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accepting submissions for incorrect quotes!

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bucky: no!

sam: please? for me?

bucky: don’t do that. 

sam: what?

bucky: you think whenever you say “please, for me” that i'll just do anything you want. not this time!

sam: please, for me?

bucky: [sighs] okay. 

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sam: just be yourself. say something nice.

bucky: which one? i can't do both.

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bucky: not to be nsfw but i want someone to hold me while i sleep.

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police officer: you have the right to remain silent. 

bucky: i choose to waive that right! 

bucky: *screaming*

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sam: i hate it when you're right. 

bucky: do you hate me all the fucking time then? 

sam: no, i kinda like you when you talk about how shitty you are. cause then you're wrong. 

bucky:

zemo: that is the fastest i've seen someone go from insulting a person to complimenting them, what the fuck-

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bucky: name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. i’ll wait. 

sam: you and me! 

bucky: *tearing up* ok.

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bucky, brushing their teeth over sam’s kitchen sink: good morning. 

sam: when did you get here?

bucky: i spent the night.

sam: but i remember you were leaving before i went to bed. you said, “goodnight, i’m going home” and then you left. 

bucky: yeah, but then, on my way out, i tripped and fell down the stairs. 

sam: oh my god, were you hurt?

bucky: nah, i just didn’t feel like getting up, so i slept on the floor.

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bucky: when i was your age, we didn’t even have cellphones. 

peter: yeah, but you had stuff we don’t have.

sam: like dinosaurs and moses. 

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sam: it’s just like that old movie, the ape. and by the way, i don’t get it: why was the doctor dressing as an ape and killing people??? 

bucky: wow, talk about spoiler alert. 

sam: oh, grow up, that ship sailed, you’re 80 years too late.

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mickey: wow, chloe, you want to hold my hand before marriage? how awfully lewd of you. 

chloe: we literally slept together yesterday. 

mickey: that's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

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lance: hello, hope.

hope: lance.

hope: you still say it the same way. astonishment mixed with a hint of dread, yet…with a hopeful finish.

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sharon: these two bicker on like an old married couple!

bucky: we ARE an old married couple!

sam: who are you calling old?!

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sam: [squishing bucky’s face between two pieces of bread idiot sandwich style] what are you?!

bucky: a snack.

sam: no!

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lance: i hope no acknowledgement of your birthday was exactly what you wanted for your birthday

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lee: hahaha… hahahaha… hahahahaha…

arvin: haha… is this a good laugh or a bad laugh…? hahaha…

lee: hahaha… AHAHAHAHAhahaha…

arvin: haha… well, the longer it goes on, the more i think it’s a bad laugh…

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mickey: i’m microwaving some coffee

chloe: you really did give up on getting your life back together