who needs hobbies when theres ao3 @hydrogorgon3 - Tumblr Blog

God I miss the days when you could show up to a stranger’s farm and he’d say “What’s your name, boy?” and you’d take off your hat and hold it to your chest to better let him see your face and reply “Why I ain’t got none, sir, on account of my mammy passed on before she could give me one” and he’d tell you he’s real damn sorry to hear that and ask what he can do you for and you’d tell him that you can’t read nor even write neither but you’re mighty good with horses and can mend them fallen fence posts what you saw on your way in and won’t ask for nothing much more than a hot meal and a warm barn to sleep in and he’d keep his wife and daughters inside but send his boy who ain’t got married yet even though his mama tells him he needs a woman out with a lantern and some stew at night and the two of you’d get to talkin and he’d throw you his flask to take a swig from and watch you drinkin from it while he leant against the door frame and when he finally got called back on up to the house again he’d take a sip from it too real slow-like like it weren’t the whiskey what he were tryna savour

argumate

you see you don’t get posts like this on twitter

lastweekseyeliner

every day at least once while on a walk i think to myself “it weren’t the whiskey what he were tryna savour” and sometimes if i am alone i say it out loud

#hottest thing i’ve ever read

keijakku

heroin

#tadc #transfem jax

lum1natriiix

happy iron lung day to all who celebrate

#markiplier #iron lung #bloodymary

oemorrow

if any of you saw this on monday no you didn't

ANYWAY sterek (wip) wednesday

based on this meme

#sterek #as he should

dumnslut

#the amount of people that texted me happy pride this morning #yall think you’re funny

neonprotagonist

Girls Scouts encounter Bigfoot the most frequently. Part of their oath is to keep him a secret because he’s very kind and makes up 30% of their revenue due to his fervent love for thin mints.

hlahlahlahlahly

As a Girl Scout leader, I am telling you that this is NOT true, and any former girl scout that says it is, should think about what they are saying and what oaths they may have sworn in the past

eedweiz

Adrian is here!! 🥳🎉

#project hail mary #have i seen the movie? no.#do i care? no.

unofficial-sean

Woooo! Wobbegong Wednesday! Look at her go! Swimming up your dashboard!

loungemermaid

Soft butch Jane Hollander finally cutting her nearly hip length hair into a choppy razored wolf cut/shag and Lilya Rozanova legitimately forgetting how to breathe as she slams her rum and coke at a stupid bar in Tampa in a dress she thought would be funny but now looks stupid because god, she’s never even seen Jane in pants let alone the smudgy eyeliner and crisp button down with the sleeves rolled up and wide leg trousers, sunglasses tucked in her cleavage and oh my god, is she wearing a black lacy bra? Can she actually see Jane Fucking Hollander’s Bra ™? Did her awful fucking movie star boyfriend make her change her image?? If he did it would be a weird choice because prissy, perfectly feminine, princess Jane looks gay now. Really fucking gay.

#yuri yuri yuri yuri #god i love when they yuri the yaoi #hollanova #hollanov #heated rivalry

westofcatherine

Shane is meticulous with his skin care, his job is sweaty and bacterial acne is his biggest foe. Through years of careful research and testing he has the perfect skin care routine. Those 15 minutes before bed are his sacred alone time.

Ilya doesn’t mind Shane’s skin care time, it’s his 15 minutes to scroll with the sound on high.

He doesn’t mind that is until Shane randomly asks him if he can take pictures of his back. At first excited to pose Ilya wholeheartedly agrees. It’s until he is told to lay face down and Shane takes what feels like a hundred pictures that he gets suspicious.

“What are you doing” Ilya asks muffled by the comforter

“Documenting your moles to make sure nothing changes while you’re in Boston” Shane replies “You made me loose count, give me a second don’t move”

Ilya groans into the mattress, not sexy, not fun. So boring, and Ilya is so happy. Someone loves him enough to worry, his boyfriend loves him and is worried about him.

——

After the Dunkin disaster as Shane has started calling it, Ilya isn’t expecting any more care packages. Shane hasn’t been thrilled with how Ilya has managed to turn all his gifts into something…else. So he was pleased to receive a big box in the mail marked fragile.

