Yunjin Trash

[imfearlessfics]

Chapter 6: The First Post

Song: Antifragile by LE SSERAFIM, No Celestial by LE SSERAFIM, Sour Grapes by LE SSERAFIM

Pairing: Yunjin x female reader

Genre: Romance, forbidden love

Warnings: Language, angst

Word count: 3.2k

The day was finally here. The first TikTok post of the new comeback schedule! We’ve been working tirelessly putting together dozens of drafts that we can post over the next few weeks. Getting to spend time with the girls was a huge bonus, but getting to do what I enjoy every single day with such an incredible support system was at the center of it all. I’ve been so proud of the work that I do, and it wouldn’t have been possible without their music pushing me through. We’ve been joined at the hip so that I could capture the “behind-the-scenes” style videos of them getting ready for the comeback. If they were awake and conscious, I was there with my camera or phone capturing as much of it as they were comfortable with. 

There were obvious benefits to being around them so much over the last two months, not the least of which being my growing friendship with such amazing women. As a unit, they’re unstoppable. Hardworking, dedicated, and so freakin’ talented. But part of this comeback is stripping back the curtain, and getting to understand their individual approaches to their work. Though they all share a common dream, each of their motivations for being here and their execution of their work is unique, and it’s important to show that to the fans. I hope it humanizes them a little, and it also gives me ample time to develop a true friendship with them, which will make our lives much easier as time goes on and I continue to make content for them. 

Working with Kazuha was humbling. To see her take charge of her goals despite being far from her home and her family was so motivating. She would sometimes stumble here or there, forgetting a phrase or vocabulary word, but I made it my mission to be a support in those moments. We developed a bond over our shared experiences of leaving home to pursue a career here, and I couldn’t be more grateful for it. I wanted her to feel comfortable, so I encouraged her to speak Japanese and share parts of her culture in some of the videos and insisted we’d find a translator to add subtitles later. She seems appreciative of the opportunity, and it’s only helped us grow closer. I love asking her questions about her hometown, and she does the same with me. I can’t wait to keep showing the fans what an incredible woman she is. 

Sakura was no different, though she’d had more experience with working here in South Korea, so I tried to focus on that. How has her perspective of the industry changed over the years? How have you grown as an artist in South Korea? Would you ever want to have a hand in writing some of your Japanese singles? She was so eager to share her ambitions, and I fell in love with her enthusiasm. Her energy is just so magnetic, and she is a hustler at heart. 

It took a little longer to develop that same rapport with Chaewon, but not for any bad reasons. She is the leader, so she has a ton of weight and responsibility on her shoulders. I knew her focus was ensuring that all the members have a fun and safe comeback, and that’s exactly what I wanted to highlight. The way she cares for each of the members was incredibly endearing, and her love for them is an everyday thing, so finding those moments where her leadership shines wasn’t difficult at all. Filling up Eunchae’s water bottle when she noticed it was running low, giving the last bite of her meal to Kazuha to ensure she wouldn’t get hungry during practice, and so many more moments that I was able to capture. Even if we didn’t develop a super close friendship over the last couple of months, we’ve grown to respect and admire one another, and that meant the world. 

Working with Eunchae was … an experience. She really is a maknae in every sense of the word! A carefree spirit with so much wonder and excitement to be working in this industry - she must be protected at all costs. With her being the youngest in a group with two seasoned members, it’s easy to attribute her professionalism to having unnies with more experience. And while they absolutely play a huge part in helping to guide her, I really wanted to shine a light on her individuality. What does she like to do when she’s not being an idol? When does she have a spare moment to just be a kid? She was thrilled to have small pockets of the day to show me her hobbies outside of performing, and I can’t wait for people to get a whole new perspective on her. 

And of course, working with Yunjin was…not like work at all. It was effortless, in fact. Getting content figured out for her was probably the easiest since she knew from the get-go what she wanted to showcase, which was her songwriting. She let me see what her writing process was like, how it always starts with her and a guitar and a story, and it was so beautiful to be a part of that. But between getting shots of her playing the guitar or writing lyrics in her journal, hanging out with her was like hanging out with your closest childhood friend. We’d paint each others’ nails, watch our favorite music videos - being around her was like when you’d meet someone in Kindergarten and instantly become best friends. I suppose we both missed out on those kinds of experiences growing up. She worked tirelessly to follow her dreams of becoming an idol, and I was … well I was too anxious to try and make friends growing up. Now that we get to do what we love, we have some time to do what we never got to. We’d go to the convenience store down the street to grab our favorite snacks and just talk for hours about anything and everything. Yunjin and I were almost inseparable, and I know it’s dumb of me to let my heart think for me, but it really seems like she feels it too. I don’t know what “it” is, but I know that I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone in my life. The way we can laugh about absolutely nothing. The way I wanna tell her every secret I’ve ever known. The way that I trust her when she tells me I’m doing a good job - I just can’t help but wonder if …

It was clear that we had become the closest, but I was careful to keep it professional. There is no way that anyone could chalk it up to anything more than a friendship between two people who happen to share a home country. That being said, I know I shouldn’t have, but I sometimes let myself forget that at the end of the day, my time with her was technically work. 

Oh shoot - I was talking about work, wasn’t I? 

Anyways, after several hours of editing, the first post looks something like this: various shots of the members getting hair and makeup done, clips from the dance practices, outfit fittings, recording sessions, and clips from my one-on-one time with them. Snippets of their upcoming single cut in and out until the screen goes black and the audio cuts out altogether - then a clear shot of them performing the killing part of the choreography as a single line from the chorus plays. I was SO excited about how it turned out, and it even went over really well at the meeting from hell that Ha-Rin made me conduct. The girls absolutely loved it, so that was all that mattered to me. 

We were about two hours out from making the post, so there was a meeting to go over the final details before our lives became a (functional) garbage fire while we navigated the comeback. Ha-Rin sauntered in to begin the meeting, and before I knew it, I was just 5 minutes away from posting my first real piece of work for the entire world to see. I stared at the clock with a pit in my stomach and counted down the minutes until -

5…4…3…2…1.

The comeback has officially started, my dream is finally coming to fruition, and I … am pretty sure I’m gonna throw up. Our meeting ends with applause from the whole team, but there is a collective breath being held. LE SSERAFIM’s rapid global success is only (ridiculously) intimidating, and all of us have a part to play in keeping the momentum going. 

I rush to the dorms to celebrate with the girls, and as soon as I knock, all 5 of them sweep me into the biggest hug. I wanted to make sure that they felt confident and had a say in their content as well, so I even invited them to edit alongside me so I could get their input.  

