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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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d e v o n
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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tumblr dot com
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official daine visual archive
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🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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Origami Around
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@honesthypocrite
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look at the republican calendar and see which animal/plant/item is associated with your birthday ok. if you're born january 14 you get the day of the cat
solidarity for everyone who was born on the day of the cistern or the watering can or something like that
Asphalt? 😓
I'm a Caroline Shaw album.
everyone i've talked to about this has been completely unaware so: if you didn't know already, there's going to be a solar eclipse, with totality or coverage of 90% or more in some places, over a lot of europe, on august 12th 2026. in the uk it will start just after 6pm, and the maximum will be at 7:13pm.
here is a map of the path of the eclipse (from timeanddate)
get eclipse glasses if you want to look at it. it is not safe to look at through sunglasses. ok informative post over o7
mostly missing me but i know a bunch of folks that are right in the path 🥰 enjoy it for me, my lovelies!
How do you preserve the food from your garden so it doesn't go bad before you can eat it?
You are wildly underestimating my ability to go fucking feral about fresh produce. I don't think I even brought snap peas into the house last year. Just ate them right off the vine.
Though I did end up freezing the strawberries/blue berries as they ripened, but even those were consumed within the week.
The only tough one was the potatoes, but that was resolved by just foisting potatoes on everyone I knew. Much more welcome than Zucchinis.
Oh this is why every gardening person I know keeps trying to give me the food they grow
That, and we love you. Homegrown produce is a love language.
Unless it's zucchini. Then it's a cry for help.
Tomato (June) - I think highly of you; treasured friend
Tomato (September) - you are a warm body that is nearby
Fresh new asparagus - romantic love
Artichoke - fondness
New rhubarb with leaves removed - flirtatious potential
Rhubarb with leaves left on - the bloom is gone
Swiss chard - I have made mistakes
Perpetual spinach - declaration of animosity between our houses
White-fleshed potato - you are a neighbor
Blue or red fleshed potato - as above, but with overtones of camaraderie/affection
Kale - you are a person who was nearby when I had kale
Raspberries - you are a person I admire
Strawberries - you are a treasure
Onion - I am confused
Young French beans or young peas - I thought of you especially
Runner beans - mild criticism; familial ties; gift from parent to child
Pumpkins - overt romantic, sexual or childhood-bestie interest; highest declaration of loyalty
Prettily coloured popping corn, I.e. glass gem - let this seal the breach between our houses
Zucchini/courgette - cry for help, resignation
Novelty pumpkins - marriage proposal
Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Final Round
Senshi (Dungeon Meshi)
Ryland Grace (Project Hail Mary)
Mr. Ant Tenna (Deltarune)
Tenna art by @9Aaaalt29 on twt
i mean.......you know my vote ;)
yet another reason to vote senshi: his english voice actor is a valued tumblr citizen!!!!!!!!
Does…
Does he know about this? Should I be scared?
that IS his voice actor
goddamn the Et Al family are some smart motherfuckers
And we would be able to implement their great ideas if only TBD that is doing all the jobs in this org chart would work harder.
y'all ever reach the end of google
I'm starting to gain insight into why people turn into conspiracy theorists. Some topics are so totally neglected that it looks like they were intentionally and maliciously erased, instead of falling victim to arbitrary lack of interest.
I think it's a vicious cycle; when people don't know something exists, they're not curious about it. Also, people use conceptual categories to think about things, and when a topic falls between or outside of conceptual categories, it can end up totally omitted from our awareness even though it very much exists and is important.
This post is about native bamboo in the United States and the fact that miles-wide tracts of the American Southeast used to be covered in bamboo forests
@icannotgetoverbirds It already is a maddening, bizarre research hole that I have been down for the past few weeks.
Basically, I learned that we have native bamboo, that it once formed an ecosystem called the canebrake that is now critically endangered. The Southeastern USA used to be full of these bamboo thickets that could stretch for miles, but now the bamboo only exists in isolated patches
And THEN.
I realized that there is a little fragment of a canebrake literally in my neighborhood.
