isha

my spiritual journey diary - the physiological and psych changes. Lol, minus the sophistication.

[ishallgood]

Meditation - 25/3/21

"Go ahead, put anything," encourages tumblr, so be it.

WOW. I can't speak because of what has just happened - i finished my meditation where i was trying to resolve why i was manifesting men that were emotionally unavailable, when i had to come to terms with the fact that is because I am emotionally unavailable - the external reflects the internal. i dropped into my heart space as if i was dropping down a hole into a water and found a bright orb inside which my inner child was. as my coach told me, i asked her what is wrong? she wouldn't look at me, she was angry and frustrated that i was distant, not spending time with her, rushing to talk to the boy and "not me," "you never wanna play," "dont wanna spend time," and i felt this need to pull away from her - i wanted to run away because to acknowledge what she was saying was to acknowledge the truth: i am emotionally unavailable to my self. my twin responds to my changes, i have been told to wait and see if the change manifests in the external as i cultivate it in the internal. everyone is a reflection of my inward landscape. there is only me.

i asked her where i was being emotionally unavailable - the image of the coaching business illuminated i felt myself shift in my seat - fuck, caught red handed. i have been putting it off. feeling incompetent. not wanting to do it. not thinking anyoen would benefit, even though time and time again i can see that god works through my words healing artists as i speak and yet i still cannot trust myself. no, i cant trust her. do i build the relation with self only so it would benefit the twin? yes, that is how it has become, focused on another. hm. usually when im feeling this over-extended the only remedy is three months of TAW. thats how i felt led to do it and consequently the guide project.

right after as i was trying to set up the camera - i encountered my first block - mom's iphone can't access apple store without her id - she suddenly came in and told me to access it from the laptop. something about the way she said it, the holy spirit responded - its been over a year of fine tuning my ears to when the spirit talks, i get it wrong sometimes, but my ear training paid off this time! i could go live from my laptop - and my biggest worry turned false - the quality was good! i could just record it live, settings private - fuck xD the universe opened the door as i became willing to knock.

and then the meaning of "Desire" - De Sire - "of the father" - oh wow, that sent CHILLS down my body because it was holy confirmation of what they had talked about - the desire for union is of god.

i wonder if my entries are too personal for the internet. no, i am divinely protected within the life purpose i serve.

what did that hand-

what sign shall i ask? last time i asked for a sign - haha, i paid in months. i trust. uh. ok done.

what did that handsome fool say, "flow state"?

periodot.

[ishallgood]

Meditation - 18/5/21

well, today was torture - but it was pain that i was choosing. i honor myself in m journey that i have come to a point where i realise it is my choice. i hcoose to honor myself today cos i dont do it often enough. she tried really hard guys, no clue - i have no clue sometimes how hard she tries everyday to recognise her choices - its not easy being made to smell your own poo everyday and heal. kali sure doesnt help - but you know shes just love. but i wanna honor myself today and how much i have grown in a little over a year. ive done a lot - given up a lot, taken a lot of faithful leaps, and helped out. i wanted to honor it today.

today, and yesterday was super tough. ever since ive let kali back into my life and accepted her as my guru she has brought up CORE blocks that have left me reeling. how does somebody do this without a guru? hahaha, no clue. i mean i do - i do it everyday. with patience and a lot of help from god. i honor myself.

honestly i fear the men i attract to my life put me up on a pedestal - yes i know how to speak well, so dont think im unattainable? yes i love my mind, but you are equally beautiful, equally lovable - let me love you.

the second core block amma had me dig through was my fear of rejection - being center of attention - people pleasing. at the songwriting session i wanted to volunteer to read my personal accounts just so i could be the center of attention - even at the cost of feeling comfortable, there was an inch in my skin when i wasnt the center. i was pouty - the one time i got to talk i was expressive and there was no reaction and i felt rejected. i wanted her to look at me and love me. praise me, tell me im special.

but she didnt' i felt rejected. this boy i liked - oof, such a huge trigger this one. hahahah. the day after i wasnt sure - i wanted to talk but didnt know if i should - i felt like i was imposing - i felt i was unwanted. it jsut brings up so many moments in life where ive done really cringy things like - a friend would ask me to hang out with her and one look of something in her eyes and i'd be convinced she doesnt want me there. its like i had picked up this chip on my shoulder that thought nobody wanted to play with me - so anything and everything was just a motherfucking confirmation, sigh.

