CONDITION #309 - POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD)
(Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a mental health condition that develops after a traumatic event. Symptoms include flashbacks, severe anxiety, and intrusive thoughts, which significantly disrupt daily life.)
We all know that Anxiety and Fear are just there to protect Riley and keep her safe, even though they can be a little bit extreme sometimes...
But what if the situation has really, really gone beyond their control?
The following is the transcribed result of the brain activity of patient - Ms. Riley Anderson, as recorded through Magnetoencephalography (MEG) during phase 2 exposure therapy.
JOY: It is long over! You need to let her go! Please!
ANGER: Forget it JOY! They can now only listen to THIS! [rolling up sleeves]
JOY: NO! They are STILL essential to Riley!!
ANGER: THEY! WERE! And if we don’t stop these two manics from taking over our Riley, they’re gonna bring her down - and US, along with THEM!!!
JOY: [reaches to stop] Anger, PLEASE! NOT YOU TOO!!
Hoping ANGER will follow her gaze, JOY looks away at the sofa, where ENNUI is hiding as she has been severely injured. She moans painfully each time she breathes
Besides her is little ENVY, who is burrowing into ENNUI's arm as much as she can to bury her lacerated face from anyone
SADNESS: [weeps uncontrollably]
DISGUST: H... how about I keep watch for y-you, just in case...? [force a smile]
DISGUST, pulling SADNESS with her, hesitantly pacing up and down. And the moment she hears ANXIETY's howls, she hastily scurries back to EMBARRASSMENT
ANXIETY circles the gang around on all fours, barking madly at anyone she can see - especially ANGER
JOY: [cautiously step forward] Come to your senses! What you have been doing is hurting Riley, stop this before all is too late!
ANXIETY lowers her body, follows with an equally low pitched growl...
ANGER: [shake his head] Here IT comes!
Without hesitation, ANGER charges toward ANXIETY with a raised fist!
JOY: ANGERRR!!
ANGER: Riley has suffered long enough!
ANGER throws a punch, only to be swiftly dodged by ANXIETY and the momentum is turned against him, causing ANGER to spin around helplessly like a top
After a few attempts, ANGER manages to rebalance himself. But before he is ready for another punch, everyone gasped. The sudden silence suffocates all the screaming, groaning and whining that were once rampaging through the Headquarter
It is that at some point, FEAR has already stood up, and has begun walking slowly toward the Memory Projector...
DISGUST: JOY! He is doing that again!
FEAR: [mumbling incoherently] It is here...she must learn...we must learn...
The Memory Orb in FEAR's grasp emits a dim yet ominous light. The fire within bursts and consumes everything shown in the orb, over and over again...
JOY: AHHH! [races immediately towards Fear]
An orangish shadow cuts in and pushes JOY back - it's ANXIETY!The unexpected impact shoves JOY straight to the ground. Despite JOY scrambles to her feet the soonest she can, ANXIETY has dashed forward and pressed her down again
ANXIETY snarls, bearing all her broken teeth. JOY can even see they are chipping off bit by bit as she keep clenching them...
ANGER: BACK!! OFF!!!
ANGER, with a huge flame burning blazingly high above his head, rushes to aid in time
ANXIETY hisses angrily, jumping back and forth to avoid the presence of the fiery light. After a few tries, she reluctantly fled in haste
ANGER: Joy! we are not finished! [helps her to get up]
JOY: [frustrated] Why, Anger WHY? Why you always have to make things worse?? I told you -
ANGER: And I told you this won't work either! You are the one who - WATCH OUT!
Like a predator, ANXIETY lunges at JOY and viciously bites her right leg! Whenever JOY tries to kick her off with the other leg, ANXIETY will only bite down even harder, dragging her further away from the console while ragging her from side to side!
The gang, even ANGER, are stunned by the gruesome scene. He clenched his fists, knowing he has to do something - fast
He snaps his eyes shut...
ANGER: [whispering] Forgive me, Joy...
ANGER turns towards the direction of the console - It's a chance too costly to let slip away
Bearing the pain, JOY repeatedly scratches the floor in a desperate attempt to slow ANXIETY down. Yet in the end, it's not much use against the infused strength of adrenaline. After some distance, JOY starts to sense the cold air from the broken window creeping over her feet...
