Shitposting is Forever

Back to my true purpose in life: shitposting! Credit for pfp goes to NikotTroou

[idrownfishes2]

Peak Literature

The billionaire bisexual ninja wolf flashed his sharp teeth. "I'm here to do the sexy sex at you," he growled rape-ily.

He then raped her, consensually, because he's not a misogynist.

Blake, reading her book and sipping her tea: "Oh yeah. That's the stuff."

[idrownfishes2]

Another Day in the CMEN Dorm

Cinder: "All this talk of a daily act of kindness. We're going to start a daily act of villainy!"

Mercury: "What a coincidence, I just finished building the Kitten-Killer 9000."

Neo, holding up a sign: "I'll go plant some poison ivy in a local playground!"

Emerald: "I uh... cut someone in line the other day?"

CEN: .

Cinder: "You know Emerald, sometimes I think your heart's not really in it."

Mercury: "Yeah you feelin' okay?"

Neo, with another sign: "Talk to us girl, we support you all the way!"

[idrownfishes2]

It Be Like It Is

Saphron: "You finally got a girlfriend, and you only had to train in the ever after for decades first! Good for you."

Jaune: "These girls treating me like a corndog. Only want my meat after I got bread."

[idrownfishes2]

Bad Teacher

Yang, hanging with Ruby and Jaune: "Do you think Qrow is a bad influence?"

Ruby: "Why would I think?"

Qrow, popping his head through the door: "I'm going out to make a milk and cigarette casserole! Behave yourselves! No homework. Watch some porn or something." *leaves*

Jaune: ... "How'd you turn out as well as you did?"

[idrownfishes2]

Long Since Had Enough

Salem: "You've gone through all this trouble to slay me? That hurts my demon soul."

Jaune: "I'm gonna take my foot-long Magnum Dong and hurt your demon hole!"

[idrownfishes2]

So wait, are you the original Idrownfish? If so, welcome back, but I'm curious what made you decide to since you seemed adamant about it, especially with deleting your old blog.

I am. I was trying to get away from explicit NSFW stuff but was still writing it, a lot of my posts were ripped from other media (I tagged it properly as best I could, but still), and generally I felt like a hypocrite and that I wasn't well liked.

But it's been a couple years, and I missed the people I came to like. At the end of the day it's just fanfiction and shitposting that I don't get paid for, and I shouldn't have taken myself or what I do that seriously.

[idrownfishes2]

Almost Lost Her Cool There

Ruby, after coming back to life and facing her team back in the real world: "So uh... no hard feelings?"

Yang: "You called me a faunus-loving bull dyke who's just like my mom!"

Jaune: "You called me a worthless, bitch-ass nigga!"

Ruby: *tapping her pointer fingers together* "I was going through some stuff..."

[idrownfishes2]

Jaune Got Into Streaming

Jaune, sitting at the computer: "Man I'm playing badly today."

Ruby, watching from out of camera: .

Chat: "That's what happens when you're distracted from getting blown under the desk."

Jaune: "Nah that happens every stream. Can't focus without it. Say hi honey!"

Ruby: *shoves her fist in her mouth and leans close to the mic* "HEwWo."

(Chat proceeds to blow up and at least three hour-long video essays are made about it)

[idrownfishes2]

It's Healthy to Push Boundaries

Jaune: "I can't believe you're my girlfriend, this is my dream come true!"

Weiss: "Are you sure? I'm afraid that I'm a bit too... freaky, for most people."

Jaune: "Oh my God thank you."

Weiss: "What?"

Jaune: "Nothing. Tell me what you're into."

Weiss: "I want to watch you have sex with your dad."

Jaune: .

-----

Klein, holding the door open: "Good day Sir. Did you enjoy your stay at Schnee Manor?"

Jaune: "I did not, no."

[idrownfishes2]

Ideal Relationship

Sun: "Weiss is your wife? That's great, she single?"

Jaune: "Hold on I'll check."

Sun: "Thanks man."

- Five minutes later -

Jaune: "She backhand slapped me in the nuts, I think you might have a shot."

[idrownfishes2]

You're back! Are things going better for you now?

I'm doing alright, thanks for asking, and I'm glad you're still hanging around too.

[idrownfishes2]

The Affect of Finally Getting a Girlfriend

Yang: "Hey Vomit Boy," *leans over practically shoving her cleavage in his face* "Do I have something in my teeth?"

Jaune: *staring down* ...

---

Blake: "Excuse me Jaune," *swinging her hips* "I need a man's opinion on this dress."

Jaune: ... *blink* ...

---

Willow: "Oh my!" *touching his chest inappropriately* "Weiss should bring her friends more often."

Weiss: "Mom!"

Jaune: *gritting his teeth*

---

Jaune, sending a text: "Clear your schedule honey. I'm horny and about to make it your problem."

Pyrrha, looking at the text and pumping her fist: "Yus."

[idrownfishes2]

College Time Well Spent

Ms. Goodwitch: "Welcome to Women's History 101."

Yang: *raises hand*

Ms. Goodwitch: "Yes Ms. Xiao-Long?"

Yang: "All I wanna know is who was the first woman to put a dick in her mouth?"

Ms. Goodwitch: "That is not appropriate-"

Yang: "I mean just... so avant-garde! What a pioneer!"

Blake: ... "Well now I'm curious too."