my mom, poor thing, wanted her phone back - and it triggered this horrible voice in my head that wouldnt stop sneering about how im such a loser and that i still live off her and im pathetic. so i couldnt look at her. she senses it. i feel horrible. but im sure if i heal it within me ill be able to show up as a better person.

these core blocks feel like those moments in animes where the person is powering up and there's so much energy the air vibrates. here its more like the mind suddenly begins writhing so much it starts hurting - you can think straights - its painful! none of the "healing techniques" work and you're just in pain.

so i had to run. i had to throw myself into shows and numb it out while i strategise. just play with my inner child. so we danced today - an entire choreo! :D haha. and in the evening - we prayed and haha! breakthrough.

i felt incompetent cos i felt i was always doing wrong within the TF Forum, that i was wrong wrong! and then i was reminded gently - my source is not the label "twin flame" nor the forum, nor any of the members - it is god always, it is kali, and she will appear as whatever she pleases. i was getting attached to the label and the community which restricted my field of vision so i couldnt see.

also i was getting stuck in - fauz spirituality - i was looking at the peace and the serenity and all of that in their faces and i felt out of place, incompetent - but the true personality is a disturbing character. which brought tears into my eyes as always as my inner self finally got room to breathe from the strait jacket i was suffocating her in - tonight im joining the Aldyn thingie.

i feel better. muuuch. i can see. the intensity of the writhing of the pain has subdued. i feel better.

it was taken to be replaced by another energy - which is? i recieve whatever it is.

i feel like quitting the forum but i dont know if thats me running away - i fear they'll think i quit and they'll be like: oh shes never gonna find her way. but theres no they, kali whispers. i love you amma.

OH! haha, i thought him and her were separate! as i was gooing over him i kept feeling guilty cos i was like - oh my god! of course kali you are my one - but haha, him is kali! :D there is no separation. no need to feel guilty. just feel loved. dont diminish your field of vision. :))

i feel led to quit. hm. maybe. but kali dont plaayyyy x'D hahaha! kali dont plaaaayyyyy. and i love her for it. she is the truth. so i speak it.

what did that handsome fool say, "flow state"?

periodt.

[ishallgood]

IKLOGS CH.3 (PT.2)

[ishallgood]

IKLOGS CH.3 (PT.1)

[ishallgood]

IK LOGS - CH. 2 (PT.2)

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IK LOGS - CH. 2 (PT.1)

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IK LOGS - CH.1

[ishallgood]

Meditation - 12/5/21

i feel heady. like i got stoned. i feel like sitting in a quiet space, feel volatile, in the sense that i'll explode into laughter at the silliest thing.

we spoke about detachment today again. today my mind was more in the fore than before. i just said my japas and moved into meditation, let the cool breeze wash the effects of my prayers over me like hindus wash deities in temples.

she kept saying i am the wind, i am the trees, everything i see is just me. and then i remembered A Course in Miracles and inserted the understanding that that does not mean any of this exists, they don't. this is me, there is nothing else. it is just me and kali.

which is funny, cos that would have made me really sad and lonely a while ago. like, whaaatt! what about romeo? but now i dont seem to mind. i do not know if its because my the fear of rejection that was is causing me to reject love even before it presents itself or because i genuinely love playing with kali. i think it could be a mixture of experience and play. i know that any time i take my eye off the ball kali and i are playing with to chase after a pentacle that rolled by it disappears and i never catch it, such is the ego's experience. so now, i notice the things rolling by and have learnt to be aware of my ego's silent yearnings to give chase. i continue to play ball with kali. because she is the only truth. everything else is maya. nein, there is nothing else.

she provokes me to move sexually, past the shame ive accumulated over sexual expression like a bolder, never to open. but if sinbad could tresspass into the cave of the 40 bandits, i surely can tresspass the gates i'd shamed myself into laying. like naruto, i want to see the eye of the beast. i do not want to tame it. but i want to allow it to express itself. let life express itself through me.

i read the story kali gave me again and again and it was so much fun. my ego takes pride in our relationship. i watch. sometimes i feel sorry for the ego and then i become aware of the I that feels sorry for it. all of it is without meaning. and not in a nihilist way, but lovingly. like telling a child that there is no monster under his bed.

that child was me, that monster was also me. haha. kali likes that. smart line.

what did that handsome chap say - oh wait, handsome chaps, handsome chaps. divine masculine. what should i do with the job offering?

the heart only yearns to apply, all the surrounding concerns and worries have to be prefixed by appointment, which is all the ego's quota to worry about - expectations. the only thing the heart yearns to do is apply. just like the only thing the heart yearned to do was text. everything else was expectations of the ego. like cramming information on the exam day: unnecessary, excessive. so we set forth.

haha, im curious about IK-series. durga, oh durga, where you at wise one?