HI I AM NOW OBSESSED WITH THIS.
I did not realize the significance until I showed a picture to the ecologist where i work and his reaction was "Whoa! That is BIG."
Apparently extant stands of river cane are mostly just...little sparse thickety patches in forest undergrowth. This patch is about a quarter acre monotypic stand, and about ten years old.
I dive down the Research Hole(tm). Everything new I learn is wilder. Giant river cane mainly reproduces asexually. It only flowers every few decades and the entire clonal colony often dies after it flowers. Seeds often aren't viable.
It's barely been studied enough to determine its ecological significance, but there are five butterfly species and SEVEN moth species dependent on river cane. Many of these should probably be listed as endangered but there's not enough research
There's a species of CRITICALLY ENDANGERED PITCHER PLANT found in canebrakes that only still remains in TWO SPECIFIC COUNTIES IN ALABAMA
Some gardening websites list its height as "over 6 feet" "Over 10 feet" There are living stands that are 30+ feet tall, historical records of it being over 40 feet tall or taller. COLONIAL WRITINGS TALK ABOUT CANES "AS THICK AS A MAN'S THIGH."
The interval between flowering is anyone's guess, and WHY it happens when it does is also anyone's guess. Some say 40-50 years, but there are records of it blooming in as little time as 3-15 years.
It is a miracle plant for filtering pollution. It absorbs 99% of groundwater nitrate contaminants. NINETY NINE PERCENT. It is also so ridiculously useful that it was a staple of Native American material culture everywhere it grew. Baskets! Fishing poles! Beds! Flutes! Mats! Blowguns! Arrows! You name it! You can even eat the young shoots and the seeds.
I took these pictures myself. This stuff in the bottom photo is ten feet tall if it's an inch.
Arundinaria itself is not currently listed as endangered, but I'm growing more and more convinced that it should be. The reports of seeds being usually unviable could suggest very low genetic diversity. You see, it grows in clonal colonies; every cane you see in that photo is probably a clone. The Southern Illinois University research project on it identified 140 individual sites in the surrounding region where it grows.
The question is, are those sites clonal colonies? If so, that's 140 individual PLANTS.
Also, the consistent low estimates of the size Arundinaria gigantea attains (6 feet?? really??) suggests that colonies either aren't living long enough to reach mature size or aren't healthy enough to grow as big as they are supposed to. I doubt we have any clue whatsoever about how its flowers are pollinated. We need to do some research IMMEDIATELY about how much genetic diversity remains in existing populations.
@motherfucking-dragons
it's called the Alabama Canebrake Pitcher Plant and there are, in total, 11 known sites where it still grows.
in general i'm feral over the carnivorous plant variety of the Southeastern USA. we have SO many super-rare carnivorous plants!!!
Protect the wetlands. Protect the canebrakes because the canebrakes protect the wetlands.
Many years ago I did some (non-academic) research on native canes in the USA because I thought I remembered seeing a bamboo-like something in the wild that I'd been told was native, and I thought it might make a nice landscaping accent. But the sources I found said something like "unlike Asian bamboos, the American equivilant barely reaches the height of a man", and I went "nah, that is exactly the wrong height for anything." But if it gets 10 feet and up, I think there are a lot of people who would be VERY happy to use it as a sight barrier in public and private landscaping, and if it means putting in a bit of a wetland/rain garden, all the better. The lack of a good native equivelant to bamboo is something I have heard numerous people bemoan. Obviously it's very important to protect wild sites and expand those, but if it'd be helpful, I bet it wouldn't be hard to convince landscapers to start new patches too.
For instance, a lot of housing developments, malls, etc. seem to set aside a percentage of their land for semi-wild artificial wetlands (drainage maybe?) planted with natives, and then block the messy view with walls of arbovitae or clump bamboo from asia - perhaps it would be a better option there?
Good Lord. Arundinaria isn't just a better option, it's perfect.