“Y/n - we have to celebrate! Dinner tonight? On us?!” Eunchae exclaims.  

“Well, technically it’s dinner on daepyonim, but still,” Chaewon chimes in. We all laugh and that thankfully pulls me out of my ridiculous thoughts of my … friendship with Yunjin. 

“I think it would be fun if we all hung out before tomorrow. It’s gonna get crazy!” Yunjin says as she hooks her arm with mine, and I’m pulled back into my ridiculous thoughts of my friendship with her, and I remember a moment from a couple weeks back.

-Flashback-

“Jen! Can you focus for two seconds? I’m so close to getting this shot perfect!” I playfully complained. Whenever a schedule is taking a particularly long time, she gets a little stir crazy, and it’s impossible to calm her down. But fuck if it isn’t the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Right now, she’s sprawled out on the couch in the dressing room between takes, and she refuses to move. She has the biggest shit-eating grin l’ve ever seen, and everytime I try to get near her to pull her up off the couch, she reaches out to try and pull me down with her. 

“Y/n it’s been like 4 hours since we started!” She pouts. I remind her that it has in fact only been a whopping 45 minutes, and we are almost done. She laughs and tries again to yank me down. 

Could I have put up a bigger fight? Absolutely. But she was just sooo fast and I “somehow” ended up falling down on the couch next to her and -

“YES! I finally got you! You have to learn to relax and enjoy the little moments of peace, y/n. In just a couple of weeks, we’re barely gonna have time to breathe!” The irony of that statement is that I actually can’t breathe RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW because we are closer than we’ve ever been before on a little couch in a tucked away dressing room and I’m getting so red and I don’t know if she can tell how much I am freaking out right - 

“Y/n, are you okay? You’re so tense!” She sits up abruptly and pulls me to sit up in front of her. 

“Oh my gosh it’s because I mentioned the comeback, huh? Listen, I know you must be terrified. I was too right before debut, but you know what helped a ton? Breathing exercises. Let me walk you through some. Close your eyes and hold my hands.” She’s doing this on purpose. She has to be doing this on purpose. Can she seriously not see that it’s not the comeback making me this way but her? 

“Breathe in your nose for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, and breathe out for 7. We’ll do it together.” She gently says, and for a few minutes that’s all we do. It works, of course, but she has no clue that I needed to calm down for entirely different reasons. 

We finally open our eyes only to find the other staring right back, but we don’t pull away. We just kind of … lingered there. She’s still holding my hands when she says, “How do you feel now?”

“A lot better, Jen.” I shyly reply. “Thank you.”

A few more beats pass and it hits us just how close we are. I also can’t help but get that same eerie feeling that there was another pair of eyes on us, but it’s gone before I can give it a second thought. She gently takes her hands back leaving coldness in their wake. 

“You probably already know how to do those kinds of exercises, huh? I know that you get pretty…nervous before meetings sometimes with the higher ups.” She notices so much, even when it seems miniscule to others. It’s one of the things I lov - really admire about her. 

“You’ve seen that, huh?” I look down to avoid the embarrassment that comes with talking about my anxiety. Even though I feel so much more comfortable with her than I have with anyone in a long time, it’s still difficult to talk about. “I’ve had anxiety since I was little. It’s not a big deal or anything - just … always there. Always making the really small things feel really big, you know?” I don’t admit to her that the “small” thing making me so anxious is actually my raging crush on her, and the fact that this crush could ruin not only my career, but hers if it ever got out, so I let her believe it’s still about the upcoming comeback. 

“I don’t think those things are small, y/n. If they’re big to you, then they’re big. And that’s okay.” She looks almost offended that I downplayed it, but it’s quickly replaced with such warmness I forget to breathe for a second. “Y/n, you know you can come to me with anything, right? Shoot me a text at any time of day and just know that even if I can’t respond right away, I will always read it as soon as possible. You’ve done so much for us - let someone else do something for you, okay?” 

Why does she have to make it so damn difficult to not fall for her?  

“Thank you, Jen. Seriously. Your friendship means … so much to me. You have no idea.” I say sincerely. Even if I wasn’t ready to give my whole heart to her, I truly do value these past couple of months. Getting to know her and the other members has been the highlight of my time here so far, and I know it’s just going to get better and better. That is, if I don’t ruin this whole thing by ever sharing my feelings with her and I keep my heart on a strict lockdown until the end of time.

Easy enough. 

-End of Flashback-

“Dinner sounds great! Lead the way!” I say cheerfully, though deep down I know that more time with Jen means less and less of a chance that I can ignore my growing feelings for her. 

We head to a restaurant a few blocks from the company to save their driver a ride, and we spend the next few hours laughing and chatting and relishing our last day before the hectic schedules start tomorrow. 

“That’s not even true! Oh my gosh you’re such a liar!” Chaewon jokingly shouts at Sakura, who’s sharing a very interesting story about a small-time crush she apparently had on a staff member when she first joined the company. 

“Chaewon?! Chaewon are you still there? I can’t see past the redness emanating from your cheeks right now” Sakura throws back, and we all giggle until our stomachs hurt. 

“Get real, Kkura - we barely have time to focus on ourselves, let alone a crush!” Eunchae giggles, but she shoots an almost imperceptible glance my way, and my heart drops a little. No one at the table noticed it, but it was crystal clear that she wanted to send a message, however small. 

“I have to pee SO bad, oh my goodness. Anyone else need to use the restroom?” Kazuha says. Yunjin, Chaewon, and Sakura follow her, and the universe manages to leave me and the only other member who seems to have an inkling of what’s happening at the table…alone. 

A silence ensues for just a few moments, but it feels like the weight of an elephant rests on my chest before Eunchae finally speaks up. 

“Unnie. You know I love you, right? That we all do?” She looks at me with so much sadness in her eyes that I know the next words out of her mouth won’t - can’t - be taken back, and that somehow makes everything so much more real.

Maybe if I play dumb - if I deny that anything is happening at all - then this conversation won’t bring any illusions I may have had crashing down to the ground beneath me. 

“Of course I do. I … I love you guys too, of course. And - and I’m so excited for tomorrow and …” The sentence dies on my tongue, and the look on her face twists into one of pain. 

“Unnie - please. If you think the last few months have been busy…the next few will feel almost impossible. We barely get any sleep, we hardly get a chance to even sit down. It’s hard to find a moment for ourselves let alone … for someone else.” I can tell that she feels horribly guilty for what she’s saying … without actually saying. But it hurts all the same. 

“No of course. I - I want to help in any way that I can. I’ll be there - for each of you - whenever you need! Are you worried that I won’t?” Playing dumb can only get me so far, but the truth is a hair’s breadth away from being put out into the universe, and the second that it does, I don’t get to pretend anymore. 

