antony

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[invalid-prongs]

“i want you to leave.”

regulus’ lip trembles, and he has to bite down hard to stop it. “what do you mean?”

sirius doesn’t say anything else. he just stands, holding the front door open, eyes on the ground. regulus’ chest burns as he slowly shuffles over to his brother. “you don’t mean this. please don’t mean this.”

“i can’t help you, regulus,” sirius’ voice is flat, emotionless. “i want you to leave my home. do not contact me. do not contact my husband. do not contact my brothers.”

brothers. james and peter, no doubt. that feels like a knife to regulus’ chest, and he darts from the house as fast as he can, tripping down the path. he apparates away before he hits the pavement, a silent scream tearing from his chest.

[invalid-prongs]

“you’re here.”

sirius feels as though all of the air has been knocked from his lungs. he blinks quickly, but james remains where he’s stood, a smile on his face. “here i am, padfoot,” he chuckles softly. “here i always am.”

without thinking, sirius launches himself forward, arms outstretched. james mirrors his actions, but instead of the warm embrace of his best friend, sirius smacks into the other side of his prison cell.

he cries out as he falls, feeling a rib crack in his chest, but instead of expressing concern, the prisoners around him chuckle darkly, consumed in their own insanity.

[invalid-prongs]

“you piece of shit!”

james isn’t aware the statement is directed at him until he feels himself being shoved from behind, hard. he stumbles, turning to see evan, face red with fury. james holds his hands up in surrender.

“what did i do?” he asks, panicked, dropping the shopping basket on the floor. “what did i do to you?”

“your boyfriend!” evan shoves the gryffindor again, sending him to the floor. “you couldn’t satisfy him enough, huh? so he had to seduce my husband and sleep with him, under your own fucking roof?”

james’ eyes widen, and his stomach flips. “regulus... what?” his voice cracks, and evan’s anger instantly floods away as a look of realisation dawns on his face.

“you didn’t know.”

[invalid-prongs]

cw: sort of self-injury (very minor hitting)

“what is wrong with me?”

regulus curls himself tighter on the bedroom floor. he rams the heel of his palm into his temple a few times, groaning in frustration. “what the fuck is wrong with me?”

it wasn’t james’ fault, he didn’t know. he just tried to be helpful, cleaning regulus’ desk. but nothing was in place, and everything began to crush down on him. and now, james isn’t even here to hold regulus, because he’s pulling extra shifts at work to avoid using his parents’ money.

“what...” regulus whimpers, wishing for nothing more than james’ arms wrapped around him. “what is wrong with me?”

[invalid-prongs]

“tell me you’re joking.”

sirius glances between the two lads in disgust. “regulus,” his voice is oddly calm. “tell me you’re fucking joking.”

regulus tries to get his brain to function, but all he can spit out is: “please don’t tell james.”

the older brother strides forward, grasping barty by the collar and dragging him out of bed. “in james’ house? you’re fucking someone else in your boyfriend’s home? what are you, batshit?”

regulus scrambles after his brother, grabbing clothes along the way. in the doorway, sirius hisses, “you’re a fucking disgrace,” and then he slams the door behind him.

[invalid-prongs]

“what are you, gay?”

james casts his eyes to the floor, silent. the cigarette in his hand is beginning to burn his fingers, so he drops it on the floor, crushing it under his foot. “i don’t know. i really like him.”

peter sighs gently. he takes a moment before reaching out slowly, resting a hand on james’ arm. “okay,” he smiles, causing the other lad to look up at him, confused. “okay. i’m sorry for being rude. you can’t help who you like.”

a smile flickers on james’ face and he pulls his best friend into a hug. “thank you, pete,” he whispers, and the shorter lad squeezes him gently.

“but you had better tell sirius before he loses his shit.”

[invalid-prongs]

“i’m so sorry.”

remus’ face crumples, and he slowly falls to his knees, the coldness of the snow numbing the pain in his limbs from the full moon last night. he leans forward, hand brushing the stone before him.

“i’m so sorry,” he traces james’ name slowly, tears spilling down his face uncontrollably. “i let you down, i let you all down.”

he pulls back, falling into the snow, staring up at the dull grey sky above him. “and now i’m all alone.”

