styofa doing anything
h
Kiana Khansmith
art blog(derogatory)
taylor price
⁂
Keni
Andulka
Monterey Bay Aquarium
almost home
Misplaced Lens Cap
hello vonnie
ojovivo
oozey mess
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
tannertan36
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
@theartofmadeline
sheepfilms
roma★
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@insanewalkerx
daily affirmations:
i am kind
i am in control of my emotions
it does not bother me when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone
everyone in the house has the right to be in the kitchen
i am kind and in control of my emotions even when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone
This counts as vent art.
i can’t stand “it’s not that deep” attitudes like even if it really really isn’t that deep just PLAY WITH ME. just fucking PLAY. have a meaningless but deep analytical conversation with me. just like think about shit for fun. does anyone else like to think about stuff for fun. it’s so lonely
Hey everyone, remember that being sick or healing from injuries is a hard time for your body. You have to eat a lot and lay still and be kind to yourself! [large neon sign that says HYPOCRITE descends from the ceiling and points at me] Hey what the heck what's this who put that there
@adelinejclose
fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this
Thinking about... Grieving the undead.
You aren't dead, but you're moving 12 hours away.
You aren't dead, but you're leaving our friend group.
You aren't dead but you've moved to a different state and now we text twice a year.
You aren't dead but you blocked me.
You aren't dead but we stopped talking, not on purpose but so long ago that I wouldn't even know what to say to you now.
You aren't dead but you're a stranger to me now.
You aren't dead but we lost touch and now I don't even remember your username.
You aren't dead but I ended things with you and now we never speak.
You aren't dead but I still have to grieve you. Whether I'd change it if I could or not, you're still a presence that I'm used to and now you won't be there anymore.
And so I grieve.
I talk to bugs like they are little men. and you can too.
call me OSHA the way i’m demanding a railing
once again i have been written up by HR
yippee two dollarce
*through gritted teeth* you are not a child taking a test with the purpose of getting the highest score, you are an adult trying new things and finding ways to enjoy your life, make mistakes, be a beginner, be mediocre, be where you need to be, be unlikeable, just. be.
oh you know it's all latestage capitalism but the thing is. how are you supposed to be a person inside of this. a person trying to be a better version of yourself.
oh, you started working young, which was kind of hard, but it's just the way stuff works sometimes. and it was 2008 and your family couldn't afford heat. but it's fine, you grow a spine and get used to the professional world and besides it was the suburbs we're talking about here, like, your life could have been actually hard, so what if your father lost his job and you can't afford to move or turn the lights back on. and once you start making money, it's good. you keep doing that. because now they're relying on you. so you have to do that.
oh you were in thousands of dollars of debt at 17 years old so that you could go to school, because you have to go to school if you want to get a "real" job. you even did it "right", you worked parttime and attended community college before you transferred to a public school. you were under so many merit scholarships.
which is fine. you pick yourself up and you say like, okay. i graduated college. i'm holding down a job. i'm doing the Adult Thing, which looks and acts like this, according to all the books i've read. you start with the shitty job and then you climb that corporate ladder.
but the shitty job doesn't cover rent and you stretch yourself too-thin so you get sick. good luck with that. the shitty job no longer pays for your meals. everyone asks why you don't just move, but there's nowhere to move to. and with what money are you going to be moving? and then the loans come back, because they were never going to forgive them, because you were 17 and trying to do the right thing, which was stupid. people are now saying you shouldn't have even gone to school.
which is fine. but because you have no other option, so you do the shitty job, and you apply every day for like 5 new ones, and despite the fact everyone says "there's no one who wants to work!" it's actually just that nobody is fucking hiring so you can either work for 13 dollars an hour in the shitty place you know (where at least you have a passingly friendly relationship with the manager) or you can start from scratch again with a different 13 dollars an hour without knowing how much abuse from the new job you'll be taking.
and if you quit you lose your insurance. if you quit you lose your housing. if you quit, you'll be another burnout kid. the lazy ones. these assholes, look at them!
and you come home to a family dinner and you hear from your father the same old thing. how he worked hard at his job and yes it sucked for a while but he was able to provide for the family and then the house and the dog and the rest of barbie's dream vacation. how the insurance did cover some of it. how you just really need to start speaking up more in manager conversations so they know you're a go-getter. you want to tell him - did you know we're actually doing more now hourly than any previous generation? - but you can't remember where you heard that statistic, and you're far too tired for the fucking argument. and then he starts in on his usual bit. where's the house? where's your kids? where's your ambition.
the same job the same money the same hours doesn't do it anymore. the same nose-to-the-grindstone now just shreds your face off. there's no such thing as upwards mobility, not really. and as far as you're aware, the money certainly is not trickling. you do the soulless stupid shit you signed up for because you fucking have to or else you literally risk your life (food, the apartment, the insurance), but it's not getting you anything. you download the stupid "save more" app and you budget and you do every right thing and then the price of eggs is 7 dollars and you say - oh great! another thing i have to fucking worry about now!
and you go to your stupid job and everyone in your father's generation just tells you to be better about being an adult. they have their homes and their savings account and their bailout and they say. well have you tried not drinking starbucks. well your generation just spends too much on clothing. well you might just be too addicted to travelling. and you - because you need the job - you bite your tongue and don't say i am being held prisoner and you're suggesting i stop pacing my cell if i don't like the scenery and you don't say what the fuck do you think i've been doing with my money and you don't say i haven't spent a cent on something nice in literally forever much less coffee you arrogant asshole. you open and close your bank app and check your loans and check your credit score and check fucking zillow and ziprecruiter and apartments.com just one time more. and still they give you that demeaning little grin and say - see, what you need is -
what you need is for your meds to stop being so fucking expensive. what you need is for the housing bubble to explode into dust. what you need is for billionaires to choke on their wealth. what you need is actual help. what you will get is more economic advice from people who are older-and-wiser.
and above you, almost in a glimmer, you can see the wedged smile of your debt getting toothier, wider.
I always feel so worried about anyone I know who's 22-23 because I know those ages are the most hyped up yet shatteringly lonely times for most young adults when they expect so much from themselves and have been set up to fail at the same time but don't see that yet because they did everything they were supposed to and have probably started to feel so lonely and don't understand why seeing friends is suddenly getting way harder and time is going faster than ever
Those are like the speed batting ages where you are swinging so hard so fast trying to get this and you're striking out and even when you do hit you realize your just running in a circle and it starts to weigh on you and no one else is acknowledging it.
If you're 22-23 it's okay keep going, please try and remember to eat and sleep well and that there's nothing for you to win at, and you're not done changing no matter how set things feel
[tearing at my hair] no love however brief is wasted no love however brief is wasted no love however brief is wasted