I was in the canebrake near my house again this morning, and river cane is extraordinarily good at completely blocking the view of anything beyond it. It is bushier and leafier than Asian bamboos, and birds like to build nests in it. It would make a fantastic privacy barrier.
The cane near my house is around 10-12 feet tall. This species can reach 30 feet or more, but I think it needs ideal conditions or to be part of a large colony with a robust system of rhizomes or something.
It grows slowly compared to Asian bamboos, and seems to need some shade to establish, so it would take time to become a good barrier, but no worse than those stupid arborvitae.
plants like this were often intentionally cultivated in planter boxes as a form of water filtration and civil engineering by a bunch of indigenous nations.
There's a reason why Native Americans cultivated canebrakes.
Well, several reasons. As y'all may know, bamboo is stronger than any wood, and therefore it makes a fantastic building material.
The Cherokee used, and still use, river cane to make fishing poles, fish traps, arrows, frames for structures, musical instruments, mats, pipes, and absolutely gorgeous double-woven baskets that can even hold water.
This stuff is, no joke, a viable alternative to plastic for a lot of things. The seeds and shoots are also edible.
Uh I know this is out of left field but I work in plant cloning - it's a lot easier than you'd think to do for plants and it's honestly a really important conservation tool, and good for making a TON of seedlings in a short amount of time. I can look into this genus for like, cloning viability?
I know about reproducing plants from cuttings, rhizome cuttings have proven doable with this species.
Hi y'all, reblogging the Canebrake Post again. It's been over a year since I fell in love with the coolest plant ever. I'm trying to bring it back but I am very small so if any of y'all have a Canebrake nearby you might wanna talk to the owners and contact some local parks and nature preserves yeah?
A lot of people are asking how to distinguish Rivercane from invasive bamboo species. This link should help you!
Here's some distinguishing traits I've observed myself:
River cane has a really full, bushy, leafy look that makes it really hard to recognize as bamboo from a distance, because the stems are harder to see. The shape of the individual cane with its branches and leaves is narrow, because the branches spread out very little, but the foliage is DENSE. It's like a plume.
River cane is stronger, denser and heavier than invasive bamboos I've seen.
River cane stems are always green all the way around, no yellow (unless the plant's been dead for a good long time)
River cane stems feel smooth like plastic to the touch. The common invasive bamboo I've seen here, when you run your hand upwards along it, the stem feels awful like sandpaper.
The biggest way to distinguish them: River cane grows 6-4 feet tall when it's in little patches, and up to 10-12 feet when it's in a large size patch (like, the size of a backyard) It is known to reach up to 15 feet tall nowadays and historical records claim heights of 30 feet or more in fertile river valleys. I really want to stress that it's RARE for it to get big. A canebrake will almost always be many times wider than it is tall (sometimes they grow in very long strips along fence rows)
The best time to look for it is in winter before things leaf out, because it's evergreen and grows in dense masses, making it easy to spot.
Some more cool stuff i've found out—River cane was a common food of bison! Earliest European settlers reported canebrakes so big that "100 bison could graze on a single canebrake." Apparently it used to make extremely high quality forage for livestock, before it was mostly destroyed.
European settlers apparently set their pigs loose in the canebrakes purposefully to destroy them, because the pigs would root up the nutritious rhizomes and kill the plant. Thinking of the relationship between Bison and Canebrakes, and the relationship between Eastern Native Americans and Canebrakes, and the relationship between Plains Native Americans and Bison...it seems like a pattern, huh?
In the case of both bison and canebrakes, they were a fundamental part of their ecosystem, and fundamental part of the indigenous cultures that used them for every material, their musical instruments, their homes, their most advanced arts, and even food (Rivercane shoots are edible just like other bamboo, and supposedly the seeds are edible too!) but European settlers purposefully destroyed the species almost completely. I can't help but wonder if there was a similar motivation.
Books that talk about Rivercane:
Weaving New Worlds: Southeastern Cherokee Women and Their Basketry by Sarah H. Hill talks about rivercane a LOT and gives tons of details of its uses and history.
