A Finite Well of Weirdness

hello and welcome to my bullshit. some of it is only for adults. be aware

[basi-boy]

this video has been the last hinge holding me together for weeks now. I need to watch it once a day or I'll start disintegrating

[eeveelotions]

heres the translation I found online for fellow enjoyers

[sleepyteamage]

@demegods

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Can someone explain Dwarf Fortress to me???

[venomglandgirl]

It’s a colony sim in a somewhat standard fantasy setting, with the twist that nearly everything is procedurally generated in unnecessary detail. Town names? Procedural. Instruments? Procedural. The history of the world you’re in? Procedural. Ancient horrors sealed deep below the world? Procedural. The gods themselves? Procedural. Your job is to help your horde of alcoholics survive whatever meticulously simulated nonsense the game decides to throw at you. It ranges from pretty standard, like invading armies, to fantastical, like vampires you have to solve criminal cases to catch, to deranged, like that time I dug up a demon made of fire that was effectively invincible in combat because everything’s pathfinding was too messed up by the smoke it gave off to fight back. For a general idea of how strange it can get, read Boatmurdered, an old written Let’s Play still beloved by the community.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

So the Developers are Playing God playing god

[slenderfirebolt]

In addition, virtually everything is simulated, which has led to some hilarious bugs in the past. To get a good idea of the level of detail, the tears in a dwarve’s eyes are tracked, and can be theoretically spread onto other things (though granted im not sure if it has been tested, hard to get them off the eyes i imagine), these ‘other things’ (any part of any creature/object in the game) would then be stained with those tears, which is itself tracked, and those tears will remain there until removed.

[allaark]

Wasn't there also the issue with cats just turning up dead in someone's tavern, and then it turned out that when a dwarf decided to do something while in the middle of drinking, they would just toss their alcohol on the floor, and then cats would walk through the tavern and get the alcohol on their paws, and so when they later groomed themselves, they would technically ingest the alcohol and immediately die of alcohol poisoning?

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Unforeseen Consequences, The Game

[gerogerigaogaigar]

A classic way for a new player's fortress to fall is by failing to make new clothes. After a couple years the old clothes start to rot off the dwarves bodies and then the sight of naked children causes a huge negative mood spike for the whole fortress. This causes what is called a "tantrum spiral" fortresses rarely recover from a tantrum spiral.

Once I had a vampire problem. Vampires are hard to find, but you'll know when you have one due to the dead dwarves with bite marks that show up. Eventually I found out what happened: the very first vampire had fallen down a well and died thus tainting the fort's water supply with vampire blood. So the entire fortress was vampires. They fed on incoming migrants with the new members of the fort living or dying based on whether they drank from the well before one of the other vampires got to them.

Dwarf Fortress is a game where things just sorta happen.

[untitledgoosegay]

The cats thing was more elaborate than that, IIRC. Blood alcohol content is actually simulated based on body mass, but alcohol is only measured in integer units, which is usually fine for dwarves. However this meant that when a cat licked its paws, it consumed one pint of alcohol in one go. Which is significantly worse for a cat.

It was also a common mistake (has possibly been patched now?) for new fortresses to pick up beehives and immediately get obliterated. Attacks on fortresses scale with the wealth value of a given fortress. This is all fine and good, except in the case of beehives, because every individual bee has a treasure value. Even if that value is only a fraction, an entire hive with tens of thousands of bees still comes out as absurdly valuable. So suddenly you'll be facing frequent attacks by wildly overlevelled enemies.

And the mermaid farming, which I believe was actually patched on account of being so fucking grim.

[ospreyonthemoon]

The mermaid farming thing was, basically, mermaids existed. Sentient people, half fish, you know. But the thing is, their bones were really valuable, because they were rare, because dwarfs DID NOT LIKE killing them- that's a peaceful sentient person! You can't murder them! But people figured out that, hey, a mermaid dehydrating to death doesn't count as murder, so they started making these insane airlock systems to mass farm and murder mermaids without it technically being murder so thw dwarves wouldn't have mood spirals about the mass killing of the poor poor mermaids and they could sell their bones. The creator understandably went "what? What the fuck? Hey stop that" and made their bone value really low to stop people doing that.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Imagine, if you will, God devaluing your bones

[ineedcymbals]

Dwarf Fortress labels creatures as either intelligent or not. Intelligent creatures can't be butchered, or trained as pets, except for gremlins, which are sapient but can be trained as pets. Which has interesting implications about dwarf/ gremlin relationships.

