no one, absolutely nobody, ever: good job knowing the way, Zoro

shit some of my favorite fictional characters would have said, if they were real, but they're not and my life is sad

[incorrect-one-piece]

A peaceful walk in the woods really relaxes me and the fact that I'm dragging a body should be irrelevant.

Crocodile, probably

[incorrect-one-piece]

Luffy: Did you lose your job because of me?

Law: Nah. The manager's a vampire. And he wanted me to join his legion of the undead.

Luffy, under his breath: I knew it!

[incorrect-one-piece]

Sabo: Things that are fake: gender, time, the government.

Sabo: Things that are real: the chupacabra.

[incorrect-one-piece]

Robin: Name a way to be nice to others.

Zoro: Don't kill them.

Robin:

Robin: Setting the bar a little low, but I'll allow it.

[incorrect-one-piece]

There are few things in life that can't be achieved with occult dark magic.

Dracule Mihawk

[incorrect-one-piece]

Sanji: Look at you! Getting romantic with all these candles! I'm touched!

Nami: Okay, first of all, I'm getting ready to sacrifice you.

[incorrect-one-piece]

[Straw Hats groupchat]

Usopp: begone robin 🔫

Robin: I've been shot.

Robin: You see, I would be dead, if I could die.

Usopp:

Luffy: yeah robin can't die

Robin: They won't let me.

Chopper: who's they?

Robin:

Usopp: robin who is they?

[incorrect-one-piece]

Robin: I've decided I am planning a wedding.

Nami: Whose?

Robin: Zoro and Sanji's.

Nami: They're engaged?

Robin: Not yet.

[incorrect-one-piece]

[in the Straw Hats groupchat]

Luffy: i need advice

[five minutes later]

Luffy: nevermind i already did the stupid thing

[incorrect-one-piece]

Nami: I prevented a murder today.

Brook: Really? That's amazing! How did you do that?

Nami: Self control.

[incorrect-one-piece]

Satan: I HAVE COME TO TAKE YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF HE-

Sanji: Wow, you're tall.

Satan:

Satan: Thanks?

Sanji: How tall are you?

Satan: I don't know, like 6'6", 6'11" with horns?

Sanji, twirling hair: Oh my god, "with horns"! You are so funny!

[incorrect-one-piece]

Luffy: To kill a vampire, you have to stab them through the heart with a wooden stake.

Nami: As an expert on stabbing, I have to say that would kill just about anyone.

[incorrect-one-piece]

Robin: Hi.

Robin: Everyone's bones are wet.

Usopp: Why would you say that?!

Robin: No one said hi back.

[incorrect-one-piece]

Sanji: Do you ever just touch your face and think, "There be bones in me skin."

Sanji: Ignore me, I'm on ketamine.

Luffy: I wish I had bones.

Usopp: I wish I had ketamine.

[incorrect-one-piece]

Brook: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.

Franky: Man, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

[incorrect-one-piece]

Koala: Hey, can you hurry up? Sabo just challenged some guy to a duel and someone honest to God handed him a sword.

Ivankov, confused: He didn't have his own?

[incorrect-one-piece]

Zoro: Why are you calling me at three in the morning.

Chopper: I did something bad, something very bad.

Zoro: Put the corpse on ice, I'm on my way.

Chopper: What? No, it's not- why would I-