Just at this very moment, a pair of gigantic hand grabs and wraps tightly around ANXIETY, saving JOY from getting thrown out of the window. ANXIETY screeches, chomps, and swings her limbs fiercely - all in an effort to break free from her captor - EMBARRASSMENT
Unfortunately, it didn't last long before a painful scream suddenly cut through the air. It’s from RILEY - their very host herself! The walls around them crack open explosively, unleashing a blinding wave of heat. ANXIETY manages to slip away when EMBARRASSMENT has to hurriedly cover his eyes
FEAR: [mumbling incoherently]...I must learn...so you won’t have to suffer again...I promise...
FEAR twists his neck in almost a full circle to stare intensely at the screen, with both hands still holding the orb
As the Memory Orb plays, the Headquarter is also becoming scorchingly hot. They feel like they are being dragged back into that smouldering inferno again, where the tormenting sounds of woods cracking, siren screaming and non-stop coughing echoes in the background
With the rising temperature, ANXIETY twitches involuntarily in an erratic manner. She violently expels everything from her mouth and when there's nothing left but layers of white foam, she transfers that frantic urge to the limbs, flailing them like crazy while going faster and faster with each passing second...
※ Note: Significant increase in Beta Wave Activity (13-30 Hz) was observed, indicating that the patient was undergoing a flashback episode.
ANGER looks at his fists for the one last time, then hammers them down the console with all his might. Despite giving everything he got, the Memory Orb remains unaffected - neither pausing nor detaching from the memory projector. Fueled by rage, the banging soon becomes what resembles bone cracking. The console shines a vivid red, so red it illuminates the entire room in a deep crimson
※ Note: The patient exhibited a sudden outburst of anger, evidenced by yelling and multiple attempts to remove herself from her seat by standing abruptly. Level 1 security procedure launched.
JOY: [getting up by DISGUST] NO!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING????!
ANGER: [bangs non-stop] RILEY NEEDS CARE! RILEY NEEDS LOVE! RILEY NEEDS HOME!! RILEY NEEDS EVERYTHING BACK!!!
ANXIETY was already behind him. She launches a powerful strike, forcefully slamming him to the console. ANGER, enraged, erupts with a huge blast of flame, fuelling him to roll in all direction to rid her off from his back
To ANGER's shock, ANXIETY didn't show a single sign of pain nor fear, despite she is now completely engulfed in his fire. The two grapple against each other, causing the console to flicker rapidly from red to orange, then from orange to red again, and so on...
※ Note: Notable signs of tachycardia displayed, with the patient's heart rate rising to as high as 108 BPM.
SADNESS: [stopped her weeping and slowly look back at JOY] J-Joy...? Riley can't take it anymore...
JOY: [alarmed] She is going to break down just like last time...I must - ugh!
JOY tries to walk on her own, only to stumble after a few steps. EMBARRASSMENT quickly grabs hold of her before she falls again. His brow furrows, for he knows he must now help JOY finish what she couldn't anymore
As soon as he approaches the projector, FEAR abruptly jerks his head back at him and shrieks! While EMBARRASSMENT is still in shock, he already curls the Orb - then himself - around it in a full circle. The shriek pierce deeper into the ears as EMBARRASSMENT frustratedly trying again and again to pry it out of his unyielding grip
Even worse, after ANXIETY hears FEAR's cry for help, she lets out a long, harrowing roar filled with rage and confusion, while frantically jumping around the console, hitting anything in her path. After a few revolutions, a whirling storm begins to form
Everything around them is disappearing in an astonishing rate - from the flame atop ANGER's head, to Memory Orbs and to the rest of the Emotions - Even EMBARRASSMENT is not spared
※ Note: Significant increase in Theta Wave Activity (4-8 Hz) and Gamma Wave Activity (30-100 Hz) was observed, indicating heightened emotional response and sensory processing associated with anxiety, presumably anxiety attack.
JOY: Quick! Everyone grab onto something!
DISGUST: The stairs! Let’s go!
Without second thought, the gang hurries for the closest thing they can see. DISGUST is the first to arrive, followed by SADNESS, who's supporting JOY, the last to come. By the time JOY reaches them, the wind grows powerful enough to lift and pull her forward
DISGUST: JOY! We got you!
JOY’s legs swing from up to down, unable to get a foothold. The storm beneath her feet howls thunderously like an agitated beast. The gushing wind claws at her with relentless force, constantly attempt to tear her away into its spiralling stomach
DISGUST: [grunts] Get closer! I can't hold it - much - longer- !