Saving the Wild South: The Fight for Native Plants on the Brink of Extinction by Georgann Eubanks has a whole chapter about Rivercane.
Venerable Trees: History, Biology and Conservation in the Bluegrass is a book about Kentucky, but it talks about rivercane's importance including its relationship with bison. It's only a couple pages out of the whole book but it's still great information.
By the way, though, if you read any very early European account of Kentucky, the word "cane" is everywhere. It's just such a nondescript word it's hard to realize its significance.
On a more personal note...god, I love this plant. Here's another photo I took. When you're in the canebrake, it feels so cut off from the rest of the world; it's shaded, quiet, cool, and someone 10 yards away couldn't even see you.
i actually talked to my neighbor that I learned owns the canebrake. She had no idea what it was but she was excited to learn about it! It was a lovely conversation.
Apparently, she knew I had been down there a bunch of times and thought nothing of it. She said "Yeah I told my husband, If you see her down there, just leave her alone she's doing her thing." In the most sincere way possible, God bless this woman
She said I could transplant all I wanted, too. This was great! ...but I quickly learned how RIDICULOUSLY HARD it is to transplant from a canebrake of this size. The rhizomes are so big and tough, a shovel can hardly get through them, and unless you're at the edge of the canebrake, there's a thick mat of them going every which way. I was driving my whole weight down on this shovel and it kept just denting the rhizome and glancing off.
I did get some transplants but each one took like half an hour because I was fighting for my life!
Also, with a canebrake this size, it doesn't grow little canes that will later become bigger—it shoots up tall canes in a single season. The youngest canes, more accessible and toward the edge of the canebrake, were significantly taller than I was. I cut the top off of one transplant for ease of handling—I had a pair of hand pruners with me that were usually perfectly useful for small limbs, but I could barely get these things through the cane, it's just so strong and dense.
Someone research the material properties of this stuff ASAP. It's insanely strong.
Hi everyone, it's the river cane post again!
Here is some YouTube videos that talk about river cane!
Roger Cain of Keetoowah/Western Band Cherokee shows and talks about Rivercane. This video has a BIG canebrake, the mature canes look as if they could be 15ft tall, but he says it's only a fragment of what they used to be!
Stan the River Man visits a Canebrake in Northern Kentucky. This channel only has 22 subscribers, I feel like I've discovered a rare and priceless treasure
River Cane Renaissance, Episode 1. This guy has devoted a large part of his life to studying Rivercane and now works with the eastern band Cherokee to try and bring it back.
Chattooga river conservancy video on Rivercane, haven't watched the whole thing myself but it looks really good and detailed
These videos barely have any views or comments, but y'all can help! We can spread the knowledge.
Hi everyone.
This is exactly what you think it is.
So i'm in contact with a couple of plant nurseries.
Visiting some of my baby canes in the site where they were planted! They're looking good!
Big things are happening.
For privacy reasons, I share details online of my real world activities only reluctantly, and not very often. But don't be bamboozled into thinking I have forgotten the Canebrakes. It's exactly the opposite.
I have done a lot of networking and made a lot of contacts. I am not alone. There are other people with a story exactly like mine: first, they heard an offhanded mention of forests of American bamboo, which shattered everything they thought they knew about their environment. Next, they became crazed with fascination, searching for knowledge with insane ferocity. Then, they realized that river cane is not only a plant, it is a keystone species symbiotic with indigenous cultures for thousands of years, and it was almost destroyed due to the subjugation of its habitat and the genocide of its caretakers.
The canebrakes' devotees have been working tirelessly to compile every single scrap of information on canebrakes that exists in writing. Every record, every primary source, every historical mention, every comment and conjecture. I have been given access to some of this priceless treasure trove. The wealth of information is amazing, but even more amazing is how much is still unknown.
The history, properties, and ecological importance of the canebrakes is so much more than I imagined.
For example, the massive amounts of seeds produced by huge canebrakes in flowering events fed the passenger pigeon flocks. Likewise the Carolina parakeet was also dependent on canebrakes, and the extinct Bachman's warbler was a canebrake specialist. The destruction of canebrakes could be responsible for why these birds went extinct.