“Y/n unnie, I - I see the way you look at her.” Eunchae reaches over to grab my hand. “At first, I truly believed you two were getting so close because you both are from America! That’s why I pushed so hard for you two to have some alone time on that first day! I loved that she had someone that she could relate to and could share stories with but…but, a couple weeks ago. In the dressing room? I saw the way you looked at her. And she -” She cuts herself off, but what was she about to say about Jen? And how could I have been so careless as to not notice that someone had stumbled upon our … moment? “It doesn’t matter, unnie. And I am so sorry but please - please - promise me, you won’t act on this.” 

I can see in her eyes how guilty she feels, so I simply nod. “Eunchae?” I whisper.

“Yes, unnie?” 

“Does anyone else know?” 

“No, unnie. Just me. I think the other unnies truly believe you’re just friends.” Her head is hung, and I wish I knew why her heart seems to be just as broken as mine right now. 

I can’t say much else because we hear the girls coming back, so we quickly adjust ourselves and pretend the last few minutes never happened. An almost impossible feat.

The night goes on and we continue to enjoy our time together … as friends. 

Because as Eunchae so delicately reminded me, that’s all any of us will ever get to be.

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HOLY HELL Y'ALL I am so sorry for the 3 month disappearance. Life has been wildly busy, but I finally found it in me to get some writing done, so here we are! I made it longer than usual, so hopefully that makes up for the fact that I GHOSTED everyone. So sorry again! Hope you enjoy!

[imfearlessfics]

popping in to say stray kids’ comeback is freakin elite and I personally think it’s their best cb yet

[imfearlessfics]

Chapter 5: The Antagonist

Song: Into the I-LAND by I-LAND, A Song Written Easily by ONEUS, Blueprint by Stray Kids

Pairing: Yunjin x female reader

Genre: Romance, forbidden love

Warnings: mild language

Word count: 2.5k

It’s been a few weeks, and I’m really starting to feel like I’ve settled in. There’re still some boxes strewn about my room, and I haven’t quite gotten the subway system down, but I have a routine. I wake up around 5AM, get ready, and head to the subway where I proceed to look hopelessly at the train schedule until I find my stop, then arrive at work almost two hours early. (I refuse to arrive late and risk the wrath of President Hwang. As kind as she is, she didn’t make it to where she is without cracking the whip here and there, so sitting in the cafe while I practice my Korean and look over my schedule for the day makes the early ass mornings worth it.) Then after my morning status meeting, I shadow other employees. All. Freaking. Day. Long. 

I get that I’m new here, and I totally understand wanting to ensure I comprehend the processes and inner workings of one of the biggest companies in the world, but for the love of GOODNESS I want to get some actual work done! What is the point of a status meeting when my status is always “still learning the ropes and prohibited from creating content on my own”?! I shouldn’t complain too much, though. It is a huge company, literally and figuratively, so having this much time to learn the ins and outs has been helpful. I shadow someone new everyday - that’s how many employees work here! Sometimes it’s the studio engineers and sometimes it’s the baristas at the cafe. I never have a predictable day, that’s for sure. 

Last week, however, I finally started shadowing the actual department I was hired for: the marketing team. I can tell you this for free; They don’t mess around. The way that they approach styling to comebacks to tours is meticulous. Every little thing down to the polish on the idols’ nails has a reason and a story, and I’m slowly realizing just how huge my role is in all of this. The TikToks that I’ll be making in the coming weeks will be the first glimpse into their new comeback, and we’re hoping to keep elevating LE SSERAFIM on a global scale. It’s been extremely hush hush, but today, the comeback content meetings begin, and free time will cease to exist. I’m booked from morning til night every day for weeks, and that’s just getting all the ducks in a row. The teasers won’t drop for another couple of months, I’m told. 

I haven’t been able to see the girls too much since my schedule is mostly just getting to know the company, but I pass them every once in a while when I’m shadowing. They always greet me happily, like we’ve already become the best of friends, and it makes each day a little brighter. And while I love seeing all of them, there’s one in particular that makes my workday exponentially better. 

Ever since that day in the practice room, there is a tiny flutter in my heart that beats to the sound of her laughter. My cheeks flush at the sight of her smile, and my hands tremble whenever she waves at me, and I … I can’t believe how sappy I sound right now! 

Y/n, get it together! Some crush on an idol you literally work for is only gonna distract you!

But in between the meetings and the shadowing and the constant hustle and bustle, I can feel myself cringing at the word “crush”. Just a couple of hours around her and there’s now a constant pull to want to be near her. The desire to feel just as carefree and happy and fearless as I did in that room. Because for the rest of the day, I couldn’t stop stealing glances at her and wanting my jokes to be funny just to see her chuckle, but feeling acutely aware of a pair of eyes tracking my every move. I would’ve been paranoid about it, but I was having too much fun with them, so I wrote it off as me just imagining things. 

I have the marketing meeting in a few minutes, so I pack up my breakfast and head to the conference room. As I’m settling in, one of my coworkers, Lee Ha-Rin, enters the room. And how do I know that she entered the room? Because she made a spectacle about it - loudly talking about her absolutely wild weekend, laughing at a joke that from what I could understand was not even that funny, and making sure to bat her eyes at just about every male employee in the room. 

I am a woman that supports women, and I never want to speak poorly about another woman for being unapologetically herself, but from the moment I met Ha-Rin, she’s made it abundantly clear that she looks down on me for being a foreigner with such little experience. 

“Oh my goodness hi! You must be the new girl - y/n, was it? I’m Ha-Rin, the leader of Le Sserafim’s marketing team for this comeback. You must be so overwhelmed! I’m sure that nothing you’ve ever done until now has been quite on this scale, right? Don’t worry - I’ll help you every step of the way” I don’t think it occurred to her the entire time she spoke that I didn’t get a word in, but she just continued to speak at me rather than with me, and I have never gotten good vibes from people that do that. 

“It’s kind of crazy that you even landed this position! I wasn’t yet assigned to be the leader of this project, or I may have tried to find someone with a little more experience, but that’s what we’re here for, I guess! To walk you through the processes.” She had a smile on her face the entire time, but the tone in her voice was unmistakable, and the sting from her words has been lying just beneath the surface ever since. 

