ivy

[ivygrcws]

𝑖𝑣𝑦𝑔𝑟𝑐𝑤𝑠 : an independent , low activity , semi-selective multimuse rp blog ━━ lovingly penned by 𝑎 ( 25+ , she/her , & cst ! )

ꪆৎ guidelines ꪆৎ muses ꪆৎ wishlist ꪆৎ wanted opposites ꪆৎ opens

[vindicatcs]

nicco is desperate. you'd think that someone who cheated so blatantly on their partner , someone who countlessly did them wrong , would just take the loss. accept their fate. but not nicco. he made mistake after mistake but was forgiven over and over. and now ? he was out of chances and god , his skin was crawling. his mind was racing. he wants to do this cleanly , naturally , suck hollis back in like he's done before. but it isn't working. it isn't working and nicco can feel himself crack. anything he did from here on out wouldn't be within a reasonable sense of mind. " hollis , baby . . . " it slips out again , head shaking and brown curls fall into his eyes. " i love you. so much. with my entire heart. i was so stupid. they didn't mean anything. not like you do. you're my world. " he knows exactly how to edge his voice , exactly how to make his eyes piece into the other's beautiful blue hues. he even forced tears to well up , watery eyes piercing into his ex's.

and then , for a second , when he feels the other's hands on him , he thinks he's won. won without having to dig too deep , without having to give hollis no choice. and then , he's being pushed away. jaw tightens , and nicco can't control it anymore. he follows , just in tow of hollis , keeping close as his once sweet begs turn into something different. something darker , but disguised all the same. " i'm not giving this up. " he's crowding hollis again , wants to look at him as he metaphorically sinks his teeth in. " i'll beg , hollis. i'll post how much i love you all over the internet. share our pictures. our texts. " his eyes go dark then , his body still like he's telling a secret. " and then if i do that . . . " voice turning to a soft whisper , body moving closer to speak it into his ear. " what if the wrong person finds it , baby ? finds our pictures. sends them to you dad . . . " it's like sinking the nail in. deep. " then what ? then you have an even bigger mess on your hands. do you want that ? " it was dirty. a disgusting move and blackmail , and this is excatly what nicco turned into when he let himself fall - a monster.

[ivygrcws]

why had hollis always fallen back into nicco’s beautiful trap? it was like he enjoyed the pain of being captive to nicco. hollis craved nicco : craved his kiss, craved his touch, craved his love ( which he’s still uncertain that he’s ever had ). he ached to be all nicco needed, ached to be good enough. but time and time again he was reminded that he’d never measure up, though his twisted need for validation fueled him. he’d take any semblance of love ( no matter how much it slowly killed him ). tears fill his eyes, trickling down his cheek and he’s swift in his attempt to wipe them away, but the dam has broken - - and now his eyes sting with the salt of a broken heart. ‘baby’ - - this time hollis doesn’t correct nicco, because the pet name wraps around his heart with a warmth he hasn’t felt in weeks. nicco’s words wash over him and he lets them pull at him like the tide. glistening blue eyes meet those gorgeous brown hues and, fuck, nicco is crying. hollis wants to give in, wants to let himself get swept away in nicco but he has to stand his ground. “you…you say that every time, nicco,” voice trembles, “when will it stop? when will i be enough? i mean…what would you do if i kept cheating on you?” the word gets caught on his tongue and tastes like poison. “you wouldn’t take me back, would you? so why should i? after countless times…” trails off as a soft sob escapes him, “i’ve found you in other’s arms too many times, nicco.”

