no but the CHOICES for the scene in which ilya is talking shane down from a spiral fucking KILL ME
because we have this little self-soothing gesture from ilya while shane is pacing and freaking out
like. he has a history of bad family interactions. this is probably edging close to something very painful and touchy for him even if he is pretty sure that shane's family isn't ANYTHING like his. and added on top of that is that shane is SO distressed here about something that ilya can't personally fix for him. he loves shane. shane is his person. and shane right now is really, really upset and scared, which is upsetting emotionally for ilya, too, because you don't want to see someone you love in distress like this.
but NONE of that comes through in this moment beyond his little wrist rub to try and self-regulate so he can be calm and still for shane. his voice stays soft. he stays focused on watching shane but remains completely still and predictable instead of potentially making shane feel crowded by trying to follow him. he lets shane come to him when he's ready.
a very soft, very non-demanding little nudge to get shane into motion to reach for him now that he's able to stand still for a moment. but it's such an open gesture. he's not holding shane's arms. he's not forcing him. he's very gently lifting his arms to let shane know he can reach for him if he wants to, but shane could also 100% pull away with NO effort. shane has no control over the rest of the situation here, but he has FULL control on if he touches ilya right now or not.
and even when shane DOES immediately accept the gesture, ilya WAITS before he fully returns the hug
his arms don't wrap around shane until shane has settled, deciding how tight he wants the hug. ilya fully lets him take the lead on how held he wants to be right now, and only after shane has fully grabbed on does ilya return it, and even then it's with one arm wrapped around him and one hand rubbing his back. shane's not trapped. he can get out of it if he wants. and as soon as he starts pushing back, ilya lets him go and waits for him to decide what distance he wants. he even only returns touching shane's shoulders after shane touches his first. he is mirroring what shane is doing, letting shane set the pace and decide what's okay right now.
it's just such a gorgeous choice of physicality to have everything about this moment be, "i know you're scared and feel out of control, and i can't do anything about that for you, but in this moment with you and me, you have full and total control. i'm also lowkey stressed right now on your behalf, but i will white knuckle tf out of that to keep it away from you because i am going to be still and solid and steady because that's what you need from me right now. you get to say what you want and need from me in this moment, and i will give it to you. we'll deal with later, but right now, i'm here, and i will be whatever you need me to be."
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