Really... I swear!

I'm a lady (fuck I'm almost 24 now) in a house in a town in a county, in a state in a country. I like writing and I love reading. I'm awesome and smart and beautiful and probably a model. And you won't know because you'll probably never meet me. Unless you're an employer with super awesome detective skills and have looked at the email I've given you by accident. Then all I have to say is.... awkward.

[charming-rats-deactivated202601]

the best thing on earth is how they designed darth maul to look scary and unnatural but we all took a look at him and decided that he was the hottest non human in star wars

[fallenrepublick]

George literally tried to describe his character design as "your worst nightmare" or something and our asses are out here going oH gOd pUT A bABy iN mE

We are NOT fucking okay

[koyacyi-vode]

okay but have yall SEEN what ian mccaig (the concept artist that came up with maul's design) drew first?

like, this bog body looking motherfucker could have been our sith apprentice. we could have had THIS instead of Darth Thot. and i for one am thankful that george was too scared of this design to go through with it.

Here's mccaig's recount of when he showed that design to george too:

[vicks-vaporwave]

Well that description of what he was aiming for was even scarier than the drawing and WILL give me nightmares

[pixll-sparks-deactivated2021111]

ok but like the slam and the ‘give me your second worst nightmare’ is just so hilarious to me and so peak editor vs creator 

[amagicalduck47]

That's interesting but can we go back a bit because WHAT THE FUCK do you mean "Darth Maul is hot"?

[bonbonlanguage]

You know what I think is really cool about language (English in this case)? It’s the way you can express “I don’t know” without opening your mouth. All you have to do is hum a low note, a high note, then another lower note. The same goes for yes and no. Does anyone know what this is called?

[rk8con]

[suspendnodisbelief]

These are called vocables, a form of non-lexical utterance - that is, wordlike sounds that aren’t strictly words, have flexible meaning depending on context, and reflect the speakers emotional reaction to the context rather than stating something specific. They also include uh-oh! (that’s not good!), uh-huh and mm-hmm (yes), uhn-uhn (no), huh? (what?), huh… (oh, I see…), hmmn… (I wonder… / maybe…), awww! (that’s cute!), aww… (darn it…), um? (excuse me; that doesn’t seem right?), ugh and guh (expressions of alarm, disgust, or sympathy toward somebody else’s displeasure or distress), etc.

Every natural human language has at least a few vocables in it, and filler words like “um” and “erm” are also part of this overall class of utterances. Technically “vocable” itself refers to a wider category of utterances, but these types of sounds are the ones most frequently being referred to, when the word is used.

[classicfern]

Reblog if u just hummed all of these out loud as you read them

[alexseanchai]

[image from dokteur: a black man wearing teal scrubs and a perplexed expression. subtitles read “makes ‘I don’t know’ sound”.]

[glumshoe]

why does every cartoon character wear these underwear:

[gravitygals]

why don't u

[glumshoe]

because if I wore these underwear the universe would conspire to constantly put me in situations where my pants would get pulled down or destroyed and it’s so hard to find good pants

[theevenprime]

I have a few pairs of these exact underwear, which I wore whenever possible as a camp counselor.

The reason was that, if you get pantsed, and you weren't in on the joke / it wasn't planned, that's a massive breakdown in respect and discipline, and you have to make an example of that kid (generally by wrestling them, and in serious cases, taking away candy privileges). But getting pranked is still a bad look, and makes it seem cool to rebel against your authority.

However, if you get pantsed, and you are in on the joke, everyone has a good laugh, including you, and no one was actually rebelling. It both makes you look like a cool authority figure and makes the person doing it look like they're the sort of person in cahoots with counselors. Then, if there's a behavioral issue, you can have that quiet conversation later, away from an audience.

And since those underwear are so culturally specific as punchlines in a pantsing gag that the only plausible reason to be wearing them is if you're in on a slapstick act, you can retroactively Shanghai any would-be prankster into looking like they did it with your consent and planning, which not only keeps you from indignity, it makes sure that they're rewarded by laughter and attention for looking like they're cooperating with the staff, encouraging that in the future and bringing them in from the outside of the social-reward structure you're trying to set up, where it's cool too be wacky but responsible.

