I put a helmet on a helmet and got carried away @howcantyou - Tumblr Blog

get you a man who can do both

one of my patients came in for an emergency visit, because she snapped the wire on her retainer watching the movie when MBJ took his shirt off she clenched her teeth so fucking hard she snapped it. that is the fucking funniest shit ever to me this tiny 17 year old girl thirsting so goddamn hard she busted steel

crystalitesummerstar

Y'all, it gets better. She found out.

roselalonde

whenever my girlfriend has to go do something while we’re on call she puts a stuffed animal on camera so i don’t get lonely

murdershegoat

i’d like to draw everyone’s attention to this portrait of a dog that’s in bella swans bedroom

kvitoya-deactivated20210415

i’d like to remind everyone that this dog portrait also appears in the music video for chandelier

twilightisgaynow

merelala

devilishdescent

with his flesh abroad, he wakes. on its return, he slumbers again.

devilishdescent

the pain of departure pulls him from his dreams, his nightmares, his vast and unspeakable visions of beyond. god bless the back of the beast, for it is all that keeps us from his terrible awareness.

galacticpasta

this is post is definitely part of something far darker than we will ever be able to comprehend

elmify

I discovered a nice little coffee shop near my apartment, and instead of thinking “this is very convenient,” my first thought was my life’s coffee shop au is about to begin

elmify

Update: I was at the aforementioned coffee shop and this guy sat down next to me near the window. A pretty barista came over with his drink, and she said to him: “This isn’t right. You’re supposed to sit at the counter! You’re supposed to tell me stories!” And the guy laughed, and they both looked at the counter (where all the spots were taken) and he was like, “We could kick someone out.” And she was like, “I would do that! Which one?” And they joked around a bit more, and then she went back to the behind the counter, and as soon as someone vacated their spot he moved all his stuff over to the counter, and I realized, this is not my coffee shop au. I am in their coffee shop au.

whitepeopletwitter

aximili

op i wish only the most wonderful things in your life.

lookatthesefuckingbirds

hellenhighwater

Okay, vaguely related, but a friend of mine was once taking some snowy owls to canada to be released--they’d been injured while in the states, taken to the avian rehab facility where he worked, and were healthy again. But at that time of year, most snowy owls had migrated back north to canada. So he drove to the border with three crates of screamingly angry snowy owls in back. He got to the border, declared his cargo, and immediately found himself in Big Trouble With Canadian Border Security.

(There was nothing wrong with what he’d been doing, it had all been cleared in advance and he had all his paperwork in order. But nobody told the border guys that.)

They demanded that he take the owls out of the crates for inspection. He refused; these were very, very angry, agitated wild birds. They asked him lots of questions. They finally asked why he was taking the owls to canada, and he explained that that’s where they’re from.

The customs agent demanded “WELL, how did Canada’s owls even get to America in the first place?!”

My friend responded, “Sir. They can fly.”

The customs agent let him go.

memesandlaughs

thisaintnomuddclub

Ian McKellen, 1974. Photo by George Wilkes

snufkind

everybody loves to talk about velma and daphne but y’all seem to forget that velma and hot dog water from mystery incorporated were obviously gay

friendraichu

h-hot dog water?

jimhensonreject

Her name was hot dog water because her father was a carnival owner and they were so poor she had to bath with the used hot dog water. Also she was murdered by Nazi robots under the command of a Hannibal lector bird Scooby Doo influenced by a cosmic embodiment of horror but then brought back to life when Scooby Doo killed it