She gets to the front of the room and begins her presentation on the schedule for the next couple of weeks, and I can see on the calendar something that fills me with equal parts dread and excitement - my name! Next to the words “Content Meeting”! I get to run my very first meeting in … in four days? Hold on, how is that possible? I haven’t even officially begun working with the members yet, and I have to lead an entire meeting on potential content ideas? Contrary to some people’s beliefs, TikTok is not just some “social media app” - it’s a science. It is the number one way that artists are discovered, it has over a billion monthly users, and it’s used daily in over 150 countries across the globe. Knowing how to use this app correctly to build communities and fan bases is … well it’s a pretty valuable skill! One that took me years to hone in and develop. Just creating a posting schedule is extremely specific and time consuming, so you can imagine how tirelessly one would have to work to also create the content itself. And Ha-Rin has given me four days to do both! How can this be fair? She sees the look on my face and, to my delight, decides to comment on it in front of the entire room. 

“Y/n? Is something wrong?” She makes a fake show of looking back at the screen with concern on her face, “Oh…is this too much for you? Should I push the meeting back for you?”  

“Not at all. It’s just that I haven’t even worked with the members one-on-one yet, so I am concerned about organizing a meeting without having the proper information yet.” I don’t know how I manage to keep composure in the midst of the panic brewing inside me, but I continue with only a slight tremor in my voice, “I am happy to spearhead the meeting, but I’m afraid it will be unrealistic to expect a comprehensive schedule for 2 weeks of content without proper interaction with the members.” Damn, I sound smart. 

The slightest twitch in Ha-Rin’s eye tells me I struck a nerve by advocating for myself in front of all our coworkers, but she can’t show that she’s shaken. “Well, as luck would have it, you’re actually scheduled to shadow them for a few hours everyday starting today. Will that be enough time, y/n?” 

She and I both know that it isn’t, but unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of say. I’m the newest addition to this team, and while I don’t like how she openly condescended me for it, she’s not exactly wrong about me not having experience working with this level of stardom. At the end of the day, I’ll get this done because I have to, and that might be a good way to prove my value to the team. I’m gonna have to spend a lot of time with the members, though, and … wait. That’s actually the best possible thing I could have hoped for! Okay, pity party over. 

“Yes. That should be plenty of time. I will need to spend the next few days exclusively shadowing them, though, so I hope some adjustments can be made to my schedule to accommodate for that. Will that be possible?” Fear seems to make me impervious to death glares, which is exactly what Ha-Rin is shooting me right now. I would care more, but this is my job, and moreover, this is their comeback. Nothing can be rushed, and even Ha-Rin has to respect that. With a smile so tight I fear her face will snap in two, she just nods and continues with her presentation. 

As we all pack up to get on with the day, she stops me just before I can escape. “Y/n, can you hang back for just a moment?” Crap on a cracker - I knew blind bravery was gonna bite me in the ass. 

“What can I help you with?”

“Just want to make sure we are on the same page about your upcoming content creation for the group. You know, it is very important that you don’t have any biases. You must plan in accordance to the guidelines we give you, not according to your own personal preferences. Does that make sense?” There’s still a few stragglers, so the show she’s putting on right now could win her a damn Oscar for “Genuine and Kind (but actually cunning and conniving) Boss”. Though, I am not sure what she’s playing at right now. I’ve barely spent more than a few hours with them, what is she even talking about?

“Biases? I’m not sure what I have done to indicate that I’m … playing favorites. Unless you’ve been seeing something I’m not aware of?.” The tension is palpable, and I’m pretty sure some of my coworkers are procrastinating just to see this go down. 

“Oh no, nothing crazy. I mean, if I had seen anything out of the ordinary, say longing stares or lingering touches with one particular member, I would certainly bring it to your attention. You’d know the repercussions of such actions, right?” 

The silence that follows is suffocating - there is no way I have been that obvious. No. I might look Yunjin’s way when she’s around, but I couldn’t have been so conspicuous as to catch anyone’s attention. Even I’m not that dumb. Unless…shit. I knew I had felt someone watching me the last few weeks. I had chalked it up to me being the new girl. Harmless curiosity! But if Ha-Rin has been out for me since day one? If she’s been purposely looking for a reason to cast me out? Then of course she’s picked up on my crush (read: ever growing infatuation and hopeless longing). I have to do damage control - and my job has barely even officially started! 

“I’m not sure what exactly you’ve seen, but I am simply doing my best to develop rapport with the members and my coworkers. I only hope to treat each member fairly and within the guidelines of the company. I’m sure that is okay to do? Considering I’ll be spending so much time with them?” 

She flashes that tight smile again, it’s like someone is pulling her cheeks back as she fights back. “Of course. We couldn’t be more thrilled to have such a … dedicated team member on board. We’ll talk later, y/n. You need to get to the members, yes?” She saunters out without another word, and I let out a shaky breath. 

Gathering all my strength, I make my way to the practice rooms where I know the girls are practicing. I make sure not to walk in while they’re dancing, so I wait outside for a few moments to let the song finish. Of course, my eyes wander to one member the fastest. She’s glowing, and the confidence she emits puts me at ease a little. Her stage presence is magnetic, and I almost miss that the song has ended and I’m good to head in. 

“Y/n! Hi! Oh my gosh is it finally time? We get to start working together?!” Sakura beams at me. The rest of the girls greet me with such enthusiasm, I decide to forget about my stare down with Ha-Rin. I’m not going to let her superiority complex ruin this opportunity. 

“Hey everyone! Yeah, I guess this is my first official day with you! I’m not filming anything quite yet, but I’ll be taking some notes and getting reference shots. I won’t be in your way, I promise.” 

“Don’t be silly, y/n, you could never be in our way,” says Yunjin, and I (internally) scream. 

“What do you need from us, y/n?” says Chaewon. I get a glimpse of what a good leader she is. Her immediate reaction is to ensure everyone’s work can go smoothly, and I appreciate her attention to detail. 

“So, I would love to take your group’s core concept as the inspiration for the content we put up in the next few months. Your message surrounds the concept of fearlessness and self-confidence, right? It’s that authenticity I want to capture. Rather than having all the videos be staged, I’d love to get candid shots of some behind the scenes work going into this comeback. Strip back any illusions of perfection and focus on your individual approaches to a comeback. What do you think?” I’ve actually been pretty excited about this idea. It took me a couple of weeks to flesh out how I would approach this without risking spoilers, but I think filming some of the highs and lows in a polaroid film style would not only be in line with their upcoming comeback concept, but also their identity as a whole. 

“Y/n, that’s really good! I love it, and I think our Fear-nots will be thrilled,” Eunchae says. 

“Yeah, I can’t wait to start! Plus I love that we won’t really have to memorize anything extra. We just get to be ourselves.” Kazuha seems particularly pleased, and I feel so proud. 