That preparation effort paid off maybe four times across three years, but it was completely worth it.

The downside, of course, is that when one of your kids goes missing in a storm when it's hailing and pouring sheets of water, and you don't have many dry clothes left, you're reduced to running through the rain looking for them in your underwear, which are situationally inappropriate / jarringly comical to the full extent possible.

[alexseanchai]

[image: white boxers covered in red hearts. the fabric is translucent enough to see hearts on both sides of the fabric, which may or may not prove relevant to the pantsing gag under discussion.]

[emilysidhe]

Baby It’s Cold Outside discourse is the same as Macbeth discourse. 

[dont-spoop-yourself]

Explain?

[emilysidhe]

OK, so one of the big debates in Macbeth involves the scene in which Lady Macbeth talks Macbeth into killing King Duncan.  People debate strenuously over whether it’s a scene of Lady M pressuring her reluctant husband into it, or whether it’s a scene of her sensing, due to their emotional intimacy, that this murder is something her husband secretly wants and has partially internally decided to do, and is arguing him into it in order to help him give himself permission to do it, in the same way that people see their loved ones wavering over the dessert menu and jump in with things like, “Go on, get the cheesecake, it’s your birthday!”  Readers and scholars disagree strenuously about this - we even studied an incident in college in which two 18th century illustrators attended the same performance and happened to draw the scene the day after, producing two images that advanced opposite interpretations even though they’d seen the exact same actors do the exact same performance.  It’s a big deal.

In the same way, the Baby, It’s Cold Outside discourse is about whether this is a song about sexual harassment, or whether it’s a woman singing about how she wishes she could spend the night with the guy she just had an excellent date with if only the neighbors wouldn’t talk, and him responding, “Stay, baby, it’s cold out!  No one could expect you to go home in this!”

[ms-demeanor]

I really don’t know (baby stab his side) King Duncan’s a bro (baby cut through his hide) I like him a lot (That decrepit old sot?) This plan ain’t so great (But what a king you’d make!)

The guards might worry (Darling, do it in a hurry!) His sons will rush the door (So knock them on the floor.)

I’m not such a knave (Bash his head with a stave) But I’d be a good king (Now you’re starting to think)

The dukes might all talk (But their chatter means naught) Say, love, what do you mean (You’d make such a king)

I simply must go (baby cut through his hide) There’s a war on you know (baby cut through his hide)

But what of his wife? (And what of his life?) It feels like bad luck (But that don’t mean much)

I’ve got a bad premonition (And I’ve got a mission) But that’s just superstition (My love, you’re a vision)

The witches said I’d rule (If they lied they were cruel) So baby let’s stab Stab his siiiiide!

[heyylittlesongbird]

@dukeofbookingham ?

[dukeofbookingham-deactivated202]

This is the only version of this song I ever want to hear

[starlitskvader]

@pitviperofdoom

[biteitwhenitssoft]

i really wanna post more of these but i also wanna post RIGHT NOW so here’s my YUTS Unsolved (it wouldnt actually be called that, he would have his own title) things i’ve been working on. him having a youtube channel for ghost hunting with him as the skeptic is so fucking funny to me

[pitviperofdoom]

I’M LAIGHI NG

[failnation]

This general store sign showing that there is actually a difference between jelly and jam

[lazy-duck]

[image description: a general store sign that reads:

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?

Preserves: Made from cooking the whole fruit

Jam: Made from cooking mashed fruit

Butter: Made from cooking strained fruit pulp

Jelly: Made from cooking fruit juice

/end id]

[the-weaver-of-worlds]

Oh I didn’t know that, that’s fascinating!

[trylonandperisphere]

Wow. The patience, kindness and calm communication skills. Outstanding.