hollis thinks he’s given himself space - - a chance to clear his head when he’s not wrapped up in wanting to reach out and touch nicco. but the brunette follows him. turns to face him, voice frantic, “why can’t you give this up? why can’t you let me go and find someone who loves me?” they both know the truth : hollis can’t leave nicco. his claws have sunken into his heart and until nicco releases them, hollis is at his mercy. as he’s corned once more, he feels it ; feels the sweet venom that drips from nicco’s tongue and into his veins without nicco even laying a finger on him ( and, oh, does hollis ache for his touch ). he’s pulling at hollis’ sanity. at first, hollis’ gaze softens - - to be paraded around by nicco proudly would be lovely. but then the words flow through his body like ice and he can’t move, can’t breathe. heart’s racing in sheer panic and hollis shakes his head - - glossy eyes pleading. “nicco…” the name falls through a trembling sigh. he shivers, gasping for air as nicco’s lips brush his ear, delivering a knife that goes straight through the blonde’s heart. “no…no, you wouldn’t dare.” gaze lifts to meet nicco’s, fingers curling into the collar of the his shirt to help hold hollis up ( he feels like he could faint ). “if you love me, you wouldn’t.”

[hvzeful]

the question lands like a slap, the air leaving eden's lungs for a brief moment. she hates that kiyan can still do this—find the cracks in her armor and pry them wider with just a few words. "you're an asshole," she mutters, jaw tightening. "is that what this is? trying to make me jealous?" a humorless laugh escapes. "if she's the one, then why are you so interested in whether i'm bothered by it?"

[ivygrcws]

“and you love it,” they quip, winking at her. a lazy smirk pulls on kiyan’s lips. “i don’t have to try to make you jealous, darling,” pet name rolls from their tongue sweet like honey ( and just as sticky ). “you do that all on your own…making up scenarios in your head, wondering who i’m with and what we’re doing,” kiyan steps closer, fingers tilting eden’s chin up. what they aren’t prepared for is the way their heart skips a beat when gazes meet. eden has so much power over them and they wonder if she knows it. “maybe i get off on knowing you still want me,” shrugs nonchalantly, as if their ( not so ) teasing words aren’t masking the truth about their feelings for eden. kiyan loves her, yet they cannot admit that that fact.

[ivygrcws]

hiii cuties! my brain is being pretty mean to me, but i’m gonna try my hardest to hop on later for some replies! i love y’all 💕 i hope y’all are all having a wonderful week!

[mcflymemes]

please don't mistake silence for hatred. please don't mistake unanswered plotting messages as indifference, or a lack of enthusiasm towards you. considering the ages of most roleplayers, many of us have bills to pay, families to take care of, medical conditions to treat, appointments to make, classes to take, homes to clean, and lives to live away from the computer that are far, far more important than writing on tumblr — life has a tendency to get in the way of hobbies and fun things like this. be patient with your fellow writers. if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. of course you can set your boundaries, keep your space comfortable, and softblock whoever you wish, but do so while recognizing it's probably not hatred or apathy that keeps them from leaping into your dms with message after message. they probably love this hobby just as much as you... but sometimes life gets in the way.

[morningpages]

                   hunter surveys charisse with a quick and cutting sweep, his surprise clear at her immaturity. the question presses against his very last nerve, threatening to snap. how she could frame this as him carrying out a personal vendetta, or worse, that he enjoyed trailing after her like an over-grown shadow, was beyond him. “get in the car,” he repeats, opening the passenger side as the vehicle begins to chime. “you can bring all of this up to your team. nothing to do with me.”

[ivygrcws]

she's aware of what hunter thinks of her : a spoiled brat who has been fed from a silver spoon her entire life. but that didn't scratch the surface of who charisse really was ( though, it's not like she's willingly offered up anything about herself to him - - angry that her father found it necessary to hire hunter in the first place ). dark eyes notice the twitch in his jaw and she feels smug, knowing she got under his skin. heels click on pavement as she takes slow steps towards the car. "bossy, aren't we?" she muses, fingers brushing off a non-existent piece of fuzz near the collar of his shirt, "you'd miss me, wouldn't you? if i begged my dad to get rid of you."

[alcska]

open to anyone ! muse: elif demir , twenty - three , lead singer & guitarist for satin ashes. plot: here so like extreme slow burn soulmates will they won't they vibe ?

it starts the way it always does. another phone call that was only supposed to last five minutes, hours spent talking about nothing. somehow nobody notices how late its gotten until the conversation slows and all that's left is the quiet sound of breathing through opposite ends of the line. "can i ask you something?" it hangs there for a while before she lets out a nervous laugh, shaking her head as if they could see her. "what are we doing?"

