Get The Gooch

[txttletale]

minecraft for the last few years has had maybe the most confused development direction of All Time

[txttletale]

theres one guy at minecraft who is under the impression they are making an educational game to teach kids about different types of igneous rocks and what foods are bad for what animals and anopther guy at minecrasft who is uinder the impression hes making Skyrim Remasdtered: Blocks Edition. and one guy who has wastched Youtubrs and is under the impression theyre desighing Industrial Slaughter Simulator 2024. and all of them live in separate offices and add their updatres independently of each other and dont know the others exist

[txttletale]

guy 1: bad news everyone we have to take out wolf domestication because i Just Learned you cant domesticate wolfs in real life

guy 2: SPear. Lets add the Spear. itll be like the sword but different because 1. its its a Spear, 2 its more Tactical. guys are you hearing this shit. Spear Update

guy 3: we have heard the feedback of the community and will be increasing the spawnrate of helpless baby seals in the vicinity of the Crusher block to make blubber farms more efficeint

microsoft: anyway we're pleased to abnoucned another entry in the awesome minecraft IP, "big trough of uneaten pig food (creeper shaped)"

[homoquartz]

i’ve warmed up significantly towards the concept of small talk ever since i learned that its sole purpose is to make friendly noises.

as long as you smile and nod, people are satisfied. it’s just to show that you are nice and there with good intentions. we’re small in a big world and have to rely on other people to be decent to us. so we do our little human dance to each other to say, “i’m not here to hurt you. here’s something we have in common, like the weather or sports or itchy sweaters, so we both know we’re on the same team. we both agree on a basic fact, like that it is rainy or that being itchy is uncomfortable, and this proves we can get along. i’m being light-hearted and non-threatening right now.”

small talk isn’t to get to know a person. it’s just a greeting to affirm you’re buddies in the universe.

i am motivated by wanting the other person to know i am friendly, so i have gotten pretty decent at small talk when i used to hate it.

[piratedgender]

[finefeatheredfabler]

I believe in the separation of church (fandom) and state (media creators)

[dostoyevsky-official]

the worst part of "you'll understand when you're older" is that you really do understand when you're older

[aqueerkettleofish]

The second worst part is, once you get older, you find yourself saying "you'll understand when you're older" with Full Comprehension of how fucking annoying you're being right now, but also knowing that it's all you can say.

[conan-doyles-carnations]

do u ever get emotional about the fact that tchaikovsky, a gay man, wrote his Romeo and Juliet overture for his brother and his brother’s gay lover bc I sure as hell do

[captainbertbeer]

It’s true!!!

[beemovieerotica]

AND HE WAS A SUB????

[wolfythewitch]

This too shall pass but like holy fuck

[oneheadtoanother]

[alex-fa-ch]

...what

[alex-fa-ch]

This is already going wild places Im-

[alex-fa-ch]

TO SOMEONE ON CHEMO TH0UGH??

[alex-fa-ch]

What must their home life be like. Like if these are their power games. What goes on behind closed doors. What the fuck.

[tearstainedbugatti]

[yesitisijessie]

Naruto running my way out of here is my new catchphrase

[broadway-aradia]

it was this comment by OP that really took me out

[orcinus-veterinarius]

Woman at the zoo: Why do they look so sad? 😔

Sign literally 10 feet away:

[portland-sunshine]

I'll never forget being at the Oregon Zoo and hearing people talk about how sad one of the chimpanzees looked. He was sitting on a log, his back to one of the viewing areas, hunched over. And they were saying "oh, he looks depressed, he must hate it here."

But then when you walked around to the other side, you'd see that he was simply busy beating his dick like it owed him money.

[tulowitzki]

maybe so

[doing-90mph-in-central-london]

people at the grocery store sometimes do a visible double-take about how many vegetables I'm buying. they look at me probably thinking wow she's so healthy! it's ok that she's also buying donuts! she's earned them!

you fools. all the produce is for my pet pig. I'm eating donuts for dinner.

[doing-90mph-in-central-london]

an older woman actually stopped me once and told me I must be a great cook because I was just throwing random vegetables in my cart based on price. she was like "gosh! I would need a recipe to know what to do with all of those!"

i do have a recipe. it's very simple:

ingredients: vegetable

step 1: throw it on the ground.

[rslashrats]

i keep thinking all the mars rovers are the size of a medium dog but i am wrong every single time

[rslashrats]

[icantwritegood]

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[salamandorange]

The most PATHETIC lil baby sounds...

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[pansyfemme]

im sure ive said this before but speaking as a hairy guy who wears skirts more than pants. sometimes you guys put guys in maid dresses when they’re more of a tight blue jeans type femme.. putting fictional men in cute little outfits needs to be done with care.. feminize him but let his style peak thru.. they can’t all be catboys and submissive maids…

[pansyfemme]

also sometimes some guys would wear maid dresses but they’d be party city fuckin unironed wrinkled shiny plasticy fabric shit. absolute dismal presentation. but it would fit character wise. because i care about these kinds of things

[srsfunny]

[catchymemes]