I write fanfiction

maybe I'll post them sometime

[onlytiktoks]

[raptorific]

I still think it’s hilarious that the reason nobody ever figures out Superman’s secret identity or where he lives or what he does when he’s not saving the planet, is because he already told them all the Kryptonian stuff that can’t be tied to any of his human friends or family. I guarantee you the in-universe wikipedia article on Superman lists his name as Kal-El and the “personal life” section says that he lives full-time at his private fortress of solitude at the north pole. Nobody in the world looks at Clark Kent and thinks “oh my god, maybe he’s superman!” for the same reason nobody ever starts to suspect that their coworker who looks KINDA like Barack Obama is actually secretly Barack Obama – They know who Barack Obama is and know what he does and they know their coworker Greg is Greg and not Barack Obama. They have no reason to assume Barack Obama secretly moonlights as Greg The IT Guy at their workplace even though they’ve never seen Greg and Obama in the same place. At best, “Greg is secretly Obama” would be a running joke at the office, and the same is true at the Daily Planet. “Kal-El of Krypton, who lives in a CRYSTAL PALACE at the NORTH POLE and whose dayjob is SUPERMAN, sometimes puts on a suit and pretends to be a clumsy reporter and lives in a one-bedroom walkup in Metropolis” is a ridiculous concept to anyone who doesn’t already know it’s true

[comedowntheroad-blog]

@unpretty

[roachpatrol]

“Hey, that— that guy, in the corner, is that— is that Superman?” 

Clark looks up from his computer at the new intern. “Oh, no,” he says. “You caught me.”

“Clark, you pull this shit every time, man,” his desk neighbor Steve says. “Shut the fuck up.”

“No, the kid’s right, I’m Superman,” Clark says. He gets out of his seat and cracks his back out. “I guess we’re gonna have a superhero fight.”

“Clark, sit back down.”

“Nope. Superhero fight.”

“Clark if you don’t sit the hell back down and finish your article by lunch I am going to tell Perry on you.”

Clark points at the intern. “You get off easy this time, buddy,” he says, and sits back down. 

“So…” the intern says, very lost. “Uh…”

“That’s Clark,” a slightly older and more experienced intern says. “He’s Superman’s asshole twin.”

[beka-tiddalik]

The funniest part is when Clark does this in front of Jimmy Olsen, who is just staring in disbelief as Clark talks about using his superpowers to help Ma Kent on the farm in a sarcastic tone of voice, when Jimmy knows for a fact it’s 100% true, that is what Clark did last weekend.

Intern: “Ahahahah Superman in Kansas tilling the fields at superspeed, that’s a good one. What, if the tractor breaks down, do you just pick it up and take it back to the barn?”

Clark: “Nah, between my ex-ray vision and my heat vision I can generally find whatever the problem is and do a spotweld if necessary so long as I know where to get the parts - once had to nip over to South Korea because I didn’t want to wait 6 weeks for the ship to get there.”

Intern: “Bahahaha classic, Clark you are so funny! Superman fixing tractors with his heat vision, oh that’s a good one.”

Jimmy: “…”

[captaincrusher]

Trying to imagine auntie Kathryn showing up with a nice gift in her best shoes and mingling with Tuvok’s family while his daughter purges all emotion.

[captaincrusher]

This suggests that either it’s really strange that Janeway was invited - or that it’s actually a ritual usually attended by family and Spock was just being a dramatic bitch doing it out on some cliff alone just because he and Kirk broke up.

This would not surprise me.

[fractally]

It’s absolutely the latter. Like, yes, I do believe that Janeway is beloved enough by Tuvok to score an invite to a ceremony that traditionally has no attendees. However. I also believe in a deeper, more fundamental truth, which is that Spock is that bitch

[whetstonefires]

I mean, doubts were being expressed to his face about going through the process and ‘has pointedly self-isolated’ being a major danger sign that kohlinahr is being attempted for suboptimal mental health reasons would make a lot of sense with what we know of Vulcan. The emotionlessness thing is often read as isolating, but they’ve got a pretty heavily collectivist culture where being embedded in your community is particularly highly valued as a sign of personal stability. He’s that bitch in the sense that he is not doing great.

[glorytoukraine2022]

I can’t be the only one who loves big brother Zuko and little sister Toph, am I? The idea of Toph being the little sister that Zuko never had in Azula and filling such a big void in his life makes me so happy. Toph would also probably enjoy having a big brother as she was very lonely growing up.

