Melatonin Makes Me Dream @hookedonfawniks - Tumblr Blog

You ever just sit in your car or room because you don’t want to talk someone? Me too.

#okay to reblog #relatable #borderline personality disorder #bpd problems #bpd #bpd tag #actually bpd

I know to take things 15 minutes at a time and do small steps you have full control over but these first 15 minutes are the worst imo. Least I can acknowledge it tho so that’s a plus?

#memes #relatable #actually bpd #bpd problems #depressing tumblr #borderline personality disorder #my life #why am i like this #why do i do this to myself #mental illness blogging #self post #self fulfilling prophecy

Y’all ever pretend to be asleep when someone comes? Then once they leave you ask yourself why you did that?

#self post #why am i like this #fake friends #such is life #lol #relatable

Welp my plans went to shit, mindfulness didn’t work and DBT helped me realize I’m having a moment. Not sure what the trigger was though.

#it be like that sometimes #it be ya own brain #mental illness #mental health #mental illness blogging #bpd tag #borderline personality disorder #bpd problems #bpd #self post #why do i do this to myself #why am i like this #cant I just be normal

One of the worst feelings in the world is meeting someone online and they’re absolutely beautiful. Things go well then they ask for a photo of me and i hesitate because I’m not even close to to being as attractive as them so excuses are made. Eventually though a photo is sent and all of a sudden that awesome person that was talking to suddenly becomes distant. Anyone else experience that feeling online? It’s a real gut punch.

#self #blog #repost #reblog #relationship #okay to reblog #relatable #not pretty #ugly #internet #bpd #actuallyborderline #actuallybpd

You need a Girlfriend

*this is how I imagine the conversation going if a friend brought it up*

Friend: We need to get you a girlfriend, you’re 27 and you haven’t dated in over 5 years.

Me: Nah man, I’m good.

Friend: Oh come on, you know there is someone out there for you. There is someone for everyone, you just gotta look.

Me: Look dude. I. Am. Not. Interested.

Friend: Bu-

Me: Shut up and listen. I don’t want to date, I don’t want to get married, I don’t want kids. I enjoy being alone, I’ve also come to terms that it is the best thing for me. No deserves to have to put up with any of the crap I push out.

Friend: What do you mean?

Me: Oh don’t play dumb we both know how I am. I burn hot and fast in a relationship, I’ll put her up on a pedestal and I’ll be the happiest person for the first two weeks. But on that third week I start to question why I’m not the getting the same treatment back. So I’ll start looking for things.

I’ll start questioning why do I deserve to be so happy in the first place, why is she with me in the first place? What is she trying to get from me? What’s the secret motive? Is it pity? Who is she tying to make jealous? Was it a dare? Am I just a project to fix? What the fuck is it?

Those thoughts will race around my brain and I’ll start doing something to sabotage the relationship just to prove to myself that I was right. Let’s not also mention the fact that I’m in therapy for BPD and I’ve had vacations in the pysch ward. Let’s also stack on the flirtations with suicide and willingness to self harm despite full on knowing the consequences.

It just wouldn’t be fair to anyone to be in a relationship with me. I have too much going on inside my head and I know I wouldn’t put my best foot forward. There are way better people out there and one of the scariest things about me is that I’m not sure that I really want to change.

Friend: Alright fine, I’ll never bring this up again.