“Just as I expected - y/n is a genius,” Yunjin winks at me. I beam back, and I make a mental note to wear a face mask any time I’m in the same room as this woman. If I blush any harder, I’ll glow. I get my notebook and phone out, “Alright - let’s get started.”

_____________________________________________________________

Y'all! I did not realize how long it had been since I last posted, but thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has liked the chapters! It makes me so happy!

I was sick for a while and then there were a lot of life changes going down, but I am back! I hope y'all like this - we have a new character and we may or may not hate her a little. What do y'all think?!

[imfearlessfics]

Chapter 4: The Tour 

Song: Choices by LESSERAFIM, Dreams Come True by aespa

Pairing: Yunjin x female reader

Genre: Romance, forbidden love

Warnings: none

Vocabulary: unnie = older sister, refers to older female with whom you're close, maknae = youngest member of the group

Word count: 2.2k

Peeling my eyes away from Yunjin long enough to come back to reality was agonizing. I can’t tell if I made up some cosmic connection just now or if I could see her eyes glistening as well, but I can dwell on that later. Either way, it doesn’t really matter considering this meeting is still in session. 

“Hi, I’m Yunjin! It’s so nice to meet you! You’re from the states, right? It’ll be nice to have someone new to share some stories with!” She shakes my hand and chuckles and my heart snaps in two. She’s just as kind as I’d hoped she’d be. Too often you hear stories about people meeting their idols and being horribly disappointed, but she’s so warm and welcoming that I almost feel like I belong. 

“Yeah, I’m from the states! t’s nice to meet you too.” My face is beet-red, and the butterflies in my stomach are so wild I swear she can probably hear the fluttering of wings. She’s just so pretty. 

The girls make their way to the table while everyone fills them in, and I can feel myself staring at her. It would be truly pointless to try to find a flaw, and I can’t help but curse the universe for pouring every ounce of effort into this one woman and leaving the rest of us to pale in comparison. But as welcoming as she is, I can’t help but to feel so small right now. These women have inspired me - been my driving force - for months now, and here we are in the same room together. I still can’t even wrap my brain around landing such an incredible position! I know it will take time to truly feel like I belong, but for now, I will relish the fact that I get to be around such strong women day in and day out.  

The meeting drones on for another hour, and by the end of it, my brain is fried. I get ready to pack up my things when President Hwang pipes up, “Y/n, you can go set your things in the girls’ dorm for now, and then you can start your tour of the building with them.” With them?! Like…alone, with them?! Can my heart catch a break?! 

“Yeah, follow us y/n! We will make sure you know your way around.” Sakura chimes. It’s hard to feel worried around her - she’s such a ray of sunshine. Plus, it’s not like it’s her fault that I’m absolutely starstruck right now. 

As I’m about to pick up my laptop case, Yunjin’s hand reaches down and brushes mine like we’re in some sort of rom-com. She’s really gonna carry my case for me? She could stand to be less perfect, then I might actually have a shot of not becoming even more enamored with her. I start to say that I can grab it myself, but she insists.   

“Oh my gosh please, let me. You’re taking on a lot by working with us, so this is the least I can do!” She says with a smile on her face. I know my cheeks flush, and I catch Eunchae looking at the two of us out of the corner of my eye, each of us with one hand still on the case. I quickly remove my hand and look away - I don’t think anyone can see how much Yunjin affects me yet, but I have to be safe. I can’t risk my career this early in the game. 

I gather up the rest of my things and we all file out of the room and into the hallway. This building is massive, and it’s a little overwhelming how many celebrities’ faces are plastered everywhere. 

We make our way to their dorm on the second floor. They open the door, and I can’t help but feel like I’m intruding on something very private. I look around expecting to see awards lining the shelves or stage outfits hanging on gold racks, but the living room is … normal. Just like you’d expect a typical apartment to look like. There’s some clothes scattered about, books on a shelf in the corner, and a couple dishes on the counter. Nothing out of the ordinary, and in that moment, they all become so much more human. At the core of it all, they’re just young women following their dreams, and I feel a huge sense of relief. 

“Where do you wanna start, y/n? The studios? The practice rooms? There’s a lot to see, and we have plenty of time.” Kazuha says with a kind smile. 

“Have you eaten, y/n? It’s been a pretty busy morning for you, so we can all grab some food real quick and then head on the tour?” Chaewon suggests. Everyone starts to agree, throwing out different cafes in the building when Eunchae interrupts.

“Oh my gosh! I completely forgot that I have a performance check-in tomorrow, and really need to practice and get some feedback.” She would almost be believable if it wasn’t for a little glint in her eye that only I seem to catch. 

“What are you talking about? Didn’t you have your check-in earlier in the -” Chaewon starts to mention, but Eunchae cuts her off again. 

“No! No, you must be thinking of the week before. I really should get a little feedback to make sure I’m ready, though, so maybe one of us can hang back with y/n to grab a snack, and we can all meet up in a few?” I don’t know if it’s a maknae thing, but this has “ulterior motive” written all over it. There’s no way she would just “forget” about a check-in with their choreographer, but she is adamant, and I want to know why. 

Sakura starts to say that she will hang behind with me, getting ready to turn my way when Eunchae stops her, “Oh no, that won’t do, I think I especially need some notes from you. Hey, here’s a totally random thought! Maybe since Yunjin unnie and y/n are both from the states, they can hang for a little! I personally think that is a great idea and there’s really not enough time to go back and forth about it so let’s go! See you two in a bit!” Everyone chuckles at her urgency, but no one seems to think this is out of the norm. Definitely a maknae thing. She’s up to something for sure, but I can’t help the rush of excitement that fills me at the thought of one-on-one time with Yunjin, so I brush it off.

Yunjin laughs in exasperation at their maknae’s antics, but as the four of them walk out, she turns to me and just shrugs her shoulders. “She’s usually pretty weird, but even I don’t understand that girl sometimes.” She grabs a sweater and her bag and notices that I’ve barely moved in the last 5 minutes. “Y/n, you can relax now. This is your new home! You can set down your things, I promise we don’t mind.” 

“I think I’m still a little starstruck, to be honest.” I admit, “I don’t wanna sound weird or anything, but I’m a huge fan of yours…” I trail off because I feel too exposed, but she doesn’t seem like the type to judge, so I continue. “There was a long time where I didn’t think I would ever leave my hometown, and I just felt so…trapped? I guess? And then I heard your guys’ music for the first time and I just, I don’t know, I just felt kinda free.” She looks genuinely interested in what I have to say, and I know I shouldn’t feel the pitter-patter of my heart so strongly because of that, but I don’t know if it’s up to me at this point. “Moving here was my way of hitting the restart button, ya know? Just starting from scratch and doing something I’m actually passionate about for once. Does that make sense?” I realize I just word vomited for no reason, and immediately feel embarrassed. I look down and chuckle, “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. You definitely didn’t ask to hear any of that.” 

