every relationship needs explicit boundaries and expectations. however, i think itâs valid to not like labels, especially since many relationship labels are often informed by the cisheteropatriarchy and amatonormativity (where romance is most important). labels are often shorthand for relationship needs, boundaries and expectations, but even so there will be misunderstandings.
âfriendâ to someone might mean casual hang-out buddy while to someone else it might mean emotional confidante (and a hang-out buddy is an acquaintance). âgirlfriendâ to someone might mean a romance with sex while to someone else it might mean expecting to live together and raise children one day. âmonogamyâ to someone might mean sexual and emotional exclusivity, while to someone else it might mean only emotional exclusivity. and thatâs not even defining the word âexclusiveâ!
if you donât like labels, ask the other person, âwhat would you need from me? what are your boundaries? what do you want out of our connection? what donât you want? how do you want the world to see us?â if you do like labels, you should still ask those things, but also, âwhat does [relationship status] mean to you?â make sure youâre on the same page.
and if you donât know the answers to any of these, say you donât know, but actually commit to figuring it out in a timely way!
labels or not, itâs really important to explicitly discuss needs, boundaries and expectations with the people you spend the most time with and feel close toânot just romantic relationships! honestly i think itâs an extension of consent.
so, to OPâs point, yeah. if someone refuses to discuss needs and expectations because they âdonât like labelsâ, thatâs emotionally manipulative.
baratheonpilled
gummygunk
