every relationship needs explicit boundaries and expectations. however, i think it’s valid to not like labels, especially since many relationship labels are often informed by the cisheteropatriarchy and amatonormativity (where romance is most important). labels are often shorthand for relationship needs, boundaries and expectations, but even so there will be misunderstandings.
“friend” to someone might mean casual hang-out buddy while to someone else it might mean emotional confidante (and a hang-out buddy is an acquaintance). “girlfriend” to someone might mean a romance with sex while to someone else it might mean expecting to live together and raise children one day. “monogamy” to someone might mean sexual and emotional exclusivity, while to someone else it might mean only emotional exclusivity. and that’s not even defining the word “exclusive”!
if you don’t like labels, ask the other person, “what would you need from me? what are your boundaries? what do you want out of our connection? what don’t you want? how do you want the world to see us?” if you do like labels, you should still ask those things, but also, “what does [relationship status] mean to you?” make sure you’re on the same page.
and if you don’t know the answers to any of these, say you don’t know, but actually commit to figuring it out in a timely way!
labels or not, it’s really important to explicitly discuss needs, boundaries and expectations with the people you spend the most time with and feel close to—not just romantic relationships! honestly i think it’s an extension of consent.
so, to OP’s point, yeah. if someone refuses to discuss needs and expectations because they “don’t like labels”, that’s emotionally manipulative.
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