Cynics & Critics

[yourgirlinpieces3]

hey does anyone know why they did that to me

[aropride]

needing to take a shower: worst feeling in the world getting into the shower: hardest task in the world being in the shower: 🚿🧼🛁🧴🫧 getting out of the shower: second hardest task in the world being out of the shower: (soft hair) (soft skin) (cozy towel) (clean clothes) why is getting into the shower always so hard. i should remember this feeling (most beautiful feeling in the world) next time i need to take a shower

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[glitch--daddy]

She's mentally ill but her tits are amazing

[pukicho]

I invented a new trend called “drink sleepy tea and go to bed”

[moonlitmasque]

It's just a fad, it'll pass.

[pukicho]

Think again. China has been doing this trend I just invented for over 4,000 years.

[pangur-and-grim]

oh brother 😔 I had this date a few years back with an autistic guy, where he was like “by the way, you’re autistic too,” and I was like “oh, haha, no I’m not!” and then he went through this listing of every diagnostic trait he’d noticed ending with “and you haven’t made eye contact with me ONCE!” while I sat there getting more and more furious.

in retrospect I think it was very funny, and I hope he’s doing well

[pangur-and-grim]

people are commodifying my anecdotes on twitter

[fallout-lou-begas]

you don't have to advertise that to me, i'm already well aware

[fallout-lou-begas]

is this before or after the hand stuff

[fallout-lou-begas]

was talking about bus ads with my coworkers yesterday and i'd only just mentioned the "reseller ads" before one of them said "yeah, the one for fucking your brother" and everyone nodded. yes yes we've all seen it

[ca314159bara]

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

[the-sweaty-toothed-mad-woman]

today’s the only day you can reblog this

“There Will Come Soft Rains”, Ray Bradbury

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the meaning of life? is to make your bedroom as comfy as possible. that's it that's the purpose

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the secondary purpose is to equip your kitchen and get really really really into international cuisine

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

[krystal-prisms]

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

So after extensive interrogation I have an update:

my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.

the truth is actually weirder

she’s aware dandelions look like this

she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions

she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?

she answered, with complete confidence: Daffodils.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

gosh I enjoy this website

[authoratmidnight]

For comparison, this is a daffodil

[quietlygrousing]

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i don’t think so? i’m southern and buttercups are what we call these things (much tinier)

[maejacrezz007]

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

[fractiousrvt]

This is an Easter Lily. It is an actual lily and therefore deadly to cats.

[blood-trip-god2]

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

[delphinidin4]

This is a marigold:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

[lorienlady]

In the UK these are also Marigolds, but I don’t think anyone is going to confuse them for any of the flowers in the above thread

[fairycosmos]

the miserable bitch industry would crumble without me

[mizuthe-cat]

don’t ask chatgpt I can lie to you for free

[teammatesfriendstohellwiththat]

hello mizuthe-chat how many provinces are there in the united states

[mizuthe-cat]

7

[teammatesfriendstohellwiththat]

wow this feels like it's less than it should be but I'll believe you if you provide visual evidence like a map

[mizuthe-cat]

Of course! Let’s dive in—the seven different provinces of the United States of America are: The Beast Coast, Luigiana, Better Wisconsin, Minigan, Long California, Texas, and Canada+!

[valtsv]

sick of hearing about "healing crystals" that "cleanse your mind and body of negative energy" i want to know which rocks can hurt you and fuck up your vibe so bad

[valtsv]

everyone suggesting uranium isn't wrong but anyone who said "literally any rock if you're willing to resort to violence" are the only people who can get on my level. you're hired.

[milfbaitt]

caincore

[valtsv]

okay which fandom that sprung up out of nowhere overnight like mushrooms after rain is this a reference to i can't keep up anymore

[valtsv]

oh you meant like. that guy from the bible who invented murder. right.

[fairycosmos]

sources are saying ohhhhhhhhh brother

[fairycosmos]

i noticed my horrible patterns! i think the process stops there

[fallout-lou-begas]

i cannot even begin to describe how load bearing this video has been for my mental health lately. thank you macho man randy savage. i'll get over it but not really