Ich bin Gottes liebling

Baby hang me on a cross, wanna know the feeling

[ih8tev]

:3 (please save me I can't handle it anymore)

Prlly will delete later as I'm afraid he will find out somehow >:o

[ih8tev]

I've been seeing this girl lately and my friend told her smth about my past that scared her off and she said she's not sure if she wants to talk with me or no. She doesn't believe i can change I'm so fucking done with this shit. Once again I feel so empty because i know just now that i lost her even though she didn't said it out loud. Everytime I truly care it's like this I'm so off it. When she drove back home I literally were fucking shaking crying-screaming and wanted to kms I hate this stupid fucking life

[ih8tev]

Oh no... I think it's happening again... I think I'm falling again omg no

[ih8tev]

I start to obsessively think that murdering someone has to be the best feeling you can experience

[ih8tev]

Legalize murdering wastes of oxygen

[ih8tev]

Yh i added him on Facebook and he didn't add me back it's over guys

I'll just leak his shit to his gf and hope she dumps him as he is an disgusting cheater i just need to wait 2 months to do that fuck life

I'll just focus on myself i fucking hate people i hope he gets brutally killed.

I feel disgusting for even liking his ugly ahh and being so fucking desperate while at the same time pulling 10's

[ih8tev]

I thought I'm doing better but I'm doing worse and now I'm just alone, what can I say to make you come back? I'm on the verge of keeping myself sane. I'm so fucking desperate I think about hurting you just so you'd talk to me again, I think about blackmailing you everything idk what to do anymore. I can't let go.

[ih8tev]

Wooooow we exchanged like 6 texts and he doesn't respond for 2 days and I'm waiting like a dog for him it's pathetic

Oh I'd give everything to be his everything. Oh the things I'd done for his attention

I want to slit my throat and never wake up

Why is he like that?why 10/10 people want me but he doesn't even though he's like 4/10 at best

This life is so so so so unfair

I'm crying so hard I want to disappear i want him to fucking die i want to kill him

[ih8tev]

I sent him tutorial vid on how to respond and he actually did omg this is the best day in my life I'm killing myself tomorrow

[ih8tev]

He viewed it, no reply, typical behavior for him

I don't know how to feel, I feel empty like I suddenly stopped caring, I got the answer I was looking for, he wants to do NOTHING with me, but at the same I hope we can talk in future, and I'll try to text him more as I don't seem to care what happens if he leaves blocks me tells I'm fucked it doesn't matter as he's not there anyway and he doesn't want to comeback anyway

And I just seek an answer, WHY

Why he couldn't tell me year ago that he doesn't want to talk with me ever again and block me? It would save me a lot of pain and I'd move on by now already I just don't get it because he still doesn't want to talk with me. I feel ruined but at the same time free.

Depending on his answers I'll decide if I want to ruin his life because I can, and I'll easily do it. I just still care and hope we can talk genuinely someday and that he will like me

But once all of the hope is gone, I won't care anymore and I'll do what I please.

Idk how to feel about this all...

I still fear

[ih8tev]

I DID IT I DID IT OMG I'M SHAKING MY HEART BEAT IS SO FAST LIKE DYING

[ih8tev]

Tomorrow is his birthday and I decided I'm texting him. Wish me luck 💗

[ih8tev]

Dear diary, how do I erase all of my feelings?

[ih8tev]

Forever and always I'm your worshiper, in my soul and in my blood and in my veins, you're my angel, yet, you deserve everything that's happening to me, more than me

[ih8tev]

Just by looking at you on photos I get hella excited

[obsessedtillidie]

You're the only angel that can make my suicidal thoughts disappear

[ih8tev]

If I can't be with you till the very end, then what's the point of living at all?