She looks at me with warmth in her eyes. “Y/n, if anyone can understand that, it’s me. Please don’t feel embarrassed about sharing that kind of stuff with me. There was a long time where I didn’t know if it would be possible for me to pursue my dreams either, but music is what got me through. I don’t think it’s weird at all that you felt inspired by us - I’m actually really flattered.” Yeah, she definitely doesn’t realize the effect her kindness is having on me, but I don’t really want to cry in front of the woman I’m low-key crushing on, so I try to break up the atmosphere. 

“Thank you for not making me feel weird about…telling you my life story.” She chuckles, and some of the heaviness dissipates. “I’m really excited to get to work with you all, and I hope I can stick around for a while. Did you want to grab a snack before we catch up with the other girls?”

“Yeah, that sounds great” She makes sure I have my things, and we head to a little cafe on the first floor before making our way to the practice rooms.

“I figure it’ll be easier if we’re all in the same area of the building, plus you can get a feel for the space so you can plan out the best way to film the videos.” She explains. We ended up getting something small from the cafe, but I can barely focus on forming sentences right now, let alone choke down a whole meal! And even though I’m terribly nervous to be alone with Yunjin, something about this feels seamless. She’s so easy going, and she’s going out of her way to make sure I don’t feel too overwhelmed on my first day. Making sure we go to the least busy cafe, taking backways to avoid bumping into too many new people. She already feels like a friend I’ve known forever, but something deep inside me feels a twinge at the word “friend”, and I internally scold myself for that ridiculous feeling. This is just a little crush born from all the excitement of your first day. She’s beautiful and friendly (and perfect) and you’re overwhelmed by all the changes going on in your life right now. That is all this is. 

We finally make it to the practice rooms, and she opens the door to one of them to let me inside. It’s kinda crazy to see this in person. I’ve seen countless videos filmed from inside these rooms, and now, it’s basically my office! 

“So most of our dance practice videos are taken in this room, but sometimes we film in the bigger rooms for the like … dance challenges or if we’re doing a TikTok trend or something. I can show you that one later, but that might be where Eunchae and the girls are right now. For now, do you wanna set down your stuff, and we can try filming something right now? I don’t know if you need to like … adjust the lighting or find a certain spot in the room or something. I’m not a professional like you.” She chuckles and looks almost…bashful? I have to be making that up, so I rid my mind of the thought. 

“Yunjin, I think it’s safe to say that you’re the professional out of the two of us. You’re an idol, and I’m just barely starting my career! But you’re right, it would be good to get a feel for the room and what spots will be best to film in. Lemme just get my camera set up.”

I fiddle with my camera while she goes to the computer to put on some music, and “Choices” starts playing through the speakers, but instead of doing the official choreography, she does something completely unexpected. She’s flailing her arms, pretending to twerk, and leaping around the room, and I start laughing hysterically. 

“Come on, y/n, let’s see your moves. I know it might be hard to keep up since I’m an idol, but I gotta see what you can do” She calls out, still running around the room like someone who’s never even heard the word “choreography”. I stare in disbelief at this woman who’s a certified trained professional. A woman who probably took classes in poise, grace, and presentability. A woman who is making a fool of herself just so that I can let my guard down and enjoy this experience. 

I carefully set my camera down and hurry over to join her in the center of the room, both of us dancing like morons and just appreciating a moment between two newfound friends living their dreams. 

We are laughing and moving around so much that we don’t notice the 4 girls peeking in through the window on the door, wondering what on earth has gotten into us. Eunchae is the first to pop in, almost immediately joining in on the chaos. The other girls are soon to follow, and soon we are all having the time of our lives just messing around. 

And in the midst of utter nonsense, I realize then and there: I’m gonna be okay. 

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Hi everyone! I'm sorry it's been over a week; I was having some health issues, so I couldn't get to my laptop for a bit! I hope you enjoy this next chapter :) Lemme know what you think of it so far!

Also! When the dialogue is italicized, it's happening in Korean. If it's not italicized, it's in English!

[imfearlessfics]

Chapter 3: The Meeting 

Song: Rise - Intro by Taeyang, 1AM by Taeyang

Pairing: Yunjin x female reader

Genre: Fluff, funny, romance

Warnings: Semi explicit language

Word count: 1.5k

Vocabulary: sajangnim = boss / president, Annyeonghaseyo = Hello 

Everyone lies on their resume, so it didn’t seem like a bad idea to put “Calm under pressure” under the skills section at the time. But now I can feel my heart beating throughout my entire body, and they’re gonna know what a giant liar I am any second. 

How many people need to be present at this meeting?! I’m one person, and all I’m doing is coming up with content. Is a conference room with 30+ people necessary? Speaking of said content, I still have no idea who I’m going to be working with or what exactly I will be doing! The email may as well have been written by the freakin’ CIA with how secretive they were. 

“Congratulations. You’ve been hired by Source Music as their new Content Creator. Await further instructions.” 

Thank you…for that wealth of information. Not like I’m uprooting my entire life or anything. 

There’s dozens of conversations taking place as we settle in. Some talking about their weekends, others about their hangovers, and some going over the layout of today’s meeting. Interns are rushing to get coffee and department heads are fiddling with their laptops so they can project their powerpoint. I catch a glimpse at some of the files: “TXT Tour”, “New Jeans New Concept”, “Seventeen Mini-Album”. I crack the biggest smile, because after all the hard work, all-nighters, and moments of doubt, this is what I get to do. This is what it was all for.

Introverts get this bad rap for being too quiet or too shy or just too small to ever take up enough space. But keeping my head down and focusing on my dreams is what got me here, so I would say we can do pretty well for ourselves. 

The entire room goes almost silent in an instant as a woman walks into the room. Scattered “Annyeonghaseyo sajangnim”s fill the room as who I can only assume is the one in charge sits down at the head of the table. Her presence is commanding, but she doesn’t seem unapproachable. I get the sense that she had to overcome a lot of doubt and judgment before making it to this table, and I feel a strong sense of respect for her. 

“Good morning, everyone. Let’s please give a warm welcome to our newest team member, y/n.” Everyone bows, and I take a moment to memorize my new coworkers’ faces. They seem kind enough, but I know I’ll need to keep my guard up. I worked too hard to get here to lose it to an unsuspecting peer. “Y/n will be spearheading content creation for one of our biggest TikTok accounts, so she will be plenty busy over the next few months as I’m sure you can imagine.” Oh damn. TikTok!? I definitely didn’t think they’d be giving me that much responsibility, but what an honor. Remember, y/n, you are capable of whatever you set your mind to. 