[mockva]

[bubbly-redhead1]

🤣

[the-bear-woman]

The Australian Ballet is doing Alice in Wonderland again and on one hand I’ve seen it before, and on the other, their Queen of Hearts has my favourite costume in anything every

[the-bear-woman]

It’s just this and her court pushes her around the stage on wheels and every act it gets taller until she towers over everyone

[the-bear-woman]

Also in act 3 (I think) it swings open at the front and her husband is sitting inside reading a newspaper

[the-bear-woman]

I saw this again on Tuesday so here are some things I’d forgotten about:

This is the only Alice adaptation I’ve ever seen that doesn’t cut the caucus race

The mad hatter wears taps throughout and it’s so jarring and surprising it’s perfect

The executioner shadows almost everyone who dances with the Queen

Lewis Carroll is a character in the ballet and becomes the white rabbit who leads Alice into wonderland which is bad and wrong because Carroll is the dodo but does work very well

They started dropping rose petals from the ceiling onto the audience when Alice looked through the door to the garden and it was utterly magic

The Cheshire Cat is made of about 10 different puppets that dance around the stage

Which reminds me Alice is styled after Alice Liddell rather than the John Tenniel illustrations

I don’t think the king of hearts actually dances he just wanders around looking confused

[paraphernaliawagon]

here’s a video

[paraphernaliawagon]

more. (btw this is a parody/reference to the very famous “rose adagio” from sleeping beauty)

[paraphernaliawagon]

the Caterpillar is pretty neat too

(all of these videos are from the Royal Ballet’s productions in 2014 and 2017)

[catrinecat]

Finally an adaptation that makes feel like I’m going to have stroke, it’s perfect

[themummersfolly]

This looks fucking bonkers, I love it.

[knightofleo]

[mananabuffins]

I've never seen a more deserved cat slap

[joyfulwitchcatmarcy]

[gallusrostromegalus]

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Update:

It's not fairies

It's Doris.

might be about to get a sewing machine and/or start an ACAB riot.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Ok, so:

I'm going to see a prospective house because due to various circumstances, I'm probably going to be moving to the other side of a major metropolitan area in the next few months, but that's not important.

I get to the house

I get a text from the realtor

The realtor is not the person who has been texting me in emoji

The person texting me in emoji is the homeowner, who the realtor says will let me in if I want, she's running late.

Sure

Why not

I put Herschel on leash and go to the front door

As much crime as he commits at home Herschel The Hanukkah Goblin has terrific public manners, and is Very Cute so I'm about 90% sure the emoji fairy is going to let me take him through the house

Door opens.

90-something blue haired old lady with a spine like a question mark and glasses that could be used as telescope lenses opens the door.

"OH [Gallus]! How lovely to see you!"

This woman clearly knows me because she remembers my anniversary was last week and that my sister is back from Australia.

Problem is

I know about 500 geriatric ladies with blue hair, scoliosis and extreme prescription glasses, because I am a member of 2 quilt guilds, the scientific illustration guild, the rocky mountain SCA and stagehand for three different theater companies, so I know everyone's grandma and fuck me if I can tell them apart.

Wait

There's a quilt in thekitchen, visible front hall

I don't know faces but apparently I can recognize applique techniques at 40paces.

"...Doris? From SAQA?"

"YES! Who is this handsome little man?"

Herschel speaks enough English to know that "handsome little man" means "this person will feed me milk bones and bacon if I'm cute enough"

Immediately does a Sit Pretty and Shake.

Doris is bewitched

This is fine, but I also know I'm about to severely disappoint the realtor because there is no way in hell I'm moving into this House.

Because

The reason Doris is moving out is that her neighbor is a Cunt Magnifique and has been harassing Doris and everyone else to form an HOA and "improve the quality of our residents" because this woman has nothing better to do than be a racist-ass busy body, and recently, she's set her husband, a county sheriff on Doris, trying to bully her into signing paperwork and threatening her with legal action and writing her up for bullshit property violations

Ain't putting up with that shit

And neither is Doris, so she's selling all her shit and moving out to live with her grandchildren in Santa Monica.