Just as the words fell, a loud thump rang out from behind DISGUST, knocking her out
JOY: DISGUST! NO!!!
The last image JOY can see before she flashes away is her frozen expression that’s caught between shock and pain. The impact from the lost grip tosses JOY wildly through the air. The world spins in circle after circle, seemingly without end
Amidst the chaos, JOY catches a glimpse of many horrific sights： walls are peeling away, Memory Orbs fly into each other and exploded into dust, and the unconscious bodies of DISGUST, EMBARRASSMENT, ENNUI, ENVY hitting the console over and over again, causing the latter to glitch wildly between multiple colors at once
※ Note: Significant increase in Beta Wave Activity (13-30 Hz) was observed, indicating that the patient is experiencing a heightened state of emotional overwhelm.
RILEY (V.O.): If it weren't for me, mom and dad would still be alive...
JOY: Ri-Riley...?
Dazed, JOY looks around, anxiously searching for the source
RILEY (V.O.): [muffled] I am a mistake, meant to be erased...
JOY: [painfully] No, don't say that...
Her heart races, propelling her to swing her arms to look further. She never heard RILEY say anything like that before, and she immediately hopes she never has to hear it again
RILEY (V.O.): [muffled] I should have never been born...
RILEY's voice echoes from all angles, a haunting refrain that stabs deeper into JOY's heart with each repetition. And no matter how much she concentrate and how hard she fights against the ever changing wind, she just can't get herself any closer to RILEY
JOY: [pleading] Please, bear with me, Riley, don't go...
Out of nowhere, rain begins to pour down at her - soft at first, then rapidly intensifying into a lashing shower. JOY's plea is soon lost in the rain
JOY: Don't go...
One of the droplets falls to her lips, it is salty, mixed with a despairing taste. The realization that instantly comes after hits her hard： these are SADNESS’ tears, the wind must have brought her down too!
As much as Joy wants to look out for her, the surrounding wind is whipping more violently than ever：it comes and goes from all directions at a breakneck speed, sometimes sweeping her to the left and other times to the right, She can be flung up to several feet high, then free fall for a few heart-stopping seconds. The chaotic dance renders her as helpless as a leaf trapped in a tornado
It is getting harder and harder for JOY to keep her eyes open, as everything is dissolving into a messy mix of colors and shades. A deep sense of desperation crashes over her as she realizes she doesn’t know what to do anymore...
. . .
. .
.
※ Note: Patient demonstrates evident signs of self-injurious tendencies, immediate tranquilization to ensure safety and emotional stabilization is authorised.
And then, just in an instant, the whole world stops. All of a sudden, there are no more sounds, no more movement - nothing left but plain stillness
JOY: [re-open her eyes] what...?
Before she can fully process the shift, gravity reasserts itself with a jolt, and JOY begins to plummet toward the floor!
Panic, JOY searches for anything that can grasp onto, but the objects around her are either moving too fast or too far away. Inevitably, the ground outpaces her
With a loud thud - accompanied by two, four and countless more, JOY tumbles heavily to the floor, rolling for some distance before coming to a stop among all the other things that were also caught in the wind
The impact leaves her breathless and disoriented, pain shoots through her body every time she pushes against the ground, making the simple act of rising into a daunting battle
Pausing for a few seconds, she takes a deep breath to gather her thoughts. After several trials and errors, she eventually manages to force herself up with the support of her arms, enabling her to look up and scan her surroundings
As the last breeze fades away and the Headquarter comes into full view at long last, JOY is struck with shock at the sheer horror left by the storm
JOY: [tremulously] What have we done...?
JOY can barely recognise the Headquarter anymore. The once familiar workplace has now been reduced to a deranged maze full of shattered glass and twisted metal, with wreckage of different sizes and shapes littering everywhere on the floor. Even the once vibrant color now appears muted and washed-away, casting a somber tone over the devastation
JOY: [disheartened] Is that...? No......
Hidden beneath the debris, JOY’s heart sinks when she spots what appears to be an arm - could it belong to SADNESS? Or ANGER? The names of her colleagues flood her mind. As she wants to take a closer look, shadow has already creeped in and quietly enveloping everything in its path, until only the soft glow emanating from that traumatic Memory Orb remains
The outcome she dreads the most has finally taken place： RILEY is being forced to sleep again, just like last time - only worse, far worse
RILEY (V.O.): [vaguely] I am never any good...
