Eels are cool I guess @idontmindeels - Tumblr Blog

Isn’t it weird how you can actually feel the pain in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings

This is actually because it activates your vagus nerve! Basically your body goes “we are so upset! We must be injured! Where???? On the inside guts! Those are confusing and hard to differentiate!!! Confusing guts are hurt!”

digitalzzombie

Great! How do I uninstall it?

brokenaux-blog

rip

whoatethewaffles

is this lemonade

dripped-in-my-pearls

You better call Ramona with the good hair

glowwormcentral-deactivated2021

[lawyer voice] mothers and fuckers of the jury-

hellenhighwater

DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I THINK ABOUT THIS POST??? IM IN LAW SCHOOL THIS POST IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE

durbikins

imagine what the shitposting game in the amish country is like

diosmiles

Father Amos: Rise and shine bretheren, it is time to till the earth and do good deeds in the eyes of the lord.

Slothful Jeremiah:

capriceious

*Father Amos:* Jerimiah! Lady Victoria is here

*Slothful Jeremiah*

surprisebitch

y’all here making amish memes when they will never be able to see this and defend themselves

kingofattolia

sleep scale

12+ hours: hell yes. decadence has a name and it is ME. the dream. im marrying my bed you’re invited to the wedding. i might feel groggy and angry for the rest of the day when i actually do get up but WORTH IT.

12+ hours (ALTERNATE): i am deeply clinically depressed and approximately three (3) inches from death at any given moment

11-10 hours: ideal. im functioning at perfect 100% capacity my body and mind are a well oiled machine. im ready to knock out all my errands and chores in under an hour, work a full day and then study that language im trying to learn

9 hours: good! i could have slept longer, but getting up was no great horrifying trauma either

8-7 hours: the “””””medically recommended amount””””” for adults, but in reality more like a “fine, i GUESS” amount. normal mild levels of angst at having to get out of bed

6 hours: silent unceasing internal groaning for at least the first hour after waking. dont expect any kind of quality conversation for the first 2 or so hours. ive got a Less Than Medically Recommended Amount Of Sleep, that means im a martyr right???

5 hours: pretty unpleasant. feels gross. expect a moderate crash during the late afternoon. this is the first number that is considered worthy of entry in a college student sleep-measuring contest. altho if you try to enter with 5 hrs dead-eyed hordes will instantly materialize from the bushes and one-up you “5 hours??? HAHA SWEET SUMMER CHILD. I HAVENT SLEPT IN 3 YEARS”

4 hours: a Very Poor Decision. deep seated, incoherent rage upon waking that persists up to several hours. consume large amounts of your stimulant of choice, but you’ll still feel like a cave troll. constant aftertaste of chemicals and regret

3 hours: half awake half walking in some astral plane haunted by the wails of the newly-dead. children and animals fear the emptiness in your vacant eyes. a very respectable entry to any sleep-measuring contest. you’ll still get beaten by the “2 hour” and “all nighter” people, but everyone knows this is Bad

2 hours: you can get up, but only by rending your soul from your physical body in a paroxysm of agony, since it will refuse to leave the bed. you are now soulless and will feel absolutely zero emotion until sometime in the late afternoon/early evening when your soul returns and ALL the emotions will hit at once, leaving you alternately sobbing or creepily hyena laughing

1 hour: you fool. you imbecile. your hubris and weakness has brought you to this point. they are coming. you cannot escape. why didnt you just stay awake. why didnt you just pull the all-nighter. the strength of your no-sleep headache threatens to stab through your skull like an ice pick. all you can taste is blood. they are comi

0 hours: THIS ACTUALLY ISNT AS BAD. HAHA I’M NOT EVEN THAT TIRED! WATCH ME DOWN 15 MOUNTAIN DEWS IN 15 MINUTES. I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING IN MY EARS ISNT THAT WEIRD. WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY EYES ARE BLOODSHOT AND I CANT FOCUS, IM COMPLETELY NORMAL RIGHT NOW. GUYS I CAN HEAR COLORS.

#once i didnt sleep and stssrted talkinv to s tree

mozzarella-sticks

YA novel idea: in a world where everyone is born with a countdown with how many french fries they are allowed to eat before death, one young man (me) is born with an infinity symbol

foxy-mulder-deactivated20190929

Hand kissing is sacred, high romance and I think we need to revive it

thexfiles

when u need the lesbian vote

gaynfl-moved

i cannot stress this enough, young ladies.

find a slightly older female friend. like… two to ten years older than you. they will save your life, they will teach you so much, they will give you such great life lessons. they are so vital and helpful and important.

#Lizz

pussysista-deactivated20170521

Omg

misandry-mermaid

lol men can’t handle rejection at all this is so embarrassing for him

moaningmabel

I shouldn’t have read this the second hand embarrassment is making me nauseous

catlovesmocalike

Oh my God… the sheer entitlement of this guy. yikes. And then they say girls are clingy

haraamzada-deactivated20191222

idk what this video is bc of youtube being banned but all my followers should watch it anyways bc it might change ur life

neo-electricity-deactivated2016

HHHHH I REMEMBER THIS

ruinedchildhood

Omg

#I REMEMBER THIS

wondyrwoman-deactivated20160623

the most emotionally charged movie scene of the 21st century had to be when Mongo the giant gingerbread man in shrek 2 sacrificed himself and fell into the water and as his giant face was submerged he intoned, “beeeeeee……..gooooooooood………..” i have never felt so moved, so inspired, i’m legitimately 100% tearing up just writing this, that entire “i need a hero” sequence is quite possibly the most perfect action sequence in any modern film to date

lameborghini

mcdyke-deactivated20171112

it’s kinda cool how our generation has created actual tone in the way we write online. like whether we: write properly with perfect grammar, shrthnd everythin, use capitals to emphasise The Point, use extra letters or characters for emotion!!!!!, and much more - it means we can have casual conversations, effectively make jokes using things like sarcasm that’s usually hard to understand without context and much more. this “incorrect English” has really opened avenues of online conversation that isn’t accessible with “correct English” which is pretty interesting

maskedlinguist

#this is why attempts by the media to portray online communication by “’‘millenials”“ really frustrate me #because there are Rules okay #like see that’s different to saying ’'there are rules” (tags via @soaringsparrows)

dipthong-prime

My class and I literally taught some of the nuances of this to our english teacher, things such as the difference between “yes” and “yes.” or “..” and “…”. It makes perfect sense linguistically that we would create this complexity to ease communication in a medium without body language and tone, but what my teacher was really floored about was that none of this had ever “learned” it, we’re “native speakers” of a whole new type of english.

#native speakers of a new type of english #thats pretty cool