Canebrakes were absolutely fundamental to the indigenous peoples of the Southeast, providing for their every need. Food, shelter, containers, tools, music and art. The settlers foolishly thought the indigenous peoples were not "advanced" enough for metal tools, but in truth, they already had a material superior to metal. River cane by weight is stronger than steel. You can make knives and blades out of it.
I am excited for the future. It seems like momentum is building to save the river cane and bring back the canebrakes, and I am hoping to join together with all the other like-minded people to accomplish this task.
A new organization has just started in Alabama to bring back the river cane. Here is a blog post to read from a few months ago.
Was gonna go in the notes for this but screw it, I've reblogged this before because river cane is so cool Nashville is actually reintroducing it at a couple of parks within the city limits! For example, Shelby Bottoms (where I ride bikes most days) has a bunch of smaller canebrakes dispersed along the river and they seem to be growing steadily Also, Dr. Jon Evans, a professor at Sewanee, recently published a paper demonstrating that there are clonal stands of hill cane there that are around 1700 years old! Still a little inconclusive regarding the flowering/reproduction issue but still! I want to see that too if I can Makes me sad every time I go to the greenways in Knoxville and am like "man you could be introducing so much river cane here, it's great"
1700 years old???
Holy shit okay i looked it up and HOLY SHIT. Published 2 months ago.
1700 years old.
And it says A. appalachiana, (the Appalachian species of native rivercane), has actually NEVER been observed to flower, which means ???? i dont even know what the fuck that means.
THIRTY hectares. THIRTY. That's HUGE.
Does this mean that???? Most canebrakes are so small now because they're babies????
EVERYTHING I LEARN JUST MAKES IT MORE INSANE.
i have a suggestion
Hilariously, this is how I found out he died. I went and searched when I saw this.
Truly we are tumblr “kids”.
Shipmates! Until now, I have refrained from posting anything about my land-based job on this blog, but I’ve just curated a maritime music playlist using the collections of Smithsonian Folkways (the music label/recorded sound archives of the Smithsonian Institution). The result is two hours of sea shanties, shipwreck ballads, and other boat-related music from around the English-speaking world. I hope you enjoy!
Cover illustration by Darryl Norsen.
Cold and snow with church bells for those who are getting another hot day
Follow the money behind America's data center boom. Track 2,300+ projects, PAC spending, and the politicians who sign off on it.
Reasons for hope: Lots of amazing people did a ton of work to make this fantastic, fully interactive resource available - because no matter how bleak things seem, there are millions, and millions of people doing everything they can to protect both the world and their own communities.
You can use this to view and subscribe to updates, project statuses, and for at least some of them even whole dossiers. This is an amazing resource, I highly recommend checking it out
My Shakespeare students (they are 12) wanted to summarize the lessons they learned this semester. If. Um. Anybody would like to see.
I cannot emphasize enough that they made these with very little input from me.
Henry the Fifth
- ALWAYS encourage others to do their best.
- NEVER talk about people behind their back.
Antony and Cleopatra
- ALWAYS check your produce for pests. [They liked this one so much made a rap about it.]
- NEVER count your chickens before they hatch.
Hamlet
- ALWAYS act decisively
- NEVER tell your girlfriend to go to a convent and become a nun [Oh boy they REALLY liked this one]
Romeo and Juliet
- ALWAYS collect all the important information before making an important decision
- NEVER bite your thumb at us, sir. [They enacted this scene in the original language a lot, except they swapped every “sir” for “bro.”]
The Merchant of Venice
- ALWAYS pay your debts.
- NEVER judge based on appearances, because “all that glisters is not gold.”
The Tempest
- ALWAYS try to forgive others.
- NEVER be a colonizer. [Yes, a middle schooler said this]
Midsummer Night’s Dream
- ALWAYS stay on forest trails
- NEVER fall in love with an ass. [They were excited about this one for obvious reasons.]