[invalid-prongs]

"what have you done?"

james tears his eyes away from the corpse on the floor. he tries not to think about the person he met at hogwarts, always happy and laughing, bright and bubbly.

mary macdonald.

"what had to be done," regulus' smirk slowly grows and he shrugs, flipping the knife in his hands around his fingers. "i told you, jamie. i do what i have to do, and i do it with style."

[invalid-prongs]

“are you dating him?”

james tears his eyes from regulus’ retreating figure to stare at peter. the other lad sits patiently, a small smile on his face, waiting for an answer.

james considers lying, but he doesn’t think he can keep this hidden any longer. “please don’t tell anybody.”

peter shakes his head softly. “it isn’t my thing to share,” he picks up his quill, turning back to his homework. “thank you for trusting me.”

the older lad reaches across the table to nudge his best friend’s arm. “i’ll always trust you, wormtail.”

[invalid-prongs]

“everybody wonders what it would be like to love you”

“come on, james, spin the bottle!”

the gryffindor rocks in place slightly, laughing brightly. “i’m not playing, but thank you,” he takes a sip from his butterbeer, sneaking a glance over to regulus and winking.

the rest of the group miss the small moment, and the girls especially begin to whine. regulus doesn’t even know who they are, other than lily, as they bat their eyes over to james, pleading for him to join in their game.

“sorry to disappoint, ladies,” james flashes the group a killer smile. “but i am a taken man. my loyalty does not pause for a game.”

the group sit, stunned, and regulus glances around at them. people from all four houses staring at james, shocked, confused, heartbroken, and oddly enough, it makes his own heart swell warmly.

if only they knew, he thinks to himself. they all want him to fall for them, but instead, he fell for me.

[invalid-prongs]

“i think i’ve seen this film before / so i’m leaving out the side door”

regulus holds his butterbeer bottle a little too tight, his knuckles turning white. his eyes are glued to the dark hardwood floors, littered with empty cups, random jackets, and some people passed out.

the music thumps too loud in regulus’ head, and the room begins to spin a little. he sighs, leaning back against the wall, looking up as he swallows a mouthful of his drink, wishing for something stronger.

straight ahead, as if he isn’t even here, as if he’s never even existed, lily evans laughs brightly, and james potter grins widely. and then they glance at each other, still smiling, and then they kiss.

regulus blinks back his tears, shaking his head. as he steps through the tunnel to leave, he glances back, and for a moment, james looks at him, apology written in hs eyes.

but then he looks away, and regulus just leaves.

[invalid-prongs]

“i like shiny things, but i’d marry you with paper rings”

“i can’t believe i fucked this up,” james stresses, tugging at his hair, tears pooling in his eyes. “my one fucking job, and i couldn’t even do it right.”

“hey,” regulus reaches up, grasping his boyfriend’s chin and pulling him down to look him in the eye. “it doesn’t matter to me. jamie, i love you, and i want to marry you. i don’t need a ring to prove it.”

james sighs softly, letting his hands linger at his boyfriend’s waist, looking away in embarrassment. his eyes fall to the ground and, after a moment of thought, light up. “i have an idea.”

regulus watches, slightly confused, as james leans down, getting onto one knee and picking a blade of grass. he twists it into a circle and holds it up to regulus, smiling hopefully. “will you marry me if i give you the ring at home?”

regulus chuckles gently, leaning down to kiss james. “of course i’ll marry you, jamie. it’s me and you, forever.”

[invalid-prongs]

“she would’ve made such a lovely bride / what a shame she’s fucked in the head”

tw: transphobia, misgendering, nearly deadnaming

“you came.”

james grits his teeth, forcing a closed-mouth smile as he stands before his new parents-in-law. “how... pleasant of you, to turn up uninvited.”

walburga sniffs, tossing her head back to stare down her nose at james. “yes, well,” her tone is far too posh. “i couldn’t miss my daughter’s wedding. even if it is to a... well. you.”

james’ arm flexes and regulus grabs his hand before the elder lad can move. “thank you,” the slytherin speaks dryly. “you may now leave.”