But she's technologically impaired, so the only indication that there is an estate sale happening is a small paper sign in her front yard.

"Doris." I say, as Herschel makes himself comfortable on the couch for belly rubs and pieces of ham. "Did you tell SAQA or FRCC or anyone on Facebook that you're having the sale?"

"oh, I don't know how to do all that!" She sighs. "I tried to call the Denver post but they just put me on hold for ages..."

"Watch Herschel for 20 minutes and he's only allowed to have that one piece of ham."

Pics of everything

Address, time and pics to Facebook, both quilt guilds she's in, two more I have contacts for, nextdoor, and the local SCA discord for good measure.

It's 12 minutes and Herschel persuaded her to give him at least three pieces of ham.

He is petitioning for a fourth by doing a little puppy dance on the living room rug.

"OK, that's enough ham, people will be here in 10. Where is your cash box?"

Because apparently I'm running an estate sale today too.

It's fine :)

There's about 7 minutes of quiet.

Then

They DESCEND

The first on the scene is DeeDee, who doesn't believe in speed limits. She's arrived with a horse trailer. I remember that she is also moving.

"HI DORIS SWEETHEART WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS TODAY I WAS GOING TO TAKE ALL THIS TO THE GOODWILL HERE LET ME SET UP ON YOUR LAWN "

DeeDee is 73, and has a special spiritual bond with Hello Kitty. She weighs like 98lbs, dresses exclusively in neon pink sanrio clothes and the kind of eye makeup drag queens aspire to.

She also speaks non-stop at a volume normally associated with jet engines.

Half the horse trailer is already spread out on the lawn.

Doris is putting price stickers on stuff

Herschel is trying to tear open a bag of cotton batting.

This, and the arrival of approximately 56 minivans, five more trucks with horse trailers and Corgi Excitement Screaming alert Cunt Magnifique that something is happening outside.

Madame saunters off her porch up to Doris and Demands to know what's happening, you're supposed to notify the neighborhood and get a permit to-"

Doris, surrounded by her pack of silver wolves, shouts. "OH HELLO! EVERYONE, THIS IS MARCIA. I'VE TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT MARCIA." >:)c

... further details in a bit I think the Vikings are here.

[gallusrostromegalus]

~`* SOMEONE'S GETTING FIRED!!*`~

[gallusrostromegalus]

OK so.

You know those high school house parties you see in movies, where the person invites only a few friends, but those friends call their friends, and those friends call THEIR friends and soon like 500 people show up to one house and someone calls the cops and that one John Mulaney sketch with "SCATTER!" happens?

Old people will 100% do this too, except instead of a house party it's an estate sale on a wednesday afternoon and when the cop shows up there are lawyers present and he is in DEEP SHIT because his wife just spent the afternoon admitting to doing a bunch of wildly illegal shit on tape.

So when we left off, the party had really started getting underway, because Marcia the Cunt Magnifique had decided to crash the estate sale and whine about "we're supposed to coordinate garage sales as a neighborhood" and "your friends are blocking traffic on this cul-de-sac while nobody is home" weh weh-

DeeDee is about ready to throw hands but she is nowhere near the most dangerous of the Silver Silver Wolves.

That's Dr. Ruth.

Dr. Ruth turned 99 this year and went paragliding for her birthday

So you understand just how hard she goes

Dr. Ruth sort of hobbles over and point-blank asks "So I understand you've been trying to start a homeowner's association?" :3c

Marcia

Entirely misunderstanding how much danger she's in

Starts enumerating the TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS of trying to start one, because SOME PEOPLE DON'T RESPECT AUTHORITY and all the paperwork and talking to people and she even had to ask HER HUSBAND. A SHERRIF. To go around and hand people stuff to sign.

Some people, right?

Dr. Ruth nods. Some people. She agrees.

You know.

Her son is a lawyer.

Why doesn't she give him a call?

Marcia, a Moron: Oh that'd be great!

Dr. Ruth, hobbling back to Doris: "Don't worry. David will handle this."