What did the handsome chap say, "flow state"?

Periodot.

[ishallgood]

dhyana - domination

pulled the card to dhyana today. it told me to merge with more of my truth. go from the singer to the song. embody. immediately the holy spirit whispered the conversation from yday about domination. and making space for deeper perversions.

haha, synchronicities are the funniest.

[ishallgood]

Tarot & spirits: Kali's blessing

back in december a person i knew told me when i use tarot i am inviting spirits into my house and me. by then, i had been living in the fear of the dark for more than a decade. i feared there were spirits in my bedroom, in my shower, in my head. so when she told me this, she accompanied it with a choice - tarot or god - i chose god. and then i cried. i fell at kali's feet for the hundredth time with the question - if it was bad, when i asked you for permission, why'd you give me your blessing, why did you fold your palms in mine and told me "cheyyu." hm. i know as someone that embodies only love they can never deny you - but my heart does not recognise that love facilitates energy that does not belong to you, so the fact that because she is love and she will let you do whatever because she loves you doesnt resonate with me. but i kept falling at her feet everytime the path she blessed me on drove me crazy.

the first breakdown was when i discovered starseeds. haha, that reaally brought my present perception of the world on its head. xD i laid nights awake wondering if i was crazy. he picked me up, for that im grateful and i quit tarot for a week. it felt a divorce, like my heart was torn in two. i asked her to answer for my pain - i demanded it. and i walked away from her. i pushed her away.

but i came back to it and stayed with it till december.

after that, i went through disillusionment in steps.

i had intense prayer sessions where i prayed over me and my bloodline. i prayed. and in the prayer i subconsciously affirmed my power and jesus' power over my blood. subconsciously fear took a lower rung in power players in my life. thereafter i have moved through dark spaces better.

and then my roof was blown wide open with A course in miracles. when it claimed that the world and reality is an illusion. god had no part to play in the creation of this world. god didnt divide itself so it could enjoy itself. god has nothing to do with this world. a tiny fragment of love achieved separation and that branch branched further and further to create separation - this is what i loosley understand.

but the fundamntal concept i understand is that - fear & separation is an illusion, and everything it manifests in in this world is an illusion, i wonder if that means my pain and sickness and suffering are too - i posit such is the case, but we experience it because of ego entrenchment in the maya. the more our attachment the more we work to shake it off.

thats what the prayers did, it put my fear subservient to the power of love. that caused me to go past the illusion of the existence of spirits and fear and pain.

the book "the lifetimes jesus and buddha had with each other" really drove the concept home. when it explained that the world we experience is like a bad dream, and the holy spirit/the kundalini/the intuition/the heart, whispers into our ear trying to navigate us out of the dream state. and the biggest indication of the way is to follow the feeling of love/peace. but not the passion-love, that heady feeling. the species of love i speak about only the soul knows. it whispers - take the job you love, do every action out of love, choose love - not for anything more than the energy state it puts us in - it puts us in love and in that energy state we're able to ascend and come out of the maya like a dress that was too tight and didn't make my ass look delicious.

during a meditation i posed the question of what the truth looks like - i saw a white room, endless, i was floating and there was no sound - but a feeling of peace. i swam around in that room it was beautiful. i wondered why white - and i realised - black absorbs all colours, white reflects all colours (always wondered why there arent more white umbrellas) - in that context - the white room represents a space sans everything. oh! photons, lights - that has a significance i can't place, it slipped me just now like an eel, or a cat that doesnt want to be petted. hm. light - it is said that the world is a trick of light.

hm. spoke a lot. i dont reread lest i try to edit it so i hope i made sense - oh wait, i made sense to me. careful pet lest you start catering to others again.

what did the handsome chap say, "flow state"?

periodot.

