Wanderland

Welcome to wanderland & enjoy my writings. current mood

[insidewanderland]

Stranger

The strangest thing about a stranger is how connected you can feel to a person you’ve just met and will likely never see again you talk for a full hour they share about their life you feel like you know them but you don’t know their name

as you leave, you long to ask "shall we meet again?” but something in you feels  that then the magic will be gone you’d rather they stay a mystery someone to think of now and then when you enter that lovely cafe again.

[insidewanderland]

the dark of an autumn night

raindrops on the window pane

softly illuminated by a streetlight

I stand still in the silent room

a quiet melancholic peace within

I long, long for more of this 

lately there’s been a lot of noise

making my head feel clouded

but I want to think, think clearly

and as I look at the pale glow

its dimness penetrating my soul 

I feel human again, I feel alive

[insidewanderland]

you are at home with our Abba, you are safely in His loving arms, you are at home with our Jesus, you are in His warm embrace

where you are there is no more night no more darkness  you are in the presence of Light Himself oh, praise be to Him, our Saviour Jesus Christ He prepared a place for you, a beautiful, wonderful place 

you used to roar with laughter, often a big smile on your face, but now we know that you are joyful always

although we miss you dearly, we are able to feel joy amidst our grief, we can grieve with a heart of hope, because you are with our Abba, and one day we will be with our Abba together. 

[insidewanderland]

I am overwhelmed, overcome by what I don’t yet understand I try to grab hold of something that I can make sense of Yahweh, show me what is true and false, detangle me, uproot the weeds, free me, for I want to see clearly and wholly, standing and living in truth 

Burn down the lies in my life

[insidewanderland]

the little bee buzzes around seemingly carefree by flowers spellbound

the little bee goes about its day attracted to the pansy the sweetest nectar sorbet 

the little bee unawares of itself leaving something behind to which the pansies delight 

[insidewanderland]

Yahweh, I cry out for you, long for you in my sorrowful and despairing state, I call upon your name, Yahweh, as the darkness around me thickens

my lungs struggle to draw for breath, my heart beats rapidly in my chest, my thoughts are one tangled mess, my eyes’ floodgates are open wide

Yahweh, stretch out your mighty arms,  for your child is needy and restless, desperate to be cradled and sussed  by the sweet whisper of reassurance 

hear my anguished sob,  see my red and swollen eyes, hear my confused mutters, see my furrowed brow

Yahweh, comfort me in my troubles,  overwhelm me with your goodness, so that I may comfort others and do what is right in your eyes 

[insidewanderland]

In my altered state of consciousness I find a new, foreign language  that speaks in a strange way, a tongue hard to interpret with profound insights once discerned

sometimes it seems like God is softly whispering  to my dispirited spirit — oh lift up your eyes, my spirit, He is whispering, singing, proclaiming to my receptive, active mind as I dream; listen closely to hear His voice speak

but, oh my spirit, beware —  there is also the voracious predator prowling, like a snake hissing at my essence; it seeks to make me miserable in waking life and does not rest when I close my eyes

lifting off my blanket as I sleep in peace, paralysing my body with its venom —  in mortal dread I think that I will decease, my voice seems lost, I cannot pray until I speak the strange tongue to which the predator cowers away

a strange reality is to me revealed that I cannot comprehend fully, but there is more, more than meets my eye; the dreams a gateway to understanding a fraction of what is beyond the seen

[insidewanderland]

“you look so calm and collected,” but hidden is the raging storm that I try to run far away from by rationalising everything because I don’t know how to express the mess

[insidewanderland]

The recollected images growing dim, a budding daydream that ended on a whim, you cut through the rope curt and swiftly whilst saying you hold me dearly, yet there is no weight to a man’s word when their ways prove to be absurd 

I try to make the scarce sweet moments palpable but it no longer seems sincere or tangible, my memory has been altered forever, from my heart you I will violently sever, bittersweet it has become on my tongue, therefore the thought of you shall also die young.

[insidewanderland]

the cat whisperer

he possesses the gift to attract a creature that feels inclined to retract he draws it out of its little shell the creature approaches; the sound of the bell

his deliberated, careful movement speaks the creature’s language fluent a sense of trust his eyes convey the creature’s subdued fear of betray

its whiskers tickle the hand outreached further testing if trust shall be breached bravely it moves closer, growing tender to the sweet caresses it surrenders

[insidewanderland]

the mist enclosed lost in the haze the clawed hands grope the air vision veiled

but in the haze follow His guise guided forward the way never lost with the carrier of light

[insidewanderland]

tangled mess of hair erratic eye movement  lips shivering, biting hard  blood dripping down her chin

take advantage there is no self-respect she thinks this is love abuse it, exploit it

turbulent like the angry waves  wallowing in self-hatred the violent void within  stranded a shattered vase 

scratching walls with her finger nails screeching for belonging, oneness  ravenous and greedy, prowling for nourishment must fill, must fill the cup 

sinking deeper, anchor pulling her to the seabed water rushing into lungs, death behind the door dissociate and detach, darkness swallows up  can anyone help 

arm of strength reaches out  pulled away from death she spits out the dirt water her lungs emptied

the hand remoulds, reshapes the clay her entire being groans, surrenders  purposeful suffering  morphed into a new image 

in the robe of scarlet she stands  lips shivering, smile breaking forth enthralled, drawing closer  gaze transfixed on her Saviour 

[insidewanderland]

you appear in my dreams  over and over again as a sole reminder  that I have been bewitched 

I get no moment of rest from this fervent feeling my thoughts are racing  as if I am running on caffeine

you drive me utterly mad 

[insidewanderland]

thrust over the periphery plunge deep and swim into the psyche submerge fully

wander the dusky woodlands uncover decaying corpses pour over gasoline drop the lighted cigarette

from a mountain observe a sea of flames engulf woodlands turn into wasteland all turned to dust

climb the mountain higher perceive the other side wasteland left behind paradise ahead

a gush of wind the eagle soars past follow its trail to the stream that quenches the thirst

[insidewanderland]

he has a piece of my heart and I know that he will never return it he will keep it in his pocket like a little souvenir but there is still enough left of me so I do not mourn my loss 

[insidewanderland]

you rewatch an old movie

that seemed perfectly ok back in the day

but now with a new perspective

you realise how problematic it actually is

it can be the same with memories

that are seen with a renewed mind 

[insidewanderland]

all these holidays and traditions they feel utterly empty and joyless when you miss someone dearly

a festive table filled with food yet it is not this food that I crave but time spend with you

a festive tree with beautiful ornaments yet I am not in awe of it when my mind is not really there

a room with people that I know yet I feel very much alone you always really saw me it all feels meaningless when the single person that knew you no longer knows you

for me this is not the jolly season it is the season of remembrance the season of wretchedness