I soon discover her name to be Hwang Eun-Jeong, or more formally, President Hwang, which sets my mind at ease immediately. Eun-Jeong has several meanings, one of which is kindness; I knew I got a good feeling from her! She launches into explaining the basic overview of the meeting. Introducing myself, discussing responsibilities and schedules, and familiarizing myself with the team and building are all on the agenda. It’s a lot to go over, and I know my nerves are starting to go into overdrive, but the last thing she says nearly makes my heart stop altogether. 

“Oh, and we can’t forget to introduce her to the members. They had an unexpected schedule come up, so they will have to join us a little later, but as soon as they return, ensure they all can spend some time together. Who will let Chaewon know?”

Chaewon? As in Kim Chaewon?! Ex member of IZ*ONE, Kim Chaewon? The leader of LESSERAFIM, Kim freaking Chaewon?! 

Nooo no no no no no there is no way that this is happening. I am not that lucky. I did not get placed as content creator for my favorite girl group. Absolutely not. They made some super weird mistake or they’re pranking me or I’m officially off my rocker because honestly, psychosis seems like a more plausible explanation for what I just heard. 

I thought I was just gonna be the brains behind the operation - I didn’t know I’d be working directly with the actual members! Curse that oddly ambiguous email! But the more I think about it, of course they couldn’t tell me I’d be working with them. Their next comeback is the most anticipated of the year. They’ve been completely out of the public eye for months, only posting teasers here and there to generate buzz. Even I was wondering where the hell they’d been, but I was content to just be in the same building as them. I could have never anticipated this, and I had tried to prepare for everything with this move and career change. 

Almost everyone in the room has turned to look over at me, and it’s then that I realize my mid-morning crisis has been visible to my new coworkers. “Y/n, are you ready to introduce yourself?” President Hwang gently prompts. I plaster the biggest (fakest) smile I can muster and slowly make my way to the front of the room. I launch into my carefully planned speech, and it goes off without a hitch. Luckily, I can hide my utter mortification with ease, so that’s a win, I guess. I wrap up my presentation, and thankfully, it was received well. Everyone seems genuinely excited to have me on board, so even though I am reeling with the realization that I’ll be working directly with some of my biggest inspirations on a daily freakin’ basis, I breathe a sigh of relief. I’ll have to take this one step at a time if I want to be successful. 

President Hwang expertly guides us through the next several weeks of schedules, and oh my god will I be busy. I knew that the working culture out here was different from back home, but I’m not gonna have time to form thoughts, let alone adjust or settle in! I make a mental note to sit down tonight and memorize my schedule so I can be prepared. 

A gentle knock on the door beside me interrupts my train of thought, and the entire world comes to a stop yet again during this meeting. I see five borderline ethereal women file into the room as they bow and greet the rest of the staff. And that’s when it hits me - I am sitting in the same room as LESSERAFIM. I am breathing the same air as LESSERAFIM. I am staring like a goddamn fish out of water at LESSERAFIM. If you look like a weirdo in front of any of these women (but especially Yunjin), I’m gonna whoop your ass, y/n.

I manage to compose myself long enough to give a quick bow and smile to each of them, and President Hwang thankfully senses my nerves, so she initiates introductions. 

“Ladies, this is y/n, your new content creator for your TikTok account. She has excellent qualifications and should make a great addition to your team.” Thank goodness this woman is making me look good, cuz lord knows I am doing a terrible job of that right now. I decide that I can’t be afraid forever, so I stand up to shake their hands. 

“Hi! I’m y/n. It’s so nice to meet you all.” I say with only a slight tremble in my voice, but my hand gives me away instantly - it’s shaking like a leaf in a windstorm. 

Eunchae is the first to notice my nerves, so she’s immediately welcoming. “Hello! It’s nice to finally meet you. Please don’t be nervous - we’ll all be fast friends, I’m sure!” Kazuha is next to greet me, and I can tell she’s also a little nervous, which helps to calm me down a little. We both know the feeling of uprooting our lives to come here, learning the language, and feeling like an outsider, so I am hoping that helps us to build a connection. “Hi, I’m Kazuha. It’s so nice to meet you. I look forward to working with you!” I say hello to Sakura and Chaewon, who are both so sweet, and then I see her. You know those super cheesy scenes in movies where the main characters lock eyes and the entire world seems to freeze? There’s violins and like … wind for some reason blowing through their hair (even if it’s clearly inside), and no one seems to notice the two complete strangers just openly staring at each other? Well technically none of that happened, but you get the idea. I truly thought those directors were just dramatic, but I know something shifted just now. A muffled warning from something deep within me that knows I can’t let any more shifts happen, but Huh Yunjin is looking right at me, and something tells me this meeting - meeting her - might have just changed … Well, everything. 

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Hi! A little slow like the last chapter, but I promise I just want to build as much detail and backstory as possible. I hope y'all are liking it:) Enjoy!

[imfearlessfics]

Chapter 2: The Beginning

Song: No Celestial by LESSERAFIM

Pairing: Yunjin x female reader

Genre: Fluff, funny, romance

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety and panic attack, explicit language

Word count: 1.2k

3 years earlier …

Holy shit. 

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit, that’s Huh Yunjin. 

Can bi-panic be a thing? I guess that wouldn’t make sense if I like men and women because liking a man is to be expected but so is liking a woman, but I’ve never dated a woman so would this classify as bi-panic? I mean if I really break it down - 

God, even my internal ramblings are insufferable. Pull it together, y/n.

But honestly, how can I? Has there ever been a more perfect human? She’s stunning. I’m halfway across a giant building, and I can see that clear as day. The long brown hair with just the right amount of wave to give it an “I-woke-up-like-this” look, but I know it took at least two stylists to make it curl like that. The cute bags under her eyes that make her that much more precious. The button nose that scrunches up when she laughs. And that smile. 

My goodness, that smile is everything. Bright and perfect and angelic and … can a smile even be angelic? I’ve never seen an angel; How would I know what their smiles look like? Do angels smile? I mean I say I’ve never seen an angel, but looking at her, I just - 

God dammit, there I go again. 

How can she make me this flustered from across the room? I’ve never even met the woman. 

Wait. I’ve never met her, but I very well could! I’ll be working in the same building as her. What if I bump into her in the hallways? What if we lock gazes in the cafeteria? What if we like to go on walks at the same time every morning and we end up awkwardly running into each other every single day and then -

Stay cool, y/n. You didn’t come all the way to South Korea to have a meltdown on the first day. 