Ilya took the box into the kitchen to unbox, he looked inside and started pulling out all sorts of bottles with little labels in Shane’s messy scrawl step 1, step 2 and so on. There was also a laminated page on how and when to use each product.

Ilya reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, taking a picture of the contents and sending it to Shane.

Ilya: what is this?

Shane: Skincare.

Ilya: yes I know, is for you? To keep here?

Shane: No. It’s for you.

Shane: To take care of your skin.

Shane: Send me a picture of your back.

Ilya: no.

Ilya: you just want it for moles

Ilya: pervert

Shane

Incoming face time call

—-

Ilya decides to record himself using them because he knows Shane likes his little videos.

He knows Shane likes them because he keeps asking for more. Send me video with shower shoes on, send video eating salad, send video saying goodnight…

Video:

(Phone is set on a bathroom counter, Ilya leans in close, folding his arms on the counter)

“Okey we are trying skincare for first time”

(Exists frame)

“Where is box” can be heard from a distance.

(Comes back into frame)

“Okey I have box let us being, first up is….”

He looks like he is reading from something.

“Start with the Celimax jojoba-oil cleanser with the Beauty by Earth gua sha” he looks around with a confused look “What?!” Starts rummaging through the box when he goes back to the paper.

“Bottle is marked #1 use with green tool” he whisper reads “Ah okey I found it!”

Holds up the gua sha to the camera and the bottle marked #1.

“Now how do you use gua sha” he holds up one finger.

“Please hold” he comes back carrying a laptop “Okey I watched tutorial”

—-

“So that took forever” he gives an exasperated look to the camera.

“Step 2 says to use Skin1004 Poremizing deep-cleansing foam to double cleanse. Use in the shower” he reads from the laminated sheet.

(He leaves the frame)

“I’m not showing shower, pervert”he yells.

(He comes back into frame)

“You have to pay for that, only fans when?” He winks at the camera.

——

(He comes back into frame)

Wearing a towel wrapped around his waist, wet hair slicked back, skin looking noticeably brighter. He is holding the sheet “Step three says After shower, use the Num-buz-in No. 3 toner. Do not apply with hands use cotton rounds” he reads rolls his eyes “ I wasn’t going to use hands” he blows a raspberry to the camera.

“Notice how all skin care have names that are impossible to read and make no sense to what they are?” He says as he applies the toner to the cotton round and starts applying to his face “It is conspiracy to sell very expensive smelly water” he finishes applying “That don’t do anything to skin” he gives a disparaging look to the camera.

He holds up a bottle marked four “I read ahead this is moisturizer with crazy name, Alexa what is Centella am-pou-le?!” An Alexa answers in the background “ I’m sorry I didn’t quite get that” he rolls his eyes at camera “Ugh, useless”he says as he applies the moisturizer.

(leaning in close to the camera, his whole face in frame)

“We are almost done, you have made it this far. You are still watching and for what? Is it interesting or exciting to watch me rub liquids and goops on my face?” He pull back from the frame and winks “of course it is pervert”

Ilya holds up the last bottle showing it to the camera “Sunscreen! This is Skin1004 SPF 50, because some people believe the sun is out to kill me via mole attack” he applies the sunscreen to his face “moles are angel kisses, I am kissed all over” he slaps his cheeks.

(phone is lifted of the counter and brought up to eye level)

“Okey that is all, night time routine is two steps and not important”

(the camera moves all over his face showing different angles)

“Skin does look extra glowy, do not send lotion in a basket please I do not want to be skinned”

(the video ends)

—-

Much to Ilyas frustration his video was 20 minutes long and would not send in a text or in an email.

Which is why he was now making a YouTube account to upload the video. After what felt like hours ilya_rozanov81 had uploaded their first video caption “Get Ready With Me Skin Care”. His video was just for Shane but it was normal enough he felt that he could post it without it giving anything away. He had never said Shane’s name and he had seen other people do these sort of videos so felt ok posting it.

He sent the link to Shane and went about his day, there was an optional practice that afternoon that he had considered skipping but was in the mood to let off some energy.

——

Shane: I saw your video.

Shane: cute 🥰

Shane: take it down now.