[ishallgood]

meditation - 10/5/21

i seem ready to tell people i write now. but there's the girl who is aware of the other girl who likes to take care of other feelings, like paddy fields she does not own - she's tresspassing.

today during meditation kali breathed about domination to me. i yearn to experience that state where i stop breathing again. its happened twice when i go several moments without needing to breathe - im not holding my breath, its just that there is no breathe to hold, no lung to breathe, no me to lung. the mind gets scared, feels like if it doesnt breathe it will die, and there's another character who is too busy being one with the universe. i yearn to feel it.

my kundalini is active. she rocks me back and forth as we meditate. i cant really explain the feeling of oneness - its the loss of awareness of my physical confines. hmm. am i borrowing you? see there i go wondering about someone else, its too dangerous to share this right now.

domination & esdeath. making space for deeper perversions seems to be awakening within me day by day. i really do hope to go back to who i was. a more sexually confident avatar than the one i am now. as i lie staring at the ceiling today i finally acknowledged the deeper truth - all i had to say was, im sorry i shamed you a lot, i shamed you a lot, i looked at all your inclinations as perversions, boldness as something to be ashamed of, and shut you away, hence the anguish. i pushed this part of me under so many layers of thoughts its taken a long time to find it again, i had to fold quite a lot of thoughts away before i unearthed you, im sorry. i thought you were wrong. hm. step by step i feel im moving into a space of acknowledging my deeper perversions sans judgement. i watch myself move into that truth tentatively. i cant dare utter a word lest i stunt the advance, ill just watch for now. forever willing, forever aware.

im not quite sure. where to draw the line with how much i share online. hm. oh god. i cant even bear to reread what ive written thus far. the shame's too much. the handsome chap accepts me though, which makes me irritated at him cos im used to being shunned for it. love reveals pain so it can be met with love.

what did the other handsome chap say, "flow state"?

periodot.

[ishallgood]

Meet kali - meditation - 8/5/21

ahaha! and lo behold, the day after i complain of her missing, she appears. (secretly knew this would be the case). mm, during meditation i spotted a particularly lovely right eye - brown colour - a plain acknowledging look, as if to say "oh, hi, let's begin shall we?", like i was expected, like a nod to a colleague, an acknowledgment of co-existence.

these days i dont focus on the images. in the beginning id flip at all the images and things being show to me. i used to think that they meant something BIG. like i had super accelerated my spiritual journey. i was barely in it but i already wanted super powers. my mother loves me though.

kali asked me to study her. so i flipped to a wikipeadia page and got bored. the hindu spiritual texts piss me off cos its so complicated and i cant wrap my head around the compex sanskrit texts. the gita is a whole another story, no complaints, i love the way kanna explains concepts - but his origin story itself, i dont know how much i'd appreciate the technicalities of it all. like a little child i find myself cribbing that they dont have a "vedic spirituality for dummies" text. i bought a smart book for the gita and i havent touched it. i had bought it in the hopes of besting everybody else and even kanna himself with intellectual upgrade. that book sits quietly at the bottom of a plastic cover somewhere.

as of writing this piece i havent told anyone i started blogging. i fear it might make me switch gear to writing what other people want - than what i want, which is everything, i wanna write everything.

my head hurts cos i have so many verses, stories, blogs and ideas swimming around and they're so cantenkarous! oh goly. its like a prison mess with the prisoners bashing and clanking their utensils in sign of protest to the dictatorial regime of the Censor. the character that uses logic to decide whether their sentences of banishment to the mere confined of my inner cerebellum will be short or long. oh shit, we were supposed to dissect kali.

i asked her: how do i study you? she replied: channel me; i guffawed: no one will believe that im channelling you! do you want me labelled as delirious than crazy?; she diffidantly replied: as opposed to what exactly?; i told you, kali in my head is this rude bitch but die for you types. but i love this exercise of writing in the middle of some sea in the internet, bobbing up and down on a bandwidth. oh what a smart line. good job, ma. so kali kali kali.