[idrownfishes2]

Gifts Are Nice

Ruby: "I got you this anime figurine! I hope you like it!

Jaune: "Wow, thanks!"

.

Jaune: "Uh. So, can I wait to jerk off to it, or do I have to do it now?"

Saphron: "It'd be rude not to Jaune!"

[idrownfishes2]

Bodyswap Shenanigans

Weiss: "You didn't do anything funny with my body while you had it did you!?"

Jaune: "No, I respected your privacy to the best of my ability. I promise."

Weiss: "Oh, well... good. That's good to hear."

...

Weiss: "I mean, not even a little?"

[idrownfishes2]

That's How Season 5 Went Right?

Jaune: "We can't die here! The only one I've ever had sex with is my babysitter!"

Cinder: "What?"

Jaune: "What?"

[idrownfishes2]

Mortal Kombat Interactions: God-King Jaune

Jaune left and returned after acquiring the Brother God of Light's power and claiming to have written Remnant's history. He looks much like his rusted knight self.

----------

GK Jaune: "Some threads in time must be cut to be woven properly."

Ruby: "Is that why mom had to die?"

---

Ruby: "I can't believe my best friend made everything!"

GK Jaune: "And you have never been more precious to me."

-------------

Weiss: "You have certainly come far, Jaune."

GK Jaune: "None are more surprised than I."

----

Weiss: "Do you know how alone I was for so long?"

GK Jaune: "I saved every tear you've shed."

----

GK Jaune: "You are far more capable than you think."

Weiss: "Will you still help me run the company?"

--------------

Blake: "Why did I have to suffer prejudice?"

GK Jaune: "Do you really think I would not do my best for you?"

-----

Blake: "There's just too much injustice!"

GK Jaune: "Judging the grand design is not your responsibility."

----

GK Jaune: "You are to be challenged, but never broken."

Blake: "Why is it necessary?"

‐------------

Yang: "Was I supposed to lose my arm!?"

GK Jaune: "I gave you nothing that you cannot overcome."

----

GK Jaune: "I don't ask for worship, but I would like your faith in me."

Yang: "Good, I'm not bowing before Vomit Boy."

--------

Jaune: "I can't believe it! How did this happen?"

GK Jaune: "This twist of fate came from even higher than me."

----

GK Jaune: "Happiness is easier to achieve than you think."

Jaune: "Sometimes, I just don't wanna participate."

-----------

Nora: "You rewrote the universe and didn't even make me prettier."

GK Jaune: "I made you perfect, and you will never not be."

----

Nora: "I love you Jauney, but it's not fair that my parents were killed."

GK Jaune: "You're right Nora, it's not."

----

GK Jaune: "I am glad you and Ren have each other."

Nora: "Did you do that?"

-----------

Ren: "The world is full of lies and deceit."

GK Jaune: "Truth is all there is Ren. It can never be threatened."

---

Ren: "I pray for wisdom."

GK Jaune: "You pray rightly."

---

GK Jaune: "If you must distance yourself, I understand."

Ren: "It is a lot to be accustomed to old friend."

-----------

Pyrrha: "I should have done more to keep you human."

GK Jaune: "Flesh of my flesh. How could I be mad at you?"

----

GK Jaune: "Every passing breeze and singing bird is an ode to your loveliness."

Pyrrha: "I'm gonna cry!"

----

Pyrrha: "I don't suppose you're available?"

GK Jaune: "You need a companion you can relate to."

---------

Sun: "Help a brother out! Do Blake and I date?"

GK Jaune: "She can be happy with you. But you must convince her of that."

----

GK Jaune: "You have handled your lot well, Sun."

Sun: "Ha! Give me more battles!"

----------

Salem: "Who are you? What are you!?"

GK Jaune: "I am who I am."

----

GK Jaune: "Redemption is yours, if you will only accept it."

Salem: "Stay away!"

----

Salem: "Go ahead, strike me down!"

GK Jaune: "You still have time to make that unnecessary."

------------

GK Jaune: "How your beauty makes my heart sing."

Cinder: "You... are serious."

----

Cinder: "I've killed people you love, and I'll do it again!"

GK Jaune: "You have done nothing that cannot be undone."

---

Cinder: "If you're here to stop me, why am I the way I am?"

GK Jaune: "Your fire is meant for cleansing."

-----------

Mercury: "So, what? Am I supposed to call you dad?"

GK Jaune: "The atom in the center of your eye is signed with my name."

----

GK Jaune: "I made billions of hard decisions, Mercury."

Mercury: "Yeah, you still got explaining to do."

----------

Emerald: "I've done a lot of bad things."

GK Jaune: "My heart swells for you all the same."

----

Emerald: "Are there people burning in hell?"

GK Jaune: "Fire is for baptism, not torture and punishment."

----

GK Jaune: "Death is a part of life, not something to fear."

Emerald: "Easy for you to say."

-----------

GK Jaune: "You cannot fathom the depths for which I care for you."

Adam: "You have a strange way of showing it!"

----

Adam: "I have one question. Why."

GK Jaune: "Your story and redemption can bless thousands."

-----------

Ozpin: "Is it worship you want, Jaune?"

GK Jaune: "I want your peace, joy and fulfillment."

----

Ozpin: "How do you handle everyone's complaints?"

GK Jaune: "I listen. With no shame nor condemnation."

----

GK Jaune: "The General must temper his anger."

Ozpin: "I understand, I'll help him."