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.