So This Is A Thing

[kratt09]

people who don't wear glasses are so weird like you just wake up and your eyes are pussy fresh??

[kratt09]

thats not the word I meant to use

[coldspicyy]

None of these words are in the bible.

[godmodebeginswithlesbians]

au contraire, mon ami

[transarsonist]

dont weird pussy, that's woke stale. penis absolute.

[saintjosie]

i’m sorry cock is in the bible?

[freeformtarsier]

Matthew 26:34 KJV

Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.

[saintjosie]

huh i didn’t know edging was in the bible either

[virtualgirladvance]

Of course it is, they've been waiting over two thousand years for the second coming

[synder-sync]

[radishnt]

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

[mothman-misato]

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

[boimgfrog]

Radish. Answer the question radish.

[radishnt]

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

[boimgfrog]

You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???

[catsnraincoats]

[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]

why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it

[boimgfrog]

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

[catsnraincoats]

Its takes less than a minute

[boimgfrog]

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

[catsnraincoats]

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

[boimgfrog]

Like seven minutes

[catsnraincoats]

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

[boimgfrog]

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

[pidoop]

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

[silverjirachi]

Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief

[wizardlyghost]

(Enter RADISHN’T, MOTHMAN MISATO, BOIMG FROG and CATS'N RAINCOATS, stage left. They are having a HEATED DISCUSSION.)

RADISHN’T: Prithee, which one of you had planned to tell

Of diff'rent flavours gained by simple act

Of brewing tea with water hot, not cold?

MOTHMAN: Egad! you poured the water cold? Wherefore?!

FROG: An answer from you, Radish, I must beg.

RADISHN’T: Indeed I did, dear friends - why does this shock?

Without the guide of others I assumed

That heat was merely added for the sake

Of expediting this solution’s brewing!

Half a decade I have spent, or more,

Not questioning this worldview I had made.

In fact, I am myself a bit surprised

That you might think that I, your dearest friend,

Might have a patience of sufficient stock

To wait until a pot of water boils.

FROG: Three minutes overtaxes patience so?

The microwave will beep when it is done!

CATS'N: My friend, this answer vexes me the more!

Can it be true that thou dost boil by nuke?!

FROG: Are you in turn, my friend, so shocked to know

That I have not the patience, like our Root,

To boil upon the stove our favour’d drink?

CATS'N: It takes less than a minute!

FROG: On what plate?

Perhaps your dinner cooks atop the sun?

CATS'N: How long can take your stove to fill the task

Of boiling but a single cup alone?

FROG: In minutes?

CATS'N: Yes!

FROG: I counted seven, once.

CATS'N: Perhaps you ought to have your timepiece checked!

If on a middle heat you place the cup

You soon will have the scalding drink you crave.

Two minutes, in a mug upon the plate

Or even less, if you should have a pot.

FROG: You cause me tears - is this how thou dost live?

You place upon the iron stove a mug?

A mug, ceramic, filled with water cold?

How do these flames, though medium in height,

Not shatter like a glass this fragile thing?

Surely, then, your kitchen is bewitched

With magicks far beyond the mortal ken!

(The FOUR realise they have wandered into the THRONE ROOM. The ROYAL COURT watches with fascination.)

KING: Ev'ry single person in this group must be a fucking lunatic, it seems.

[elodieunderglass]

[fiyerotigelar]

Reminder for when he “saves” it. He was the one who wanted this, and now he gets to be the hero and win favour with young constituents. Don’t give him the credit for fixing his own problem.

[fuck-u-maga]

[liberalsarecool]

#Caucacity

Trump was the biggest birther. How do people forget that?

[iboreme]

Not even fucking midnight….

[iboreme]

Well TikTok is dead. So down once more to the dungeon of my black despair.

[iboreme]

Read like Go the Fuck to Sleep by Adam

Mansbach, written by me.

Stay the Fuck Inside

The virus has spread to the US

Several people have now died

Your couch is calling your name, my dear

Please stay the fuck inside

The windows are closed tight in town

About the severity some have lied

I’ll order you UberEats if you swear

You’ll stay the fuck inside

The planes that soar the sky are grounded

The virus is spreading nationwide

I know you don’t need TP. That’s bullshit. Stop hoarding.

Sit the fuck down, and stay inside

The Lysol is running low, bud

Because coronavirus is worldwide

It’s been here since January?!?

Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Stay the fuck inside.

All the kids from school are home

The hospitals are not supplied

Hell no, you can’t go to the beach

You know where you can go? The fuck inside.

The oldest of us are in danger

In their homes they must hide

Show some human fucking compassion

For real: shut up and stay inside

The politicians are arguing

Their opponents they deride

We need help NOW, please

While we stay the fuck inside

The trucks are crossing the country

Hopefully the store is supplied

Don’t take more than you need, please

We all have to eat while we stay the fuck inside

The numbers are still rising

From this scourge we try to hide

Fuck your spring break, you’re selfish

Stay the fuck inside

Flowers bloom as spring approaches

Their colors I have spies

The nice weather is no excuse

Stay the fuck inside

China’s doing better, I hear

A breath of relief they have sighed

But their good luck is not ours, yet

So stay the fuck inside

This room is all I remember

My grasp on sanity has begun to slide

My boredom will not be helped

Because I will stay the fuck inside

Bleary and dazed we wait

To hear our efforts have stopped the tide

But the numbers still rise, good neighbor

Please, please, stay the fuck inside

Everyone’s doing their best

To essential workers don’t be snide

If you can’t be nice, do us a favor

And stay the fuck inside.