From raindovemodel

[loveislattes]

This made me cry. I wish all situations could be handled as perfectly as this

[fatsexybitch]

I just want to point out the core of what the diffuser did in this conversation

They recognized that the mother was also expressing a vulnerable truth about herself - that she felt like a bad mother because her child was expressing gender feelings she wasn’t equipped to help with - and met her where she was, a concerned parent with limited information - to point her where she should be heading, research and resources.

Im going to make more of an effort to stop reflexively pushing people away when they express biases and make more of an effort to hear the underlying fears when i can

[redseeker]

“it’s easier to love ourselves when we feel loved as ourselves”

damn that is so  powerful though

[justnick612-deactivated20210723]

God this always makes me tear up ahaha…

[deafmic]

before meeting all might, izuku used to run a theory blog about him. he’d theorize about his quirks, abilities, stats, etc, and was generally received as very educated and respected on the topic. he didn’t have any insider knowledge at the time but he was very good at analyzing, and he has a pretty good time running the blog. 

except for that one other all might theory blog that keeps starting drama with him. they seem to disagree with every single thing he says. he’s not really certain who it is, but he has a pretty good guess

[deafmic]

shinsou also has a blog where he mostly just talks vaguely about his life and fanboys over eraserhead. sometimes he gets into theorizing and analyzing, but it’s not as often as izuku. he also follows izuku, even though they’re not into the same heroes.

then one day izuku “well actually”s one of shinsou’s eraserhead posts and shinsou loses his fucking mind and goes off on him online

[kjsmileyface]

I can see it starting a large feud online with both shinsou showing the screenshots of the time Erasurehead saved a little girl and used his scarf as a baby sling and izuku pulls out the receipts and references 6:45:08 of Erasurehead’s fight against a random criminal with a fire quirk that was taken in shaky phone camera at 1AM because you can obviously tell that Eraserhead’s scarf is 86.3% carbon fiber by the way it reacts to heat.

Their followers don’t know what’s really happening or where they get their information but they’re here for the drama.

Present Mic creates an account to watch it all happen and is like omgomgomgomg he’s an underground hero, how do they know all of this stuff. Shōta, we need to move to America and start new lives. I speak English and you’re my deaf husband.

The feud stops when someone says they’re both wrong and corrects them in less than 50 characters and terrible grammar.

Both fanboys are SHOOK but when they look at the account, it’s cats. That’s it. That’s the account. Cat posts and a couple informational cat care resources and tips. Deep into the account theres a picture of a kitten being pet that seems to be taken in a random alleyway. They both recognize the boot in the corner of the picture and the scar on the hand looks like when Erasurehead injured his hand in a fight against a villain with a shark quirk.

A fairly anticlimactic ending but Shinsou is like “he can kick me in the face and I’d say thank you” while Izuku is adding all the information he can into his notebooks

[deafmic]

Y E S 

[filialdisciple]

dumb atla fanfic idea: ozai is thrown back in time—to the time when firelord azulon still sat on the throne. when ursa had not disappeared into the arms of her lover, ikem. when he still had his bending. when the avatar had not reappeared.

when all was right with the world.

ozai’s ready to conquer the world—nine years earlier than planned, nine years before sozin’s comet was set to arrive.

…

what he did not expect was that the one thing standing in his way of success was his eldest son—in the body of a five-year old.

((where ozai and zuko travel back in time and try to thwart each other in every way possible while everyone’s confused by second prince ozai’s great amount of disdain for his only son and said son’s pettiness towards his father))

[filialdisciple]

*in the middle of a war meeting*

Ozai: I suggest we send Prince Zuko with the 37th battalion to fight against the Earth rebels.

War General, very concerned: Prince Zuko is a five-year old.

Ozai, staring at him straight in the eye: I am aware.

[filialdisciple]

Zuko: Listen

Zuko: I have no idea who posted those wanted posters of my father

Zuko: Nor do I have any idea who keeps harassing him with rotten food

Zuko: And who chooped off his goatee

Zuko, making eye-contact with Ozai: It must’ve been the Blue Spirit.

