here's the written out version of this scenario. because someone asked, and because i wanted to explore this more. law might be out of character because i thought it was funny like this and decided to just go with it. [f!reader]
"what do you mean you found her?", law asks in a tone that does little to hide his agitation.
"well, we ran into her on that island and she was really funny."
"yeah, turns out she's an engineer and even has some basic medical knowledge."
"so we thought she'd make a good crew member."
"and we just asked her."
"and she said yes."
law looks at his crew with a mixture of aggravation and disbelief.
he leaves them unsupervised once and the first thing they do is pick up a random stranger off some remote island and now, apparently, he has a new crew member. and the worst thing is that he came back three days ago and it took him until now to even notice. but there you are, having dinner with them like it's the most normal thing in the entire world.
"how come no one thought to ask me, let alone tell me about this?"
"well..."
"you weren't exactly around."
"you were away."
"exactly."
"i am your captain. who enters my ship and joins my crew is not your call to make", he says, voice stern.
"technically you said that bepo's in charge while you're gone."
"yeah, bepo approved."
law gives bepo an accusatory look.
bepo drops his head.
"i approved", he admits.
to bepo's defence, you were being really nice to him.
the surgeon of death closes his eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh.
he tells himself it's out of annoyance, because he can't look at his crew anymore, so disappointed in their poor judgement and the fact that they didn't consult him. but in reality it's because he knows it can only be so long until it starts looking suspicious that he can't even look in your direction.
he knows that if he looks at you, he will die.
you're just sitting there with big eyes, seemingly a little overwhelmed by all of this commotion. at least you have the decency to look uncomfortable at the awkward situation law is undeniably putting you in by interrogating his crew about you, while you're literally right there. but he still catches you chuckle quietly at penguin's humorous remarks. apparently the situation still manages to amuse you, even though he believes the embarrassment radiating off your shoulders to be real, and not just an act you put on.
if law is being honest with himself he doesn't actually mind your presence. quite the opposite, if he's being very honest. and that is exactly the problem.
you are adorable.
he thinks you are so. fucking. cute.
he doesn't know what's gotten over him, to be so smitten by someone whose presence he apparently didn't even notice for three whole days. which, by the way, he is thoroughly questioning himself and his abilities for. but he is absolutely overwhelmed by your proximity (you're sitting four chairs down) and the fact that when he looks at your face he immediately forgets his own name. he liked it better when he hadn't noticed you yet.
"captain, pleeeeease can we keep her?", shachi begs, putting on his best rendition of what law thinks are supposed to be puppy dog eyes, but honestly it's hard to tell because shachi's wearing fucking sun glasses.
"we promise to take good care of her!"
"you won't have to lift a finger", penguin adds.
a bunch of "yeah"s and agreeing hums are heard throughout the room.
and law thinks that, wow, his crew must've grown very fond of you in this short amount of time, if they insist on you staying so adamantly. and the worst thing is that he can probably even get behind that.
"i'm not a pet, you know", you say all of a sudden.
and he immediately realizes that this is the first time you said something in this entire train wreck of a conversation and it's the first time he registers your voice and it sends him into a whole frenzy.
once he's recovered he braces himself before he hesitantly looks in your general direction.
he catches your gaze immediately.
fuck.
he swallows, chokes on his own spit and has to look away, coughing slightly.
well, that was embarrassing.
"ohh", ikkaku suddenly announces in an amused tone. "i know what's happening."
uh-oh.
"huh? what are you talking about?", bepo asks. not helpful.
law's trying to look anywhere but you, but he makes the mistake of looking at shachi instead, who, to his dismay, immediately catches onto what ikkaku is on about.
and, shit, it can't have been that obvious, right?
but shachi grins knowingly and elbows penguin wiggling his eyebrows, eyes darting between you and the captain.
law wants to be swallowed by the ground. he wonders if, considering you're on a submarine in the middle of the ocean, that would just mean he drowns, but honestly, he'd be fine with that too.
penguin snickers and leans over to jean bart to whisper something in his ear.
soon enough the whole table is bustling with excited whispers, menacing grins, and muffled chuckles and law finds himself questioning why he ever came back to this madness in the first place.
his gaze lands on you again, sitting innocently amidst the chaos. apparently no one bothered to fill you in, because you give law a look of utter and slightly terrified confusion.
he inhales, he wants to say something to you, hopefully something that will make the disaster about to ensue less catastrophic (which he admits, is a utopian thought) but someone on the other end of the table laughs so loudly that your attention is torn away from him and then it's already too late, because you ask, in all your innocent confusion:
"what's going on?"
and suddenly all eyes are on you.
and for a moment the entire table goes quiet and law suddenly feels hope again, that maybe the gods have heard his prayers, maybe the universe has mercy on him, maybe karma won't strike him this time.
unfortunately, as per usual, luck is not on his side. karma's a bitch. the universe hates him. the gods are evil.
because they all burst out laughing and through the loudness of his entire crew's amusement he catches shachi say suggestively:
"captain thinks you're pretty."
and he dies. just a little.
and then penguin says:
"but he's an awkward nerd, so he can't cope."
and that's it, that's enough to make his soul leave his body, and he's pretty sure he watches himself go through all five stages of grief before he decides he needs to get a grip and gain back control over the situation. he is your captain after all and he'll be damned if his crew's antics make him forget who he is. (and also he really doesn't want to admit that they're right.)
"that's enough", law says in his best captain voice, calm es ever, as he rises from his spot at the head of the table.
"you", he points at you, "come by my office later so i can assess your skills."
he looks at his crew.
"the rest of you - get back to work."
and he turns and walks out of the room.
law exhales. situation evaded successfully.
but he swears, just as he's out the door, he hears penguin say:
"was that a fucking booty call?"
and he almost walks into a wall.
