It's Ace-Okay

29| she/her| aromantic asexual| INFJ| My general blog: its-alright-okay

[asexual-will]

Random pet peeve of mine is people saying "lowkey" or "somewhat" asexual. If you're ace and feel that describes you, then all the power to you. But I hate seeing non ace people use it when you can tell they don't fully understand what asexuality is.

Asexuality is a whole orientation just like being gay or bisexual. And im so sick of people treating asexuality like its the "transitional" sexuality till you find your real one, or its you being disinterested in sex for reasons other than your sexual attraction, or its you choosing not to have sex.

Normally i wouldn't care about this because i can get little jokes, but asexuality is so frequently seen as not equal to other sexualities like being gay or straight, and I feel that's so often reflected in the way its spoken about and language people choose

[e-cryptid-deactivated20180601]

It’s okay to not want to have sex ever. It’s okay to never even try it.

[thefisherqueen]

I was 23 before it even occurred to me that not starting with sex ever was an option. The feeling of relief was so great I actually cried. 

You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You can have a fine live without ever having sex, I promise you. 

[impostoradult]

Also, it’s okay to never date anyone ever. It’s okay to never even try it if you don’t want to. 

I wrote a master’s thesis on intentionally single people, and the number of them that said in various ways, “I didn’t know not dating people was even an option at first” was absolutely tragic. They honestly thought they had no choice and it never occurred to them that opting out was even a possibility available to them.  

People honestly believe these are life experience you are required to have AND THEY ARE NOT.

You can just not have sex. You can just not date people. You can completely by-pass one or both of those things. Neither of those things are required to be healthy, happy, normal, mature, fulfilled, or any of the other bullshit notions that get attached to these things. 

[shingekinomyfeelings]

Shoutout to the asexuals who:

do NOT like sex, even with someone you love

will NEVER have sex, not even 'to find out if you enjoy it,' because you don't want to

have NO curiosity about sex and do not write, read, or enjoy smut

are SEX-REPULSED and have to beg your friends to stop talking about their sex lives in graphic detail when you're together

You are not broken, weird, or alien

Your boundaries are real, and valid, and you deserve for them to be respected

You deserve to be both treated and regarded as an Adult by your sex-having peers

If any of your sex-having or sex-wanting peers cannot or will not regard you as an Adult and as a complete person because of your asexuality, your indifference to sex, your revulsion for sex, or your virginity, I need you to know something:

They are in fact the living, breathing proof that having sex does not grant either maturity or a fuller understanding of human nature.

You're okay. I promise.

[verysharpfish]

they keep putting romance in everything. and it isn't even well written romance. they don't even write it well.

[arospec-acespec]

hey. you. yeah you.

there is about a billion ways to love or not love. you can do that. you can do that and still be a person.

you dont have to love the way your parents, friends, teachers, classmates, coworkers, bosses, peers do. you dont have to love at all.

you're still you. and that's beautiful.

[stricatul]

yeah sex is cool and but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of ur life and got your spark back

[certified-asexual-posts]

certified asexual post

[princess-of-ithilien]

Stratt: "...you don't have a family, you don't even have a dog."

Grace:

[gender-machine-broke]

A lot of heterosexual dating sounds like this bizarre game of 4D chess where the man tries to trick a woman who doesn’t want casual sex into sleeping with him and the woman tries to convince a man who is incapable of love or seeing her as a person to commit to her

[hanalia1257]

Me to my family

[mikeandwillsweddingofficiant]

hate those "is it romantic or platonic attraction" quizzes that are like 'do you see yourself holding hands with them?" or "do you get excited when you find something in common?" like babe be more specific. i want to hold my friend's hands. i get excited when i find out i share an interest with someone.

[melandrops]

the aroace read of ryland grace is so personal and haunting. "you don't even have a dog." was it not enough to love the world for the sake of living in it. was it not enough to live for the thrill of discovery. was it not enough to smile at your students. was it not enough to be afraid.

[noworneverphantom]

The headcanon that Ryland Grace is aroace is so important to me. Because the respresentation of his relationship with Rocky being the most important relationship in his life is SO meaningful.

Like that’s just his buddy. His little guy. A friend, and that’s ENOUGH for him. It’s the most meaningful relationship he has and will have and he’s perfectly content with it

[the-amazeeng-idiot]

I recently found out that something like aplatonic exists and I have interesting things to say about the way I reacted to it.

My first reaction was confusion. How can someone not feel platonic love? Isn't that one of the most basic human needs? Is it even possible to live without platonic love? How are these people not sad?

My next reaction was indignation. No. That doesn't make sense. That's bullshit. I don't believe there is a single person on this planet who could go without platonic relationships. I can't imagine it. That person is definitely hurting their friends when they don't feel anything in their friendships.

And then... Well, I looked it up. I read about the concept. And I accepted it. Because who am I to talk into people's feelings? That thing can't be influenced by either of us. Best I can do is wish them luck.

So, why am I saying this?

These reactions are the same as those of allo people when they hear about aro/ace folk for the first time. A lot of the time without the last step. As an aro/ace myself, I've been affected by such behavior in the past (still am sometimes), so I try my best to be understanding.

I cannot imagine a world where I couldn't feel platonic love because it's basically the only thing I was given to feel connected to people. But that's the thing. I couldn't imagine. I would be so sad if I couldn't feel platonic love.

My circumstances are different.

Which is why I was ashamed. I went through stigma, I still go through stigma, as an aromantic/asexual person, and it's not fair of me to give the same treatment to others.

So, I simply... Won't. I have my opinion. I still don't understand it yet.

Doesn't mean I have to be an asshole about it

[aroaceenjolras]

Asexuality and aromanticism being defined as "little to no sexual/romantic attraction" is crazy to me. Imagine if they redefined being a gay man as "little to no attraction to women" and you had to, like, figure out for yourself that liking men was a part of it.

Personally, I define my aroaceness not as a lack of romantic or sexual attraction, but as an orientation towards relationships that are neither romantic nor sexual. Redefining my orientation this way has helped me find a lot of peace I didn't have before.

[starry-aaabattery]

I CAN CHOOSE NOBODYYYYYY

[deadinthename]

Sigh

[transtwelvetruther]

Hey so no idea if this is a universal experience but can we please get rid of the idea that HRT will "cure" asexuality, especially for folks on T?

Like, my therapist asked me about my sexual history and I told her I've never had a sex drive/I'm asexual and she told me to start masturbating to prepare for a higher sex drive. When I tell my trans friends I'm asexual, they tell me "just wait until you start T". So many trans folks seem convinced asexuality is just dysphoria talking.

Yes, for some people it might be dysphoria. Yes, some people might "discover" their sex drive on HRT. Sexuality can be fluid, and that's okay.

But asexual trans folks exist babes. Asexuality is not something that's "cured" by testosterone, or transitioning in general.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.