[filialdisciple]

*in the middle of another war meeting which Zuko managed to squeeze himself into*

Zuko, after an hour of low-key arguing with Ozai: I apologize for cutting you off, Father.

Zuko: But can you speak louder?

Zuko: Your ego is deafening.

[filialdisciple]

@aboutiroh this is a beautiful addition. I present this:

Hakoda wasn’t sure what he expected when another Fire Nation ship came into view just seconds after the soldiers stormed down the first one.

“Shit,” he hears Bato mutter behind him.

Hakoda echoed the sentiment albeit silently. Their chances were looking way too grim. He grips his spear tighter. He could only hope Kya, their children, and the rest of tribe could escape safely and make it out alive.

Just as he was about to signal his men to charge, a white flag from the second ship was raised into the air, almost frantically.

Was this the Fire Nation’s new tactic? Hakoda wondered. Lulling their enemies into a false sense of security before ambushing them with greater numbers. He wasn’t going to fall for that. It doesn’t diminish their greater numbers though. The Fire Nation soldiers, loathe he is to admit it, could overpower them at this very moment already, except—

A visible tide of confusion rippled through the first wave of Fire Nation soldiers. They fall back. But not before Hakoda catches whiff of the words, “Dragon of the West”.

Ice washes over Hakoda. It was worse than he thought. He can already see his men hesistating, the younger ones shaking, in his peripheral.

He signals them to wait. Rushing would do them no good. He needed to see the number of men on board before changing strategies.

The hunk of metal docked, creaking grimly before the ramp lowered and hit the ice with a loud thud.

Hakoda blinked.

What came out was a child—likely around Sokka’s age—waving a white flag obviously too big for his body to carry.

The child, seeing that everyone was too stunned to react and attack, gave them a practiced, dimplomatic smile.

“Chief Hakoda,” he greets. “May I steal your children?”

[aboutiroh]

This is the best AU because

- The Gaang is all 10 years younger, except Aang who is still 12. 

- Zuko shows up at the SWT and goes “Chief Hakoda I know this sounds confusing but I need your children to stop my douchebag father and end this war”

- He finds Aang in that iceberg to prove his point “See, I even got the Avatar for you, now can I pleeeaaaase go travel the world with Sokka and Katara” 

- Aang is very confused too but he just rolls with it

- Azula contemplates whether she should continue to try and impress her dad or go with Zuko. She goes with Zuko. 

- Iroh hasn’t started his Siege of Ba Sing Se yet. He’s not post-redemption Iroh, but he’s got it in him somewhere and tiny Zuko awakens it. 

- While they’re traveling on Appa, Zuko sees Toph and goes “WAIT we have to abduct that blind baby playing with the badgermoles” 

- at this point nobody questions him anymore and they get baby Toph on board. She’s two and somehow still the most badass among all of them. 

- Ozai is defeated by a bunch of toddlers and children and is now even more pathetic. 

[filialdisciple]

Additionally,

- Rumors of children being randomly abducted spread like wildfire.

- More so after a child from Kiyoshi Island, despite being neutral to the war, was stolen.

- With the knowledge that the Avatar has, in fact, reappeared, people conclude that the Avatar is a kidnapper.

- After kidnapping Toph, Zuko presents her to Aang saying, “This is you earthbending master.”

- Aang is hesistant. But then he sees baby Toph bend metal (“Uh, Zuko, I don’t think you should buy metal baby toys” “Trust me, Aang. I know what I’m doing”<<He does this because adult!Toph once said that plastic and wooden baby toys were for the weak) and he’s immediately sold.

- Nobody outside the gaang is sure whether or not Aang’s serious about calling a two-year old sifu. Said two year old cackles everytime she’s addressed that way.

- Sokka develops a childhood crush on Suki and bullies her in response. He stops when Suki beats his ass and gives him a stern talk.

- Sokka begins following Suki like a lost puppy.

- Katara first learns waterbending from the swampbenders when Zuko took them on a detour.