“such a shame,” walburga tuts, looking regulus up and down. “i could’ve found a good husband for you. he would’ve made a wife of you in no time.”

“regulus is not a wife,” james glares heavily at walburga. “he is my husband, and you will either respect that or leave.”

“such a shame,” the woman repeats, tutting and shaking her head. “you would’ve been a lovely bride, cass-”

and this time, regulus doesn’t stop james from swinging a right hook to his mother’s face.

[invalid-prongs]

“i’m only seventeen, i don’t know anything / but i know i miss you”

regulus runs his hand down james’ cheek, smiling. “you came back.”

“i’ll always come back,” james turns his head to press a gentle kiss to regulus’ wrist before pulling it from his face, holding the younger lad’s hand in his own. “i missed you.”

chuckling, regulus whispers, “you saw me yesterday.”

“i know,” james sighs softly, moving to climb onto regulus’ bed, careful not to make too much noise. “we’ve been dating for a month. and i swear, i’m not usually clingy. but, fuck, reggie, i missed you.”

regulus melts into nothing more than a puddle, pulling james close to press a kiss to his lips for a second. “i missed you more,” he smiles before kissing james again.

[invalid-prongs]

“the worst thing that i ever did / was what i did to you”

tw: choking (not sexual), violence

“why won’t you listen to me?” regulus cries out, voice scratching the back of his throat. “james, please, just listen to me!”

“no!” james slams the side of his fist against the wall, staring at the floor. “i’ve fucking heard enough from you!”

regulus grabs onto the doorframe as his knees buckle, bringing him to the floor. “please,” his voice is quieter, hoarse from fighting. “jamie. please. i love you.”

james chuckles dryly, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair. “fuck you,” he grits his teeth, seething as he crosses the room to regulus, dragging him up by his collar. “fuck you. don’t say that, you fucking liar.”

james slams regulus against the wall, holding him there, eye level. “if you love me,” james pulls regulus away to slam him back against the wall for a moment. “if you really fucking love me, tell me.”

regulus chokes softly, silent for a moment. “tell you what?”

“tell me how he felt,” james seethes, pressing himself closer to regulus. “tell me how he felt when he fucked you. tell me how he felt when he was on top of you. tell me how you felt when you cheated on me.”

[invalid-prongs]

“your love is a secret i’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep”

“stay.”

james chuckles softly, brushing regulus’ hair out of his face. “i can’t.”

regulus whines softly as his boyfriend presses a kiss to his forehead. “you can come over tomorrow?” he asks, batting his eyelashes, trying to make james melt.

the gryffindor chuckles. “you can come to mine. we’ll play quidditch and watch some movies. maybe go out for dinner.”

“okay,” regulus pulls the elder lad down into a hug, smiling brightly. “go quick.”

the moment regulus drops his contact with james, the lad disappears from his bedroom, nothing but whisps of smoke in the air. regulus feels a giddy sensation rising through him and rolls back onto his bed, giggling.

from his bed, through the open curtains, he can see the stars in the sky, gleaming away. a slither of light flies past his window, and regulus squeezes his eyes shut. “i wish i could keep you, jamie, and always have your love. until the very end.”

and whether it was a shooting star or a satellite, regulus’ wish comes true.

[invalid-prongs]

“my heart’s not breaking / cause i’m not feeling anything at all”

“this is it then.”

regulus nods, watching carefully as james closes the door to the house for the final time. the older lad turns slowly, offering regulus a small, sad smile which the younger boy can’t bring himself to return.

“i’m sorry we didn’t work out?” regulus offers after a moment of silent staring. “i thought we would. i’d hoped we would.”

james waves a hand dismissively. “it’s fine. it isn’t anyone’s fault. from here, we just... part ways, i guess,” he shrugs slightly. “besides, remus and sirius have wanted their own house. i think we win this year’s christmas present gift.”

regulus wants to laugh, but instead, guilt washes over him. he longs for the feeling of heartbreak as james wanders down the garden path, towards the awaiting taxi.

and regulus just watches. he watches james get into the car. watches him drive away. and feels... nothing.