JOY glances over her shoulder and notices RILEY's Sense of Self is drooping like a wilting flower. Its ’petal’ is dangling loosely from the ‘stem’ - just one more breath, one more heartbeat, and it might let go entirely
JOY: [resolute] No, not this time, Riley......not this time!
Judging the distance between her and the light emitted from the Orb, though she did not land right by the console, she is only a few steps away - she can still make it! With that mindset, and with every ounce of will, JOY takes her first step to crawl toward the console
Once she reaches out, JOY finds that it is taking way more effort than before, even more so with the next step. She feels like the surrounding darkness is tightening its grip, pressing down with an oppressive weight that strives to anchor her arms and legs in place. To make matters worse, the pain of the wound makes every step like a walk on a bed of nails
JOY: [panting] It’s true...I can’t make you forget that awful memory...
JOY: [breathlessly] ...but at least...I can let you forget it...for a little while...so you can always...try again...
JOY: [voice trembling] I know......it is not...enough......but seeing that......you can be...free......from suffering... however briefly... I would still... do it...
JOY: [choking on her words]...for this...is...all...I.........can............do...!
With trembling fingers, JOY claws at the edge of the console, trying to lift herself up. To her frustration, her arms just won’t obey, as the crawling has drained most of her strength, rendering them as weak as overcooked noodles. Gritting her teeth, she makes one final push -
Out of the darkness, a set of broken teeth suddenly emerges and clamping down on her arm! Hot boiling blood is spilling out instantly, forming long trails along its contour. JOY opens her mouth wide, yet no scream comes out from her throat - it’s all lost in the shock
Following is a glistening pair of protruding eyeballs, the green irises at the center are constricting to their smallest, revealing a look of deep anguish
ANXIETY: [hoarse whisper] This...is...all......PAIN!
ANXIETY carefully pulls JOY upward to the console. After ensuring JOY can steadily catches the handles with her hands, she releases her jaw and slowly crumples from the console, with her helpless eyes still burning into JOY
Looking back at the arm, JOY realizes the blood on her arm is not hers, and she is not wounded either. Those were spilled when ANXIETY grinds her teeth with an intensity so extreme that is beyond her body’s limit
JOY closes her eyes, wishing not to see any more. Yet something has recaptured her attention - a vague whisper, spoken with a familiar voice. Alongside with a dull banging noise similar to what you hear when hitting something forcefully to the head. It goes on like this before it’s too lost into the nothingness：
FEAR: This is all our fault...[bang]...we have failed Riley...[bang] This is all our fault......[bang]...we have failed Riley...[bang]...This is all our fault......[bang]...
JOY: [cracked] Fear? Anxiety? I am so sorry...that we have to come to this...you were just trying...to protect Riley......
JOY: ...but this is simply too much for her...and for all of us...
Aware that she could succumb to her own weight at any moment, she gripped the handle tighter, and determined not to be stopped once she began what has to be done
JOY: [wheeze]...if only......
Fighting against the ever growing heaviness, she enters a series of commands that has been rehearsed countless times in her mind, bringing up bright yellow orbs one after another. The screen is lit up with all of RILEY’s happiest moments JOY can think of： her last birthday party, her winning the interschool hockey competition, her adopting the stray cat that followed her home...
Gradually, the room is illuminated with heart-warming yellow light, wrapping her in a serenity she hasn’t felt for ages. A fresh strength surges through her fatigued hands as she senses the once overwhelming darkness is being pushed back inch by inch, motivating her to keep on typing...
Then, in a shocking turn, a sickly purple rapidly spreads from within, corrupting the orbs as a whole. And this is all happened only in a blink of an eye
JOY: [excruciatingly] RILEYYYYYY-!
By the time JOY manages to snap back to reality, it’s already too late to save any of the remaining yellow orbs. One by one, the corrupted orbs slam down hard on the ground, each impact sends a loud, hollow clang ringing across the empty Headquarter
RILEY (V. O.): [almost inaudible] I don’t deserve anything anymore......