[ivygrcws]

she's become woven into his daily routine ; atlas finds himself looking forward to phone calls with elif and smiling ear to ear when her name pops up on his phone. this was very different for him - - atlas didn't get close to people ; atlas didn't let himself feel butterflies. he's enjoying their comfortable silence when elif speaks up. brows knit together in confusion and he clears his throat. "we're talking on the phone, silly. that's what we're doing," there's a soft chuckle, but deep down he knows what she really means - - he's just too much of a coward to touch that conversation.

[hellrisings]

open to m / f / nb ♡           ⤿ callan matthews, executive chef, 35           ⤿ callan's two - year - old son alfie is OBSESSED with ur muse, which is fine, but like ... what about him ...........

                    " i'm really sorry about him. " that's all he can say, really —— terrible twos were called terrible twos for a reason, and for alfie, it meant seeking whatever he wanted whether his dad wanted him to or not. and today, what alfie wanted was the full and undivided affection and attention of the other. any attempt callan made to pry his insubordinate son from grasping onto the other's limbs and clothes was met with fury. " i thought i was the one who was supposed to be getting affection from you today, but i guess not —— "

[ivygrcws]

he'd always loved kids ( had three nieces of his own that he doted on endlessly ), and was beginning to fear he'd never have any children of his own. jalen had spent the past fifteen minutes lifting alfie in the air, pretending he was an airplane. the smile on jalen's face was wider than it had been in ages - - sparkling, carefree, giddy all because of callan ( and perhaps a bit because of alfie ). "you don't have to apologize…he's adorable," laughs as alfie climbs into his lap, "just like you." pauses, a smirk pulling on his lips, "though, i'd say you're adorable, sexy, handsome, perfect, the list goes on and on." callan's words make jalen's heart swell. "he'll go down for a nap, yeah?" a brow raises, "then you can have me all to yourself."

[hvzeful]

enzo's face drops, guilt flickering across his features. he swirls the liquid that's in his beer bottle, starting at as if it's become the most fascinating thing in the world. "maybe i haven't done as good a job as pretending as i thought," he admis quietly. at reece's question, his head spins to face him, jaw tightening. "because someone who's good enough doesn't keep cheating on you, doesn't leave you crying on my couch wondering what you did wrong." he pauses, shaking his head. "and it's definitely not you that's the problem, ree." the thought that anyone could hurt reece in such a way made enzo's blood boil.

[ivygrcws]

"it's okay…" voice is soft, reassuring, "friends are always hard on one another's partners, yeah?" he knows he'll be the same with any of enzo's partners. but, something deep down in him stirs at the thought and he feels sick. reece realizes he doesn't want enzo to find a partner - - and what does that mean? he's shaken from his thoughts when enzo turns to face him. and lower lip begins to tremble, "i…god, enzo, i'm so sorry i always come here to you. it's…it's a burden you shouldn't have to bear." a shaky sob falls from lips and reece hangs his head in a sorry attempt to hide it. voice drips in quiet shame, "if i just…if i was good enough it wouldn't keep happening. i am the problem."

[deadfaiths]

something about oliver has drawn her to him for what feels like will be an eternity. his soft onyx eyes, sweet pink lips... there's never been another man that joey has held so closely to her heart. that's why when she saw that ditzy blonde flirting with him, the urge to scalp her bloodied and bald dug under her skin. he is hers. and she's never been one to share. the way he leans into her touch is enough to create a semblance of a smile on her lips, and the doe-eyed look he's giving her makes her want to devour him. "what did that girl say to you earlier?" her irritation is not directed at oliver at all, but it's evident in her voice. her fingers tug just slightly tighter in his hair, amber eyes narrowing expectantly. "i didn't like the way she was talking to you."