Twelfth Night
- ALWAYS stay in touch with those important to us
- NEVER read other people’s mail
Macbeth
- ALWAYS wash your hands. [One of the girls performed Lady Macbeth’s entire Out Damn Spot monologue at the end of the semester]
- NEVER succumb to peer pressure.
Abraham. Do you bite your thumb at us, bro? Sampson. I do bite my thumb, bro. Abraham. Do you bite your thumb at us, bro? Sampson. [Aside to GREGORY] Is the law of our side, if I say ay? Gregory. No. Sampson. No, bro, I do not bite my thumb at you, bro, but I bite my thumb, bro. Gregory. Do you quarrel, bro? Abraham. Quarrel bro! no, bro. Sampson. If you do, bro, I am for you: I serve as good a man as you. Abraham. No better. Sampson. Well, bro. Gregory. Say 'better:' here comes one of my master's kinsmen. Sampson. Yes, better, bro. Abraham. You lie. Sampson. Draw, if you be men. Gregory, remember thy swashing blow.
There were a few variations of this but my favorites were “you tryna’ go, bro?” [do you quarrel, sir?] and “is the law on our side if I say sh’ya?”
I love all of this for so many reasons.
if i were to visit a world with four-dimensional geometry and look up at the night sky there, i might ask my travel guide, "where are the stars?"
"Can you not see them?"
I would use the rotator mechanism provided to me and see the occasional speck of light blink into and out of existence as I spun. "Only briefly, when I spin," I would say.
"I see," my travel guide will say, "the volume occupied by your eyes is too thin to intersect any stars unless you're aimed perfectly."
My travel guide knows I am an astronomer and am disappointed by this, and so sets to work configuring a planetarium program on a projector. This will allow me to see the surface of the hyperspherical night sky projected to a 'flat' three dimensional display.
It is still difficult for me to wrap my head around double rotation. My travel guide assures me it'll come in time. Easy for her to say--she's understood double rotation intrinsically since she was a child!
The four dimensional hyperspherical planet double-rotates of course. I stand little chance of understanding four-dimensional astronomy without understanding double rotation.
The four dimensional people are no more intelligent or technologically advanced than we are, in fact if anything they seem to be about a decade behind in computer technology (well, sort of.) Their transistors are many decades behind ours, but you can fit a lot more transistors in a given footprint than you can in three-dimensional space.
But I wonder what may become possible in 20 or 30 years, with humans and 4D-people collaborating. I tell my travel guide about my ideas.
"On Earth we have virtual reality headsets, but there's also some research into brain-computer interfaces. Imagine if we could bypass my eyes altogether and plug one of your cameras into my visual cortex!"
"I'm not sure that would work," she says.
"Brains can adapt to all sorts of visual stimuli. I'm fundamentally limited to viewing only a three-dimensional slice of your world projected into a two dimensional plane, so long as I am using just my eyes. But maybe if the data coming into my mind was three-dimensional instead of two-dimensional, I would be able to train my brain to interpret it."
My guide shifts something in her face. Reading an alien's facial expressions is hard enough even when you can see their entire face at once, let alone when you can't. But I think it's something like a smile.
"And what if it worked? How would you handle being flattened back into your own world?" she says.
This gives me pause. "Perhaps I could find other ways to fill up the extra dimension. Like, maybe I could plot the last ten seconds of visual input on the W axis. Or I could use it as a volumetric display for a 3D video-game, and see an entire game world all at once."
"Computer games render only the surfaces of objects, don't they? When I look at your world I see the interior in its entirety," says my travel guide. I feel a weird sensation in my stomach, and realize that she has again poked me on my inside.
"Maybe I could just stay in the fourth dimension forever," I say.
Later, it's morning (due to double rotation the length of day time is never constant) and I am sketching something in my sketchbook--plans for a device that might aid visitors like myself in interpreting 4-dimensional geometry, if only slightly. It's a kind of periscope to be worn on one eye or the other, shifting depth perception out to be in the axis perpindicular to my visual volume.