Shane: hello??

Shane: Ilya! Seriously take it down now people are starting to comment.

Shane: Ilya!!

Shane: It’s breached containment….

Shane: whatever call me when you get out of practice I guess 😤

Ilya

Incoming Call

——

Puckygolucky: only fans when????? Yes please! Drop the link!!

Bostonraiderette: this is unhinged in the best way!

StuckyPucky: What’s wrong with you genuinely asking.

Ilyaswife: Not me grinning for 20 minutes straight

Marleauskates:Add everything to cart

Cerave:I love him so much “I do not want to be skinned” cancels PR box filled with lotion.

BostonRaidersNHL:Great way to start the video, I am sat for *looks at notes* 20 minutes.

DunkinDonuts:Hey beautiful angel can I kiss you all over👉👈

IlyasMole:Who was this for?? Is he calling us perverts?

Rozanovsleftbuttcheek:I’ll be his pervert all he wants 😈😈😈

Moonbeams_delight: Do you enjoy seeing me rub liquids over my face!!! Does this man want me dead??!??😵

Makeupbyalisa:Was this PR?? All the brands are different and you can’t even buy them in the same store.

Puckygolucky: How do you know you can’t buy them in the same store?

Makeupbyalisa: Uhhh cause I check obviously.

Cosmopolitan: Drop the towel.. wait who said that?

numbuzin_global: So honored you know us

Sending you the entire No.3 line... okay, actually EVERYTHING 💜💜

Skinn1004offixial: It's so exciting to see SKIN1004 in Ilya's routine! The Centella Ampoule soothes and hydrates the skin. We've sent you EVERYTHING, so let us know when you spot more in there

Svetlana_V: Get off my internet

Hollanov4life: he’s reading from a laminated sheet. A lot of these are Asian skin care brands… I’m starting a rumor.

Bostonraiderette: Girl no..go back to tumblr with that.

Can see all four chapters on AO3 link in the comments!

#domesticity my beloved #hollanov #heated rivalry

ilya-sweetheart

Shane snaps at Hayden fic

“Lily can’t get pregnant!” Shane shouts at him, throwing his towel against his locker. The wet sound snapped everyone’s eyes at him.

Their captian never yelled. Never.

Hayden had been ribbing him all practice in his usually, puppy like ignorant way, where he couldn’t, or perhaps wouldn’t, see how his words tore Shane apart.

Shane snapped.

“How many times have I told you that Lily and I are casual. Friends. Not everyone wants to get married and have five kids before 30,” Shane grumbled as he picked up his towel. Not everyone can, he thought selfishly.

Hayden stood completely still, like a prey animal who knew it had been spotted. “I was just — ”

“I know you were just, you always just. No matter how many times I tell you to drop it, to stop setting me up with Jackie’s friends, to stop asking when I’m having kids, you just can’t stop.” Shane closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cool locker door. He forced himself to breathe in and out. Focus.

“Lily and I are not in a relationship. We’re both very focused on our careers right now, and franky I don’t want kids while I’m only 24. Neither does Lily. And even if we might one day want to have kids, we can’t…” Shane hated lying, he hated saying Lily instead of Ilya. He hated that he had to conceal his love from his best friend.

For all that they were brothers, Hayden had a tendency to irritate him with his childlike, happy- go-lucky personality. He didn’t know what it was like; He drafted 17th overall, he was white, a decent player with a decent family background, a beautiful wife who was happy to forgo her education to raise their kids.

Hayden wasn’t half asian. He wasn’t an immigrant. He was the poster card hockey player; the white man, with a white wife and their four (beautiful and amazing) kids, who advertisers would never second guess publicly endorsing.

Hayden and Jackie was everything Shane and Ilya could never be. And at times Shane hated them a little for it.

“Even if we might one day want to, it wouldn’t matter. Lily is only in America on a work visa, and as she can’t get pregnant naturally we would have to look into adoption or surrogacy, something that’s practically impossible for us right now with our jobs. And her family isn’t…too happy about me.”

“Her family’s racist?” Comeau piped up from his seat. “And why would her workplace care who she’s dating?”

