One of my friends gets really happy whenever I don’t use my cane. She never fails to point it out and say things like, “oh you must be on your way to getting better!”
And like, I get it- she doesn’t like to see me struggling or in pain. But it hurts to have to tell her “no, this is just a good day” and see her face fall the next time I do use it.
A couple weeks ago after another comment, I told her that I was in a lot of pain and was actually struggling really hard to be there. I should’ve been using my cane, I told her, but I wasn’t, because I was tired of how people were treating me when I do.
I prefer being in unecessary pain to getting stared at. I prefer being in unecessary pain to getting dirty looks when I walk down the street. I prefer being in unecessary pain to the pitying comments people make or the pleas for me to just pray more. I prefer being in unecessary pain to feeling like a freak. I prefer being in unecessary pain to the awful anxiety I get from using my cane in public.
I don’t think she expected that answer. So hopefully this is a reminder to you too, that just because someone with an invisible disability outwardly is not using their accommodations or their mobility aids, or just because someone does not appear to be in pain, that doesn’t mean that they’re not actually suffering. It can, and often does, mean that we have chosen to suffer in silence instead of being othered and facing backlash from those around us.
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