When my travel guide wakes up, I show her the drawing, but she can't understand it. That makes sense--I wouldn't be able to understand a flatlander's drawing after all. So I describe the device to her.
She creates a drawing, and places it upon the projector. It looks more or less like what I had in mind.
"We tried that once," my guide says. "If we go to the office we might be able to find the exact device we used. The test subject couldn't really make sense of it, but we haven't tried it on a human who has spent as much time in our world as you have."
Over the next few days I acclimate to the periscope (and the strange pressure in my head from the four-dimensional bulk of the helmet trying to pull my skull out of my volume.)
At first it was just confusing. I no longer had binocular depth perception. Though I didn't absolutely need it--binocular vision is not the only means of depth perception available to my brain. But the overlaid images kinda 'z-fighted' if you like, like when you cross your eyes on two different colors.
Eventually, with the help of my guide, I became able to sense depth again, but I was disappointed to find that it didn't really give me any real insights on four-dimensional geometry. It was still fundamentally just a pair of 2D projections of 3D slices of 4D space.
I adapted much more quickly to normal vision when I finally removed the helmet.
This world is so fantastical I just wish I could understand it better. I wish I had more time here. Only three weeks remain in my stay here before I have to be reprojected, and I still can't wrap my head around double-rotation!
Movement nudge!
Credit: keepingitfitbyk
I don't need the chatgpt random algorithm to write emails for me because I already have a custom and 100% flawless algorithm called "writing the exact same three emails with the names changed"
#1: "hi [landlord], hope you're doing well! [apartment thing] is [broken/a problem]. we need it [fixed/replaced/handled] by [date]. let us know when you'll send someone over so we can be here to let them in. thanks so much, [op]"
#2: "hi [professor], hope you're doing well! unfortunately, I'm [sick/stuck at work/dead] and won't be able to submit [assignment] by [due date]. could I please have an extension? if not, is there anything else I could do to make up this credit? thanks so much, [op]"
#3: "hi [customer service person], hope you're doing well! unfortunately, [product] [didn't arrive/is broken/wrong color/gave me a rash/poisoned my crops] and I'd like to receive a [refund/replacement]. here is the documentation of the order and photos of [broken thing/wrong thing/my rash/dead crops]. thanks so much, [op]"
"but op I work in an office I have to write way more emails than you" well that's your fault for working in an office i got nothing to do with that
Writing an email is so easy and I will tell you how it's done. This is the advice is for everyone with an email job, but you can apply it to normal human interaction.
The FIRST SENTENCE is the thing you want the recipient to do. Do not make them guess.
I want to let you know about ... (This email is to inform someone of something not to ask them to do anything)
Could you please do ... (This is a request. You want them to do something).
I'm looking into x and wondering if you can help me (this is also a request but for information instead of an action).
People do not want to read an email and even if they do read it, most people are skimming and not interested. Tell them what you want first, then provide context or other information (when you need a thing is often key). If the email is informational, you can even add "you don't need to do anything, this is just to keep you informed!" People will appreciate not having to figure out what you want from them.
If you can't articulate what you want the recipient to do with the message, you are not ready to email them. I read too many emails where I have no idea what the person wants from me.
Put the most important thing first and everyone will be impressed! AI cannot do this for you because it can't tell what's important! Only you know that, which is why you must write your own emails.
to everyone who wants help with emails: go through the notes of this post. there are ideas I've never thought of and plenty of scripts for all kinds of situations/jobs
I made a thing based on a wish by @jmtorres. It's a basic PHP page that pulls a random Trek episode from a semicolon separated file. No database involved. I hand-coded the whole thing myself (the list itself was pulled from here).
The idea is to replicate the feeling when you are flipping channels and stumble on a random Trek episode. Now, mind you, some of these shows are streaming-only and have never been experienced this way, but now you can!
You can even select which show you want to pull an episode from.
I think this is as about as complex as I'm going to make it, because anything more complex will probably involve a database (not that I don't love databases).
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He—wait. Why dost the Lord hath clippers.
The Lord sheareth me.
“Jesus Shaves”