- Zuko sends Azula and Ursa letters every now and then, updating them about important stuff. (Dear mother, I am now travelling with a two-year old. Best wishes, Zuko)

- Ursa travels away from the Fire Nation in search of Zuko after Azula ran over to her and began bawling about Zuzu replacing her as his sister.

- Cue mother-daughter bonding as they travel around the Earth Kingdom in disguises in search of Zuko and his gaggle of toddlers. (Azula basks in the attention from her mother that she’s always yearned for.)

- Ursa bumps into Kya and Hakoda and team up. They exchange stories and they all agree that there needs to be a change in Firelord.

- Kya gives Azula candy, Hakoda teaches Azula how to defend herself with a knife, Ursa guides her through firebending katas. Needless to say, Azula is showered in actual love and is happy.

- Team Actually-Trying-To-Be-Good-Parents reunites with the gaang and after a bit of scolding and a fair share of fretting have dinner like one big family.

- To Sokka’s horror, Azula gets along very well with Momo. Azula also proceeds to teach Katara how to fight with a knife.

- Meanwhile, Iroh is travelling the world with Lu Ten after Ozai’s obvious assasination of the late Firelord Azulon. Together, they go through multiple spiritual hijinks, uncover lost civilizations, find themselves embroiled in conspiracies about cabbages, and discover the order of the white lotus.

- Zuko and Iroh’s letter exchanges are wild.

- Ozai ascends to the throne with an empty palace, heirs somewhere around the world, a half-cut goatee (courtesy of the Blue Spirit), and an avatar under the guidance of his son, gearing to end his reign once more. He briefly wonders if he should’ve chased after his son instead of assasinating his father.

[whats-a-reading]

Every single time. This post, I swear. It keeps getting better.

Okay but does Lu Ten end up as Firelord or do they just plop literal gremlin child Zuko on the throne and give him baby Firelord robes

Because, if it’s the latter, that’s adorable but hoo boy the royal tailors are going to hate puberty.

[filialdisciple]

*after defeating Ozai*

Zuko, a 7-year old: I will ascend the throne.

Everyone: CHILD NO.

Zuko: I will ascend.

[firefox-official]

i have this writing style i like to call “uncertain.” it’s where the narrator isn’t really sure what they’re talking about either

[dkpsyhog]

That is so powerful and I want to write a short story in this style now thank you

[firefox-official]

“the park had been there for as long as i’d lived there, i think. i couldn’t be sure. i was never one to go to the park anyway” nobody has any clue what’s going on

[nonlinear-nonsubjective]

self aware unreliable narrator

[nadaboodraws]

Why I haven’t post this here??! But anyways, enjoy with Villain Aoyama and Mineta!

Aoyama is my forever dazzling twinkle star prince~

[popsunner]

Was just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didn’t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when I’m feeling The ADHD I go chop wood and I thought it was just some sort of routine I started when I was little and wanted to blow off steam

[popsunner]

I’d also like to point out that my sister has a really hard time staying present (I can’t remember the term because we’ve always called it Tethered at my house) and whenever she’s feeling Untethered my mom has her knead bread and make syrup because they’re repetitive and easy things to do that ground her

[popsunner]

Now that I’m thinking about it- my brother has days where he doesn’t talk and doesn’t eat unless he’s prompted, and on those days my mom sits him down in the fish pond in the backyard and plays Mozart and because he’s so used to that being his wake up he always comes back in after like an hour rambling about random things

[popsunner]

Oh yeah and when it rains my mom has a required hour where we all have to go outside and run around and whoever finds the most worms for the garden wins and then we go inside and my mom makes us tea and we watch Studio Ghibli movies

[popsunner]

Wait!!! When one of us has a bad day at school we make a fire in the backyard and roast homemade sausages and my mom tells us stories until we laugh and then she tucks is in bed like we’re five again and sings us songs

[popsunner]

Uh.... wait guys is my mom a witch raising a bunch of fae kids hold on-

[jaskaliina]

I love your mum

[tahwan]

types of fic titles

title is a literal description of the story (”5 times x did y”, “first kiss”, etc)

perfect formatting, title is evocative of the story’s main themes

song lyrics

3 feet long all lowercase (overlaps w/ song lyrics)

one word. only one.

title seemingly has nothing to do w/ the content of the story until it gets dropped during a high-tension dramatic scene 70k words in, making you feel like the world meant for you to be born in time to read it

[merelypassingtime]

This is ‘really bad pun’ erasure!!!