Meanwhile

The Friends-Of-Friends and the Friends-Of-Friends-Of-Friends are arriving, lured in because they heard the words "Longarm Sewing Machine" and "Hand-made quilts"

Various factions present include but are far from limited to: -Probably Six Quilt Guilds -The Denver Art League -The Denver Leather League -The Vikings -The Klingons -The Colorado Wild Game Share -A Pack of Scientific Illustrators -A Pack of Assorted Scientists they brought with them -The Sheep Lesbians -The Horse Lesbians -Three Extremely Competent Finnish People (My Scientific Illustration Professor and her sisters) who immediately take over the estate sale and turn it into an auction to maximize profit and keep the taxes in order.

Someone brings two additional Corgi called "Cap" and "Bucky"

They are Pembroke Corgi, and weigh about 21lbs apiece

Herschel is a Cardigan Welsh Corgi and weighs 42lbs because he's hug even for a Cardigan, and is Delighted with his New Minions.

They worship him as a God and follow him around so every time he sticks his face in something two smaller corgi faces immediately follow, like some kind of adorable cerberus.

Pelts and meat shares are being traded out of the backs of trucks and vans

Someone is making bratwurst.

Intrigued by the Brouhaha, Doris' neighbors emerge.

They are also Geriatric and very nervous, because Marcia has been harassing them too.

They are telling this to the members of these factions that are also lawyers.

There are at least 5 of them so far and David isn't even here yet.

I realize my realtor isn't even here.

I decide to text her.

She is somewhere in the crowd and having a nervous breakdown because She's SO LATE!!!

Ma'am.

It's 103 out.

I was just handed a freshly grilled Brat

Some bitch is incriminating herself on the lawn.

Nothing scheduled is happening.

Come sit in the yard and watch the Corgis play on the Palyskool plastic slide set. They're disassembling it like tiny furry engineers.

Have a bratwurst.

One of the Klingons appears, having physically carried my realtor through the crowd, and gently deposits her on the lawn before handing her a Bratwurst.

Diane, the Realtor, is not much older than I am, and from the preppie swaths of society that has "Never had a dog growing up" and "Didn't Know People Could Just. Make. Blankets?" and "What is this? It's like a hot dog but spicy?"

She is having a LEARNING EXPERIENCE.

One of the Horse Lesbians comes over and compliments Diane on her Dior handbag.

Diane thanks her ans compliments the apparently expensive brand scarf she has on. Do you. Know all these people?

Horse Lesbian explains that she's part of the SCA, and what that is, and that why yes. Her girlfriend Tasha is an armorer. Yes like for knights.

More Livestock Lesbians assemble.

They are pulling off shirts to show off livestock and battle scars, and biceps.

Diane is LEARNING A LOT TODAY.

I am just getting everyone's contact info and making sure Herschel does not consume his weight in bratwurst.

BWOOP!

Uh-Oh.

Marcia's Husband is here.

I step out front.

He has used the siren to largely part the crowd and pull into his driveway but it has closed around him and there is No Escape.

He starts huffing and puffing about blocked traffic and permits and the like, but this is not his usual Can-Bully-Without-Consequences crowd.

These are Grandmas.

Veterans of the 60's protest front who never let up.

He's starting to turn bright red and looks like he's about to cry and I've got my phone out to record whatever Incident is about to occur.

-And a Mercedes pulls up.

It's David.

Dr. Ruth's son.

The Lawyer.

And I emphasize that The because David is not some mere ambulance chaser.

David is the guy that the state sends to prosecute Corporate Fraud and Organized Crime and Other State Departments.

David was part of the team that took down the CO Branch of the KKK.

David is all of 5'4", very round and a balding little man that looks like the Dictonary Definition of "Nebbish" that moves with such intense confidence and authority that he pretty much has the Pillar Men Theme Blasting behind him at all times.

So when he and three other lawyers from the state's office step out of the car

Mr. Sherrif goes from red to while like color-changing octopus and I am like 50% sure he shit himself.

Because what he and Marcia have been doing is Very, Very, Very, VERY, Fucking Illegal.

"mArCiA!" he garbles. "sHuT tHe fUcK uP!"

Marcia is standing in the middle of the cul-de-sac, having spent the last 3 hours recounting to anyone who will listen about the 'measures she's had to take' and now the 5 lawyers that were here are delightedly handing over the paperwork that she had forced on Doris and her Neighbors, and pointing at all the doorbell cameras and witnesses out to the state's top prosecutor.

Friends

I ugly laughed.

