Solitude

Perks and Downsides

[iamdefyingfate]

You're the one who is hurting, but why am I the one who is crying?

The Goddess

26092018; 1120AM

[iamdefyingfate]

Stay in love with him, or stay away from him?

Either way, I'd die.

The Goddess

13082018; 11PM

[iamdefyingfate]

Time moves differently for each person. Mine stopped moving a long time ago.

- The Goddess, 03042018

[iamdefyingfate]

[iamdefyingfate]

Farm Tomita's famed lavender ice cream and melon

[iamdefyingfate]

Farm Tomita Nakafurano-cho, Hokkaido, Japan 06.28.2017

[iamdefyingfate]

A few hours before I left for Japan, you asked me my flight schedule. I told you the time, wanting to ask you if you wanted to bring me to the airport. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to assume and hope. And just when I was about to leave, you told me you were thinking of bringing me to the airport at 4am. Only that you didn’t think you’d be still awake by then… I felt as if I lost a chance to see you after a long, long time. But if you ever appeared on my doorstep to bring me to the airport, I might not have wanted to leave. I’d rather spend a few hours with you than go for a week of vacation. I know. My heart is that stupidly in love with you.

The Goddess - 01 July 2017

[iamdefyingfate]

Tomorrow's My Birthday

Him: Hey, are you treating us out?

Me: Would you even go? You've never once made it to my birthday celebration.

Him: I could treat you instead on your birthday; my gift to you.

Me: You don't have to.

Him: Really? So, what are your plans?

Me: I don't have one. I don't want to bother people to come to my party.

Him: Let's have dinner, and I'll bring her along.

Me: I don't want to go out.

Him: When are you free? Tonight? Tomorrow?

Me: I have no plans.

Him: Ohhhh, let's invite one of your girl friends.

Me: *exasperated* Okay.

Him: Yay!

~ I am not in the mood to celebrate my birthday. I haven't been in the mood to do anything for the last year or so. And I will never be in the mood to have dinner with him and his girl. It's like throwing myself into the pits of despair and agony...and I don't want to go. Not on my birthday. I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE ONE I AM IN LOVE WITH THE ONE HE LOVES ON MY BIRTHDAY. That is cruelty to my own heart. Just RIP me. ~

[iamdefyingfate]

A couple of days ago, you called me. After you said, ‘hello,’ I heard a guitar being played. I thought I was on hold, so I patiently waited for you to come back on the line. When you spoke once again, asking me why I was quiet, the music stayed on, and I was baffled. Then you told me that you were playing the guitar, for me. I could only laugh feebly…I knew I was about to get my heart broken, for the nth time. And I was right. Worse, you once again indirectly accused me of being in love with you. Your words pierced my heart and I suddenly wished for my sighs to become daggers pointed at you.

The Goddess 06.11.2017

[iamdefyingfate]

It has almost been a year since I last posted anything on my blog. Not that I didn’t have something to say, I had a lot, but my mind was in constant chaos and my heart was in shambles. You see, I was trying to forget you. For months, I didn’t bother you but it seemed like you forgot about me, too. So, I tried to heal my heart, once again, and just when I was almost over you, you called. And you came running back, to seek counsel…to find solace. I didn’t want to answer your call, but I could never turn you away. You are my friend, after all. So, even if I knew the reason you called, I answered. I patiently listened to your tales of broken heart, again and again, tenderly giving you advice and uplifting your spirit…all the while my heart was being shattered into a million pieces more. And it’ll be soon almost a year since then. But nothing has changed. You still run to me every time you’re in pain and disappear whenever you’re happy in love. It has always been like that for the past 4 years. You never learn your lesson…and I never learn mine.

- The Goddess - 06.11.2017

[iamdefyingfate]

The last time you called me, you sang songs over the phone. Three, four songs. About love and heartaches. You said, that’s the way you woo a girl; only that you were practicing your tactics on me. And I could only laugh emptily in response. If I were some delusional girl, I’d say, you were trying to woo me, for real. But my sane heart knows the truth, and who you’re truly singing for..and it isn’t for me, nor will it ever be.

The Goddess - 06.11.2017

[leatherwingsinc-deactivated2015]

[caluummhood-deactivated20140506]

HOLY SHIT, IT WAS THE ORIGINAL ONE

MAKE A WISH

[jamesjoeboyleeeee-deactivated20]

the first post ever on tumblr

[powerpuffsposts-deactivated2025]

I WAS EXPECTING IT TO BE A REMAKE OF SOME SORT HOLY FUCK

[kpopdotexe-blog]

WHO THE FUCK KEEPS BRINGING THIS BACK

[teenyweenynotepad]

reblog this because it shows up every blue moon

[flamboynt-deactivated20151220]

I FOUND IT ✊

[addcolortomysky]

I WAS SO SCARED IT WOULDNT BE THE ORIGINAL

[blairisbae]

Who first posted this?

[ratbastarddotfuck]

I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO END WITH A MEME OR SOME SHIT NO IT’S THE REAL ONE OH MY GOD

[amberdamnn]

Wishing I’ll do well on my finals ✨

[iamdefyingfate]

It'll be my birthday soon. I hope for good luck, serenity and happiness

[iamdefyingfate]

I couldn't exactly remember when it happened. Around late January or early February, I guess. You said you had a surprise for me. And when we met for dinner, you told me about your surprise by pointing to your shirt. You were wearing the shirt I gave you. And you looked great in it. Funny that all I could do is to recall my memories of you. I have not seen you in almost 3 months. There are no new memories to reminisce. And I wonder if you remember me sometimes, too. Even just once. - The Goddess - 08.02.2016 6:43pm

[iamdefyingfate]

For the 4th straight time, you didn’t show up. For my birthday dinner. To say that I was hurt is an understatement. To realize that I matter not even one tiny bit shattered my spirit and deflated my already inexistent sense of self-worth. Of course, I was never anything to you. And I blame myself for believing I was at the very least, your friend. I was wrong.

The Goddess 06.26.216

[iamdefyingfate]

Birthday holiday

[iamdefyingfate]

Counting Game

I wrote this last March but for some reason, I wasn't able to post it. In view of the recent events, I decided to share this one.

I had a conversation with the friend I am in love with the other day.

Me: Do I really bring bad luck? I think not.

Him: Well, despite everything, I still feel lucky. Two women loved me.

Me: Oh...

Him: Possibly, even 3.

Me: *speechless*

Him: Why are you not answering?

Me: I am just counting...

I guess, he really does know I am in love with him. This is assuming I am the 3rd one.

- The Goddess

Written last March 2016

Posted 06.13.2016

[iamdefyingfate]

During one of our conversations last April, you told me that friends should lift your spirit when you’re down, make you smile when you’re sad, and give you comfort whenever you need one. I just stayed silent. You asked me why I was not responding. You asked me if I got mad. I answered that I was thinking if you have ever done to me all those things you think a friend should do. And you teased me, saying, “awwww, you’re going to cry,” repeatedly. I was so close to crying then. And after two months, I am still close to crying now. - The Goddess 06.13.2016 8:45pm