[cobaltdays-deactivated20210208]

if you firmly believe cowboy cats would say meowdy hit that mf reblog

[princesstigerbelle]

[gorps]

[vulcanette-deactivated20260506]

How is this tweet SO specific?????????

[brightlotusmoon]

Excuse me, this is my entire life.

[what-even-is-thiss]

This is like half my friends.

[sugarcoatednightshade]

This is how I'm gonna come out to my parents, wish me luck🍀

[sugarweregoingdownswinging]

You would not believe Bill Nye

If ten million Science Guys

[the-strawman]

As I fell asleep

[the-strawman]

Everytime I see this post get reblogged Once, I’m like oh no

Because y'all heathens will go on a reblogging spree and my notes will blow up without ne knowing why, because by then I forgot it was reblogged Once

[marisatomay]

Every Adult In “Harry Potter” Let Us Down At Some Point And That’s Important a 900 page dissertation by me

[hermionejeanblr-deactivated2022]

And that includes Joanne Kathleen Rowling a tear stained afterword by me

[actual-ironman-tonystark]

Hagrid Is The Exception a rebuttal by me

[marisatomay]

The Time Hagrid Told Voldemort How to Take Out Something Protecting an Object that Grants Immortality When He Was Drunk and Other Well-Meaning Fuck Ups a lengthy chapter

[actual-ironman-tonystark]

You’re Absolutely Right a retraction

[original-missif]

How dare you assume Molly Weasley has done anything wrong ever

[kyraneko]

That Time Molly Yelled At The Twins And Ron For Saving Harry From Abuse And Starvation, Thus Likely Communicating To The Abused Kid In Her Presence That His Welfare Was Less Important Than Not Borrowing The Car, That Time Molly Was Utterly Condescending About How Harry Is A Child And Doesn’t Deserve To Know Anything In A Way That Probably Heightened His Determination To Prove Otherwise, That Time Molly Said The Twins Put Together Aren’t As Good As Any Of Their Brothers Over OWL Results That They Worked Hard On And Were Proud Of, That Time Molly Forcibly Cut Her Adult Son’s Hair Right Before His Wedding, That Time Molly Spent A Year Being Mean And Rejectful Toward Her Son’s Fiancee, That Time Molly Sent Hermione A Deliberate “Fuck You” Present For Easter Because She Believed A False Story Written In Witch Weekly Without Making Any Attempt To Ask The People Actually Involved, Those Times She Made Her Youngest Son’s Christmas Sweaters His Least Favorite Color, And Every Time She Belittled Her Husband’s Hobby, The Twins’ Interests, And Bill’s Appearance Because She Couldn’t Be Bothered To Understand Or Value Or Even Be Kind About Them a detailed reminder that no one’s perfect and sometimes what one person doesn’t mind or see hits another person hard

[themiscyra1983]

Florean Fortescue Just Wanted To Sell Some Ice Cream And Help Harry With His Homework He Is The Only Adult Who Didn’t Mess Up Until Getting Killed By Voldemort, RIP an increasingly strident addendum by me

[kyraneko]

OK You’re Absolutely Right Florean Fortescue Was In Fact Perfect As Far As I’m Aware a concession by me

[bananacracker33]

Charlie Weasley Just Wanted To Play With Dragons a fond reminder by me

[slytherellin]

If There Were Zero Expectations For Lockhart From The Start, Did He Technically Let Us Down? An inquiry

[rhosie-wayout-there]

You’re Technically Correct, You Can’t Be Let Fown If You’re Already On The Ground an amused afterword