[ivygrcws]

hands find her waist, fingers brush the bare skin peeking under the hem of her shirt - - painting her with his loving touch. oliver was completely oblivious when it came to others being interested in him : it took joey spelling it outright for him to see it ( and even now, he doesn't fully grasp how she could care for him ). oliver hadn't paid attention to the blonde he'd been talking to outside of their conversation, didn't see the way she looked at him - - and didn't look at her as anything more than a friendly new face. lashes flutter up at joey, in awe of her. he's so lost in thinking about how much he adores her that her question doesn't register at first. it's only when her fingers tangle further into his hair that he's brought back to the conversation. "hmm?" tips his head to the side in confusion, "oh…we were just talking about our favorite spots in town." gaze finds joey's as his hand dares to reach further up the back of her shirt, "why not? she was just being nice."

[vindicatcs]

as time passed , nicco became more and more desperate. obsessed with hollis , deep into this cave that he felt could destroy him if he didn't fix it. he tried everything - apologizing , showing up to his house , parading new people around , even acting hurt to see if it could draw his ex's attention and nothing. the longer this took , the more nicco craved it , like he was chasing a release. he needed this. he needed hollis , or he may do something they both regret. nicco's twisted mind turned , realizing he needs to switch his approach. he needs to play this smart. " you're right. i'm sorry , you're right , i don't deserve to call you that. i won't say it again until you tell me i can. i'm at your disposile , hollis. i mean it. " his eyes almost twinkle then , feeling like he's getting close. like one more small nudge and hollis will be in his arms and order will be restored. nicco was calculating , manipulative , and he did not deserve hollis' forgiveness. however , he was going to do anything he could to get it. " i was stupid. high and stupid. i promise it'll be different this time." his words are sweet , but they're just sour candy covered in sugar. he allows himself to be moved inside , not counting this as a win too quickly. he's distracted by hollis , by his beauty , by his bare chest , dark eyes scanning his frame up and down. " let me show you. " he walks then , slowly backing the other into the door he just closed behind them. " let me show you how sorry i am. please. " he doesn't know if this'll work , doesn't know if he's broken hollis down enough , but the closeness of their bodies is radiating and nicco feels like he's about to break.

[ivygrcws]

hollis immediately regrets answering the door, ever giving nicco any inclination that the crimes he committed against the blonde’s heart might be forgiven. should know by now that when you give nicco an inch, he takes a mile. and hollis isn’t sure he’s strong enough to fight the pull of those brown eyes - - hooking him in, drawing him closer and closer until he’s resting in the palm of nicco’s hand. hollis doesn’t know why he’s so addicted to the poison, doesn’t know why nicco’s obsession has turned him into a willing prisoner of the heart. “what makes you so sure i’ll ever let you call me that again?” tongue drags across his own lower lip, “do you really think i’m going to take you back?” he’s crumbling - - nicco’s apology nearly enough to make hollis jump off the ledge and back into the dangerous waters that are his ex-boyfriend’s arms. “bullshit, being high and stupid doesn’t absolve you of what you did. i would never fucking cheat on you,” voice is a trembling confession. “i would never dream of it. you were all i needed. and everyone was right about you…i should’ve never let myself fall for you.” hollis flushes, a pink blush tickling his cheeks as he feels nicco eye his body. breath hitches and nicco’s venom begins to seep into his veins as his back hits the door. he’s cornered ; he’s no doubt going to crumble. hand snakes up to the base of the brunette’s neck, pushing just enough to keep space between them, but it’s not enough - - hollis can feel the thrum of nicco’s heartbeat and his gaze dips to the other’s lips briefly ( a fatal error on his part ). “and just how do expect to show me that? you’re not capable of turning back time.” leans forward, lips ghosting nicco’s cheek as he whispers, “i’m not crawling back to you.” shoves nicco as he frees himself from the doorway, moving further inside to give him space from the man who will be his downfall.