FOUR HOURS LATER: -Auction wrapped up with a solid $40K to Doris' name plus pending sales on some of her larger furniture and antiques

Plus whatever David gets in damages from the county sherrif's office.

Marcia and husband are fucking busted

Herschel spent all afternoon running around and eating snacks and is passed out on the floor

Diane is "meeting up with" one of the Horse Lesbians next week.

The sewing machine went to someone else but I did open my purse and found out Doris or someone shoved a bunch of cash in there.

I'm getting ice dream and going to bed.

[tinybed]

[comealongphil]

dawn dimmadome? wife of doug dimmadome, owner of the dimmsdale dimmadome?

[punkrorschach]

actually she took the dimmadome in the dimmadivorce

[siquetumismo]

[turntoturnover-deactivated20250]

oh my fuckning

[iopele]

UNMUTE THIS

[normal-horoscopes]

Everyone shut up and look at this carving of a whale from the 1200-600 CE Chumash culture

[theslowesthnery]

ohhhhhh my godddddd

[fangirltothefullest]

TToTT I love them!!

[louwhose]

Thinking about how the Golden Enclaves is a book about healing. El going through the grieving process in the first part of the book. Getting help for Orion to heal because he had to be in there, even though she couldn't know for sure. Putting aside differences in order to help the enclaves because it's the right thing to do. Especially Beijing Enclave, because while in a way she did it to save Liu, she could have just as easily chosen to abandon them because of what they did, but she chose to right the wrong of their enclave and allow it to heal instead. The way that she began to repair her relationship with her dad's family. The way she chose to do the right thing and kill the mawmouth in Orion, but then grabbed him and told him he couldn't die and healing and saving both him and the scholomance.

I dunno I just think it's neat

[dawn-the-rithmatist]

YES and tacking on: we get to see how her perception of PEOPLE has changed!

Like. Think about how jaded she is in book one (for good reason)!! And then look at her by the end of this, where she just. Reached out to people. Leaned on people. Still in her “fuck you, I will do this with or without you” kind of way, but she really went from “I will handle this alone” to “I will handle this alone if I have to, but I’d appreciate not having to.”

El having faith in people again after so long of not having that is especially there in the ending, when she literally walks away from her dream of building enclaves because she trusts that other people will have it covered. That maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t have to force things to go the right way by pitting herself alone up against the whole rest of the world.

Like… if that’s not healing idk what is

[stubbornly-floating]

I love how many things El said in the first book got proven wrong. At the start she said that Orion only saved her twice and that is why she had to kill him, and it would be different if it was 13 times, because that is such a powerful number. And in the end of book 2 the count was on 13.

She also said that Jakov and Ibrahim were best friends now but would never see each other after scholomance. That also was proven wrong.

[krakenartificer]

Honestly, El is such an unreliable narrator, it's truly impressive. She is convinced that Chloe is a scheming Machiavellan; she's sure that everyone dislikes her because she's an indie rather than because she's, y'know, aggressively rude to everyone she encounters.

Her whole thing with being completely confident that the New York kids never really tried to be friends with Orion, and they convinced him that he only wanted to hunt but really he was a normal kid.

Her being sure that every enclaver is actively and enthusiastically working to preserve the system oppression of the enclave system rather than just.. y'know, uncritically accepting the benefits of it.

And I've tried rereading A Deadly Education with that in mind, and trying to re-interpret things with the knowledge I have after reading the whole series. And El's narrative voice is so strong, I keep getting sucked back into her perspective and finishing the book without noticing

[only-tiktoks]

[naamahdarling]

Now THIS is the Dragula babe content I WANT.

[enbycxnt]

I’m crying this person is so hot

[tiredyke]

[isuggestgetfatterv2]

Not a suggestion but thematically appropriate

[catchymemes]

[makahitaki]

[nat-20s]

extremely funny to me that Kermit the Frog is the only main overlap character between Sesame Street and The Muppets. imagine your day job is hanging out in a community of lovely people that genuinely just want to help kids learn and care about everyone so so much and then your night job is the reason that you have to stay up to date on your rabies AND tetanus vaccine

[nat-20s]

at noon the giant you're hanging out with is Big Bird! a wonderful fellow who likes reading stories and singing and telling fun facts! at midnight there's a giant named Sweetums who makes you feel like you're being hunted for sport

[nat-20s]

Ernie, trying to maybe come out to Kermit: well you know Kermit, me and Bert-

Bert: Bert and I

Ernie: Bert and I, we've been best friends forever, but we're also something else too!