who is kali? well, ask her - who are you? she slaps straight across my head (anime lover, i see) i'm your mother, she responds and huffs. my throat has gotten tight, a sign that im not speaking my truth somewhere. possibly with the handsome chap. dont know about him, only time will tell. kali, back to you - i am air, fire, wind (yes we know that ma - you are everything and nothing *yawns* i love you); she laughs, you're a spoilt child; i am your spoilt child, i wiggled an eyebrow. but seriously, ma - i dont know vedic scriptures like my friends do, they've been taught since they were kids! their diction in sanskrit is ooooh-la-la!; but what do you know, my love? she cocks her head to the side, her image represents Esdeath from Agame Ga Kill. suddenly i feel a rush of emotion as i realise that's why i love her character so much. i love Esdeath cos she reminds me of kali - not only because of her sexual inclination, but the sheer audacity with which she lives. deep within the inner child yearns more room to express herself. and cue the tears. oh, no. what vein have i struck now, pray tell? i wish i could reach towards Esdeath - look at her name, love, kali lovingly points out while a small tear bud tries to jump off my eyelid, oh, it succeeds only to be craddled by a finger. Esdeath - i googled her name - meaning "I am a sadist" - hahahaha! but no, kali meant "is death" in reponse to why i like esdeath so much. what kali represents to me is - destruction of the old, so i can awaken more and more into who i am. from the looks of it there's more and more to unearth, this truth.

oh! she is death. whenever i feel as though i am on my last foot cos of a cycle of death and awakening i can call on her. she is always present. kundalini, i am yet to study the correlation. from what i understand now kali = shakti= kundalini. in a vague way? idk i never feel competent to speak vedic stuff. but hey, i can speak what i have understood and are being taught as they are now. the snake man, the light being, the sparkle ball (oops! wrong name he might get offended) he sparkled only a few times today. but its never been as bright as that day when i was doing my japas and oh my! i could see him continuously shining like a ball to my left. i dont know what to call him yet. my right thigh complains. i wonder what other presents shiva will sent my way. oh thats right when i resume my japas with him maybe ill see an level up. hm.

im tired now. class ended. esdeath chuckles as she snaps her blue hair behind her and walks off, the image morphs into a beast with severed hands around its waist, not enough to cover her bare flesh. idk why they paint my mother as beautiful, she IS beautiful even without your makeup.

what did that handsome chap #2 say? "flow state"

periodot.

[arjun-subrahmanian-blog]

Art is play

Listen to this, do you remember as a child when you used to play by yourself? Maybe your friends were out of town. Maybe your siblings were at your aunt’s place. Or maybe you were like me, with no siblings. And I remember, very young, when my family moved to Muscat, I used to HAVE to play by myself to entertain myself. I hadn’t made any friends in my neighborhood. So I would have all my Power Rangers action figures all lined up, and I would make up some story. “They are marching on. On a mission. Batman is on the other side. He’s turned evil. They’re gonna fight him. But Batman has all the trucks and the Hot Wheels cars.” Do you see? And one hand I would hold a Power Ranger and on the other hand, Batman and I would have them fight out a battle. On other days, it would be truck versus a sports car. It was all my imagination that made the play so much better.

I had to split myself into two halves to play this game. One half’s hand would assume one character. The other half’s hand would be another. And these both hands would have a conversation or do some fun activity together. On a more deeper level, the part of me that I split into two halves was one me. The other me was purely an audience, simply enjoying the show from within. I split myself into a performer and an eager audience, who loved the performer’s art and the performer himself. This was the first form of self-entertainment I found. Do you understand? Are you here right now?

With music, writing, poetry, or any form of art it’s the same. One half of you creates the art, the other half of you enjoys it greatly as it experiences what has been created. I think it must be that way for art to be truly enjoyed. You know? There are so many things to be understood in this analogy. Don’t worry, I’m figuring out where this is going along with you. I’m also a curious reader at this point, do you see? The writer in me is writing this, the reader in me is greatly enjoying what I’m writing. The intrigue is that I don’t know exactly where this is going, I just have hints which I overheard when my writer quietly whispered to himself.

So the things… You should love yourself :) Really.. It has to happen. If you don’t, please start doing so. Lord, of all people, I know very well that this is easier said that done, but trust me it’s possible. Watch the video ‘Why you don’t feel good enough’ by Charisma on Command, on YouTube. That’s what finally got me on the journey of self love.

Secondly, you make art for yourself. That’s why it’s enjoyable. If you were thinking about what people would like while creating, then you’re not truly writing for yourself. Write whatever you want, create for yourself, like a child. Your inner artist is a child. Let him/her play. And you join him/her in thoroughly enjoying what he/she is doing. Laugh at your own jokes, have fun at the absurdity of your imagination, marvel at the insights you find within, respect and love what you create. Creativity is a gift which has been given to us ALL. Yes every single one of us. No exception. We are creations ourselves, we are meant to create in turn.