[silverliines]

felt ridiculous to think, let alone say, when she was naked in bed with him, but  –––  somewhere along the line, she had settled with the fact that she just wasn’t ari’s type. that she was only good enough to be his friend, his fuck buddy … and never anything more. it was just sex ; she needed to remind herself. he needed someone he could trust, to support him through the aftermath of a breakup, before he moved on with his life. it wouldn’t matter that ari was all her hopes and dreams, everything she had wished for wrapped up in one person. he is the beacon of light at the top of a tower, and here she is : a mere stepping stone on his path upward. forgotten beneath his feet as soon as contact is severed ; and he moves forward. moves on to someone more deserving of his attention. his gaze was never fixated on the lowly ground beneath his feet anyway. meliha turns her focus to the herculean task of forgetting he will never love her. will never want her unless clothes are scattered across the floor and she’s naked in his bed. only sound of her name draws her out of it  –––  cursing herself for allowing external evidence of her internal battle. fingers untangle from hair, pressing into the pillow next to ari’s head to push herself up a bit. “ nothing, ” a poor attempt at laughing it off. reaches up to quickly wipe errant tears away. desperately trying to conjure a reason for crying in the middle of kissing him. “ nothing. sorry. ’s just … hormones or something. ” it was horrible explanation, but still better than i remembered you’ll never love me back and it felt like a dagger plunged through the heart. either way, worries that has effectively killed the mood, especially with how they had been meandering their way to round two. “ ’m sorry, ” she mumbles, gradually withdrawing from ari’s lap  –––  regardless of how she wants to tuck her face into his neck and hide. but amidst scrambling for an excuse, meliha forgot how the word hormones was like a universal trigger for men to freak the fuck out, for whatever ridiculous reason. especially when they aren’t interested. “ i can––  i’ll go. ”

[ivygrcws]

his greatest fear had always been losing meliha. any time he saw her laugh with another, twirl her curls around her finger, or blush - - ari felt territorial. and he hated it. he was mild-natured, gentle and he wasn’t supposed to get jealous ( especially when they weren’t even together ; extra especially when he was in a relationship of his own ). meliha would one day find someone she loved and ari knew he had to make peace with that. but how could he? when she pulled at his heart like the tide ; his waves only wanted to meet her shore. what happened between them wasn’t just sex, no it was his heart desperately trying to shove itself into her palms while her fingers danced over his chest. it was feeling at ease only when he had meliha in his arms. it was laughter spilling over like bubbles, smiles that said so much without having to say anything at all, and smelling her trace on him for days. for ari, it was love : all-consuming, heart-stopping, dizzying love. he doesn’t buy it, the look in his wide eyes pleads with her. feels like he’s holding onto them with a white-knuckled, dying grip and he can barely catch his breath. “i have chocolate,” he offers up ( because that’s what helps with hormones, right? ) “meliha…” hand settles around her waist, “please don’t go. please.” the words sound so desperate, so pathetic but he’s far past the point of caring. “i mean, if you want to go you can…but i really want you to stay. i’ve always wanted you to stay and be with me.” he’s so close to saying what this was between them - - giving it a name and the power to destroy him.

[garrett-hannah]

BELMONT CAMELI TRESemmé

[vindicatcs]

closed for @ivygrcws , continued from here !

nicco knew this was a bad idea. he was inches , perhaps moments , from having the cops called on his ass. but nicco , his toxic personality spewing out , wasn't going to give up. he couldn't give up. he could fix this , could mend what he had broken. couldn't he ? and then , what would he do to ensure he wouldn't break it again ? he couldn't think that far ahead , couldn't consider the possibility that this was just to prove that he could win. that he had hollis wrapped around his fingers , even after all he had done. he knew the other knows him , knows how can get when he's attached. if they're not careful , this could become dangerous. he all but jumps off the pole when the door opens - eager , heart racing , positioning himself in front of the crack. " hollis. " it's breathed out , deep brown eyes boring into him. eyes take him in , shirtless , and he sucks in a breath. " you are my baby. you'll always be. i know i messed up , i . . . " as good as nicco was at breaking things , he was just as skilled at fixing them. making himself seem pathetically apologetic. " i know i fucked up , okay , but you don't understand. i need you , hollis. i need this. i'm not going to stop . . . " he pauses , realizing how low his voice got , how dark his eyes must be as he's staring into the doorway. " please. can i please come in ? i just want to talk. "

