Welcome To Iamvanosexual Thoughts

This blog is a safe space for Iamvanosexual people to share their thoughts. Must be 18+ to follow. Do not engage if you are under 18.

[iamvanosexual-thoughts]

NSFW

Iamvanosexuality is an acespec orientation, so some of the things discussed are likely to be NSFW, since they will be about sex and sexual attraction. If you are under 18 please go ahead and block this account and then feel free to unblock it again when you are 18.

This is a place for iamvanoses like me to share our thoughts. Please put a NSFW tag and any TWs or CWs necessary in the beginning of the ask, in an attempt to make everyone’s experience with this account accommodating.

[iamvanosexual-thoughts]

Hello, rare disabled iamvanosexual here. I’m actually thinking of starting an only fans or something similar. If you think about it, I’m disabled. I’m in an autistic burnout, experience chronic fatigue, and can barely function and take care of myself right now. At the same time, I’m also someone with sensory processing disorder who is both hypersensitive and hyposensitive. This means that, since I am hyposensitive, I like stimulation; and also, because I’m hypersensitive, I am more sensitive than a neurotypical to stimulation.

I DOUBT I would become a full on p0rn star or s3x worker, however I feel like I could use only fans for my kink(s) and writing about my sexual fantasies as an iamvanosexual?

It’s so weird because I never considered that I would “become a sex worker on only fans”, however, as an aegosexual, the online experience provides a layer of dissociation that makes me feel comfortable. Additionally, I can block or ignore(I think ignore—I know I can block) people who trigger me, which is actually something that has made me hesitant to get an in real life job. 

May biggest concern is that I’m wondering if I will be able to keep up at it, especially if I start to find it boring, uninteresting, or repulsive. That’s why I think I should really think about my reasoning behind this (if I decide to do it) and make sure I do it for something that motivates and drives me, and not something superficial.

So, this account is becoming supportive of sex workers! And also supportive of whether or not people choose or can embrace their kinks, or do what they enjoy!

Another thing that’s concerning is that I’m very educated, and I’m also Agender, so I just feel like I’m going to be misgendered 🥴and I feel like I need to accept that. HOWEVER~ I do not know how only fans works so idk 🤷🏽.

[iamvanosexual-thoughts]

NSFW

I really like the idea of someone experimenting on my body, sexually. I like the idea of someone having an eternal curiosity of how my body will react to certain sex toys and *possibly* certain sexual acts. I find myself being more fond of sex toys interacting with my body in a sexual way than another human body, since intercourse doesn’t seem that pleasing to me.

At the same time, I think I would prefer if no sex toys were used on the upper/top half of my body. I don’t think I would be against certain things, for example because I know how good a proper back massaging vibrator feels, however I like the idea of relying on the human mouth for stimulation on the upper part of my body.

Regarding my lower body, again, the idea of someone buying me sex toys *just* to use them to ✨test✨ my body sounds lovely. Like oh, you bought a sex toy with the purpose of using it to experiment with it on my body? I love that.

Since I’m aegosexual, it does help me to add a little bit of distance or “depersonalization” between myself and the sexual stimulation. For example, instead of viewing it as someone sexually stimulating me, it is easier to view things as an object (sex toy, human hand, human mouth, etc.) stimulating my body, the top half of my body, the lower half, etc. I’ve also been strongly considering naming my genitalia (like with an actual name), since that would make me more comfortable by adding another layer of distance between myself and the sexual act. Finally, I could go into more detail about what I am referring to when I say my “top half” and “bottom half”, but I don’t want to seem exclusive of people that don’t have the same body parts being mentioned, also it’s totally possible for people without the body parts (or with them) to be disgusted or sex repulsed by them. I will try to keep it vague when it’s appropriate, and also I may have to specify something when it would add clarity to the convo, versus remaining vague.

[iamvanosexual-thoughts]

NSFW, Vent about being aspec

Being aegosexual, iamvanosexual, and sex-ambivalent feels so. Challenging. Not to mention my romantic orientation, lithromantic, and platonic orientation, caedplatonic. It just feels so challenging to figure out what I want, when what I want changes. Sometimes I feel like I want a sexual relationship. I want sexual acts done to me. I want to feel the pleasure. The thing is, I want someone else to pleasure me.

It can be really challenging to know what to do with these feelings and unmet libido stuff, especially when I don’t experience sexual attraction. So anyone becoming sexually intimate with me is going to have to start with me trusting them, which is hard when I also have trust issues. I don’t know, sometimes I feel so incredibly unstable with what I want, however it’s also hard to figure out what I want at the same time.

[aegosexual-moments]

I’m so CURUOUS about sex. Real sex, eith another perso, different types of acts. The stuff that happens in my fantasies. But I just can’t imagine it could ever feel THAT good and live up to those expectations. “It’s so challenging to figure out what I want” is something I’ve felt for years.

[iamvanosexual-thoughts]

Valid and relatable

[iamvanosexual-thoughts]

NSFW

What is a sexual relationship?

Does a sexual relationship include sex, often, frequently, or just enough so both parties can be considered “sexually active” with eachother?

As an autistic iamvanosexual, I never want to be “sexually active”. I never want to be the one doing the “sexual acting”. At the same time, things that I seem really interested in seem to be almost everything but actual intercourse. PIV intercourse, specifically. But yeah almost everything else I am curious about, or would feel like it’s worth trying/testing my body. I’m particularly interested petting, foreplay, and *possibly* fingering.

At the same time, I find myself frequently coming back to the definition of bellussexual, but I’m not sure if that label fits. I know that I don’t want a sexual relationship that functions as an allosexual relationship, I know that it’s doubtful that I could ever “give” sexual acts to someone, and I also know that I’m aegosexual *some* of the time/rarely. I’m really stuck on this whole “sexual relationship” thing tho. Because if I actually find myself really enjoying and wanting sexual acts enough for my partner to consider themself sexually active, does that mean I’m in a sexual relationship? Does that mean I found a sexual relationship that respects my boundaries while also being rewarding and satisfactory to both parties? I just don’t know if the bellussexual fits for me, and also, maybe it’s because of my trust issues, maybe it’s because I’m sex repulsed, but I don’t know if I will be getting into a “sexual relationship” anytime soon.

[iamvanosexual-thoughts]

NSFW, Vent about being aspec

Being aegosexual, iamvanosexual, and sex-ambivalent feels so. Challenging. Not to mention my romantic orientation, lithromantic, and platonic orientation, caedplatonic. It just feels so challenging to figure out what I want, when what I want changes. Sometimes I feel like I want a sexual relationship. I want sexual acts done to me. I want to feel the pleasure. The thing is, I want someone else to pleasure me.

It can be really challenging to know what to do with these feelings and unmet libido stuff, especially when I don’t experience sexual attraction. So anyone becoming sexually intimate with me is going to have to start with me trusting them, which is hard when I also have trust issues. I don’t know, sometimes I feel so incredibly unstable with what I want, however it’s also hard to figure out what I want at the same time.