Play. Let yourself play. And enjoy that play. I’m happy with this. My reader is happy. Slightly disappointed that I forgot half of my interesting points halfway through 😁 But that’s okay. Art might be incomplete, according to what you intended. But whatever came out is complete art. There is beauty in letting yourself be okay with slight disappointments too. Maybe like I had great ideas on how to end this post, you must have had great ideas, but weren’t able to fully express it.. It’s okay. Your inner artist is a child. When a child doesn’t do as well as he thought he would, what do you do? You pat his head, say “Good job, champ! I’m so proud of you! Look you’ve gotten better wow you’re a big boy now huh? Next time, you can do better okay? Don’t worry, I believe in you. You know, they say trying is so important, even if you don’t win….” You know the rest.

Don’t you? Take care of yourself and your inner artist. He/she or he and she both are precious and super super talented. Let them play and have fun :)

(Btw, all of this was sparked by how much I’m being influenced by a life-changing book 'The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron. If you haven’t read it yet, please do. I can’t express how much I have been helped by it. It’s a book for people to unblock their creativity. Here’s a secret, download the app called 'AnyBooks’ from Google Playstore and you can find and read this book for free. That’s what I’m doing 😋) Bye :)

[ishallgood]

mm, just wanted this life changing read pinned closer to home. :)) arjun, you gem.

[ishallgood]

Found a baddy, tame a baddy - tryst with domination.

essentially the most interesting type of men i come across with regards to this topic of domination: ouch-my-ego types. that sounds like such a mean term, but its not meant to. usually men will be uncomfortable roleplaying submissive or servant/slave roles because it triggers them. either their fear of being out of controlled is affected, or it triggers their childhood trauma of being bullied for being a “wuss” which they’ve by now assumed feminine characteristics to be - spiritually, feminine energy is assc with surrender. they’ve spent a long time trying to be tough, the request really leaves them a bit disconcerted.

i wonder if i’ll ever reach Esdeath (the girl above’s) level of audacity (call me closet-curio). but it was such a fookin’ pleasant surprise when that scene happened. hahaha!

uuuh, perhaps if im honest with myself i can be honest with others, perhaps if i accept it the external will reflect the internal agreement with self & truth.

ganapathi kuttappa, time to get some whips, a dog collar, chastity belts (continues to list).

what’d that handsome chap say, “what the hell’s going on!”

periodot.

[ishallgood]

meditation - 7/5/21 - "we dont talk anymore, kali"

hm. well, i finally did what the astologer said i'd do in dec, 2020 - get mar- no! start writing. i feel like i'd jinx things so i'd rather keep my lips sealed, but come to think of it some of those doomsday predictions could afford to get jinxed, nay, hexed!

today during mediation i dont remember seeing/being shown anything. in the beginning i used to be shown colours, then images of the god archetypes - ganesha, krishna, shiva, devi (my favorite, kali). kali doesnt visit me anymore, i havent had a conversation with her in ages. hm. but maybe its cos a choice i made, rather than a choice on her part - they're always accessible should we choose ennalle kaaryangal? hm. can't say with kali, she's pretty...whacky. had that psychic friend of mine tell me the same, excpet the kali she described sounded delirious and slightly crazed - oh yeah she described it as an old hag sitting by the road laughing at the shit the girl does, always watching, always crazy.

these days i do what swami vivekananda advised: forget the visuals. the exercise is to cultivate awareness into awareness, turn one into itself. is what ive understood. to recognise thoughts as thoughts, feelings as feelings and then through recognition go beyond their holds altogether - become aware of the rocket, shoot past escape velocity.

maybe i should've picked a more anonymous name - nah, helps SERPs im sure. or maybe not. hm.

today during mediation, i got the marching order to start blogging - write. i was given this many months back, and had started a google blog but it died out. as i quit tarot and tried figure out ghosts and dead people, the blog suffered. this feels better. tbh i dont think anyone could ever shut me up, i feel like this proverbial tap, open always, in pours words, out pours verses. but today's instruction fell a little different in my ear. i got excited. i had to write. so i did. who knows what i wrote before this. channelling doesnt leave room for memory. good. what'd that handsome chap say? "flow state."

periodot.