[ivygrcws]

he'd tried so hard to bury his feelings for nicco, to banish their relationship to the grave. but he'd pathetically spent each night scrolling social media : delving into every new person nicco followed, keeping tabs on every photo he was tagged in, and spiraling over who he had been replaced with. hollis should've gone out and tried finding someone new - - should've indulged the hundreds of hockey fans in his dm's who wanted him, but none of them were nicco. what he had with nicco was lethal - - he'd become hollis' own personal damnation. hollis had reveled in the way nicco obsessed over him and taken each heartbreak with a twisted masochism - - loving the pain. sees the ( all too familiar ) dangerous look in espresso hues and immediately feels his armor crack. "no…no, nicco. you don't deserve to call me that anymore," lower lip trembles, fighting off tears and fighting off the urge to collapse in his ex-boyfriend's arms and forget everything that'd happened. "you don't need me…if you needed me, you wouldn't have tried finding another body to fuck. i would've been enough." but the timbre in nicco's voice sends a shiver down his spine and the way he looks at hollis makes his heart melt. and he concedes ( despite every voice in his head telling him not to ). opens the door and ushers the brunette inside. "what do you want to talk about?" raises a brow, arms crossed over his bare chest, "i feel like we've gone over all there is to say." his resolve is crumbling and he wonders if nicco can see it.

[ivygrcws]

ꪆৎ closed starter for @thefvrious / based on prompt 2 from here !

it'd been tough ; a long night dodging media after a bad loss and ignoring calls from his angry father ( not to mention the bruises that decorate his ribcage and the bloody lip he's sporting ). baby blues are hazy and distant - - hart shouldn't let them see him like this. surely it'll frighten them and ruin what they have. tide is pulling at his ribs because he knows it's getting late and the two hadn't shared an overnight together yet, but hart needs them. he just doesn't know how to vocalize it. "i promise i'll be fine," gives a half-hearted smile, "i know you probably have to be up early tomorrow." his gaze says something different, there's a plea in them : please stay.

[fvrmeden]

creed's gaze is completely fixed on milo's lips as he takes a deep breath, making sure that he holds the flame close so that the end of it could catch. of course, milo doesn't manage to do it on the first try, and honestly, creed is not even surprised. "hey, it's not bad," creed shakes his head, patting milo on his knee before letting his hand rest right there as he rolls the cigarette between his fingers. honestly, when he first started smoking, he has never been any better. and that is what he says too. "everyone sucks at first. maybe we should try somethin' else," he hums before an idea comes to his head. reaching out, he presses his thumb against milo's chin, gently pushing it down. "but you need to trust me, okay? and open your mouth," he whispers. "you're gonna breathe in. i'll let you know when." creed quickly lights up the cigarette before putting down the lighter and resting his hand on milo's thigh again. with one more look into milo's eyes, creed takes a deep drag before leaning so impossibly close, only inches before their lips touch, and breathes the smoke straight into milo's mouth.

[ivygrcws]

embarrassment comes in the form of pink cheeks and a soft giggle. milo was so thrown off by creed’s gaze on him ; how could he manage any task with those eyes lingering on his lips? milo knows there was a practical reason as to why creed was focused on his lips ( and it unfortunately didn’t involve creed wanting to kiss them ). “you don’t have to lie to make me feel better,” words are spoken with a fond grin that dances from ear to ear. heat rushes from his chest, creeping up his neck when creed’s palm settles on his knee. it sends a lightning strike straight down milo’s spine. breath hitches when creed’s touch lands on his chin, gentle yet in charge. doe-eyed, milo nods ( can’t gather the words to speak ). wraps an arm around creed’s shoulder, hand finding the nape of his neck and his heartbeat threatens to spill from his lips. “i trust you,” milo manages after a few moments. jaw falls slack, not really knowing what to expect - - but it certainly wasn’t creed’s lips inching closer. eyes flutter shut and smoke fills his mouth, fingers curling around creed’s neck all the while. this was dangerous ; this was going to be milo’s ruin.