[vulcanette-deactivated20260506]

[imaginarycircus]

Remember calming cat? Remember when tumblr was this color? If you don’t that’s fine. I just feel old and alone.

[should-be-sleeping]

You’re never alone. There is always calming cat.

[landmineblogging]

fur mew

[luminouspica]

Thank you for bringing back calming cat, I had lost the previous bookmark for it!

[the-seelie-court-official]

bout to hit my bitch coworker with the 'do you treat everyone like this or only your gay coworkers?' because i know she'll bluescreen about it. and im gonna make sure to do it when no one else is around just like she does to me with her snide bitch-ass comments. i've literally never pulled the gay card before, but i talk about my wife often enough that everyone knows. I've also got a reputation for being very level-headed, straight-forward, and conflict-adverse. No One Will Believe Her.

[the-seelie-court-official]

my plans are measured in centuries, you amateur cunt

[the-seelie-court-official]

people are asking for updates. what the hell. anyway instead of saying it directly to the coworker i went to a respected colleague who has worked at this establishment for decades and asked her if she thought bitch coworker's behavior was targeted because i'm confused and wonder if she's Just Like That With Everyone and respected colleague is now ready to go mama bear mode, as i am the same age as respected coworker's daughter.

it might seem harsh but. she shouldn't have been mean to me three times

[the-seelie-court-official]

UPDATE

All three of the mean girls bullying me at work got fired. don't fuck with me.

[depsidase]

[idratherhavefreedom]

[liberalsarecool]

If any normal citizen does this to anyone it’s felony aggravated assault.

If a law enforcement officer did this, they would have to write up a report detailing the justification for pulling a weapon or any “use of force” against any defendant for any reason.

But lawless Trump/Bondi agents taunt innocent Americans with lethal force and extreme prejudice.

Release the files. Impeach the rapist. Indict the Cabinet.

[ruinedchildhood]

[songsofwaterandnight]

That's such a sick baby picture to have. The rest of us are all like "oh this is me tripping in the backyard when I was 2" and that baby's gonna have "yeah that's me in my mom's arms as she wins a mortal Kombat tournament". Iconic.

[supreme-leader-stoat]

Girl help they're selectively breeding the world's most powerful Mortal Kombat player.

[homunculus-argument]

According to old finnish folklore, having a wild animal wander into your house is an omen of death. The bigger the animal, the more imminent the death. A small bird, like a sparrow or a finch, is a sign that someone who lives in the house will die within the year. If the animal that has somehow made its way inside the house is a small mammal like a hedgehog, or a larger bird like an owl or raven, would mean that death is coming to visit in the next few months.

Massive megafauna, like a fully-grown moose or a bear, is a sign that someone will probably die within the next 20 minutes.

[rainbow-demoness]

This one doesn't get to stay hidden in the replies.

[animentality]

[somesortapunk]

Without due process, everyone is guilty the moment they are arrested. Because due process is how you prove your innocence.

Without due process for rapists, all it takes is the government saying you're a rapist and suddenly you can be guilty of whatever they want. It won't matter, because you don't get your day in court anymore. You don't get to argue for your defense, or know what evidence they have against you, or have a lawyer to help you understand the legalese and what options you have, or ANYTHING.

We don't even need to say that women lie about rape to any significant degree (because statistics show they so rarely do), because the government could just make up a woman and claim she made a report. You wouldn't know, because you don't get due process and therefore do not get to confront your accuser.

No due process for anyone means no due process for EVERYONE.

[thelawfulchaotic]

Hi. I defend Those People and I am not Following Orders. I chose this job with my eyes open and stuck with it past the point that I gained enough experience that I was trying serious violent felonies. Got my first murder case earlier this year.

I don’t choose my clients, but I Chose to not choose my clients. That’s the point. The point is it’s everyone who needs the help, no matter what they’ve done, no matter what they’re accused of doing.

If I chose my clients, that means deciding who is worthy and who is not, and I am simply not interested in making that choice. I refuse to place one life above another. That’s what cops and fascists and racists and oppressors do.

Don’t tell me I’m just following orders. Anyone who says that doesn’t understand the first thing about why I choose what I do. I will not stand for the carceral system as it is.

