The answer isn't to permanently mutilate yourself to try and fit into a more acceptable box. It's to accept yourself for who you are as you are and that you don't need hormones and surgery.
i love halsey because she'll write lyrics like "a girl like that is a mother, must be tough/ a problem child, i was rough/ but what do you do with a difficult grown up?" and then in another song she'll rhyme "michigan" with "bitch again"
i just think that, most of the time, you really do need to teach people how to love you. and equally, you need to be taught how to love others. this can feel scary and hard and even like a failure, especially if you're approaching a relationship with trauma - shouldn't it be easy to love me? yeah ofc. but love is an act of translation between people across experience, geography, culture, memory. it's constant, purposeful translation. and though it can be hard, there is real joy to be found in the teaching and learning of love.
in response to these curiouscats because i have TOO MUCH to say:
firstly this is just actually them. like literally them. but let's get into it
lottie has all the conventions of being a popular girl barring most of the cattiness, mix that with the fact she's part of the soccer team -- YES i am positive she wears letterman's jackets when she isn't dressed up and is friends with other sports circles - the women's tennis team, basketball team (convince she'd play pick up games with them), volleyball team ... lottie KIND OF gives a fuck about academics but i just really see her leaning into the easy way sports culture allows her to socialize and form a circle of friends.
punk nat who plays soccer and ACTUALLY genuinely gives a shit about it, even though she thinks jock-types are meatheads. like, "i play this sport because i'm fucking good at it, but half of you guys are fucking stupid." definitely an extreme music snob who sticks to her own circle of friends, burnout-looking types (though she actually values academics... doesn't really come to class but studies when absolutely NOBODY is looking, because like everyone else she needs to get the fuck out of wiskayok).
they both play for the yellowjackets and their only real interactions are on the field, lottie might wave in the hallway or try and say "hi" but nat COMPLETELY cold shoulders her
lottie has a HUGE crush on nat, talking like, this goes back to middle school years when nat was somehow still 2 cool 4 school and still wasn't giving lottie the time of day. to be fair lottie had just had a major growth spurt and was still becoming acquainted with the sudden distance from her body to the ground .. she was in no position to be trying to befriend someone she thought was a 'cool kid'.
lottie's a jock but not a fuckboy about it, down to earth but you literally wouldn't know it because she's too busy attending keggers and it LOOKS like she's flirting with half of the student body when she's just.. an extremely kind and genuine person. even if she didn't like someone, not even remotely, she would still give them the time of day.
nat sees all of this and of course runs into lottie at after-game parties but does her ABSOLUTE BEST to avoid lottie, until eventually lot gets fed up with all of this pining from afar (or taivan intervenes, deus ex machina style) and lottienat ends up partnered the whole year for their lab class or some shit.
lottie isn't an idiot by any means but she definitely pretends to be because it ends up with nat having to spend MORE time after soccer practices with her working on their projects ... yes lottie is doing the Long Con to win nat over.
nat begrudgingly starting to think lottie isn't THAT bad when she finally lets lottie give her a ride home after a late-night study sesh and finds out lottie actually has decent music taste...
ugh cue the nail painting scene nat had with kevyn except now it's for lottie when lot gets bored with all the studying and starts coloring on her nails with sharpie
they win a game and lottie is like - "Uh, good job on the field today, dude..." to nat, who just looks at her like ???. later, in the locker room, lottie stuffs her head in her locker for a solid thirty seconds wondering why she called nat 'DUDE' of all things, until van is like... "you good?"
so.. yes.. girlfailure jock lottie who can totally be suave with other people but when she talks to nat she's so nervous about sounding cool she ends up making a fool out of herself.
lottie lies and says she "totallyyyyy knows what shoegaze is." and gets caught in it - nat's like: "why would you lie about that?", not mad but genuinely wondering what the point of making that up would be?? and lottie is like, "i just thought it'd make you hate me less if i knew what it was, i dunno." and what follows is HUGE because nat, at this point, has to admit: "lottie, what? i don't- i don't hate you." and now it's lottie's turn to be like ???!!!1!2??!
cue lottie being insufferable about this. nat will say something biting and sarcastic on the field and lottie will just ruffle her hair or grin because now she knows nat doesn't mean it, and nat is like - "i never should have told you i liked you." (this is interpreted platonically) and lottie is even MORE thrilled, like, "oh, so you LIKE me? guess i'm not so much of a pain in the ass after all..." (nat has totally called her this to her face at one point or another).
it takes maybe half the year or more for van to finally be like "dudebro, just fuckin' go for it." at a party and lottie, mildly sedated by shitty beer, approaches nat when she spots her smoking a cig alone.
lottie doesn't really smoke and nat bullies her for it a little ... except lottie looks kind of hot and nat thinks LOTTIE looks kind of hot, so she offers to show lottie a "cool party trick" and they shotgun the cig smoke ... yes lottie coughs after but not from the burn, entirely from the act itself and she's SO red and nat is INSANELY endeared by this
let's just say their regular study sessions at the Matthews' estate become a little less about studying after that... and since lottie doesn't have to play nearly as clueless she jots an answer down and nat is like, "wait - what the fuck?" but lottie uses her big brown eyes to make nat forgive her, especially since it was all to hog nat to herself anyway.
they definitely don't officially come out as dating, one day lottie's just chatting with her circle of jock friends in the hallway and sees nat coming so she pulls her over and slings her arms around her, hugging her from behind, and yes, some jocks are meatheads, but these are lottie's friends and lottie is hugged up against her so... nat's not really going to complain.
in conclusion: jock!lottie wins over punk!nat by kind of being a loser, but a charming one nonetheless.
is this basically a fucking au? mini fic ? someone tell me to shut up next time
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