I haven’t always wanted to travel. In fact, I spent most of my life preparing for the ordinary. Mortgages, tax returns, sensible footwear … But after COVID, I got an itch I just couldn’t scratch. There was so much world to see, and despite sometimes feeling invincible in my 20’s, tomorrow is never promised. So I dove right into the deep end. I started taking Korean classes at the local university, did mind-numbing amounts of research, and just did the thing. 

As simple as I try to make it sound, though, I’ve never done something more challenging. My self-esteem was buried six feet under for the longest time. I took up as little space as possible, spoke quietly and only when spoken to, and I just felt stuck. My insecurities were chains that kept me trapped in a cycle of hopelessness. I fell into a funk and almost gave up on the whole thing. Korean was kicking my ass, applying for jobs in a different continent was so confusing, and I constantly questioned if I was good enough to make content for such a big company.

And then I heard LESSERAFIM for the first time, and everything just clicked. The powerful lyrics, their work ethic, the transparency of their journey - I saw myself in them, and I got a new rush of inspiration to follow my dreams. 

It’s been two years of non-stop grinding, but I am now standing in the lobby of Hybe (holy shit), getting ready to start my first day as a content creator for Source Music. It sounds too good to be true, but trust me when I say that years of hard work, dedication, and -

Oh my god, why is she closer than she was a couple of minutes ago? Oh my god she is walking in my direction. My direction? It’s not really my direction, I don’t own it or anything. The direction that I’m in? Towards the general vicinity? 

Y/n, shut up and focus. 

“Annyeonghaseyo” Did she just say hi to me? Why are my lips not fucking moving? Say something - anything! What was the point of all those Korean lessons if you can’t say one freaking -

“Annyeonghaseyo. Mwohsseul deulilkkayo?” Why is someone asking me what I want? Oh …

Her (gorgeous) smile is for the barista. At the cafe. That I’m currently standing right next to. I forgot I was grabbing a coffee before the introductory meeting. I also forgot to pick my jaw up off the floor as she walked by, so I probably look like I’m losing oxygen right by the freakin’ latte machine. 

I love when I play it cool. Just love it. 

I quickly grab my cup that’s been sitting there for goodness knows how long and shuffle to the elevators. Dying from embarrassment wasn’t on the list of things to do on my first day, but we love a good plot twist. 

The ride up to the 4th floor is agonizing. I don’t know when the nerves started kicking in, but I can feel it building in my chest. Come on, y/n. Not today. Please not today. 

I’ve had anxiety since I can remember, but years of therapy have helped me come up with ways to lessen the blow when my brain decides to have a cortisol rager. Deep breaths, counting backwards from 100, tucking my knees to my chest. They’ve all worked to an extent, but the thing that brings me back to earth the quickest is something my mom taught me when I was young. 

“Put your hand over your heart, y/n. Close your eyes, and say ‘I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe.’ Think of the things that bring you peace, and don’t stop until you understand that you’re not in danger.” Years of therapy, and this works better than just about anything. 

I look at my reflection in the elevator doors. Brown, curly hair, brown eyes, and a whopping 5’4” - average. That’s what I always thought about myself, but I’m starting to realize the beauty in my figure. I have thick thighs with beautiful stretch marks and a tummy that sticks out ever so slightly. “That’s a full belly, sweetheart. And it’s beautiful,” my mom used to say. My hair is just as stubborn as I am, with curls that get tangled if someone even breathes near me. But my favorite feature is my tattoo. A red snake that runs the length of my right arm. It’s easy to think I got it just cuz I’d look badass, and while I absolutely do look badass, it’s more than that. Red is the color of passion and love, and snakes represent transformation and creativity. I spent my whole life doubting myself - doubting that I’d ever amount to anything great. But in the last couple of years, I’ve realized how much power I truly hold. I refuse to spend any more energy believing that I’m not worth it, and this tattoo represents that growth. 

Existential thoughts in the Hybe elevator … take it down a couple notches, y/n.

I place my hand over my chest just like my mom said, and repeat the mantra. “I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe.” I’m interrupted when I hear the ding of the elevator, and I cautiously step out. I’ve officially made it to the first day of the rest of my life.  

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Hi everyone! Hope you like chapter 2:) It's not super exciting, but I wanted to give some backstory to the main character!

[imfearlessfics]

Chapter 1: The End

Song: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer

Pairing: Yunjin x female reader

Genre: Angst, heartbreak

Warnings: Explicit language, sad hours

Word count: 487

“How dare you?! How dare you minimize this? Do not feign ignorance because the truth makes you uncomfortable - you know what this is just as much as I do!” I try to control my voice as much as my body will allow, knowing I couldn’t possibly yell at this woman. 

“What do you want me to say, y/n? Huh? That I feel the same way? That I can run off into some beautiful future with you with no consequences?!” She is just as flustered as I am, but years of training to be an idol keeps her calm amidst this … this thing that’s crashing down around me. Around us both. 

“I want you to tell me the fucking truth! Tell me how you feel for once.” My voice breaks. There goes my control. 

“I can’t, and you know that.” She pauses to take a breath. Her hands run over her face as if to try and wipe away the evidence of her rosy cheeks and watery eyes. “I can’t, baby. Please…you have to know that.” Her shoulders have fallen, and I can see every ounce of resolve fade from her beautiful, brown eyes. But wait … did she just call me -

“Y/n. Look at me, please.” She’s closer than she was a second ago. And she’s wiping something from my face …

“Please don’t cry. I -” She looks down. Almost as if looking into my eyes will confirm the thing that neither of us wants to. That neither of us has the will to admit. 

“Please.” I’m not one to beg, but for her, I’d live every day for the rest of my life on my knees. “I’m not asking you to do anything. I just … I just want you to say it. That’s all I want.” I can make it sound simple, but even I’m not that naive. I just wish I could be. Wish I could stay buried beneath the lies and secrets we’ve told just to be able to be near one another these past few years.

“That is doing something, baby. If I say it, I can’t take it back. I’ll do whatever, go wherever you ask me just to be able to breathe the same air as you but … that is the one thing I can’t do.”

My chest has never felt so tight. Only she could take my breath away like this. Only this time, it’s not like that first day. It’s not the butterflies in my stomach kind of breathless. It’s the kind of breathless that leaves too much room for silence. The breathless that makes every second feel like a lifetime. No, it’s not like the first time. But my breath has been hers to do with what she pleases since the moment I saw her.

Ironic, isn’t it? That it feels like all the oxygen has left the room and yet - 

We’re both going down in flames. 

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Hi everyone! This is pretty short, but that was intentional. The other chapters will be longer! I hope you enjoy!