So…bit of an intro I guess. Why I chose this URL. a bit about me, other odds and ends.
You can call me Nic, I’m in my mid twenties…and I’ve pretty much been overweight since the age of 12 when puberty started. I was a pretty normal weight before then, maybe a small bit on the chubby side? Nothing too horrible.
Reason for the URL is constantly being told “but you have a great personality though!” “that should count for more than the outside!”
So the dreaded thing called puberty hit me, and at the same time, happened to trigger symptoms of PCOS to show up, including rapid weight gain..which slowly progressed more and more, as i packed on the weight easily, despite not eating overly shitty or anything. More symptoms showed up, horribly painful periods, excess hair..Later to be found, insulin resistance.
Of course being i was of high school age, and kids are real fucking arseholes, this resulted in a lot of bullying, including guys “fake” asking me out. Just does wonders for the self confidence yknow? So queue stress eating, because i felt like absolute shite. Begin vicious cycle of feeling crap about myself, eating snacks to feel better, wash rinse repeat.
I first actively tried to lose weight a couple years back, joined a gym, personal training weekly and food coaching, I even joined a 12 week challenge. I managed to drop 15 kilo’s which I was pretty proud of myself for, on top of building my strength up to the point i could almost leg press double my body weight for a single rep, my max weight rep. Jan 2017 I was still working hard, trying to keep my eating in check…and my weight started to creep back up.. my measurements going up too. 2 kg or more in a week, in about two months, i had gained everything i lost, back WITH interest. It Shattered me, i lost all motivation and went back into my vicious cycle of feeling shit and then stress eating to cope with it.
I’ve slowly been trying to get back to the gym, back at personal training, it’s been about a year since i was actively going. Roll back a couple weeks and I was in a hotel as I was out of state for work training, and happened to catch a glimpse of myself in my under pants and bra in the full length mirror and just died a little on the inside, I did not like what I saw, at all..It made me feel sick, almost repulsed, it was a hard slap to the face seeing myself like that. So it’s helped push me to the decision to try harder to get rid of all this excess weight, so i can get to a point where I am happy with myself.
Other slight niggle i have with my size is, I can talk to people online on games etc, and have people SOMEHOW get attached to me, or feelings or attracted to me, generally want to be around me, laying on the flirts, BEFORE they even know what i look like, or even just seeing my face in display pics or something, yet IRL, Nothing, nada, all I’ve ever copped is negative responses or no response at all. People avoid talking to me or don’t wanna get to know the person beneath the fat I suppose, or it’s my resting bitch face? Who knows.
So here I am today, ranting and rambling somewhat, introducing myself, and why I’ve made this blog, or at least the motivations behind trying to shed some weight.
I’m at a guess, at least 150kg. I go to the gym for personal training every monday for strength training, Soon to try and incorporate some cardio into the mix. I have a lite N easy Lunch delivery coming on Tuesday to see if I will enjoy the food, if I do I will be ordering the 7 day, breakfast/lunch/dinner on the 1200 calorie plan. Food is where I struggle most, especially with my insulin resistance. And I am going to be starting to take my metformin like I should be.
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