[bemusedlybespectacled]

the fact that they said “public defenders and lawyers” like they’re two different things should be a hint that they have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about even if you agree with their premise

[kdgts---zooperz]

Besides. Let's say we had a magic box that would tell you if someone's guilty. and it is 100% accurate, and they confess, and there's no chance they were brainwashed or tricked into it, 100% accuracy. We still should you know... make sure the cops didn't break and enter and steal shit from her home to find evidence? Ignoring all the other VERY GOOD AND IMPORTANT POINTS (including but not limited to that box does not exist)

We need to make sure the POLICE aren't breaking the law, acting without cause, etc, BEFORE that "magic box" proves their guilty. because everything a cop does is against an innocent person; that's what innocent until proven guilty MEANS. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PREEMPTIVE JUSTICE.

and no, we cannot leave the police to police the police. for.. obvious reasons. Ignoring all the above reasons, we want to make sure we don't become a martial law surveillance state where police are allowed to enter your home for any reason and ransack the place. The easiest best way to do that? Make it so any evidence they find while breaking the law itself cannot be used to uphold the law. (that's SUPER hypocritical) which... needs to be proven in court. the same trial that determines if someone, regardless of crimes committed, if they are innocent or guilty.

[carriesthewind]

All of this.

Also, and I struggle to articulate this is concise way: part of having an attorney is having someone who is fighting for you. Even if you lose, it is someone who was on your side through the process, asserting your rights, asserting your perspective - asserting your humanity.

The entire u.s. criminal legal system (the entire u.s. legal system if we're being honest) is rotten to the core. And part of that is its inherent function as a blunt hammer against the "problem" of "crime." (both in quotation marks because those are both socially- and legally-constructed ideas that do not match on to actual harm). It does not and cannot treat the people who are caught up in as human beings. (That includes any victims of crimes being prosecuted, by the way.)

Even in the situation with the 100% magic box of determining guilt or innocence (and cannot emphasize how much there is not such a box), the person who committed a crime is still a human being, a person with full inferiority. They deserve not to have horrific acts done against them, either preemptively or in retribution. Not because what they have or haven't done, but because they are a person.

Having an attorney - it's not enough (especially in the current system in the u.s., where there are too few, overworked, underfunded public defenders). But it is essential to have someone to at least try to pause the gears that grind human beings into numbers and statistics and objects upon which other humans can take out their own feelings of hurt or vengeance or retribution (or just a desire to make profit without guilt), someone to assert every single person's humanity and rights.

[wowbright]

Friendly reminder that you're not required to publicly take sides in any geopolitical conflict you don't understand.

[minyardlumberyard]

tags too good to leave in tags @hyperrbolic-orange

[anxiette]

also way too valuable to leave in tags! from @carolinanadeau

[animentality]

[ellethakallabeth]

I just noticed the funniest fucking thing in the Boiling Rock pt. 1.

Sokka: Your family's good at that. War.

Zuko: Hey! Not everyone in my family's like that.

Sokka: I know, I know, you've changed.

Zuko: I meant my uncle.

YOUR UNCLE, ZUKO? Your uncle, THE DRAGON OF THE WEST? Not good at war? Arguably, of your family, he is the best at war of your entire fucking family. Maybe he's not a warmonger anymore (since, you know, tasting loss for the first time and understanding Imperialism Bad) but he's very very very good at it, actually!

My dude.

[arinrowan]

So I hate facetime but have two small nephews who live very far away and wanted them to know who I was. So when second nephew was born, I started sending first nephew (4 years old) a postcard every week.

The content wasn't anything special. I made cookies, I saw this flower, my cats did this. He likes trucks and machinery so I scoured redbubble for anything related to machinery and got a giant batch of machine postcards. Whenever I traveled, I'd hunt down a postcard for him.

My second nephew turned four this year, and I started sending him postcards as well. Both of them like Pokemon now, so mostly it's been double Pokemon postcards every week. I don't hear much from them, or my sister, so I just generally hope they're enjoyed and try to remember to mail them before Sunday.

However. This week my mom informed me second nephew likes the postcards SO MUCH he brings them into daycare to show around. And when I shared that with my sister, she told me not only does he bring them into daycare, he sleeps with them at naptime.

The only higher honor would be for her to tell me he's eating them.

[lizzylolz]

don’t believe a single fucking thing out of this administration’s dept of justice.