Kermit, who every goddamn night has to tell Beaker and Bunsen to keep it professional, deal with Statler and Waldorf's bullshit, AND update his organizational chart on Dr. Teeth and the Electric Polycule: that's really great to hear fellas, happy for you two! :)

[stellacartography]

Grover, alarmed at having spilled some finger paint on Kermit's flipper: I am so sorry, Kermit. Please forgive me.

Kermit, who deals with a multitude of bodily fluids on his person and all over the theatre every evening, who is unintentionally trampled by large monsters as they exit the stage, and quite intentionally has his little froggy bones launched into a wall most nights by Miss Piggy: It's ok, Grover. I'm a frog. I love baths.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

On Sesame Street: Oh, no, Telly is watching too much television!

The Muppet Show Theater, that night: Gonzo attempts to explain his latest fetish at length.

[eatpussypraylove]

Favorite adderall review

[joebidensbignaturals]

[ralfmaximus]

You have to watch the dosage.

[mortimermcmirestinks]

You have to watch the dosage.

[girldraki]

kind of harmonically beautiful

[funky-insanitear]

[dragosballz]

movie called technically blonde where she goes to trade school instead

[inertial-reel]

No but you don't understand. Rocking up to Welding class with 100% barbie pink tools is such a POWER MOVE.

"Jeremy, I'd really like my orbital sander back ^_^"

"... didn't know it was yours..."

(Legit excited, no sarcasm) "Someone ELSE has the original Box 20-Volt Brushless Cordless Detail Sander with Dust Management?!?!?!?!"

"...no..."

Teacher walking up like "Miss Woods, is that a nail file"

(Elle, blasting compressed air to get rid of the nail file sand)

"Actually, its an emery board. But yes! :D It's a finer grit than what we have, and I've always found these easier to handle"

"...Ok, fair enough."

Elle making friends with the 6 year old daughter of one of her classmates. (Child care ain't cheap, I get it. Bring your kid to class)

Elle learning how to drive a forklift/motorcycle/semi-truck

Elle giving an impromptu lecture in the break room about what gifts to give their wives/girlfriends/mothers

Fucking laser cut "bless this mess" sign on her locker (I lied. It would totally be live, laugh, laser)

Elle's car breaks down and 20+ dudes coming out to show her how to fix it. (And realizing her mechanic is ripping her off)

Every single guy in the building filled with instant despair when she gets with one of the butch lesbians in the program.

Gimme plzzz

[kla1991]

Proposal: She takes her car to a mechanic and it's beat for beat like the original movie scene at the dress shop, where the mechanic *tries* to rip her off and she nods along and then eviscerates her with precise technical details.

The rest of Elle's class now shun that mechanics' shop and tell everyone else to as well, so that place ends up going out of businesss, which allows someone else in the class to open up a sparkling pink and perfectly trustworthy shop of his own.

[teaboot]

Too bad the prophet Cassandra never met Odysseus

[teaboot]

They say if she made a prophecy Nobody would believe her

[edgar-allan-possum]

I’ve gotta say, that is exactly the kind of stupid thing that probably would circumvent a curse.

[elidyce]

Cassandra: YOU ARE ALL GOING TO REGRET THIS SO MUCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. 

Odysseus: Regret it why?

Cassandra: You won’t believe me if I tell you. If I prophecy, nobody believes me. That is my curse.

Odysseus: … I’m Nobody. Fill me in. 

*A couple of months later* 

Odysseus: HELLO PENELOPE, I AM HERE PRECISELY ON TIME AND NOT YEARS LATE incidentally I rescued and adopted a Trojan seer while I was away, she’s great, got me home really fast, Cassandra this is your new mother who’s not going to treat you like shit. 

Penelope: … I’m going to need more details, but okay, sure. 

Cassandra: *in tears* I love you, new family. 

[cipheramnesia]

Cassandra: Penelope, I’ve had another vision.

Penelope, sighs: Go tell your father.

[val-the-bun]

[sankta-wraith]

the original? on my dash?

[absolutely-esme]

Apollo: you’re the one who unleashed your little freak of a trouble maker on my Greek tragedy! You don’t get to blame me for this.