Dear abuse survivors, current abuse victims, and outsiders:
Some people can recognize abuse while they’re still in it. Some can recognize it right after they’ve been through it.
But for others, like myself, it can take months or even years for our brains to process the past and come to terms and realize that yes, we went through abuse. We were abuse victims.
At first, it seems weird saying those words in your head or saying them aloud. Those words are so foreign to people like us. It’s so familiar when talking about others, but when talking about ourselves, it’s a whole other case.
And then it sounds like we’re faking it. No, we didn’t go through abuse. It sounds weird saying that what the people around me did to me was abuse. It couldn’t have been abuse, right? It was just tough love or inexperience, right?
It was abuse and it always will be abuse.
We are no more or less of a survivor compared to another just because we didn’t realize it was abuse on day one.
No matter if it was child abuse or adult abuse, no matter if it was physical, sexual, emotional, mental, or psychological, no matter if it was taken out through action or lack of action aka neglect, no matter if it was from one source or many, no matter if it was from family, friends, or lovers, it. was. abuse.
Don’t let the stereotypes make you question yourself.
Abuse is only physical. Wrong.
If it was with a romantic partner it was only sexual abuse. Wrong.
Abuse victims/survivors always turn out fucked up. Wrong.
Men can’t be abused. Wrong.
Only true abuse victims have PTSD from their trauma. Wrong.
Your triggers should never be downplayed, no matter how “silly” or “minor” they may be. Your constant habits gained as a response from all of the abuse received should never be downplayed either.
Don’t question people whenever they flinch at the slightest touch. Give them personal space and only touch them if they let you.
Don’t belittle people who have a meltdown at the sound of a raised tone or a slightly loud sound. Tell them that it’s okay and that you didn’t mean to raise your tone.
Don’t mock people whenever they constantly apologize. Tell them that you’re not mad at them.
Don’t force people to make friends whenever they are really hesitant about it. Remind them that they can take their time and make friends at whatever pace they choose.
Don’t call people psychopaths or untrustworthy whenever they seem to not trust you. Always questioning everyone about every little thing they do towards them was their only method of survival at the time and it’s very hard to stop overanalyzing every detail.
The worst thing you can tell or make your fellow abuse survivors do is sympathize with the abuser.
“They have a rough home life.” Not an excuse.
“They’ve been through abuse too.” Not an excuse.
“They’re gay/lesbian/trans/poc/woman/etc. and therefore are exempt from critism/being called out as an abuser.” Not an excuse.
“They didn’t realize it was abuse.” Not an excuse.
“They were just trying their best to love you.” Not an excuse.
Your abuse is real and always will be. You are never faking it, you never faked it, it’s not all in your head, you are valued.
areudirty
blakekathryn
annaxmalina
kianamaiart
snowghoul
izzy806
baratheonpilled
