ash

he/him instagram? @batbois_watcha_gonna_do mayonnaise? on an escalator. basically textposts

[homosnapeiens]

dick: hey, you want some leftovers? 
jason: what's that? 
dick: you've never had leftovers??? 
jason: no, because i'm not a quitter.

[homosnapeiens]

kon: i actually have a black belt.
tim: in what, karate?
kon: no, from gucci.

[homosnapeiens]

damian: you kill people for money?!
jason: i can explain!
damian: and all this time i’ve been doing it for free like a chump!

[homosnapeiens]

bruce: two face, my old arch enemy.
joker: ...i thought i was your arch enemy?
bruce: i have a life outside of you, joker.

[homosnapeiens]

damian: i currently have 7 empty notebooks and i have no clue what to draw in them. suggestions?
dick: put spaghetti in it.
damian: i'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.
tim: put spaghetti in it.
damian: i'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.
jason: put spaghetti in it.
damian: i'm no longer taking suggestions.

[homosnapeiens]

*jason is cooking*
dick: any chance that’s for me?
jason: it’s for tim. i’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and i need him on my side.
damian: i never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

[homosnapeiens]

jason: on a scale from “damn daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling? 
tim: in between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat captain america”, but as a solid answer i would say “i don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. how about you, damian? 
damian: probably “road work ahead”. 
dick: i speak many languages, and this is none of them.

[homosnapeiens]

jason: can i be frank with you guys?
damian: sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.
tim: can i still be tim?
dick: shh, let frank speak.

[homosnapeiens]

damian: *banging on tim’s door* tim! open up!
tim: well, it all started when i was a kid...
jason: no, he meant-
dick: let him finish.

[homosnapeiens]

jason: god, give me patience. 
damian: i think you mean 'give me strength'. 
jason: if god gave me strength, you'd be dead.

[homosnapeiens]

jason: if there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until i get back.
damian: of course. i can't flip this table by myself.

[homosnapeiens]

steph: poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. 
damian: this knife is actually a magic wand. 
tim: meet me in the denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel. 
jason: *cocks gun* magic missile. 
dick: what the fuck is wrong with you people.

[homosnapeiens]

dick, trying to convince jason to join the group: you know...i thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong!
damian: and loud!
tim: and grumpy!
steph: and oblivious to reality!
jason:

[homosnapeiens]

tim: why do people have quiet and respectful funerals? when i die i want my ashes mixes with glitter and pecked tightly in a coffin. and then they blow up the coffin and blast ‘thanks for the memories’ by fall out boy as the glitter rains down. dick: jesus god almighty

[homosnapeiens]

tim: anakin skywalker does not use jedi mindtricks. not once in the films. do you think that’s a coincidence? not on your life buddy. anakin skywalker does not have it in him to overrule another beings free will.

jason: he murders a bunch of children with a laser sword.

[homosnapeiens]

jason: where is your report card?

damian: my friends stole it from me at school.

jason: do you think i’m stupid enough to believe that lie?

damian: what lie?

jason: that you have friends.

[homosnapeiens]

bruce: *sighs* jason, we tried things your way.

jason: no, we didn't?

bruce: i did it in my head and it didn't work.