[sunbecms]

"yeah, i can kinda tell," sebastian confirms, a satisfied smile plastered over his expression at the idea of being the one to rile kobi up like this. it's nice to know his body still reacts to him two years removed. that much is very mutual. he doesn't think to question why kobi would suddenly break his celibacy for him. connecting dots has never been his strong suit — people need to do that for him. "you're killing me," he warns at the comment that he's very pent up for him, specifically. seb doesn't know why he thought it'd be a good idea to crawl into bed with kobi and tempt himself in this way, but he didn't think any of it totally through until it was happening. so now he's squeezing kobi's sides with both his hands and wondering if it'd really be that bad to just go for it. but before he can come to any kind of decision, they're on a topic sebastian couldn't have predicted if he'd tried. the conversation slips from him before he can stop it, spinning into a mess as he feels kobi pull himself from his grasp and admit to feeling something 'way more' than friendship. he's surprised. floored, actually, and it takes him a moment to compose himself. 'i always have', kobi had shared. so seb's playing immediate catchup, running through the course of their friendship in his mind and wondering exactly when things shifted for him. there's that guilt in his chest again, but this time it's carried by the realization that he might've been leading him on every time they hooked up with each other. all the flirty comments, the ones he remembers and the many more he doesn't, they contributed to this, too. his eyes are wide as their gazes catch ( he's been practically gawking at him this whole time, dumb and trying to make sense of any of this. ) "no — i'm glad you ... i'm glad you told me." what's he supposed to say ? it's true that sebastian didn't reciprocate the feelings back in the day. but what's equally surprising to him as kobi's confession is that it doesn't totally freak him out. he's confused, sure, but he doesn't feel a need to jump from the bunk and run. and shouldn't he ? "oh fuck, kobi," seb props himself up with an elbow and lifts the edge of their blanket to wipe the other's face. "i don't want to hurt you. i'm processing. i just really had no idea." forgetting this is out of the question.

[ivygrcws]

“shut up, bash,” he teases, words falling in a fond giggle. part of kobi feels pathetic for it - - the only person who had this effect on him was sebastian. but the other part of him is reveling in feeling alive for the first time in a long time. finger comes up to poke that smirk of sebastian’s, the adorable one that threads itself through so many of kobi’s favorite memories. “oh, i’m killing you?” questions with a raised brow, fingers dancing their way across sebastian’s plump lower lip. he leans down to whisper against tanned cheek, “if only you knew what you did to me.” the words are meant to be felt more than they’re meant to be heard, spoken in a low timbre that kobi, himself, doesn’t quite recognize. he knew they were tiptoeing across a line they couldn’t come back from ; one that would surely be the death of kobi - - but what a way to die. however, kobi’s stubborn inability to keep his thoughts to himself landed them on the wrong side of that line, the line that all but disappeared as soon as he confessed his feelings. he’s waiting, not daring to move as the silence washes over them like a wave. he’s certain this is what drowning feels like : tears filling his lungs, lips struggling for air, and he’s losing his grip on his lifeboat ( sebastian ). finally the other speaks - - and he’s not mad or recoiling, but he’s also not saying much. and for a second kobi doesn’t know which outcome would be worse. he can’t help but notice that sebastian doesn’t touch his cheeks to wipe his tears, opting for the blanket instead. and, is that a sign? that sebastian doesn’t want to blemish himself by touching kobi again? “you really didn’t know?” he asks, breathless and in shock. how had sebastian not seen it? he shifts further, curling long legs up to his chest in an attempt to make himself smaller, to take up less space in the bed and in sebastian’s life. “take all the time you need,” words are murmured through a soft cry, “i shouldn’t have…” he’d just gotten sebastian back in his life and he’d royally screwed up ; he knows this could likely ruin things forever.