Riley’s voice has become weaker than ever. JOY wishes she can comfort RILEY, but the heaviness has inevitably gotten to her head, blurring her vision and numbing her thoughts. As time is slipping away, JOY forces all her body parts that are not yet compromised to continue the input. She can’t stop - she mustn’t stop, she has lost RILEY once already, she can’t bear the thought of losing her again
More yellow orbs are coming out from the tube, many of them are RILEY’s long lost core memories that have been her pillars of support whenever she is in doubt of herself, all until that fateful day came
The most important one among them is when Bree and Grace, despite being abandoned by RILEY throughout the entire hockey camp, still offered to bump fists together in a gesture of restoring their friendship. Their warm smiles washed away her shame, reminding her that she wasn’t alone after all- a comfort RILEY desperately needs to hold onto right now
You really are not alone, Riley, you never were
Her final act before the heaviness claims her is to pour all her remaining strength to her head, so it can make one last hit with the buttons to recall one more memory, and one more chance to spark a flicker of hope in RILEY’s heart
Fluttering her eyes open, JOY tries her best to stay awake as long as possible, praying to catch even the faintest sign of RILEY’s reaction. Yet all she can see are the yellow orbs suffering the same fate just like so many before them - corrupted, fall and broken
As the last orb goes, so does JOY’s hope and the tears she has been holding back for so long. The absolute silence that follows is deafening - suffocating even - as though the lifeline between her and RILEY has been completely severed. And JOY, now being locked up in her own body, can’t even scream but stare in the direction of RILEY’s withered sense of self
Like a dying ember swallowed by the night, JOY's radiant glow flickers one final time — her light guttering, dimming, then vanishing completely as the darkness closes its hungry jaws around its last remaining prey
※ Note: Tranquilization protocol completed. Patient has successfully entered medically induced hibernation state.
At approximately *t* +6.8 seconds, MEG sensor detected emergent theta wave activity (4-7 Hz) accompanied by sporadic gamma band oscillations (30-45 Hz) localized to the anterior cingulate cortex. Signal morphology suggests spontaneous retrieval of memory formed during a previous unconscious state, potentially associative activation following prior core memory stimulation.
Attached with the full transcription for future inspection.
At first, it’s just a faint murmur that’s barely audible. But then it comes again. And again. And again - a strange occurrence that had never happened before. With each new loop, the murmur grows sharper and clearer, weaving itself into a conceivable image that slowly takes shape in JOY’s mind...
RILEY is lying motionless on a sterile bed, fragile and unresponsive to the outside world. Her breathing came in shallow, uneven gasps - each exhale leaving a damp, warm patch on the oxygen mask that quickly cooled away. The metallic tang of blood, mingling with a hint of burnt wood hangs thick in the air
The source of the murmur slips in between the rhythmic beeps of the ECG monitor. By repeating enough times, the murmur eventually forms into discernible words, then into fragmented phrases, and finally into an intelligible conversation：
GRACE (V. O.): [muffled]...doesn’t look good! The doctor said... [a monitor alarm blares] ...losing a lot of blood!
BREE (V. O.): [muffled] [a stick thwack against the floor] Take mine... [the squeak of shoes on linoleum] ...same type, do it now!
VAL (V. O.): [muffled] And mine too... [a ventilator hisses] ...however much she needs!
Miraculously throughout these repetitions, this new memory remains untainted, untouched or uninterrupted. Although JOY is far from the orb, she can still feel the warmth it radiates filling up her frozen body. For a period of time, its brilliance stands as the brightest light in this lifeless void
The earth shakes, as if it is letting go of something that has been buried deep underneath. RILEY’s sense of self is rising up and for the first time in what feels like eternity, it blossoms anew. New ‘petals’ are unfurling, colors are returning — though not as vibrant as before, still hold a glimmer of hope
RILEY (V. O.): [calmly] I am not...alone?
Releasing a long exhale, JOY finally lets go and surrenders herself to a deep sleep, with a gentle smile still lingering on her lips
Summary: Exposure therapy attempt unsuccessful. Overwhelmed by extreme remorse has led the Emotions — Anxiety and Fear to misinterpret that compulsive rehearsal of the traumatic event is an effective preventative measure against its recurrence. This maladaptive coping mechanism ultimately traps the patient in a constant hypervigilant status as well as emotional destabilization.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and please DO NOT take this as an actual or 100% accurate portrayal of PTSD. The MEG readings parts are not 100% scientifically-accurate either. This is intended solely as an imagination project and is based on the comments from people with PTSD, related documentaries plus my own interpretation. Always consult a professional if you have concerns!