i am immutable

I have too many interests and not enough time, please send help

[storyweavingspider]

I’m blessing you with restful sleep and a slightly lucky day for tomorrow. You don’t have to do anything for it, you just got lucky seeing this :)

[wrigglewormz]

I love having mutuals and going yeah you WOULD reblog that one wouldnt you .

[moveslikekeithrichards]

working with little kids is so dangerous. you get one kid who has a unique way of speaking & then spend the rest of your life with an internal monologue like “me’s go bathroom?”

[moveslikekeithrichards]

other thrilling destructions of my vocabulary:

the kid who replaced his hard G sounds with soft ones, leaving me incapable of thinking of glasses as anything other than jlasses

kid who would holler "DID" any time she finished her work no matter how many times we told her to just raise her hand

kid who began her scary stories with "once a time" and her friend who began his with "paw time"

middle schooler i had during student teaching who pronounced magritte as "mah-gritty"

the kid who said "i got boogies comin out my nose" while sobbing and the kid who said "theres his puddle of cry" while describing a drawing, both of whom i think of when im crying

kid who said that if he was 80 he would get big and turn grandpa

kid who, for no reason in particular, would just say "like a little feet" as a standalone phrase in relation to nothing

edit how could i forget. the kid who got sneezed on and angrily said "whyd you blessyou on me"

[hollowedskin]

My niece who asks people with dogs "are him big or him little?"

And every person without fail answers "uh.. him big"

[draconym]

Years later my vocabulary is still influenced by:

kid who called snakes "nakes"

kid who called calculators "cockulators"

my little cousin who referred to anything he didn't have an immediate answer to as "vewy mystewious"

"I don't yike heem"

[madhyanas]

cannot stress enough the importance of having a bucket in your house. a big plastic bucket. helps with housework. helps with morale. get yourself a bucket today

[clusterduck28]

[notlikingbestgirl]

Out of Touch

[is-it-out-of-touch-thursday]

Yes

[allthatispeculiar]

[thetruemek]

[ushirominya]

last christmas man me a sand but the very next day man car door hook hand

[congregamus-ruining-food]

[thesaltofcarthage]

[parentheticalaside]

My dream for the election is that it’s definitive. I want a 2012-style Election Day where everyone built it up beforehand to possibly be close but then the results start rolling in and it was like “Oh, nevermind. It’s obviously Obama. Everyone go to bed.”

I just want voters to put a stake right through the heart of Trumpism so that it crumbles to ash before our eyes. That’s the dream.

[gingersnapwolves]

like to charge, reblog to cast

[abigail-pent]

like to charge, VOTE to cast

[eyelinerdean]

happy november 5th to these two. godspeed wherever they are now

[foone]

I have a lot of respect for the guy who did the study about wolves, the one that came up with "alpha wolves". Because normally when you fuck up science, it just causes some delays and occasional pop-sci nonsense.

Dude fucked up science so badly he invented an entire new genre of pornography. I can only dream of being so influential.

[slavicafire]

far from prudish but just got blazed porn of someone's pussy spread out so hard and up close like it's a map of the polish-lithuanian commonwealth and I'm king and grand duke sigismund II augustus inspecting his lands to plot defense against the swedes

[coffee-without-anesthetics]

[andhumanslovedstories]

I was literally saying to my therapist, “I think the core of my intimacy issues is—” and then the internet went out and our zoom call crashed. I left her on a real cliff hanger

[andhumanslovedstories]

[roaringstream]

I’ve been trying to leave Rome for a few weeks now, but all their roads have this weird design flaw

[scruggzi]

Hotelius Californium…

[fortooate]

such a dulce et decorum place…

[oldapplehalfpie]

[voltaspistol]

[tralfaz21xx]

Missouri shares it's two major cities with neighboring states because Missouri loves company.

[memescomedy]

[spiletta42]

This is not an exaggeration.  Your download speed would slow down to the point where Windows would make this kind of absurd estimate, and you’d sigh and leave the room for a while (because you couldn’t use the computer while it was doing this for fear it would crash and lose all your progress) and then you’d come back in 40 minutes and maybe it would now say 52 years or maybe it would say 3 minutes, who knew, not Windows.

[elfwreck]

As usual, there’s an XKCD for that:

[dystopiansocietystraw]

when i tell you i had an aneurysm

[pixelartpeach]

"Average canyon is full of arachnids" factoid actually just a statistical anomaly. Average canyon has a normal amount of arachnids. Spider Gorge-