“Jesus christ, man. Racism is a thing. Xenophobia is a thing. I’m half asian and she’s an immigrant. If the wrong person hears about our relationship and decides to be a little bitch about it, her employment could be cut and she’d have to go back to…a very shitty place.”

“But that’s illegal,” JJ mumbled to himself but looked down as soon as Shane set his eyes on him. JJ knew personally that just because something is illegal doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t happen.

They’d both been on the receiving end of racist remarks by coaches and players without any support from the higher ups. It was a known ‘don’t speak about it’ issue at the Montreal enterprise.

“Yeah, but it’s also reality.”

Forcing his breath to stay even, Shane threw a hoodie over his head and tried to picture Ilyas beautiful smile. He had to protect him above all. Protect them. Opening his eyes he noticed that all his friends had theirs set on him.

The whole team knew about Boston Lily. They knew he was quiet about her, that she was the only girl he’d been with for years, and that it might be serious. She had become somewhat of an urban legend amongst them. No one knew anything, and it had to stay that way.

“It’s safer for us, for our future even, if we keep it under wraps for now.” Shane turned to look at Hayden, who to his credit looked heartbroken and slightly ashamed. Shane hated that it filled him with a sense of satisfaction.

“If we one day decide to make a go for it, she’d have to apply for a permanent residency in America or Canadian citizenship, which will take years. If we want kids that’s a whole other issue. A whole other five to seven years of background checks, biological testing, etc.”

It was clear from the way Hayden sunk into himself that he had never even considered this possibility. That he and Shane lived in two very different worlds.

“I probably won’t be a father until i’m near 40, and even then, I plan on playing for as long as possible. Lily too, wants to focus on her career. Your kids would finish high school by the time any of ours are even born. That’s if we’re lucky enough to have them, which isn’t a guarantee.”

A soft ‘fucking hell man’ was heard from the back of the room, but he couldn’t pick out who it was. It didn’t matter though, as all the guys looked at him with pity. Shane fucking hated pity. As did Ilya.

“Right now we’re both happy with our arrangement because that’s all we can be.” Shane pretended no one could hear how his voice wavered. He forced himself to sound harsh as he put his foot down.

“So just, back off. Stop asking about Lily. Stop setting me up on surprise blind dates and asking when I’m having kids. It’s not gonna happen for us, I mean me, for at least another ten to fifteen years so. Just. Back off.”

With a loud slam of his locker, Shane marched out of the room, head down, hands clenched tight in his pockets.

Tomorrow would be better.

Tomorrow he would show up and be the captain the team deserved.

(He’d most likely get a talking to from Theriault for exploding like this, and he’d apologise like the good boy he is, and he’d leave all his personal problems at home, and focus only on hockey.)

But first, he needed to go home and cry in the shower.

Ten to fifteen years.

Ten to fifteen years before he could live a full life with Ilya.

But it would be worth it.

Hockey was worth it.

…It had to be worth it.

#ow #right in the heart #hollanov #heated rivalry

galecstatic

it's starting to get blurry here

#it’s raining #that’s why my face is wet #no other reason #hollanov #heated rivalry

bunny-peony

lolol idk either

#gonna make me like this ship smh #eddithan #stranger things

nightquills

ilya would be having a bit of a crash out over the pacific marine mammal center naming a rescued sea lion after his husband.

firstly, why does shane get an animal named after him but ilya doesn't? this is a cosmic injustice. they need to name one after him immediately so that sea lion hollander has a rozanov and isn't lonely so that the best men's hockey player is properly represented!!!

secondly, sea lion hollander is so small. criminally tiny. ilya is very proud of his big hockey player husband, thank you. they couldn't have picked a more size-accurate animal to name after him? (though admittedly the big brown teary eyes are fitting. he will give them that.)

and THIRDLY, why did they name a hurt baby after shane when there is a possibility she might not make it through surgery? what kind of fucking emotional manipulation is this? if sea lion hollander dies, there will be hell to pay. (ilya is donating a frankly absurd amount of money to the rescue. he is urging the centaur front office to send all the workers there hollander merchandise. he is publicly yelling at people to not leave their fish hooks in the ocean on social media.)

#my two loves #ocean conservation and stupid fandom headcanons #hollanov #heated rivalry