shitpost heist

Alec | he/him🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ | Officially autistic! | Trust Me, I'm an Engineer | Europe | Spoiler policy: beware, I have none! Be prepared to have everything spoiled!

[number1mongrel]

"You hear that? They're saying The Odyssey doesn't even have nobody!"

"They've got nobody in the Odyssey?"

"No I'm saying they don't got nobody."

"Nobody's there?"

"Nobody's not there!"

"So everyone's there?"

"Everybody but nobody!"

[xxmilkandsugarxx]

I wanted to draw Zuko inbetween life and death after the Agni Kai, my poor boys going through it lol. I am trying to experiment a little more now that I am drawing more consistently! Zutara if you squint lol

[freakoutgirl]

Can everybody go back to being a loser I miss when we were all losers

[bunjywunjy]

occasionally I am struck dumb by the sublime beauty of the world in the small moments, you know?

egg

[wraether]

i drew it

[monstrousregiment2-deactivated2]

hey I hope you dont mind I also painted your egg

[kiunlo]

i also painted the egg hope that's ok

[yellow-cat]

i heard we were painting egg?

[rhube]

I love how this shows how real artists drawing a thing aren't just representing the thing, but showing you what THEY found beautiful in it.

[geodethecrow]

hope I'm not too late to paint egg! watercolors :)

[pipsqueaks-human-errors]

i too have drawn the egg

[sketchyelvenasss]

[kamil-a]

heres my egg

[queen-susans-revenge]

Love every single one of these eggs. No yeah of course it's still okay to write your vampire story or whatever, even if a thousand people have done it before you. Your art will still be uniquely yours and people will find something fresh in your perspective. Paint your egg.

[tppart]

I hope my drawing is eggcellent

[charlesoberonn]

Mammu! Finius and Ferbingetorix built Rome in a day!

[charlesoberonn]

[charlesoberonn]

[asphor]

I feel like this also implies that rome is somehow being destroyed by the end of the day

[charlesoberonn]

The Emperor Constantine loves Finius and Ferbingetorix's "New Rome" so much that he makes it his new capital and names it after himself.

[asphor]

Yeah that checks out.

What's the doofenschmirtz contraption/scheme of the day?

[charlesoberonn]

Doofenric the Ostrogoth (insert jokes about his daughter Vanessa being "Goth" but in the modern sense) invented a City-Mover-Inator to move Rome across the Danube so his Germanic confederation could sack it.

Thankfully, Agent Pericles stops him by redirecting the Inator to Finius and Ferbingetorix's New Rome instead, moving it to the Bosphorus.

[charlesoberonn]

While Pericles and Doofenric are fighting over the controls of the Inator, it gets accidentally changed to paint remover mode and then fired at a random direction.

Somewhere nearby a painter just finished coloring the statue of the emperor when suddenly all the paint gets removed.

Painter: Aw...

Painter, giving it a second look: Hmmm... 🤔

[charlesoberonn]

Candysseia: What animal even is Pericles?

Finius: We named it "platypus", meaning flat-foot.

Ferbingetorix: On account of his feet being flat.

Candysseia: And where did he come from?

Febingetorix: We have no earthly idea.

[charlesoberonn]

Doofenric the Goth: Pericles the- wait, what animal even are you, Agent Pericles?

Pericles: *hands him papyrus*

Doofenric: *reading* A "platypus", meaning flat-foot... oh, on account of your feet being flat!

[charlesoberonn]

To be clear, the Emperor Constantine looks like Roger Doofenshmirtz.

Also, I agree with everybody who says that Greco-Roman Candace's name should be Candassandra (since nobody believes her warnings).

[jaubaius]

No way out

[bogleech]

idiot jail for ignorant beasts

[lochnutmonster]

Sisyphus

[chortlebot]

one must imagine sisyphus ouppy

[abigailspinach]

The puppy is auditioning for Hadestown Chorus

[penny-anna]

strange product found in the scotmid co-op today...

[penny-anna]

here it is:

ok so: this DOES actually look more like fried chicken than the picture suggested, however, it looks like fried chicken that's been severely overcooked. a different cookie crumb would really improve this product. something like a biscoff crumb. not the type of cookie that's famous for looking like soot when crushed.

alright hang on i googled the manufacturer. important information!!

this would appear to be the oreo-flavoured variant of a more convincingly chicken looking product. this explains a lot!

in terms of eating experience: a little cumbersome BUT, very tasty! it was quite a lot tho - i have a pretty sweet tooth and i would have preferred this in a smaller portion. seems to be a German company which makes sense as continental european chocolate products are generally of a higher standard than what's made in the UK.

i dont care for their logo tho.

[hotvampireadjacent]

https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw

[littlemisspipebomb]

ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.

[baronfulmen]

"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.

Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.

Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.

We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."

I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.

[yenthecat]

Sitting, sharing, sweet

[dragongirlbunny]

there is nothing a corporation hates more than having employees, but a close second is having to provide a good or service in order to make money. these two reasons concisely explain is why the ai bubble formed in the first place.

[i-suggest-cdrw]

i genuinely do not understand why people have iphones

[i-suggest-cdrw]

like do they realize that they're paying x5 more for a significantly worse product?

you can't even use firefox extensions on an iphone. no ublock. why would anyone do that to themselves willingly?

[ryan-sometimes]

I know you’re not supposed to respond to hate comments, but unfortunately, hate comments can be funny

[tongue-twists]

btw dating sucks as a concept.

[tongue-twists]

meeting up with someone with the explicit goal of figuring out whether or not you want a relationship with them spoils the dynamic. it sucks. it's terrible. fall in love with your friends like normal people.

[tongue-twists]

as expected this one is a hit with the autism website

[flowerlygirls]

i have so many hobbies and interests but each day the four horsemen (instant gratification, shortened attention span, procrastination, exhaustion) grab me by the throat and shake me until i collapse in my comfy bed

[greatsilverini]

judith & dulcie & a self indulgent harrow :3

thank you to dear friend @h0perest0rat1onpr0gram whose ref images I used for harrow and dulcie!

[desinteresse]

Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.

[little-trash-ghost]

Can't leave this in the tags..

[oneheadtoanother]

[tachyon-log]

(USAmerican trying to imagine a societal environment) Okay, so picture a highway,

[fishmech]

inability to correctly perceive 3d objects is in fact far more dangerous when someone is driving a car next to you then when they're like, sending emails to you.

[bunniope]

can we focus on the gnome for a second

[bunniope]

wait sorry i was not wearing my glasses. that is a cat

[ladyofspoons]

these are the people i have to share a highway with

[fyterx]