[obovoid]

i don’t want to achieve equality by sinking to men’s level, i want them to get on ours! why should i have to unlearn the conversational art of waiting my turn, unlearn sexual self-restraint, unlearn trust in others’ good intentions, unlearn the impulse to cater to others’ needs, just to have a chance at success among savages? why can’t the men learn some fucking manners so we can all conduct our affairs in a civilized manner? i shouldn’t have to stop saying sorry, you say sorry!

[marthawells-deactivated20181223]

In the 80s when I was in my freshman year in college, they still had entirely separate mens and women’s dorms. I was in class waiting for a final to start and one of the guys was telling someone about how he had had to go into a women’s dorm to drop something off, and he was startled to see posters on the walls, flowers, curtains, etc. He said his men’s dorm had holes in the walls, things on fire, fights, guys walking around with open wounds and he just didn’t understand why they had to live like this. He said, “I want to live with the women, in civilization.”

[alpacamyhedgehog]

Am reading Sisterhood of Spies, about women working for the OSS during WWII. One of the stories mentions that the women in London had a male visitor who would eat in their mess hall once a month. He was married and wasn’t interested in hitting on any of the women; he just wanted to eat in an atmosphere where people said “Please pass the butter,” instead of “PASS THE GODDAMNED GREASE”

[lasrina]

I dated a guy who brought me along on group activities (movies, video game night, etc.) with four or five other male friends. Once I mentioned to one of the other guys that I hoped I wasn’t intruding on their “guy time” or some such. He got this sort of rueful look and said, “The truth is, I really like it when you’re here because it gives us a reason to act better. When it’s just guys, we all have to try to outdo each other with how vile we are.”

[the-wolfbats]

So the moral of these stories are men don’t even treat each other like human beings.

[overwhelmsion]

[crakrats-joanielspeak-deactivat]

Me to my 6-year-old son: “You seem to like playing with the girls at school more than the boys. Why do you think that is?”

6-year-old son: “Sometimes I just don’t want to be pushed. It hurts and is mean. And the girls always pretend to be princesses or fun animals and stuff when they have tea parties. The boys just dump the tea all over the place. That’s just stupid and I don’t like wasting all that tea. It takes forever to make.”

Me: “Wow, I can understand why you’d rather play with the girls. The boys seem like they’re kind of rough.”

6-year-old son: “And when I play with the girls they make me the king because none of the other boys want to play tea party.”

Me: “Do you like being the king?”

6-year-old son: “Not really – I’d rather be a wizard, but it makes Georgia and Vivian happy.”

[doctorwho-the-fuck-are-you]

HoLy FuCk

[freaknoid]

1) I LOVE HIS ACCENT. IT’S BEAUTIFUL.

2) PLEASE WATCH THIS. I LITERALLY HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE. YOU WILL NOT REGRET THIS. JUST WATCH X’D

[hyourinmaruice]

oh my god I cannot breathe

[hivibrations]

I literally choked at the end.

[tooiconic]

“…I’m not sure-”

[greenenvyphotographs]

i’m in tears rn this is the funniest thing i’ve seen all year

[endangered-justice-seeker]

Another unrelated historical fact: Julius Steicher, editor of Der Stürmer, was also hanged at Nuremberg because his publication essentially inspired stochastic terrorism and genocide, despite the fact he himself never DIRECTLY killed anyone.

[deadcatwithaflamethrower]

The Nazis tried to convince everyone that they were going to win, and no one would succeed in fighting back.

People fought back anyway. They did it in public on the streets in the middle of the day. They did it behind closed doors and crawling through the mud in the middle of the night. They fought by talking to their neighbors, by writing down the words that others needed to hear.

They did it by being kind to each other and vicious to the enemy who wanted to destroy them.

They didn’t fight back because it was legal. They did it because it was right.

What the fuck are we waiting for? An engraved invitation?

[i-hate-chick-fil-a]

this is a new low

[liberalsarecool]

The North remembers.

[salty-inc]

Gonna tell y’all what I can hear now that I got my hearing aids

[salty-inc]

Birds! They chirp and it’s so beautiful.

[salty-inc]

Far away cow moos

[salty-inc]

My friend has this is his back yard and to say I cried is an understatement.

[salty-inc]

My best friends singing voice

[salty-inc]

Chickens: *chicken noise*

Me, sobbing:

[salty-inc]

The filter for my fish tank! Bubble bubble bubble

[salty-inc]

I sit in the bass section in band. Today I could clearly hear the flutes up at the front! They’re not great, but I can finally hear them!

[salty-inc]

The sound of walking in sand.

Soft but kinda crunchy? Very nice sound 10/10

[salty-inc]

Me playing guitar for the first time. Took the hearing aids out. Not a very good sound… yet

[salty-inc]

Tree leaves in the wind. I got a little spooked at first because it’s 1 am and I’m alone in the park but it’s a real good sound.

[salty-inc]

Bees

Let me say, it was really fucking terrifying walking past the flowering tree in my backyard and hearing zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz coming from it.

[salty-inc]

“sunlight” by Hozier

I sat in my car alone while listening to it. I knew it would be special but wow, that was a religious experience.

[salty-inc]

Their hooves make sounds in the grass but they are completely silent. Beautiful creatures. Beautiful sound

[salty-inc]

Pine needles and pine cones make crunchy sounds!!! Oh my! Very nice

[salty-inc]

Colored pencils make a real nice scratch noise when I’m drawing. I didn’t know they did that

[fangirltothefullest]

Wholesome and good!

[lilylunagirl]

i love this

[hol-ohcene]

[notkatniss]

KINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

[honeyglazedbabe]

Hozier had time today huh

[nostalgiaultra2011]

[pinewood-to-hollywood]

Two Hepburns knitting!

(Photos: The Knitting Needle and the Damage Done)